Re: The Final One (F1) - Bachelorette 9 - Spoilers - Thread #4

[Aunties_Love]

Ed and Jillian lived together for a year. Them not working out had absolutely zero to do with anything that happened on the show. In fact, any relationship from this show that lasts half a year should be considered a HUGE success.  JMO

I think you get what I mean though. What I was saying in the other post is that when guys leave, they should leave and stay gone. Maybe if that were to happen, then they'd have to rethink things and take them more seriously. Life isn't and shouldn't be about giving up when things get stressful or hard. If it is worth going after, then they should go after it. If not, then leave but don't expect to be able to come back at your whim.

As far as Ed and Jillian not making it having nothing to do with what was happening on the show, I beg to differ. Ed left AND while filming was happening, hopped in the sack with another woman. He himself later admitted to that so, that along with him cheating AFTER the show finished filming, yes both circumstances revolved around the show.

[Aunties_Love]

If Brooks leaves, he is not abandoning her. He is breaking up with her from a brief relationship with other guys involved. I don't know if he does this, but if he does, there is nothing wrong with that and it could be as simple as she is not the right girl. He's had other girlfriends. I think it's a leap to assume he has some issues if he is not all that into Des.

If he's not into Des, why come back as it is assumed he does by some on here?  That is my point.  I don't think it is entirely right to assume that you can hurt someone like that, then expect to come back.  Meanwhile, there are two other guys that are willing to stick it out with her.  

I never thought it was right in Jillian's season for Ed to do that, and obviously it didn't work out there, is it right for it to happen now?  To me, when someone is entering this kind of a show, you HAVE to expect it to go this far, have to be WILLING to go the distance to the end or don't bother coming on in the first place.

have been told by Jilly personally that Ed was not a mistake... she was deeply in love with him, and he with her as far as she was concerned.  other factors kept presenting themselves (more than likely willing girls to play with) and it was obvious she needed to move forward. DeAnna has wished from the time her season ended that Graham had not got gun-shy, she would have waited for him but she never got the chance to tell him that.  she has also said their htd was the best, that production made it look bad to explain Graham going and needless to say she has moved on with Mike Stags brother, but that what if is there. as I have said in other posts the heart wants what the heart wants. Jilly would have none but Ed (her sentiment) and I believe Des will have what her heart has wanted all along... Brooks.

BUT, it was also Jilly that said that Ed cheated on her during filming too. Later Ed publically admitted to coming "home for business" and hopping in the sack with a girl while filming was happening for the show and even after the filming ended, he once again found someone else's bed worth being in.

Bottom line, if people weren't allowed to or were discouraged from bailing on the lead for their own whimsical ways, then maybe they'd find that the couples or the people would be more willing to fight for what they want versus calling it quits as it is easier to do so.

[agentcurls]

^There really is no comparison between Brooks "temporary leave" and Ed's mid-season departure. Doesn't even need explaination.

[nannymargie]

I don't think what is going on with Brooks has anything to do with his dad.  From what I remember he was in a 3.5 year relationship that ended.  While sitting on the Hollywood sign he told Des that was the first time he felt that level of love that when it ended it brings him to tears and you can barely breathe.  I think that is when the walls around his heart came up.  

When he went on the show he was open to falling in love but when it started to happen and the walls started coming down I think his fear of being hurt again kicked in.  He did admit that this is the first time he saw a union of marriage with Des.  So everything was positive and looking good after the HTD and after talking to his mom and sister.

What happened when he got to Antigua is any ones guess. We all know how their handlers play with their heads, so God knows what they were telling him which put doubts in his head again.

Do I like him leaving and hurting Des after we see how happy she is with him and know how mych she loves him, HELL no.  But from his crying scenes that we saw he is truly torn about what he had just done and made him realize how much he does loves her.  Des knows how he struggled with this process and after they talk it over I think every thing will be ok between them because Des says when she falls in love they are her number one priority and will do everything to make him happy. I am sure he will do the same for Des.

Sorry this is so long. But this is just my take on what I have seen and heard them say.

IMO, right from his clouds date with Des, I could see him pulling away from her.  On his HTD, he didn't seem as close to her as he did before that, so IMO, the pulling away happened BEFORE Antigua.  For him to give up on her(however brief), then come back;  something more must of gone down that a simple case of the cold feet.

I thought that he was very into her on the HTD.  He ran to her and grabbed her and asked her where she's been all his life.  Nearly flipped the canoe trying to kiss her.  Said he didn't want her to leave.  That is just my opinion anyway.  We all see things differently.

[albean99]

I would guess that all 4 guys spoke with their families after Des left. I am sure all of it was filmed. And I'd bet that is exactly what they are going to show us, wanting us to think that he went back home after the RC.

It has to be more than just talking to his family after Des left because the blue sweater SC where Brooks is crying must be at home and it's different from what he was wearing with Des. It's likely from the next day before he flew back to L.A. Because of that they had to know something was bothering him to let him see his family again and of course film it.

[Nativenewyorker]

cut for bandwidth

I agree about the abandonment issues.  The other thing I wanted to point out is that Drew didn't exactly have a charmed childhood either. He had to deal with an alcoholic father and anyone who has lived with this knows the toll it can take on a child. An alcoholic cannot be there emotionally for their children because they are in the throes of their own addiction. Then there is the issue of having a severely mentally challenged child. It appears that the family has managed to deal with all of this and come out on the other side happier and closer.  But I don't think it was easy getting there. Drew did say when he brought Des home to meet his family that this was the first time his father was at his mother's house. That kind of got lost, but it says a lot. I have to believe that it has a lot to do with his alcoholism, which destroys families.  

I also agree that if it's about Brooks being abandoned, then the very last thing he would want to do to Des is to leave her. He knows how it felt. So why do to someone what was done to you? I simply don't get it and don't buy it.

I don't presume to know what prompts this, but it has to be something other than that. You don't visit your own heartache on someone else.

excellent post Nativenewyorker... especially the bolded part.
in my line of work I see many families where the children are placed in the position of primary caregiver... that does something to a child.  Drew gives me that sense and I had said so over in his thread.  doesn't make him flawed in any way, but it changes how he looks at some things, and how he lets people in.  the other thing that got to me was when he and Des were having lunch and he told her about his dad having leukemia and that no one knew from his work... Dad's work is now with the AA's and it's hard to believe he hasn't shared that.  those little things affect us as we move along this life.  as I said before, Drew gives me a sense that I just want to gather him in a hug and hold him until he relaxes.

What a generous and kindhearted post! I was thinking about Drew being described as "reserved" and Des saying that he didn't open up to her. I think he's learned to be cautious in life. The child can end up being the parent or caregiver in a family with alcoholism. It's really devastating in a lot of ways for a child. What is so wonderful in his case is that his father found AA and sobriety. Drew has a really good relationship with his father and we got to see some of that at his HTD. His father wants to be there and support him. The hug they shared brought tears to my eyes. I admire his father for being able to deal with his alcoholism and now have a real relationship with his family. The love they all have for Melissa is also touching. She seems to have brought out the best in all of them.

Regarding the bolded, I got a little emotional listening to Drew reveal his father's alcoholism and leukemia. It was also telling that he did say that no one at work knew. So he does keep a lot to himself.

I would like to give him a big hug, too. But I think that he and his family have gone on quite a journey. They all seem to be in a good place. It doesn't always work out that way.

Thanks again for such beautiful words!  

[Nativenewyorker]

Ed and Jillian lived together for a year. Them not working out had absolutely zero to do with anything that happened on the show. In fact, any relationship from this show that lasts half a year should be considered a HUGE success.  JMO

The premise of this show is to find love, get engaged and get married. It's not a show about two people living together for half a year or a year and then breaking up. That would be more like a dating reality show. What the track record of this show indicates, is that it's not realistic to expect to fall in love forever after just eight weeks. I think most of the time these couples go back into the real world and look at each other and wonder - why am I with this person that I don't even really know?

[Iluvbachette]

There are a couple things that I went hmmm to when I read the Wet Paint article.

In the written episode guide about Brook and Des. When Brook is talking to his mom and sister. She said that she felt Des would fit right into their "large, boisterous family".

Then when Wet Paint had the article with Des about her wedding. Her comment was this.

“I care more about the marriage itself than an extravagant wedding,” Desiree told InTouch Weekly, “so I want it to be small and intimate".

I don't see a marriage to Brook could be small and intimate. I know it doesn't have to be a big production even if you have a big family. But for some reason JMO I don't know if Brook's family would want anything other than big.

With Drew's family I could see that.

[agentcurls]

Ed and Jillian lived together for a year. Them not working out had absolutely zero to do with anything that happened on the show. In fact, any relationship from this show that lasts half a year should be considered a HUGE success.  JMO

The premise of this show is to find love, get engaged and get married. It's not a show about two people living together for half a year or a year and then breaking up. That would be more like a dating reality show.  What the track record of this show indicates, is that it's not realistic to expect to fall in love forever after just eight weeks.  I think most of the time these couples go back into the real world and look at each other and wonder - why am I with this person that I don't even really know?

Which is precisely why I believe Brooks' careful analysis and thought-provoking breakdown for him and Des may be necessary for a post-show success. I really see Brooks trying to process what is fantasy vs. reality. So many contestants & leads are manipulated during the process, get caught up in the bubble until it bursts, and the couples usually fail. Maybe it will be different this time.

[Guest]

If Brooks leaves, he is not abandoning her. He is breaking up with her from a brief relationship with other guys involved. I don't know if he does this, but if he does, there is nothing wrong with that and it could be as simple as she is not the right girl. He's had other girlfriends. I think it's a leap to assume he has some issues if he is not all that into Des.

If he's not into Des, why come back as it is assumed he does by some on here?  That is my point.  I don't think it is entirely right to assume that you can hurt someone like that, then expect to come back.  Meanwhile, there are two other guys that are willing to stick it out with her.  

I never thought it was right in Jillian's season for Ed to do that, and obviously it didn't work out there, is it right for it to happen now?  To me, when someone is entering this kind of a show, you HAVE to expect it to go this far, have to be WILLING to go the distance to the end or don't bother coming on in the first place.

I'm not assuming he comes back or assuming she takes him back if he does. Not sure on that. I only meant that if he decides it's not right for him, I don't think he's a villain, or has issues necessarily. I think she should pick Chris for the reasons you mention and others, but if Brooks leaves, I won't have a bad word to say about it. Now if he comes back and she takes him back, that's another story.

[Aunties_Love]

^There really is no comparison between Brooks "temporary leave" and Ed's mid-season departure. Doesn't even need explaination.

The point that I was trying to make(and seems to be not hitting the target) is what if there is a big secret about a girlfriend or something in Brooks past that could cause problems for Des. Brooks tells Des and that's why he's gone.

[Aunties_Love]

I would guess that all 4 guys spoke with their families after Des left. I am sure all of it was filmed. And I'd bet that is exactly what they are going to show us, wanting us to think that he went back home after the RC.

It has to be more than just talking to his family after Des left because the blue sweater SC where Brooks is crying must be at home and it's different from what he was wearing with Des. It's likely from the next day before he flew back to L.A. Because of that they had to know something was bothering him to let him see his family again and of course film it.

That's what I have been trying to say in a way. There has to be something in Brook's past or something that is really bothering him OTHER than just having cold feet.

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