Re: The Final One (F1) - Bachelorette 9 - Spoilers - Thread #4

[Aunties_Love]

It's going to be the most dramatic ever and I can't wait!  Especially for ATFR when they are happily together and all of the negative Brook haters will have absolutely nothing to say.

Are you talking about here because I haven't seen any Brooks "haters"? Being doubtful about someone's intentions or actions doesn't make one a hater imo. I actually don't dislike Brooks at all & what I've seen is that most of us like all of the f3. Now if you want all positive stuff, LoveMe made some nice fan threads. That's where I lived at the end of Sean's season.  :Nod:

I agree.  I haven't seen any Brooks "haters", but yes, there is not all positive and roses posts either.  You are right albean, the positive and love posts will be in the fan threads if that is what someone is looking for.

Auntie,

I am grateful that you and albean responded to the original comment. The word "haters" is quite strong and should not be thrown around carelessly.  I see people questioning Brooks regarding his behavior, his doubts and not feeling as much for Des as she does for him. We would have to be blind not to see it and at least wonder what's going on with him.  It's not all lollipops and roses and sunshine here, but for the most part I think people have been simply asking honest questions and trying to figure out what is going on with Brooks. I think there are certainly enough people here who are his fans and have stood up for him. They have had their say. So should others who may have serious doubts about his behavior.  That doesn't make him a bad person.  We all know with this show that TPTB can manipulate behind the scenes and influence contestants when it comes to how they behave. I think the F4 are all really good guys. Des got rid of the ones who where there for the wrong reasons and the ones for whom she just did not feel it. So she did a good job.  

I agree that if one only wants to read praise and positivity about their particular favorite, then the fan threads are a great place. I spend some time there  myself!  

I agree Native, all I was doing is raising questions as to how/why he got to be F1, when he's exhibiting doubts as he is. If he has abandonment issues, then why would he turn around and leave Des versus talking to her and sorting things out...unless he really isn't where she is in the relationship and can't see himself getting there before the finale. If that's the case, good on him for backing out, but bad on him for changing his mind once again and now wanting back in after he has hurt her as much as she has obviously been hurt. Not to mention that now he's messing with the other two guy's thoughts and feelings as well. That is something that shouldn't happen. They think that they are the f2 and are putting themselves in a different frame of mind as they feel they only have one other to think about.

In the end, it does matter that Des is happy as she is the lead this season, not Brooks, nor Chris, nor Drew. BUT, on the other hand, for Brooks to be so wishywashy and changing his mind left and right, how does that bode well for a long term relationship?? Others have mentioned that going into a show like this, facts are facts, it is only 8 weeks from start to finish, you need to be open to ALL possibilities, and you NEED to jump in with both feet. If you don't then NO, this show isn't right for you to find love on as if you aren't ready to line yourself up with any of those possibilities, then you aren't ready to find love in these kinds of time restraints and situations.

[latergator]

cut for bandwidth

I agree about the abandonment issues.  The other thing I wanted to point out is that Drew didn't exactly have a charmed childhood either. He had to deal with an alcoholic father and anyone who has lived with this knows the toll it can take on a child. An alcoholic cannot be there emotionally for their children because they are in the throes of their own addiction. Then there is the issue of having a severely mentally challenged child. It appears that the family has managed to deal with all of this and come out on the other side happier and closer.  But I don't think it was easy getting there. Drew did say when he brought Des home to meet his family that this was the first time his father was at his mother's house. That kind of got lost, but it says a lot. I have to believe that it has a lot to do with his alcoholism, which destroys families.  

I also agree that if it's about Brooks being abandoned, then the very last thing he would want to do to Des is to leave her. He knows how it felt. So why do to someone what was done to you? I simply don't get it and don't buy it.

I don't presume to know what prompts this, but it has to be something other than that. You don't visit your own heartache on someone else.

excellent post Nativenewyorker... especially the bolded part.
in my line of work I see many families where the children are placed in the position of primary caregiver... that does something to a child.  Drew gives me that sense and I had said so over in his thread.  doesn't make him flawed in any way, but it changes how he looks at some things, and how he lets people in.  the other thing that got to me was when he and Des were having lunch and he told her about his dad having leukemia and that no one knew from his work... Dad's work is now with the AA's and it's hard to believe he hasn't shared that.  those little things affect us as we move along this life.  as I said before, Drew gives me a sense that I just want to gather him in a hug and hold him until he relaxes.

[Mustang19]

Brooks isn't just being wishy washy. He isn't just trying to figure things out. 

BROOKS QUITS.

He dumps Des.

He isn't being refreshing either, he does quit.

Aunties_Love - why don't you wait to see what actually happens. We don't know.  

He is refreshing to those who see and appreciate what a unique, real, genuine and thoughtful approach he's taking to this - thinking about the realities of a relationship after the show and if it will work - not trying to stay on tv longer, become the next Bach or just get engaged for the heck of it to be the winner and then realize soon after that maybe he should have thought it through a little more.  

Could not be more refreshing to me and the most real reaction to being on this show I've seen.  I know some agree and some don't, just responding to the definitive nature of that statement above.  It's up for debate.

Do we really know what approach he's taking to the show? It seems like it's speculation to explain him leaving. I have no issue with that but it's beginning to be taken as the truth. We won't really know until we see what happens & what's said but even then it's only what they decide to show us.  Hopefully this interpretation turns out to be right for Des' sake. I don't care for Brooks just leaving at this point and then changing his mind but will wait to see how it plays out.

I agree it's a guessed opinion which ever way one sees it.  I also think he probably has major abandonment issues stemming from his dad (see his tearing up at even talking about it) and that likely affects him, a major fear of rejection maybe?  

I don't like the idea of him leaving and changing his mind either and almost don't even want to watch this week.  I'm trying to hold onto positive feelings that it will play out in a way that leaves Des with a happy ending, which is what I most would love.  For me that only happens when she ends up with Brooks, because watching the grapevine preview it just reinforces to me how different she is Brooks vs Chris and Drew - love vs really likes to me.

The part of him having abandonment issues, if that is the case, why in the world would he do to Des what has been done to him.  IMO, that makes no sense.  He abandoned Des through this process and that is the part that I am having problems with.  If he knows what it's like to be left, then why do it to someone you like/love?  There has to be more to all of this than just that.  The problem has to go deeper meaning a past girlfriend coming back, problems at home, something other than him having doubts.

I agree about the abandonment issues.  The other thing I wanted to point out is that Drew didn't exactly have a charmed childhood either. He had to deal with an alcoholic father and anyone who has lived with this knows the toll it can take on a child. An alcoholic cannot be there emotionally for their children because they are in the throes of their own addiction. Then there is the issue of having a severely mentally challenged child. It appears that the family has managed to deal with all of this and come out on the other side happier and closer.  But I don't think it was easy getting there. Drew did say when he brought Des home to meet his family that this was the first time his father was at his mother's house. That kind of got lost, but it says a lot. I have to believe that it has a lot to do with his alcoholism, which destroys families.  

I also agree that if it's about Brooks being abandoned, then the very last thing he would want to do to Des is to leave her. He knows how it felt. So why do to someone what was done to you? I simply don't get it and don't buy it.

I don't presume to know what prompts this, but it has to be something other than that. You don't visit your own heartache on someone else.

See, to me that makes perfect sense. He's doing what he has learned or the only way he knows how to deal with those feelings of loving someone and them not loving you back. It's the same thing for people who were abused or molested as children and go on to commit the same crimes. You frequently hear that they were molested or abused as children. I don't think it's wrong for Brooks to question himself at this point, and don't fault him for doing it this late stage in the game or that he signed up for this show and should have known better. You don't know what your feelings are going to be and I think his feelings just caught him way off guard. I would much prefer a mate who was close to their family (especially if I liked them too) and valued their opinion as opposed to past experiences I've had.

[SueSt]

Brooks isn't just being wishy washy. He isn't just trying to figure things out. 

BROOKS QUITS.

He dumps Des.

He isn't being refreshing either, he does quit.

Aunties_Love - why don't you wait to see what actually happens. We don't know.  

He is refreshing to those who see and appreciate what a unique, real, genuine and thoughtful approach he's taking to this - thinking about the realities of a relationship after the show and if it will work - not trying to stay on tv longer, become the next Bach or just get engaged for the heck of it to be the winner and then realize soon after that maybe he should have thought it through a little more.  

Could not be more refreshing to me and the most real reaction to being on this show I've seen.  I know some agree and some don't, just responding to the definitive nature of that statement above.  It's up for debate.

Do we really know what approach he's taking to the show? It seems like it's speculation to explain him leaving. I have no issue with that but it's beginning to be taken as the truth. We won't really know until we see what happens & what's said but even then it's only what they decide to show us.  Hopefully this interpretation turns out to be right for Des' sake. I don't care for Brooks just leaving at this point and then changing his mind but will wait to see how it plays out.

I agree it's a guessed opinion which ever way one sees it.  I also think he probably has major abandonment issues stemming from his dad (see his tearing up at even talking about it) and that likely affects him, a major fear of rejection maybe?  

I don't like the idea of him leaving and changing his mind either and almost don't even want to watch this week.  I'm trying to hold onto positive feelings that it will play out in a way that leaves Des with a happy ending, which is what I most would love.  For me that only happens when she ends up with Brooks, because watching the grapevine preview it just reinforces to me how different she is Brooks vs Chris and Drew - love vs really likes to me.

The part of him having abandonment issues, if that is the case, why in the world would he do to Des what has been done to him.  IMO, that makes no sense.  He abandoned Des through this process and that is the part that I am having problems with.  If he knows what it's like to be left, then why do it to someone you like/love?  There has to be more to all of this than just that.  The problem has to go deeper meaning a past girlfriend coming back, problems at home, something other than him having doubts.

I agree about the abandonment issues.  The other thing I wanted to point out is that Drew didn't exactly have a charmed childhood either. He had to deal with an alcoholic father and anyone who has lived with this knows the toll it can take on a child. An alcoholic cannot be there emotionally for their children because they are in the throes of their own addiction. Then there is the issue of having a severely mentally challenged child. It appears that the family has managed to deal with all of this and come out on the other side happier and closer.  But I don't think it was easy getting there. Drew did say when he brought Des home to meet his family that this was the first time his father was at his mother's house. That kind of got lost, but it says a lot. I have to believe that it has a lot to do with his alcoholism, which destroys families.  

I also agree that if it's about Brooks being abandoned, then the very last thing he would want to do to Des is to leave her. He knows how it felt. So why do to someone what was done to you? I simply don't get it and don't buy it.

I don't presume to know what prompts this, but it has to be something other than that. You don't visit your own heartache on someone else.

Interesting to talk about adandonment around Drew too... In contrast to Brooks who seems unable to commit and move forward out of fear, Drew seems to be on the other side of the same coin, perhaps. Committing with his head almost before his heart has a chance to catch up. Drew impressess me as a very self-driven person - "I see it, I want it, I get it" and so he throws himself into moving forward in spite of challenges. Could be his unique form of defense in a situation where he felt abandoned - like, don't let circumstances stop you from getting what you need and want... That kind of life can be full of ambition, achievement but also be very hollow.... so I hope for him that this experience leads him to a fuller integration with his heart.... and regardless of the outcome, the fact that he's already acknowledged that he's deeper in love than he's ever been is a good step in the right direction!

[Guest]

This above. I think his feelings caught him off guard. He's afraid of getting hurt and of diving in completely due to the situation so he sort of freaks. He clearly looks as emotional about it as Des. He's not some callous jerk just quitting the show. I think this relationship he never expected has really got to him and he didn't handle it well. Maybe it's a great example of selflessness and love if Desiree can understand this and forgive a bone-headed move made in the heat of the moment.

[Guest]

If Brooks leaves, he is not abandoning her. He is breaking up with her from a brief relationship with other guys involved. I don't know if he does this, but if he does, there is nothing wrong with that and it could be as simple as she is not the right girl. He's had other girlfriends. I think it's a leap to assume he has some issues if he is not all that into Des.

[nannymargie]

I don't think what is going on with Brooks has anything to do with his dad.  From what I remember he was in a 3.5 year relationship that ended.  While sitting on the Hollywood sign he told Des that was the first time he felt that level of love that when it ended it brings him to tears and you can barely breathe.  I think that is when the walls around his heart came up.  

When he went on the show he was open to falling in love but when it started to happen and the walls started coming down I think his fear of being hurt again kicked in.  He did admit that this is the first time he saw a union of marriage with Des.  So everything was positive and looking good after the HTD and after talking to his mom and sister.

What happened when he got to Antigua is any ones guess. We all know how their handlers play with their heads, so God knows what they were telling him which put doubts in his head again.

Do I like him leaving and hurting Des after we see how happy she is with him and know how mych she loves him, HELL no.  But from his crying scenes that we saw he is truly torn about what he had just done and made him realize how much he does loves her.  Des knows how he struggled with this process and after they talk it over I think every thing will be ok between them because Des says when she falls in love they are her number one priority and will do everything to make him happy. I am sure he will do the same for Des.

Sorry this is so long. But this is just my take on what I have seen and heard them say.

[nutty1]

I think Brooks was nervous about committing so soon (very normal, imo), and they played big time mind games with him!

[Aunties_Love]

If Brooks leaves, he is not abandoning her. He is breaking up with her from a brief relationship with other guys involved. I don't know if he does this, but if he does, there is nothing wrong with that and it could be as simple as she is not the right girl. He's had other girlfriends. I think it's a leap to assume he has some issues if he is not all that into Des.

If he's not into Des, why come back as it is assumed he does by some on here? That is my point. I don't think it is entirely right to assume that you can hurt someone like that, then expect to come back. Meanwhile, there are two other guys that are willing to stick it out with her.

I never thought it was right in Jillian's season for Ed to do that, and obviously it didn't work out there, is it right for it to happen now? To me, when someone is entering this kind of a show, you HAVE to expect it to go this far, have to be WILLING to go the distance to the end or don't bother coming on in the first place.

[Pattycake92]

Ed and Jillian lived together for a year. Them not working out had absolutely zero to do with anything that happened on the show. In fact, any relationship from this show that lasts half a year should be considered a HUGE success. JMO

[Aunties_Love]

I don't think what is going on with Brooks has anything to do with his dad.  From what I remember he was in a 3.5 year relationship that ended.  While sitting on the Hollywood sign he told Des that was the first time he felt that level of love that when it ended it brings him to tears and you can barely breathe.  I think that is when the walls around his heart came up.  

When he went on the show he was open to falling in love but when it started to happen and the walls started coming down I think his fear of being hurt again kicked in.  He did admit that this is the first time he saw a union of marriage with Des.  So everything was positive and looking good after the HTD and after talking to his mom and sister.

What happened when he got to Antigua is any ones guess. We all know how their handlers play with their heads, so God knows what they were telling him which put doubts in his head again.

Do I like him leaving and hurting Des after we see how happy she is with him and know how mych she loves him, HELL no.  But from his crying scenes that we saw he is truly torn about what he had just done and made him realize how much he does loves her.  Des knows how he struggled with this process and after they talk it over I think every thing will be ok between them because Des says when she falls in love they are her number one priority and will do everything to make him happy. I am sure he will do the same for Des.

Sorry this is so long. But this is just my take on what I have seen and heard them say.

IMO, right from his clouds date with Des, I could see him pulling away from her. On his HTD, he didn't seem as close to her as he did before that, so IMO, the pulling away happened BEFORE Antigua. For him to give up on her(however brief), then come back; something more must of gone down that a simple case of the cold feet.

[latergator]

If Brooks leaves, he is not abandoning her. He is breaking up with her from a brief relationship with other guys involved. I don't know if he does this, but if he does, there is nothing wrong with that and it could be as simple as she is not the right girl. He's had other girlfriends. I think it's a leap to assume he has some issues if he is not all that into Des.

If he's not into Des, why come back as it is assumed he does by some on here?  That is my point.  I don't think it is entirely right to assume that you can hurt someone like that, then expect to come back.  Meanwhile, there are two other guys that are willing to stick it out with her.  

I never thought it was right in Jillian's season for Ed to do that, and obviously it didn't work out there, is it right for it to happen now?  To me, when someone is entering this kind of a show, you HAVE to expect it to go this far, have to be WILLING to go the distance to the end or don't bother coming on in the first place.

have been told by Jilly personally that Ed was not a mistake... she was deeply in love with him, and he with her as far as she was concerned.  other factors kept presenting themselves (more than likely willing girls to play with) and it was obvious she needed to move forward. DeAnna has wished from the time her season ended that Graham had not got gun-shy, she would have waited for him but she never got the chance to tell him that.  she has also said their htd was the best, that production made it look bad to explain Graham going and needless to say she has moved on with Mike Stags brother, but that what if is there. as I have said in other posts the heart wants what the heart wants. Jilly would have none but Ed (her sentiment) and I believe Des will have what her heart has wanted all along... Brooks.

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