Re: Doug Clerget - Bachelorette 8 Contestant - Thread #1

[Guest]

Vision, when you say that Doug got custody, do you mean that he received full custody as in the child lives with him full time? Do you think Doug would be legally able to move with his son to Charlotte if he and Emily were to hit it off?

Oh, gosh. I'm no lawyer. Your guess is as good as mine!

Does his son live with him full time, or does he live part time with Doug and part time with his mom?

Oops, sorry. Um, I think he's living full time with Doug now. I have no clue what the legal arrangement is, though.

[Bloomers]

Vision, when you say that Doug got custody, do you mean that he received full custody as in the child lives with him full time? Do you think Doug would be legally able to move with his son to Charlotte if he and Emily were to hit it off?

Oh, gosh. I'm no lawyer. Your guess is as good as mine!

Does his son live with him full time, or does he live part time with Doug and part time with his mom?

Oops, sorry. Um, I think he's living full time with Doug now. I have no clue what the legal arrangement is, though.

Thanks, Vision, and thank you for sharing what you know about Doug with us. :Smiley:

[noobsleuth]

Austin may be at the age where he can decide which parent he would want to live with and it would hold alot of weight in court. If his mom has other kids at home and new life with a new man and new kids... I could see where living with cool single dad would be extremely appealing to him (esp if all the attention is on him). Mom probably sees him all of the time regardless but maybe the living arrangements have changed. I have no clue why if Doug and this women were on such bad terms that all of sudden she would grant him full custody but whatevs... Austin is clearly loved by both parents which is all that matters.

[Bloomers]

Austin may be at the age where he can decide which parent he would want to live with and it would hold alot of weight in court. If his mom has other kids at home and new life with a new man and new kids... I could see where living with cool single dad would be extremely appealing to him (esp if all the attention is on him). Mom probably sees him all of the time regardless but maybe the living arrangements have changed. I have no clue why if Doug and this women were on such bad terms that all of sudden she would grant him full custody but whatevs... Austin is clearly loved by both parents which is all that matters.

If Doug tried to move Austin 2200 miles away, you might see Mom react very quickly. I would if it were my child even if I did see my way to graciously or ungraciously - however it transpired - having him live with Dad all the time. Moving him completely across the US would be something totally different. I would probably have a hard time even if he'd become a teenage hoodlum!

[IrishGal]

Austin may be at the age where he can decide which parent he would want to live with and it would hold alot of weight in court. If his mom has other kids at home and new life with a new man and new kids... I could see where living with cool single dad would be extremely appealing to him (esp if all the attention is on him). Mom probably sees him all of the time regardless but maybe the living arrangements have changed. I have no clue why if Doug and this women were on such bad terms that all of sudden she would grant him full custody but whatevs... Austin is clearly loved by both parents which is all that matters.

If Doug tried to move Austin 2200 miles away, you might see Mom react very quickly. I would if it were my child even if I did see my way to graciously or ungraciously - however it transpired - having him live with Dad all the time. Moving him completely across the US would be something totally different. I would probably have a hard time even if he'd become a teenage hoodlum!

But it happens all the time after divorce, especially if a parent has given up custody. Even if they have joint custody, the primary custodial parent usually has the right to move as long as they then pay for the costs of long distance visitation. It's happened to many people I know, heartbreaking though it is. In fact it happened to me...my new husband had custody of his 12 year old son and moved to California to be with me. Our son spent some summers and holidays with his bio mom and it all worked out. (She was a piece of work and he was better off away from her influence which even he as a child recognized.) But it happens all the time is my point. :Frown:

[Bloomers]

Austin may be at the age where he can decide which parent he would want to live with and it would hold alot of weight in court. If his mom has other kids at home and new life with a new man and new kids... I could see where living with cool single dad would be extremely appealing to him (esp if all the attention is on him). Mom probably sees him all of the time regardless but maybe the living arrangements have changed. I have no clue why if Doug and this women were on such bad terms that all of sudden she would grant him full custody but whatevs... Austin is clearly loved by both parents which is all that matters.

If Doug tried to move Austin 2200 miles away, you might see Mom react very quickly. I would if it were my child even if I did see my way to graciously or ungraciously - however it transpired - having him live with Dad all the time. Moving him completely across the US would be something totally different. I would probably have a hard time even if he'd become a teenage hoodlum!

But it happens all the time after divorce, especially if a parent has given up custody. Even if they have joint custody, the primary custodial parent usually has the right to move as long as they then pay for the costs of long distance visitation. It's happened to many people I know, heartbreaking though it is. In fact it happened to me...my new husband had custody of his 12 year old son and moved to California to be with me. Our son spent some summers and holidays with his bio mom and it all worked out. (She was a piece of work and he was better off away from her influence which even he as a child recognized.) But it happens all the time is my point. :Frown:

I think it may be the way the divorce papers are written up. My papers didn't address it, and since the issue never arose, it didn't matter; however, the girl up the street remarried and her new husband had a job opportunity in Ohio, but her papers said that unless her ex-husband agreed in writing to allow her to move the child out of state, she could not do so. The ex-husband (father of the child) wouldn't agree, and the job opportunity was lost.

[IrishGal]

Well, hate to say this, Bloomers, but your neighbor had a lousy divorce attorney. And must have been a very conservative judge! I do agree I have heard of that but it's the kind of thing that outrages many of us (me!).

[nikkij_26]

Jmo :hidingchair , but when you are looking for a soul mate you are not going to choose Ryan over Doug or Chris or "fill in the blank" simply because they live in the next state over vs. across the country. You choose someone because you love them and then work it out from there.

I guess we can get into an existential discussion about what makes someone a "soul mate" vs a "spouse". Has Emily's soul mate even been cast on this show out of the 25 suitors? And is that what she's expecting to find, or is she just looking for someone compatible to love and who loves her back, and who she can build a life with? I agree that if she and Doug both think they have that once in a lifetime, "soul mate" connection, where they can't imagine living without each other, she should choose him and hope that they can somehow sort out the complexities and potential logistical nightmares of their situation. She wasn't able to with Brad, so does that indicate that he wasn't her soul mate? My suspicion is that Emily, as a parent who understands that she no longer is just looking out for herself but for her daughter's best interests as well, and particularly in light of what went wrong with Brad, is going to take a more measured and practical approach to choosing somebody than just going with a "gut feeling", and will look for someone whose life is going to mesh relatively easily with her own, as opposed to being at cross purposes. That doesn't mean using geography as the only factor, but she's entitled to have some deal breakers as well, IMO.

Arubalisa, Agreed! You don't choose someone solely on the basis of whether the complexities of the situation or logistics work out. Neither is mutually exclusive. It requires the love and the compatibility. The strength of the love can often aid in overcoming some of the logistics that don't immediately work out.

Ironcat, regarding the bolded, Emily always considered her daughter's best interests even with Brad. She addressed these things with Brad before they got engaged. The problem was Brad's actions didn't match his words. Location & other logistics weren't the issue, Emily was fully prepared to move. The problem was Emily's confidence in Brad's commitment to their relationship and whether they had a real solid foundation to their relationship to count on. The secondary aspect of that was Brad acclimating to what it was like having being a full-time parent, as well as other things going on like his temper, etc. If Emily had been confident their relationship was solid and dependable, the rest could have possibly been worked out. I don't want to get too much into Brad because my point really isn't about him.

My point is Emily, wants confidence in her feelings, her F1's feelings, and how solid their relationship & commitment to each other is. If she has that confidence, then she will feel good about this being good for Ricki. And while working out the complexities and logistics of a not ideal situation might not be easy, with confidence in her relationship with F1, she would be more willing and feel more confident in trying to work them out. That's not to say that she didn't take extra time, earlier than with Brad, to learn the details and potential complexities in the lifestyles of all her bachelors. She, of course, would want to make sure the guy would be a good father figure for Ricki, whether he's a single guy, Christian, a single father, etc.

It's just that things start first with the relationship & feelings between Emily & the guy. She's not going to exclude the guy right off the bat because their may be distance, an ex-wife, babymama, etc. and only go for the easy on paper, no problems, guy she has little feelings for. She'll learn the complexities of his life, makes sure he knows hers, determine if there are feelings there, and try to build a solid relationship foundation in the time allotted. She'll determine and pick the guy she has feelings for, that she has developed a solid relationship with that she has confidence in. If she has that confidence in the relationship, she will feel comfortable uprooting Ricki, and working out whatever logistical or transitional issues that come up after the show. IMO


:Smiley:

[Guest]

Quite a post! TBH, I do not know for sure, but I wish and hope and pray you are right

[jello1592]

Jmo :hidingchair , but when you are looking for a soul mate you are not going to choose Ryan over Doug or Chris or "fill in the blank" simply because they live in the next state over vs. across the country. You choose someone because you love them and then work it out from there.

I guess we can get into an existential discussion about what makes someone a "soul mate" vs a "spouse". Has Emily's soul mate even been cast on this show out of the 25 suitors? And is that what she's expecting to find, or is she just looking for someone compatible to love and who loves her back, and who she can build a life with? I agree that if she and Doug both think they have that once in a lifetime, "soul mate" connection, where they can't imagine living without each other, she should choose him and hope that they can somehow sort out the complexities and potential logistical nightmares of their situation. She wasn't able to with Brad, so does that indicate that he wasn't her soul mate? My suspicion is that Emily, as a parent who understands that she no longer is just looking out for herself but for her daughter's best interests as well, and particularly in light of what went wrong with Brad, is going to take a more measured and practical approach to choosing somebody than just going with a "gut feeling", and will look for someone whose life is going to mesh relatively easily with her own, as opposed to being at cross purposes. That doesn't mean using geography as the only factor, but she's entitled to have some deal breakers as well, IMO.

Arubalisa, Agreed! You don't choose someone solely on the basis of whether the complexities of the situation or logistics work out. Neither is mutually exclusive. It requires the love and the compatibility. The strength of the love can often aid in overcoming some of the logistics that don't immediately work out.

Ironcat, regarding the bolded, Emily always considered her daughter's best interests even with Brad. She addressed these things with Brad before they got engaged. The problem was Brad's actions didn't match his words. Location & other logistics weren't the issue, Emily was fully prepared to move. The problem was Emily's confidence in Brad's commitment to their relationship and whether they had a real solid foundation to their relationship to count on. The secondary aspect of that was Brad acclimating to what it was like having being a full-time parent, as well as other things going on like his temper, etc. If Emily had been confident their relationship was solid and dependable, the rest could have possibly been worked out. I don't want to get too much into Brad because my point really isn't about him.

My point is Emily, wants confidence in her feelings, her F1's feelings, and how solid their relationship & commitment to each other is. If she has that confidence, then she will feel good about this being good for Ricki. And while working out the complexities and logistics of a not ideal situation might not be easy, with confidence in her relationship with F1, she would be more willing and feel more confident in trying to work them out. That's not to say that she didn't take extra time, earlier than with Brad, to learn the details and potential complexities in the lifestyles of all her bachelors. She, of course, would want to make sure the guy would be a good father figure for Ricki, whether he's a single guy, Christian, a single father, etc.

It's just that things start first with the relationship & feelings between Emily & the guy. She's not going to exclude the guy right off the bat because their may be distance, an ex-wife, babymama, etc. and only go for the easy on paper, no problems, guy she has little feelings for. She'll learn the complexities of his life, makes sure he knows hers, determine if there are feelings there, and try to build a solid relationship foundation in the time allotted. She'll determine and pick the guy she has feelings for, that she has developed a solid relationship with that she has confidence in. If she has that confidence in the relationship, she will feel comfortable uprooting Ricki, and working out whatever logistical or transitional issues that come up after the show. IMO


:Smiley:

[docnash14]

Ironcat, I agree that Emily is entitled to some deal breakers. However, as I advise my clients (I am a psychologist), she likely went into this experience with those deal breakers already in place. Thus, if geographical distance was one of them, coupled with her sensitivity about being a single parent, Doug would be long gone.

[Bloomers]

You know what I think? We don't KNOW what Emily will do! We are all speculating. The bottom line is that we are not Emily, and we can't say with any confidence at all what she will or will not do. We can only say what we think she will do based on what we believe sounds individually right to us.

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