Bachelor 22 - Arie Luyendyk Jr - Episodes - Mar 5th FRC ATFR - *Sleuthing Spoilers*

@Mommyof2 I just want to hear the why. I want the meat and potatoes of his decision. What is it about this relationship that will stand the test of time in his eyes. There are no guarantees, I get that. He just hasn't shown me why she's the one. Not even close. At least then, I won't feel the whole journey was a waste of time.

I don't dislike Lauren. I'm just sort of blah about her.

I think Lauren gives him a severe case of butterflies.

We can look at it logically, say it is not enough and even wrong, wonder why and not understand it but that man completely lights up when he is in her presence.

littlereddress wrote:I think Lauren gives him a severe case of butterflies.  

We can look at it logically, say it is not enough and even wrong, wonder why and not understand it but that man completely lights up when he is in her presence.  

It was the same thing with Brad/Emily and they literally couldn't even have a conversation and were bored out of their minds during their time immediately after filming. I just think that people here take lighting up as a sign of true feelings and I just don't agree. I think it's a sign that the person thinks he has feelings, but that could easily be due to infatuation and lust and idealization. 

For the record, I don't have a problem with Arie ending up with Lauren. I wished he had gone about the switch in a different way, but i don't begrudge him for doing it. I think she's a sweet, genuine person and it seems like she's been through a lot of pain in her past relationship and I'm sure she's going to go through a lot of pain now after the finale. For her sake, I really hope that Arie is good to her. I just personally don't see a soulmate type of connection between the two. I see that when two people feel like they're at home when they're in each others' presence. And I just don't see that here. IMO.

missnana wrote:

northernviewer wrote:“Guys like Arie” are what all the girls want ....the ungettable ... cuz they have what it takes to settle them down   Athletes and celebs get panties thrown at them all the time .... I’m sure it’s quite flattering.   One day he’ll find the girl that makes him throw the panties back  is it Lauren? Time is the only way to tell....

This only applies to a fraction of female population. Most mature women want a man that will commit, and who respects women and appreciates relationships. Arie is the type a guy you date once and learn from him what NOT to look for in a man, and the move on to find a real man that can handle a grown relationship. IMO

I most certainly never, ever wanted a guy like Arie! When I was 18/19 a guy just like Arie...other than the racing...was hitting on me full force. Even then I had the good sense to laugh in his face. He was shocked and asked my why I refused to even go out with him. Give him a chance. Oh, he was handsome and charming and had money to wine and dine you. I spelled it out for him...that he was a player and that while he was fun company, he would never be anyone I would go out with. I still remember the look on his face. You would have thought I slapped him silly. Funny enough, once he got over the shock, he told me I was a smart girl. Our paths crossed for a few years and he even dated one of my friends...and broke her heart...but he was always the gentleman and rather protective of me...even steering other similar minded guys away from me.

Aria wrote:

littlereddress wrote:I think Lauren gives him a severe case of butterflies.  

We can look at it logically, say it is not enough and even wrong, wonder why and not understand it but that man completely lights up when he is in her presence.  

It was the same thing with Brad/Emily and they literally couldn't even have a conversation and were bored out of their minds during their time immediately after filming. I just think that people here take lighting up as a sign of true feelings and I just don't agree. I think it's a sign that the person thinks he has feelings, but that could easily be due to infatuation and lust and idealization. 

For the record, I don't have a problem with Arie ending up with Lauren. I wished he had gone about the switch in a different way, but i don't begrudge him for doing it. I think she's a sweet, genuine person and it seems like she's been through a lot of pain in her past relationship and I'm sure she's going to go through a lot of pain now after the finale. For her sake, I really hope that Arie is good to her. I just personally don't see a soulmate type of connection between the two. I see that when two people feel like they're at home when they're in each others' presence. And I just don't see that here. IMO.

I agree wholeheartedly but I have talked to men and they tell that feeling of butterflies and she is the "one" is important.  It is not logical in the sense that is what you need for long term and neatly checks off all the  boxes but they tell me it is important to feel those feelings.  It not does not come from logic but more from the heart.  Maybe it is simply lust but I know it is important to have excitement.  So I can agree there should be more of the "on paper" compatibility but I am just saying that men will tell you this over and over.  There was something about her.....something intangible.  A hold over me...

I think women tend to be more pragmatic and on paper about who they should be with.

And I agree it appears he did the switch poorly and it is not a good look for him. He will pay dearly in his social commentary, really nothing to do with Lauren but more his cavalier attitude about it.

It seems like Arie had a crush on Lauren all season but it's hard to see a well-rounded relationship between them with what we've seen. He's clearly very attracted to her and she seems to reciprocate so it's a matter of really getting to know each other and see what happens.

I never really look forward to ATFR whether I like the final couple or not. This one could be hard to watch for so many reasons. I just hope it ends on a happy note for all. Arie & Lauren can ride off into the sunset and (hopefully) Becca will get a chance to meet some great guys on her show.

.36- Arie is hesitant to put a ring on the runner up ?
http://www.eonline.com/videos/269413/bachelor-arie-luyendyk-jr-s-big-finale-twist

So much cray and rumors from this season.
I do believe they’re engaged.

littlereddress wrote:I think Lauren gives him a severe case of butterflies.  

We can look at it logically, say it is not enough and even wrong, wonder why and not understand it but that man completely lights up when he is in her presence.  

And yet after all that...he gets down on one knee with a marriage proposal for Becca. Go figure.

I've decided his parents/family thought he needed someone other than his typical type and convinced him of that.

mprssdbyu wrote:

littlereddress wrote:I think Lauren gives him a severe case of butterflies.  

We can look at it logically, say it is not enough and even wrong, wonder why and not understand it but that man completely lights up when he is in her presence.  

And yet after all that...he gets down on one knee with a marriage proposal for Becca. Go figure.

I've decided his parents/family thought he needed someone other than his typical type and convinced him of that.

No doubt his parents have seen a parade of women through the years of Arie’s type of girl. I remember in an interview , Sydney said Arie took her too his house and they slept together after their first date. The next morning , his dad came over and Arie simply says, dad, this is Sydney. His dad kind of gave off a meh reaction.
That said a lot. They might have seen so many of Arie’s girls that might all look similar, fan girls even. If it’s true they preferred Becca and Arie snuck her into Az on that 4 wheeling trip, would be interesting if he brought Becca to see them too and their joy, Then a few weeks later, hey mom and dad, I exchanged Becca for Lauren . They’ll be supportive but hope Lauren will show them she’s a different variation of his type.
Jmho

northernviewer wrote:

Kolormiblnd wrote:

Lucas15 wrote:

That was really the point of that post; to understand the mentality of athletes who are followed by groupies. Bill shouldn't have waited until the options were gone - he should have done something while he still had options. By the time he came to realize that, he had no options left. He's now in his 60s and AFAIK never been married but when I knew him he was much younger and regretted it even then.


We have little detail about what "not treating her well" means - but I sometimes wonder if that relationship may have been in some aspects abusive; not necessarily physically, but a relationship can be emotionally abusive as well. That might help explain why she is so fearful of letting her emotions get the better of her. I also wonder about Lauren's father's statement about Arie (If I'm wrong I'll effing kill him) - what might he have known that would make him so protective of Lauren?

ITA with your first point, I also agree with your second but I have another aspect. I have additionally wondered if the "not treating her well" also has to do with the constant reassurance she seems to need. I take from @Aria's prior post, In a sneak peek, you see Arie's sister remind him that he would complain that Sydney and he couldn't have conversations and she asks if it's a similar issue with Lauren. And he basically says "I spen d so much time reassuring her, we haven't gotten to have those great conversation" This has to get exhausting after a while. Lauren said that her parent's marriage was not the greatest and most times she was in the middle. That has to have warped her view of marriage. Anyway, the great conversations need to happen and I hope they are happening now otherwise, this relationship will not last. AMO

Having to reassure her while filming the Bach ... When he’s dating other women ..... is not unreasonable, in real life it would be a sign of insecurity ... on the Bach it’s a necessity.  

I completely agree with the last bolded. IMO, he's just needing to reassure her because there are others on scene right now. If the others weren't there or the season is done, she likely will have all the assurance she needs. IMO

Stone_Hedge wrote:A body language read was made on Lauren and said, she’s typical winner material . Add to that , she’s the type Arie always goes for.
It’s true that they haven’t even lived together yet but what a combination . A girl with trust issues engaged to a guy who can’t be trusted. *Perfect*
Jmo

The body language for Becca was done as well. To me, it's going towards what I thought all along is that Becca wants to win at all costs....she says and does what she has to in order to win Arie. IMO. And according to the BL expert, Brown seems to agree:

"She's making big motions, making sure she stands out." Brown adds the caveat that of course this could be the work of the producers, but otherwise it seems like she's ready to make an impression. "Becca is gonna go after him,"

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/arie-luyendyk-jr-becca-ks-body-language-proves-they-have-fun-together-according-to-expert-8245198

GuardianAngel wrote:

sosleepy wrote:I can’t totally write off Arie/Lauren just yet... only because history shows us with this show the couples who face the most adversity and critism, are many times the couples that withstand the test of time.

Ten years ago I would have laughed in your face along with most of you if you had told me 24 year old monotonous Molly would make it would with the 32 year old single dad after that sh*t storm. I never thought Chris and Des would make it. JoJo and Jordan have surprised the poop out of me. Sometimes the scandal and drama can bring these couples together in an “us against them” kind of way.

All this being said, I give Lauren and Arie a solid 9 months.

8-9 yrs ago SM media tabloids and forums were exploding with the never before switch in Bach history. It was difficult to keep up with rumours and fact. RS even retracted  his spoilers to confirm some of the info he reported were false. Everyone blamed Jason, for going behind Melissa's back, where in fact he didn't and IMO Melissa knew about the break up because Tye was waiting for her. Jason was not allowed to contact Molly and had to wait till they got it on film. There were questionable phone calls/texts on her part as well. There was one phone call to Molly from Jason, as we know there was apparently was one phone call to Lauren from Arie. Melissa was going to be the next lead, however we knew later, why she wasn't. She did get a DWTS gig because of an injury to another cast member, funny how things happen for a reason.  

The break up was filmed, as was the attempt to reconcile with Molly. I'm not blaming anyone for catching the break up and reconciling on film because then IMO I'd have to blame them all for going on the show to begin with. IMO leads can only bartar so much, it all goes back to that dotted line and storyboards so MF can rub his hands in glee on his way to the bank.

IMO there are far to many similarities this time around as well. One couple have built a sweet family life from what I can see, the other couple is yet TBD just like the past 21 seasons. Whether it be for 3 months 6 months 1 yr, this couple IMHO aren't any different than the past couples.

Regarding the first bolded. Tye was actually the one that picked Melissa up right at the airport. IMO, the game was on from that point. With the bolded and underlined, I am extremely sure that DWTS was something that was set up for Melissa for a LONG TIME before the ATFR, if not even before the finale. IMO

GuardianAngel wrote:Who are all the ex's that are speaking out? I only know of two. TYIA

I am really curious about this one as well. I keep hearing about all these ex's but have yet to see who and how many and what happened with the proof of it.

alwaystulips wrote:

Ladybug82 wrote:That's because people were giving him (and were more willing to give him) the benefit of the doubt that he was actually ready to settle down and give up his IMO shady, womanizer ways.  Which IMO he completely proved he wasn't with pulling a switch.  If he wanted LB, he should've picked her.  All he did was prove Jef and the naysayers right IMO.

JMO

But, but, but that wasn’t in the script!

In all seriousness, changing one’s mind doesn’t mean one’s not ready to settle down, IMO.   I don’t think that Arie’s proven Jef and the naysayers right.  I’ll agree with @northernviewer that I don’t have a crystal ball either.  I don’t know yet how it turns out.   Arie and Lauren may not either, but I hope they’re hopeful for the future.

I am extremely willing to see how this all plays out before I make up my mind and say/treat anyone a certain way, but that's just me.

All IMO

mprssdbyu wrote:

littlereddress wrote:I think Lauren gives him a severe case of butterflies.  

We can look at it logically, say it is not enough and even wrong, wonder why and not understand it but that man completely lights up when he is in her presence.  

And yet after all that...he gets down on one knee with a marriage proposal for Becca. Go figure.

I've decided his parents/family thought he needed someone other than his typical type and convinced him of that.

Yep ... and look where that got him .....someday he may settle down with “a Becca” but he clearing just wasn’t that into her after all once the cameras went away.

littlereddress wrote:I agree wholeheartedly but I have talked to men and they tell that feeling of butterflies and she is the "one" is important.  It is not logical in the sense that is what you need for long term and neatly checks off all the  boxes but they tell me it is important to feel those feelings.  It not does not come from logic but more from the heart.  Maybe it is simply lust but I know it is important to have excitement.  So I can agree there should be more of the "on paper" compatibility but I am just saying that men will tell you this over and over.  There was something about her.....something intangible.  A hold over me...

From a man's point of view - or at least from this man's point of view in my relationships, ITA. There's a lot of discourse to be found (thanks to the internet) about the notion of "love at first sight" and many articles support the idea that it does exist even though they struggle to identify why or what it is. Many seem to mention that it happens very quickly upon meeting.

I find some of the things in this article are on point to this discussion. They mention that "Men report love at first sight more than women" and this may be exactly why the men you talk to mention how important that butterfly feeling is to them. They also mention that "Love at first sight isn't usually mutual" and that "Love at first sight isn't really "love." but go on to say that "The extent to which people in relationships report feeling intimacy and commitment and passion toward their partners far exceeds reports of these emotions by people who experience love at first sight. Yet the love-at-first-sight experience appears open to these emotions to a greater extent than first meetings where love at first sight is not reported." So it really isn't love, but it increases the possibility of real love developing.

IMO this is important in the context of The Bachelor because I think that things happen very quickly (because there's a filming schedule) and the normal progression of a relationship just doesn't have enough time to develop. A choice is made because the show always wants a choice (to perpetuate the myth that this is all about finding love - even if it's fake love).

This season may be one of those unusual situations where both Arie and Lauren share feelings of "love at first sight" for each other.
JMHO