Re: The Final One (F1) - Bachelorette 9 - Spoilers - Thread #4

[Ariela]

 

I think Brooks gave his feelings a lot of thought prior to this week's FDs.  He knew he liked Des, enjoyed Des, loved certain qualities of Des, BUT he was not IN love with Des.  I give him credit for coming to that realization.  It is the same analysis that Des has been going through with each of her rejected men---they are great guys with great qualities on paper and in person, BUT "it" just is not there. She has to essentially break up with guys who are fantastic men, men who have not done anything wrong, who will make incredible husbands and fathers someday, simply because "it" is not there. It is a difficult thing to do, especially when the guy (or in this case, Des) does not see it coming.

I don't fault Brooks for dreading his conversation with Des.  I feel he wanted to let her down gently, see her move on to further pursue relationships with Drew and Chris, and get her happy ending because he thinks she is a great person. He wasn't expecting her to be shattered by his confession of not being in love with her. When he said it was the worst day of his life, I believe that was his guilt over making Des cry and breaking her heart.  He was the cause of her pain, and that was difficult to process.

When he said he missed her already, didn't want to leave her, and something to the effect that he wanted to say he loved her, I believe this was because he was putting a permanent end to a nice relationship with a great girl, he wanted to help ease her pain, and he wished he didn't have to put her through all of that.  It was gut-wrenching for him to have to see her in so much pain. All of his struggles and emotions are understandable up to this point.

If it had ended right here, I would argue with Kasha that Brooks does have a backbone, and I would wager a bag of fig newtons (or the snack of her choice) that an xray would prove that.  However, the buzz around this show leads us to believe that Brooks doesn't stand up straight and just walk away. The buzz suggests he returns due to an epiphany.  I don't believe an epiphany of this magnitude can occur in a few days.  

I believe he is still mired in guilt and shame for hurting a great girl so much, wanting to "make it all better" for her, that he convinces himself that the best thing to do is return, explain his confusion, ask her for more time together, and tell her that he missed her so much in the past few days that he now knows she is "the one".  He missed her so much because he just ended a relationship with a girl who is great on paper for him, somebody with whom he has great chemistry, somebody who never hurt or cheated on him, who he hasn't grown bored with yet. He cannot reconcile walking away from this relationship now that he knows he's hurt her so deeply and how much she does love him, BUT those are NOT good reasons to return.

IF he gave the relationship as much thought and analysis as he claims that he did when he came to the conclusion that he wasn't IN love with Des, what he spoke to his family and to CH about, then his returning is a huge mistake.  THIS would be the point in time in which his spine went from bone to spaghetti. He fell apart under the pressure and guilt of breaking Des' heart. He waffled after the fact. The fact that Des announced she was in love with him, should have no influence over whether or not he loves her.  It just shouldn't.  Mature adults fall in love and have unrequited love all of the time.  They deal with it and move on.  It is sophomoric for a grown man to suddenly feel IN love with a woman simply because SHE professed her love for him.  THAT is the sort of thing that middle school romances are made of.  It shouldn't have had a lick of influence over Brooks either being in love or not in love with Des.  Know thyself. And this stands true even in this stupid, crazy Bach Bubble.  Know thyself.

My personal guess is that Des spends the day following Brooks' breakup curled up in the fetal position. Then she walks around for a day or two with zombie eyes (the lights are on but nobody's home), possibly dismissing 1 or both of her men.  At this point TPTB instigate or allow Brooks to see her and speak to her, and he waffles and they come to the conclusion to give their relationship another chance.  Possibly with an exchange of a $75,000 Neil Lane ring as a symbol of their commitment to give it a whirl in the real world.  Relationships and proposals should be built upon rock (bone) and not sand (spaghetti). I know this is a show with a history of faked proposals, but I really don't want to see another one!

Glad you took the time to write this, Mia. Truly insightful!

Excellent post!  Thanks for sharing!     

I second excellent post.

Let me add something. A couple of things stood out for me while Brooks was dumping Des.
1) he said: Why didn't you tell me sooner that you love me? Tried to blame her. He didn't want to take responsibility for his behavior...as if she told him ILY would have rubbed off on him and he would have been in love with her. Heck, Chris and Drew have been saying ILY to Des repeatedly and it didn't rub off on her.
2) he said that he wished that she would have been in love with Chris or Drew (paraphrasing). This reminds me of Rodney Dangerfield's line" [b]Take my wife, please[/b]!" . The difference is that RD line was a joke, Brooks was humiliating, and hurtful. How could Des be ok with this after the show? That's not just being a little confused (Brooks), it's degrading.

[RollingEyes]

I think Brooks gave his feelings a lot of thought prior to this week's FDs.  He knew he liked Des, enjoyed Des, loved certain qualities of Des, BUT he was not IN love with Des.  I give him credit for coming to that realization.  It is the same analysis that Des has been going through with each of her rejected men---they are great guys with great qualities on paper and in person, BUT "it" just is not there. She has to essentially break up with guys who are fantastic men, men who have not done anything wrong, who will make incredible husbands and fathers someday, simply because "it" is not there. It is a difficult thing to do, especially when the guy (or in this case, Des) does not see it coming.

I don't fault Brooks for dreading his conversation with Des.  I feel he wanted to let her down gently, see her move on to further pursue relationships with Drew and Chris, and get her happy ending because he thinks she is a great person. He wasn't expecting her to be shattered by his confession of not being in love with her. When he said it was the worst day of his life, I believe that was his guilt over making Des cry and breaking her heart.  He was the cause of her pain, and that was difficult to process.

When he said he missed her already, didn't want to leave her, and something to the effect that he wanted to say he loved her, I believe this was because he was putting a permanent end to a nice relationship with a great girl, he wanted to help ease her pain, and he wished he didn't have to put her through all of that.  It was gut-wrenching for him to have to see her in so much pain. All of his struggles and emotions are understandable up to this point.

If it had ended right here, I would argue with Kasha that Brooks does have a backbone, and I would wager a bag of fig newtons (or the snack of her choice) that an xray would prove that.  However, the buzz around this show leads us to believe that Brooks doesn't stand up straight and just walk away. The buzz suggests he returns due to an epiphany.  I don't believe an epiphany of this magnitude can occur in a few days.  

I believe he is still mired in guilt and shame for hurting a great girl so much, wanting to "make it all better" for her, that he convinces himself that the best thing to do is return, explain his confusion, ask her for more time together, and tell her that he missed her so much in the past few days that he now knows she is "the one".  He missed her so much because he just ended a relationship with a girl who is great on paper for him, somebody with whom he has great chemistry, somebody who never hurt or cheated on him, who he hasn't grown bored with yet. He cannot reconcile walking away from this relationship now that he knows he's hurt her so deeply and how much she does love him, BUT those are NOT good reasons to return.

IF he gave the relationship as much thought and analysis as he claims that he did when he came to the conclusion that he wasn't IN love with Des, what he spoke to his family and to CH about, then his returning is a huge mistake.  THIS would be the point in time in which his spine went from bone to spaghetti. He fell apart under the pressure and guilt of breaking Des' heart. He waffled after the fact. The fact that Des announced she was in love with him, should have no influence over whether or not he loves her.  It just shouldn't.  Mature adults fall in love and have unrequited love all of the time.  They deal with it and move on.  It is sophomoric for a grown man to suddenly feel IN love with a woman simply because SHE professed her love for him.  THAT is the sort of thing that middle school romances are made of.  It shouldn't have had a lick of influence over Brooks either being in love or not in love with Des.  Know thyself. And this stands true even in this stupid, crazy Bach Bubble.  Know thyself.

My personal guess is that Des spends the day following Brooks' breakup curled up in the fetal position. Then she walks around for a day or two with zombie eyes (the lights are on but nobody's home), possibly dismissing 1 or both of her men.  At this point TPTB instigate or allow Brooks to see her and speak to her, and he waffles and they come to the conclusion to give their relationship another chance.  Possibly with an exchange of a $75,000 Neil Lane ring as a symbol of their commitment to give it a whirl in the real world.  Relationships and proposals should be built upon rock (bone) and not sand (spaghetti). I know this is a show with a history of faked proposals, but I really don't want to see another one!

Not disagreeing with anything you said, but re the bolded, let's not forget that in the Bachelor/ette bubble, feelings are more intense and happen faster. Maybe the epiphany wouldn't normally happen so fast in the real world, but he was still in the bubble.....nothing to do with his time on the island but to think. And perhaps talk with a producer or two, who might have encouranged that "epiphany" with a lot of "Man, she really loves you" and "She's so torn up over losing you" That might have influenced his "epiphany"???

[northernviewer]

I didn't see it as him blaming her for not telling him that she loved him.... but I guess it all depends if we like him or not how we're going to interpret the words.

[yrkiemommy]

If the spoilers are wrong, MF will have pulled off a really big coupe.....how awesome would that be??  Sleuthers would be out in full force next season if this is the case  

There would definitely be a "Kaboom" tweet from Fleiss.

[Linds911]

The red flags were so obvious Des was in love with Brooks from the beginning yet he wasn't and it was obvious to me, & if it's true that he comes back next week and proposes even after breaking her heart while putting some of the blame on her, that's a horrible thing to do. How do you change your mind so soon and why would Des still take him back knowing he doesn't have feelings for her, even though she cares for him. That doesn't look good in the future. I wouldn't want her to pick Chris or Drew either because it's like they were her 2nd choices to her happy ending and how upset the guys must be after watching. Now if she is with Brooks to this day, I'm hoping he didn't propose and they worked on dating away from the cameras and maybe he feels something, but I don't think they will last past the AFTR. As for her status with the other guys, guess will have to see what happens next week.

[beader]

All I can say is that if Brooks can have an epiphany and realize he actually loves Des, couldn't Des have an epiphany and realize she loves Chris--or Drew? I don't understand how there is enough time for Brooks to realize who he needs and loves but not enough time for Des to realize what she needs and loves.

[Aunties_Love]

I hope like he%* Brooks doesn't come back and make a fool of himself if he's not the F1. If he is the F1, then go right ahead, Brooks, make a fool of yourself. You need to. His willingness to make a fool of himself for her would be admirable.

Concerning Brooks' idea of love: Maybe his problem with Des is that he's looking beyond the mark. He says he's looking for this explosive, painful, pining love. I was like Brooks in thinking love is painful, because it always was, because it was never right and good. But I found, when I decided to marry my husband, that love is a lot less dramatic and painful than I thought and I can see why it's easy to overlook. I was just smart in following my gut feeling when it came to my hub, because I was also still being stupid at the time. I think Brooks is overlooking the mark, but losing her will wise him up real quick, and ironically give him exactly what he thinks love is—pain.

CH is just being truthful when he calls Brooks wishy-washy because he is and has been on this show. It sounds like a put-down, but it's the truth. It's not a total put-down when it's also an accurate description of how he's been on this show the whole time. It's a fact, if anyone is going to be wishy-washy and come back it's going to be Brooks. I don't see how else he could've described it, and I don't consider it as CH putting him down and not liking him. I think he probably likes Brooks just fine. Who doesn't? Brooks confuses me, too, while watching his parts of that episode again, and I like Brooks. He is saying one thing with his head and another with his heart. He said he was leaving, but didn't show it. He said he didn't love her, yet he didn't want to leave.

And it is true what CH said, too, that his maturity level isn't quite there when it comes to love, compared to the others. He's missing the mark. He needs to grow up a bit. Maybe what his brother said is prophetic (we can't forget that CH might've alluded to that). He will lose her completely and that's when he will see that that is what love is. Then he'll be willing to make a fool of himself on national TV to try to get her back, and risk the possibility that she'll make a fool of him. Which, once again, is pretty admirable.

I am wishy-washy, like Brooks, and torn between believing the spoilers and seeing all the evidence that he is not the F1.

Maybe Des opens her eyes to someone like Chris after that sweet story between Brooks and Des is over, or maybe she really is saying that she could never give her 100% to these other two people. She definitely says that to Drew. Drew is gone. But we don't see her say it to Chris. Maybe she'll stick to that with both, or she'll find she can give 100% to Chris after all—and moves on. Or, maybe the guy she has loved, who is described as "wishy-washy" wins her over because she sees how he's learned and grown.

Maybe that filming that went on in Seattle for Chris really is him being the next lead. That actually makes more sense. And Brooks coming back after he finds out what love is and Des understanding makes more sense, too. Why? You hear her say that right after Brooks breaks up with her she has happy tears. Unless she totally has an epiphany and her heart blooms and blossoms for Chris, the only thing that could turn her sad tears to happy tears so quickly is Brooks. If she does end up with Brooks, all I have to say is lucky-y-y. He's a very worthwhile guy in a lot of ways.

Regarding the bolded/underlined, I don't think Drew is gone and I really don't think you can know that absolutely. More like an opinion of yours versus fact. I think there is more to what happens with Drew than the simple "he's gone".

[Ariela]

I didn't see it as him blaming her for not telling him that she loved him.... but I guess it all depends if we like him or not how we're going to interpret the words.  

You mean to tell me that there TWO dictionaries out there? and you pick your definition?



He said : "Why didn't you tell me sooner". As if it made a difference. it's her fault that he's leaving now....or maybe leaving at all (sarcasm). Which part of that sentence is difficult to understand?
That is the type of statement you make when YOU don't want to take responsibility for your actions.

BTW- it bothers me that a WOMAN like Des puts up with crap from him. I don't care about the  f3-1.  It's how they treat her. Many girls watching this show may think it's ok for the man to be disrespectful. Weak women blame themselves....and you're right there are some fan-struck posters with bogus interpretations idealizing f1, or who they think is f1.
I'm not so sure the spoilers are correct. I'm guessing she sends them all home. Just a hunch after yesterday.

[Ariela]

All I can say is that if Brooks can have an epiphany and realize he actually loves Des, couldn't Des have an epiphany and realize she loves Chris--or Drew?  I don't understand how there is enough time for Brooks to realize who he needs and loves but not enough time for Des to realize what she needs and loves.

So which epiphany, in one weeks time will be the correct one? The DUMPSTER one, or the new and improved one?

[Ariela]

I hope like he%* Brooks doesn't come back and make a fool of himself if he's not the F1. If he is the F1, then go right ahead, Brooks, make a fool of yourself. You need to. His willingness to make a fool of himself for her would be admirable.

Concerning Brooks' idea of love: Maybe his problem with Des is that he's looking beyond the mark. He says he's looking for this explosive, painful, pining love. I was like Brooks in thinking love is painful, because it always was, because it was never right and good. But I found, when I decided to marry my husband, that love is a lot less dramatic and painful than I thought and I can see why it's easy to overlook. I was just smart in following my gut feeling when it came to my hub, because I was also still being stupid at the time. I think Brooks is overlooking the mark, but losing her will wise him up real quick, and ironically give him exactly what he thinks love is—pain.

CH is just being truthful when he calls Brooks wishy-washy because he is and has been on this show. It sounds like a put-down, but it's the truth. It's not a total put-down when it's also an accurate description of how he's been on this show the whole time. It's a fact, if anyone is going to be wishy-washy and come back it's going to be Brooks. I don't see how else he could've described it, and I don't consider it as CH putting him down and not liking him. I think he probably likes Brooks just fine. Who doesn't? Brooks confuses me, too, while watching his parts of that episode again, and I like Brooks. He is saying one thing with his head and another with his heart. He said he was leaving, but didn't show it. He said he didn't love her, yet he didn't want to leave.

And it is true what CH said, too, that his maturity level isn't quite there when it comes to love, compared to the others. He's missing the mark. He needs to grow up a bit. Maybe what his brother said is prophetic (we can't forget that CH might've alluded to that). He will lose her completely and that's when he will see that that is what love is. Then he'll be willing to make a fool of himself on national TV to try to get her back, and risk the possibility that she'll make a fool of him. Which, once again, is pretty admirable.

I am wishy-washy, like Brooks, and torn between believing the spoilers and seeing all the evidence that he is not the F1.

Maybe Des opens her eyes to someone like Chris after that sweet story between Brooks and Des is over, or maybe she really is saying that she could never give her 100% to these other two people. She definitely says that to Drew. Drew is gone. But we don't see her say it to Chris. Maybe she'll stick to that with both, or she'll find she can give 100% to Chris after all—and moves on. Or, maybe the guy she has loved, who is described as "wishy-washy" wins her over because she sees how he's learned and grown.

Maybe that filming that went on in Seattle for Chris really is him being the next lead. That actually makes more sense. And Brooks coming back after he finds out what love is and Des understanding makes more sense, too. Why? You hear her say that right after Brooks breaks up with her she has happy tears. Unless she totally has an epiphany and her heart blooms and blossoms for Chris, the only thing that could turn her sad tears to happy tears so quickly is Brooks. If she does end up with Brooks, all I have to say is lucky-y-y. He's a very worthwhile guy in a lot of ways.

Regarding the bolded/underlined, I don't think Drew is gone and I really don't think you can know that absolutely.  More like an opinion of yours versus fact.  I think there is more to what happens with Drew than the simple "he's gone".

It hard to tell from the previews what goes down with Drew but it definitely sounds like a discussion about Brooks leaving, and where they stand. CH said that Des will tell the guys about Brooks, so we know that much.

[hberry]

Drew is talking about getting down on one knee and ask her to marry him, but she doesn't know that yet, and hoping tonight is the night (he tells her?) And then when both of them are sitting on the couch, he asks her "how do you feel about it". This is the part where l almost LOST it, there is a freakin' VO when Des answers. And why is she talking about her ex boyfriend not being so expressive about his feelings? l swear l was thinking Brooks=ex,,hehe.

Drew says: how does the future looks?
Des: it looks good (while smiling)
Drew: l haven't picked out a ring yet, but i could get down on one knee right now
Des: laughing
Drew: I'm ready
Des: still laughing...
Drew: I was ready couple of WEEKS ago
Des: (l dont know about this part, but l have a feeling she's looking at him like "l cant believe it", because Drew looks at her with raised eyebrow like..."AM SERIOUS"...
l was thinking like..couple of weeks ago?what??

this is why i think the horse back riding/beach is the first, didn't go well by the looks of it, but he comes back...

btw,,,why are Des/Drew so much more tan then the beach scene...?????

[dw_a_mom]

ITA. He should have just left earlier to give her a chance to fall in love with one of the other guys. Des is like Jillian used to be- love hurts, it's not supposed to be easy, blah blah blah. Always with the corollary that the "right" guy will cause chaos and destruction in your world and that's how you KNOW he's the right one for you.

No.

It's the opposite, people! The right one makes everything more right in your world than it ever was before his arrival. She probably thinks the other two aren't her type because her type is full of drama, heartache, tears, and a whole battery of teenage girl approved hysterics in general.

What bothered me was that it sounded like Brooks was saying the same sort of thing, that there is supposed to be a sort of pain with love.

I don't think Brooks knows what love is, either.

I don't know if either of them learned from all this.

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