Ben Higgins - Lauren Bushnell - Bachelor 20 - Discussion - #8

I even said this while his season was airing. They were like Des and Brooks for me, except Lauren returned Ben's feelings and Brooks didn't for Des. For whatever reason, Ben just latched on to Lauren just like Des did to Brooks. Whether it was lust or Lauren just projected this image of what Ben thought he wanted, it was very "on the surface." I never saw them dig deep. It was always - I really like you! You're the man of my dreams! My dad loves cleaning his yard! You're too good for me! No you're too good for me! It reminded me of a relationship someone would have in high school or early college days. With a lot of these couples, they have to jump over some hurdles together on the show. It forces them to dig deep and have some more in depth conversations. I never saw that with Ben or Lauren.

It was nice seeing that spark between them and how drawn they were to each other, but it was very much the same thing over and over. I believe it was Sharleen who referenced this. She talked about their automatic spark, but she had questioned the depth of it. I remember she wrote something like "Lauren, why is Ben the man of your dreams?" and "Ben, why is Lauren too good for you?"

These relationships that come off fresh from the show are superficial anyway considering it was formed on a reality television show, but I do think some relationships are stronger than others once they come off and they build on them post show. Between that, some of the crap that was thrown their way, mostly because of choices they made, and because sometimes relationships just don't work, I've been seeing this as their outcome for a long time now.

All JMO.

Snark: I bet she'll be missing that ring!! IMO

^ That was pretty much what Ben said in those final episodes. Him and Jojo had minor things they overcame and Lauren and Ben weren't faced with challenges. And don't count Leah, because that girl was loooong gone But Ben said he loved Lauren more so that was his choice.

@Sheokaf I would not, it now has no sentimental value the minute he cancell the wedding.  I would have hot foot it out of there the day he humiliate me. IMHO.

@hannah.e. I'm not saying the lead should pick someone because they overcame hurdles together. Im saying that there was simply no depth to these two on the show. The lead should always pick who they love the most.

I don't think Ben and Lauren ever really had the chance to build on their relationship because of HEA, but I also just don't think they're well suited. Perhaps they would have realized that on the show if either one of them dug deep and didn't keep it on the surface and weren't all goo-goo gaga you're the man of my dreams all the time. All JMO

@ash2214 all depends how much producers wanna show us. Ben and Lauren said they connected over their faith but obviously that wasn't shown on TV.

hannah.e. wrote:@ash2214 all depends how much producers wanna show us. Ben and Lauren said they connected over their faith but obviously that wasn't shown on TV.

When did they say that? I don't recall that. Is there an article you can link. Thanks.

@hannah.e. I definitely agree that we see what producers want us to see, however, I don't blame every single thing on editing. In every single episode from Ben's season, I never saw him have an in depth conversation with Lauren. From things Ben said on his season, I seem to think he was kind of aware of this, but he loved Lauren. It was who he wanted. Good for him because he did exactly what he should have done, regardless of them seemingly breaking up. JMO

I agree that there was no depth in their relationship. I don't recall them having tough conversations on the show to get a sense as to what their future would look like or what their character was all about. Everything was very surface level and all butterflies and rainbows, IMO. I think that perfect Ben marketing strategy worked wonders not only on the viewers but on the main cast members on the show. Ben, IMO, projected a perfect image and Lauren certainly seemed to think Ben was perfect and could do no wrong on the show, IMO. So when they became engaged their perception of each other was based on a lie. Granted that no couple really knows each other coming out of the show, but there have been other couples for whom we can see some moments of frustration with the F1 (JoJo and Jordan), moments of questionning and doubting (Nick and Vanessa) etc. Those are the raw moments when the true self comes forth, IMO. But with these two, I don't get the impression that either is displaying their true authentic selves with the other. They are just two completely different people who bonded over lust and their false perception of the other, IMO.

@guardianangel I can't remember the news outlet unfortunately. I just remember they said it.

They lasted 18ish? months, and lived together for a year of that. I think they got to know each other very well. Something went wrong, but none of us are able to say for sure what that was. We all just speculate.

aviej wrote:I agree that there was no depth in their relationship. I don't recall them having tough conversations on the show to get a sense as to what their future would look like or what their character was all about. Everything was very surface level and all butterflies and rainbows, IMO. I think that perfect Ben marketing strategy worked wonders not only on the viewers but on the main cast members on the show. Ben, IMO, projected a perfect image and Lauren certainly seemed to think Ben was perfect and could do no wrong on the show, IMO. So when they became engaged their perception of each other was based on a lie. Granted that no couple really knows each other coming out of the show, but there have been other couples for whom we can see some moments of frustration with the F1 (JoJo and Jordan), moments of questionning and doubting (Nick and Vanessa) etc. Those are the raw moments when the true self comes forth, IMO. But with these two, I don't get the impression that either is displaying their true authentic selves with the other. They are just two completely different people who bonded over lust and their false perception of the other, IMO.

I just wonder if either of them really has much depth to dig down to? They have always been so bland to me....individually and as a couple. As for the Perfect Ben advert when promoting this show, I don't care how much tptb harped on that, Lauren had to know he wasn't perfect. Nobody is. I doubt she thought she was getting the perfect man and I doubt he thought he was getting the perfect woman...at least I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that they weren't that dumb.

I always tell my friends when they start dating someone, stop trying to be perfect or what you think they want. Be yourself. You will never be able to keep up the façade and eventually they will figure out that you are not what you are projecting. If they don't like you for who you are, then what is the point? You are going to end up miserable because you can't be yourself and resent them for making you twist yourself into knots and they will resent you because you are not who they thought you were. Go find yourself someone who appreciates you for who you are ... warts and all ... but, unfortunately, sometimes people are so desperate not to be alone, they will do anything to be part of a couple.

I agree with all that, sprite. But speaking from personal experience, I think a wise person accepts that there will need to be compromise/sacrifice (a la chris viall) and may initially be trying to grow into the sort of partner who is capable of that. Sometimes the pendulum can swing too far in one direction or the other. That's when it takes good honest communication to re-equilibrate, so to speak. But that takes commitment and time and presence, and even agreeing to disagree. A relationship is supposed to make you a better person...but I guess it's over time. Perhaps lauren and Ben tried too hard at the very start and were not patient with either themselves or each other to eventually get where they needed to be. I think that's why I tend to side with Ben....I think he was wise to put on the brakes, though I admit I felt for lauren in the moment it all came out....she was definitely blindsided. Or maybe he was sending her signals all along and she just wasn't picking them up? All jmo...