Re: The Final One (F1) - Bachelorette 9 - Spoilers - Thread #4

[Aunties_Love]

If Brooks leaves, he is not abandoning her. He is breaking up with her from a brief relationship with other guys involved. I don't know if he does this, but if he does, there is nothing wrong with that and it could be as simple as she is not the right girl. He's had other girlfriends. I think it's a leap to assume he has some issues if he is not all that into Des.

If he's not into Des, why come back as it is assumed he does by some on here?  That is my point.  I don't think it is entirely right to assume that you can hurt someone like that, then expect to come back.  Meanwhile, there are two other guys that are willing to stick it out with her.  

I never thought it was right in Jillian's season for Ed to do that, and obviously it didn't work out there, is it right for it to happen now?  To me, when someone is entering this kind of a show, you HAVE to expect it to go this far, have to be WILLING to go the distance to the end or don't bother coming on in the first place.

I'm not assuming he comes back or assuming she takes him back if he does. Not sure on that. I only meant that if he decides it's not right for him, I don't think he's a villain, or has issues necessarily. I think she should pick Chris for the reasons you mention and others, but if Brooks leaves, I won't have a bad word to say about it. Now if he comes back and she takes him back, that's another story.

Regarding the bolded, I hadn't said that neither. I think all I have done is put food out there for thought as I was interested in hearing what others felt/thought about it. I feel that I would have a pause for concern if Brooks does come back and she takes him back as well. I think that when you are gone, you should be gone other than to get affirmation of why or something like that but not to ask to come back unless the LEAD is the one asking for the guy to be brought back.

[Guest]

I would guess that all 4 guys spoke with their families after Des left. I am sure all of it was filmed. And I'd bet that is exactly what they are going to show us, wanting us to think that he went back home after the RC.

It has to be more than just talking to his family after Des left because the blue sweater SC where Brooks is crying must be at home and it's different from what he was wearing with Des. It's likely from the next day before he flew back to L.A. Because of that they had to know something was bothering him to let him see his family again and of course film it.

That's what I have been trying to say in a way. There has to be something in Brook's past or something that is really bothering him OTHER than just having cold feet.

I think it's more than he's not ready to propose too. I think she would be understanding about that because it obviously sort of a ridiculous thing to do after 2 dates, 3 group dates. She seems pretty down to earth and sensible. It is at least that he does not feel like he is falling in love yet or worse. There are a few VO that may reflect her clarity on that. "I want someone I can give my heart over, knowing that they will never break it."

When I was in college, I wasted a lot of time analyzing why guys do what they do. My bf's father died when he was 11 and that was the root of this or that. As I've gotten older, I realized that I just needed to make excuses because I wanted to fix it or overlook the problems. I can't fix someone else. I don't think it's healthy for either person in the relationship. She would be better off not to go down that path IMO.

Just saw your post.. I know you didn't call him a villain. But people will if that's what happens and I was just thinking ahead based on some of the comments already.

[misticia]

cut for bandwidth

I agree about the abandonment issues.  The other thing I wanted to point out is that Drew didn't exactly have a charmed childhood either. He had to deal with an alcoholic father and anyone who has lived with this knows the toll it can take on a child. An alcoholic cannot be there emotionally for their children because they are in the throes of their own addiction. Then there is the issue of having a severely mentally challenged child. It appears that the family has managed to deal with all of this and come out on the other side happier and closer.  But I don't think it was easy getting there. Drew did say when he brought Des home to meet his family that this was the first time his father was at his mother's house. That kind of got lost, but it says a lot. I have to believe that it has a lot to do with his alcoholism, which destroys families.  

I also agree that if it's about Brooks being abandoned, then the very last thing he would want to do to Des is to leave her. He knows how it felt. So why do to someone what was done to you? I simply don't get it and don't buy it.

I don't presume to know what prompts this, but it has to be something other than that. You don't visit your own heartache on someone else.

excellent post Nativenewyorker... especially the bolded part.
in my line of work I see many families where the children are placed in the position of primary caregiver... that does something to a child.  Drew gives me that sense and I had said so over in his thread.  doesn't make him flawed in any way, but it changes how he looks at some things, and how he lets people in.  the other thing that got to me was when he and Des were having lunch and he told her about his dad having leukemia and that no one knew from his work... Dad's work is now with the AA's and it's hard to believe he hasn't shared that.  those little things affect us as we move along this life.  as I said before, Drew gives me a sense that I just want to gather him in a hug and hold him until he relaxes.

What a generous and kindhearted post! I was thinking about Drew being described as "reserved" and Des saying that he didn't open up to her. I think he's learned to be cautious in life.  The child can end up being the parent or caregiver in a family with alcoholism. It's really devastating in a lot of ways for a child. What is so wonderful in his case is that his father found AA and sobriety.  Drew has a really good relationship with his father and we got to see some of that at his HTD. His father wants to be there and support him. The hug they shared brought tears to my eyes.  I admire his father for being able to deal with his alcoholism and now have a real relationship with his family.  The love they all have for Melissa is also touching. She seems to have brought out the best in all of them.

Regarding the bolded, I got a little emotional listening to Drew reveal his father's alcoholism and leukemia.  It was also telling that he did say that no one at work knew. So he does keep a lot to himself.  

I would like to give him a big hug, too. But I think that he and his family have gone on quite a journey. They all seem to be in a good place. It doesn't always work out that way.

Thanks again for such beautiful words!   

Like you, I have been affected by the way this family has gone through trials and turned them into something positive. The HTD said a lot about Drew's character.

[Nativenewyorker]

Ed and Jillian lived together for a year. Them not working out had absolutely zero to do with anything that happened on the show. In fact, any relationship from this show that lasts half a year should be considered a HUGE success.  JMO

The premise of this show is to find love, get engaged and get married. It's not a show about two people living together for half a year or a year and then breaking up. That would be more like a dating reality show.  What the track record of this show indicates, is that it's not realistic to expect to fall in love forever after just eight weeks.  I think most of the time these couples go back into the real world and look at each other and wonder - why am I with this person that I don't even really know?

Which is precisely why I believe Brooks' careful analysis and thought-provoking breakdown for him and Des may be necessary for a post-show success. I really see Brooks trying to process what is fantasy vs. reality. So many contestants & leads are manipulated during the process, get caught up in the bubble until it bursts, and the couples usually fail. Maybe it will be different this time.

Very Interesting points. I guess we will have to wait and see how it all plays out. :Smiley: 

[Nativenewyorker]

If Brooks leaves, he is not abandoning her. He is breaking up with her from a brief relationship with other guys involved. I don't know if he does this, but if he does, there is nothing wrong with that and it could be as simple as she is not the right girl. He's had other girlfriends. I think it's a leap to assume he has some issues if he is not all that into Des.

If he's not into Des, why come back as it is assumed he does by some on here?  That is my point.  I don't think it is entirely right to assume that you can hurt someone like that, then expect to come back.  Meanwhile, there are two other guys that are willing to stick it out with her.  

I never thought it was right in Jillian's season for Ed to do that, and obviously it didn't work out there, is it right for it to happen now?  To me, when someone is entering this kind of a show, you HAVE to expect it to go this far, have to be WILLING to go the distance to the end or don't bother coming on in the first place.

I'm not assuming he comes back or assuming she takes him back if he does. Not sure on that. I only meant that if he decides it's not right for him, I don't think he's a villain, or has issues necessarily. I think she should pick Chris for the reasons you mention and others, but if Brooks leaves, I won't have a bad word to say about it. Now if he comes back and she takes him back, that's another story.

Regarding the bolded, I hadn't said that neither.  I think all I have done is put food out there for thought as I was interested in hearing what others felt/thought about it.  I feel that I would have a pause for concern if Brooks does come back and she takes him back as well.  I think that when you are gone, you should be gone other than to get affirmation of why or something like that but not to ask to come back unless the LEAD is the one asking for the guy to be brought back.

I wouldn't think Brooks was a villain if he left and didn't come back. As long as he explained to Des what was going on with him so that she could at least have some kind of closure. I certainly don't see Brooks as a villain.  Now if he comes back and she takes him back, then that would be something else.  I guess if he had a good enough reason for causing her heartache in the first place and can make some sense out of it, then maybe it wouldn't look so bad.  

I am trying not to make too many assumptions or judgments until we see what really happens.

[Lucas15]

When I was in college, I wasted a lot of time analyzing why guys do what they do. My bf's father died when he was 11 and that was the root of this or that. As I've gotten older, I realized that I just needed to make excuses because I wanted to fix it or overlook the problems. I can't fix someone else. I don't think it's healthy for either person in the relationship. She would be better off not to go down that path IMO.

The very wisest of words that sooner or later we all learn - sometimes the easy way and sometimes the hard way.

[Kashathediva]

I'll bet viewership will be way up the next 2 weeks….and that's exactly what they were going for!

Agree!
In reality I don't think it's going to be more this Monday that what we saw with Ali and Frank.

[Guest]

Ed and Jillian lived together for a year. Them not working out had absolutely zero to do with anything that happened on the show. In fact, any relationship from this show that lasts half a year should be considered a HUGE success.  JMO

The premise of this show is to find love, get engaged and get married. It's not a show about two people living together for half a year or a year and then breaking up. That would be more like a dating reality show.  What the track record of this show indicates, is that it's not realistic to expect to fall in love forever after just eight weeks.  I think most of the time these couples go back into the real world and look at each other and wonder - why am I with this person that I don't even really know?

It is the premise, but I wish it wasn't. I watch hoping for falling in love, not marriage. I wish there wasn't a proposal and if I see people fall in love enough to really give it a go in real life I think it's a success.

Of the recent Bachelorettes I've watched - Jillian, Ali, Ashley, Emily - there were 2 year long relationships where someone moved so they could be together, 1 marriage and one joke (that was likely when she was picked IMO). 3 out of 4 successes is good to me. So all the talk of abysmal tack records really only apply to Bachelors to me. The Bachelorettes are great at picking at last someone they want to try with. I hope for the same from Desiree.

[nutty1]

My personal feeling is that it is a success when they go out in the real world, away from the bubble and live life together, truthfully (I am looking at you Jesse & Deanna), and give it a real go. If they last 9 months, 12 months, longer, I say it was a success, in the fact that they were a true couple who just didn't make it, like so many couples who didn't make it in the real world.

I think Mer & Ian were a success, I think Byron & Mary were, Charlie & Sarah too.

[CHO]

I think Des is heartbroken by Brook's telling her that he can't commit - he's just not feeling it strong enough to propose. Perhaps she is worried that either Chris or Drew will back out at the end too. She says she always picks the wrong guys, she says she does not deserve to be heartbroken. I can't see her accepting Brooks if he comes back - no matter what he says. He has not come through for her - and he has left her sad and miserable ! I also think some of the tears could be that it is so hard for her to say goodbye to any of these last guys - it's easy to understand that she would not want to continue - it's just too hard. I think her F1 will be Chris - he is fun, active, caring, spontaneous, comforting, and has a wonderful sense of humor etc. Brooks has the look of a romantic - tall dark and handsome etc - but he does not seem to be spontaneous, seems more to be led by Des and most importantly seems unsure - which is not a good basis for this relationship. I admire that he admits this and bows out -- If Des wasn't interested in Chris - she did not need to have all the dates and private times in the bedroom and on the rooftop with Chris --

[latergator]

I think Des is heartbroken by Brook's telling her that he can't commit - he's just not feeling it strong enough to propose.  Perhaps she is worried that either Chris or Drew will back out at the end too.  She says she always picks the wrong guys, she says she does not deserve to be heartbroken.  I can't see her accepting Brooks if he comes back - no matter what he says.  He has not come through for her - and he has left her sad and miserable ! I also think some of the tears could be that it is so hard for her to say goodbye to any of these last guys - it's easy to understand that she would not want to continue - it's just too hard.  I think her F1 will be Chris - he is fun, active, caring, spontaneous, comforting, and has a wonderful sense of humor etc.  Brooks has the look of a romantic - tall dark and handsome etc - but he does not seem to be spontaneous, seems more to be led by Des and most importantly seems unsure - which is not a good basis for this relationship.  I admire that he admits this and bows out -- If Des wasn't interested in Chris - she did not need to have all the dates and private times in the bedroom and on the rooftop with Chris --

first *none of us know if Brooks tells her this or that, if he backs out or if she tells him to leave, or god forbid she says go away, I can't think about that now. many assumptions are being made as to what Brooks may or may not be feeing, how Des may or may not love him enough, etc.

second *as to the highlighted and underlined above... Des has signed a contract and she will do what they tell her or stand to be in breech of that contract.  she would not be the first "lead" told they have to continue on.  my goodness, even Brad was forced to continue when his heart was not there and he wanted to end it.  the leads do what they have to in order to fulfill their end of the bargain.

[Judiful]

My personal guess is Brooks just said something that came out wrong, and he doesn't know how to fix it. But he will sweep her off her feet ..  I think he's such a cool guy...She's a lucky girl IMO !!

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