Ben Higgins - Lauren Bushnell - Bachelor 20 - Discussion - #8

Rarely, almost never do relationships survive a stall tactic like Ben tried to pull. You either move forward, or you don't. It's hard to rewind and go back and expect things to be the same.

I'm going to compare them to Ali and Roberto - also lasted 18 months. Two good people who maybe connected on a more surface level while on the show. Definite love there, but at the end of the day just different people with different needs and desires. I think both will find their forever person sooner rather than later and all will end up well for them.

^^ha, yeah, for all the fluff leading up to Ben's season and how perfect he was?! A mess waiting to happen.. is he worse than __? Is he better than __? I'm just going to throw my very last opinion out there and say I don't know these people bit it's been fun talking about them. I wish them both the best. And you guys too. Happy MD 2017

sosleepy wrote:Rarely, almost never do relationships survive a stall tactic like Ben tried to pull. You either move forward, or you don't. It's hard to rewind and go back and expect things to be the same.

I'm going to compare them to Ali and Roberto - also lasted 18 months. Two good people who maybe connected on a more surface level while on the show. Definite love there, but at the end of the day just different people with different needs and desires. I think both will find their forever person sooner rather than later and all will end up well for them.

Imo there might be a chance to move forward from a taken back wedding, if it didn't get brought up again and again. If it had happened in private, and then they just went to build on their relationship, getting to know each other better. This however didn't happen. Lauren had to relive it when the show was airing, and then in interviews, Again and again.

I'm not blaming Ben for calling off the wedding, it was actually a brave thing to do. I'm not blaming him on the break up, alone, either. These two would've broken up eventually. But the change in Lauren's attitude Imo is a straight line to that canceled wedding, and how it was dealt afterward. Imo Lauren saw a side of Ben she really didn't like, and stopped making so much effort. Jmo.

I won't be surprised if they break up although you never know what info RS really has. I'm more interested to know if there really are more coming.

I liked Ben most in Kaitlyn's season, less in his, and even less since. I'd actually be surprised if he's ready for a serious relationship right now. It takes two in a relationship so doubt it's just him who's to blame if it isn't working. Sometimes it just doesn't work so guess we'll never know.

Billysmom wrote:I agree with all that, sprite. But speaking from personal experience, I think a wise person accepts that there will need to be compromise/sacrifice (a la chris viall) and may initially be trying to grow into the sort of partner who is capable of that. Sometimes the pendulum can swing too far in one direction or the other. That's when it takes good honest communication to re-equilibrate, so to speak. But that takes commitment and time and presence, and even agreeing to disagree. A relationship is supposed to make you a better person...but I guess it's over time. Perhaps lauren and Ben tried too hard at the very start and were not patient with either themselves or each other to eventually get where they needed to be. I think that's why I tend to side with Ben....I think he was wise to put on the brakes, though I admit I felt for lauren in the moment it all came out....she was definitely blindsided. Or maybe he was sending her signals all along and she just wasn't picking them up? All jmo...

Of course there are compromises and sacrifices. That is life. You can't just go around doing WTH you want without regard for other people and that naturally includes relationships. Having said that, you shouldn't have to compromise who you are in order to please the other person and keep the relationship. Learning to pick up dirty socks, putting up with some of their funky friends, putting up with snoring, money issues, those are things you compromise on, not your core as a person. That will never work and both will end up miserable. That is where communication comes in. Don't play games and send signals expecting the other person to understand. Speak up. Both people have to be honest and share what they need/want from their partner and equally be willing and open to listen to the what the other person is saying. That takes a certain level of maturity and self confidence and I'm not sure either Ben or Lauren have that.

I never watched HEA, but I heard they did some type of therapy to help the relationship. Clearly it didn't help, but what kind of issues were brought up?...other than putting the brakes on the wedding. I don't fault Ben for postponing the wedding, I guess where I do fault him is in doing it so publicly and apparently blindsiding Lauren. He should have communicated his concerns earlier and definitely not on national television. This to me indicates his lack of maturity and a certain level of self centeredness. It's almost as if he was afraid to confront her in private. Kind of reminds me of people who take their partner out to a restaurant to break up with them because they think being in public will prevent them from making a scene. Lauren's reaction to go out and party and drink publically seems to be her negative and immature way of dealing with the situation. Kind of a passive aggressive I'll show him.

I don't know these people other than what I saw on the show and what I follow along here. They were certainly attracted to one another, but I never really understood what it was that attracted them other than the physical. They didn't seem to get too deep, but that is the show and maybe it is them. Once they got started with real life, the differences came out. Other couples have had them. Sean and Catherine in particular come to mind. On the surface they seemed opposites and yet, they are making it work and seem very happy. I know that there were difficult times for them, but somehow they got past them. Apparently Ben and Lauren can't seem to do the same. I'm not sure why. Sometimes the timing is off and sometimes people are just not meant to be no matter how much they may want it or care about one another. I just hope that they can be more mature if/when they break up and can speak well of one another and not resort to SM sniping/shade and dueling interviews blaming one another. I think the response to the break up will speak volumes about who they are as individuals.

^ During filming of HEA they seemed fine when this therapy session happened. And didn't their 'therapist' tell them to take a roadtrip from LA to Colorado or something so they could get to know each other better? Did they do that? Uh, no. IMO, Lauren seemed fine and very much in love with him when this filming happened. IMO, probably because she knew calling off the wedding was part of the storyline. Final episode aired and it showed that everything was fine. It was watching the show back that hurt them..that's the impression I got. Or honestly, maybe it was something entirely separate from HEA during that time that we don't know about.

And I really hope that things don't get nasty when it's made official. I'm looking more towards Lauren, her friends and family for that. Even if Ben is fine post breakup, I don't think he'd go all over SM making sure everyone knows it like Lauren does IMO. I find it ridiculous that some women feel the need to do that.

Man, I've read way too much from this thread I even had a dream about Lauren
I would have been really sad about this last year. Circumstances and all that happened led me to lose interest in their relationship and I really, really hard core adored them at the beginning.

I wish them happiness in whatever form they find it. Nobody deserves to be bullied and hated to this extent. (unless you're a tyrant who kills people)

So according to Lauren's ig story she is currently in LA with her sister mollie . She and Mollie were at the beach So after LV , she flew to LA then.

She is always everywhere but in Denver. When she is in Denver it's always with Ceyla. I don't think these two ever really have quality time together. How can you possibly build a foundation, memories, etc with such little time being spent doing normal things at HOME.

Can you imagine their dinner conversations? I imagine crickets. "Is the food good honey?" "Mhmm" "Why just mmhm?" says Ben.

If they've broken up, she maybe doesn't feel welcome back in Denver when Ben is there. Perhaps that's how she's been feeling for awhile. Good for her for having her sister to support her.

lovebites8727 wrote:So according to Lauren's ig story she is currently in LA with her sister mollie . She and Mollie were at the beach So after LV , she flew to LA then.

Not looking very promising. But then again, I thought that in January already and here we are 4 months later, still .

I wonder if the picture her sister posted is her new place in LA...while Ben was away for work she was in Denver and seemed super quiet. Maybe that's when she shipped her things back. I have a feeling she won't be coming back to Denver. Just a thought. The comments on that picture are getting embarrassingly nasty. Don't know why people feel the need to harass friends and family...just come here if you wanna talk sh*t