Arie Luyendyk Jr - Lauren Burnham - Bachelor 22 - Discussion #3

@Cocoasneeze It came out in 2012, just to clarify, so when Arie spoke about it to Lauren, everyone already knew. Personally though, I don't think it was cool for him to talk about it publicly either time. If I were the ex, I would feel betrayed.

Cocoasneeze wrote:@aunties_Love

So, in your opinion Arie wanting to speak about the miscarriage on national TV overdrives his ex's need to keep it private? Arie couldn't have waited until the privacy suite date to talk about it? The ex just has to deal, even though she didn't want to tell her family and friends, because Arie had to speak about it on national TV? To me that sounds like Arie's needs and wants override everyone else's, and if he oversteps on other people, goes against their wishes, it doesn't matter, only what Arie wants matters. And the ex pretty much said, that she didn't want Arie to talk about it, her family found through bachelor. Jmo.

All I know is that I have been down that road with my husband. We faced it in different ways. His way was holding it in till he basically exploded and in a group situation, the dam broke. When I say group situation, I am not talking about just a few friends but at a reunion with a hundred or more. Yes, it was a bad situation as he basically broke down, but I am so thankful for it as he finally got that "monkey off his back" and we were stronger because of it.

Now with this situation, If Arie felt he needed to do it the way he did, then that's what happened. I just don't understand how the mom has more rights than the dad?? Where did I miss that?? I can also say that until you are in the situation of having to come out on the other side of a miscarriage, it is IMPOSSIBLE to say you will handle it one way or another or even the matter of is it best this way or that. With this, IMO it's just not a black and white decision. There are people and feelings involved. The point is, when do we know 100% when the ex said she didn't want him to do it.....did she tell him that......was that defined before he went on the show???? All of those things IMO affect the outcome and how I would see the situation. Meaning, if she 100% told Arie before he went on the show that she didn't want it and he did it anyways, then my position may change. BUT from what we can see in articles, that isn't the case. Therefore, IMO, the dad has just as much of a right to it all and how he chooses to deal with it as the mom. For that matter, why didn't the ex specifically tell Arie at ANY time in their time together or after the miscarriage that she doesn't want it on a public forum? Wouldn't that of been a really smart way of handling things....especially since they aren't together? Just say flat out, this is a very private matter so don't discuss it in a public format?? That would of solved a bunch of things IMO.

So if the mom wanted it to remain private then he should never of said anything? I just don't get that. I guess in my situation, I always thought it was a joint project....WE got pregnant, and because it was a WE, then he had just as much rights as I did for how he HAD to deal with it.

IMO, it is easier to see how someone is in the wrong when you don't like that person. It happens every day in real life and I see that because Arie isn't liked, he's dammed if he does, dammed if he doesn't. Hard position for the guy to be in IMO.

I know I have about written a book right now but I have also appreciated and enjoyed our conversation on this @Cocoasneeze. I am sorry to go into the personal realm with my backstory, but I hoped it would help you understand my take on it??????

BKay wrote:@Cocoasneeze It came out in 2012, just to clarify, so when Arie spoke about it to Lauren, everyone already knew. Personally though, I don't think it was cool for him to talk about it publicly either time. If I were the ex, I would feel betrayed.

I just want to say thank you. I feel sometimes like Arie gets a pass on all his not so great deeds. For me and me only, it is nice to see a fan of the couple say, yes he did something wrong. JMO.

I am not perfect, my dad used to say there was one perfect person and we hung him on a cross. IMO, we are all imperfect, so it is okay if Arie is too. I may not personally like him, but I have no problem with others liking him flaws and all, just as I hope others like me flaws and all. JMO.

My personal frustration, and it is with the whole world today not just this board, is the need to just excuse not great actions or talk around them. JMO, I would like to hear more people say, yes that was not great, but overall I still like him/her/them in general. JMO.

@aunties_love

I don't think the ex didn't want him to talk about it at all, just not on national TV. I think it's easy to find a medium from that. Talk to people, but not on a TV show. And IMHO it was his responsibility to find out, if the ex was ok with him talking about it on national TV, rather than the ex tell him not to talk about it on national TV.

Anyhow, thank you for sharing your story, I can understand your POV. imho Arie just has shown so many times, that he's entitled, selfish and self centered, and his needs override anyone else's, and I'm thinking, that he didn't even consider his ex once, but just did what he wanted, screw everyone else. Jmo.

I think we've talked this subject through, neither one is going to change out opinions. I'm bowing out now, nothing for me left to say. Thanks for the nice convo.

ETA: I'm not leaving the whole thread, imho these two will continue messing up, and I'll reserve the right to come back and talk about it.

@Cocoasneeze, yep no worries. I respect your opinion and want to thankyou again for the convo!

Arie and Lauren moved in together, does anyone know how that increases the probability of a successful relationship?

Also.. any thoughts on whether TPTB will televise the wedding?

@stuckinsc thanks for your thanks!

@rosefever I don't think MF would miss out on this wedding because he might think there could be a runaway bride or groom. imo

rosefever wrote:Arie and Lauren moved in together, does anyone know how that increases the probability of a successful relationship?

Also.. any thoughts on whether TPTB will televise the wedding?

I always think it’s a good sign that if a couple move in together, they have a better chance of staying together, but I am often proved wrong : Nick and Vanessa being the most recent example. So, IMO, itbreaaly is 50/50

sdmom wrote:

rosefever wrote:Arie and Lauren moved in together, does anyone know how that increases the probability of a successful relationship?

Also.. any thoughts on whether TPTB will televise the wedding?

I always think it’s a good sign that if a couple move in together, they have a better chance of staying together, but I am often proved wrong : Nick and Vanessa being the most recent example. So, IMO, itbreaaly is 50/50

I think moving in together doesn’t usually hurt, but is not a predictor of success. My first bachelor heart break was Andrew Firestone and Jen. She moved from Ohio to San Francisco to live with him and they failed. I think couples succeed or fail based on so many things. I think Arie and Lauren seem well suited, so they have as good a chance as any couple from this franchise. No visible cracks seen yet. Just IMO.

rosefever wrote:Arie and Lauren moved in together, does anyone know how that increases the probability of a successful relationship?

Also.. any thoughts on whether TPTB will televise the wedding?

Well the last few Bachelor couples who moved in together all broke up (Ben/Lauren, Nick/Vanessa, Chris/Whitney were DOA before reaching that point). On the flip side, the last Bachelor couple to get married didn’t live together until they were married so...

Jade/Tanner lived together.  Carly/Evan lived together.  Blake/Holly lived together. It depends on the couple.
 All the married 'Ettes lived together and are still married. 
Living together doesn't indicate it will work and make it to marriage, I think it just helps identify things that need working on or not and helps forge a bond, if ones to be made.

sosleepy wrote:Well if Jillian says so, then by all means.   My thoughts on the subject of this tacky joke have very little to do with Arie specifically, and remained in place long before he and Lauren made the idiotic joke. That particular April Fools Day joke is hurtful and insensitive for many. I’ve read countless blog posts on it. I thought it was tacky when Sean and Catherine pulled it too. 

As for posting hurtful things to Arie directly, my thoughts on the subject begin and and on this forum. I have no interest in using my personal Instagram to comment to these people.  No thanks.

I remember another forum I once read --- Misfits --- that certain (IMO) mentally ill members that took things FAR TO SERIOUSLY against Molly and Jason. 

It started off with just that small handful going on and on about how horrible Molly and Jason are, feeding off each other's hatred of what Jason and Molly did to poor Melissa. They didn't consider what they were doing as insane, but it clearly was, especially when they began boasting how they were calling Molly's employer to complain, hoping she'd lose her job.