Ben Higgins - Lauren Bushnell - Bachelor 20 - Discussion - #8

I'm with @sosleepy, I feel sorry for Lauren, because she will get most of the blame, she will get dragged. Imo Ben is and has been the one putting on a front, an act, and talks a lot of good talk that doesn't match his actions. Imo both Ben and Lauren are good people, and imo it's really unfair to blame Lauren and her actions for the break up, and for Ben to be the poor broken hearted guy who got got by evil fake Lauren. As, IMO, Lauren is the more real one, not putting on any fronts, and Ben is doing just that. Jmo.

sosleepy wrote:

hae1001 wrote:@sosleepy your comments about ben stated "constantly" and "literally always". Which was not the case at all. I am not faulting lauren for the demise of their relationship. However, i am not faulting ben for it either. I think they both equally made decisions that have hurt their relationship.

Well of course. I'm sure Lauren contributed to the break down as well - there are always two sides. Two to tango. I just think in the public realm - Lauren is going to take 95% of the beating over this. And I think that sucks. Watching HEA was quite illuminating to me and showcased many of Ben's shortcomings. Somehow he still gets a pass though. I guess I just had the opposite reaction to many. HEA made me feel so badly for Lauren for so many reasons. It also helped me get over my Ben adoration pretty quickly.

And this is why I don't get that invested in these people even if I do like them. They are never as good or bad as tptb makes them out to be. I can't put my own expectations on them and then get pissed when they don't live up to them. They are living their lives for themselves and free to make their own mistakes. It is how they deal with their problems and shortcomings that is the most telling. It is easy when everything is going hunky dory. True character and grit comes to the forefront when there are issues. Not learning from your mistakes and constantly repeating the same ones, puts the onus on you.

Personally, I think there is plenty of blame to go around for both Ben and Lauren. I never saw either as perfect and think they are equally to blame for the demise of this relationship. I will be interested to see how both move forward once the inevitable break up is announced. That will give me a better idea of who has learned from this experience and uses that knowledge moving forward. They both seem like decent people and I wish them both luck moving forward.

Cocoasneeze wrote:I'm with @sosleepy, I feel sorry for Lauren, because she will get most of the blame, she will get dragged. Imo Ben is and has been the one putting on a front, an act, and talks a lot of good talk that doesn't match his actions. Imo both Ben and Lauren are good people, and imo it's really unfair to blame Lauren and her actions for the break up, and for Ben to be the poor broken hearted guy who got got by evil fake Lauren. As, IMO, Lauren is the more real one, not putting on any fronts, and Ben is doing just that. Jmo.

IMO, Lauren put on a front during The Bachelor by acting like the girl next door ready who was ready to settle down and get married. She admitted she went on the show as kind of a joke. IMO, if she went on looking for a serious relationship, she probably would have said something about being ready to settle down and how she was looking for "the one". Not that the dating scene in LA sucked so she applied as a joke with her friend. IMO, we're finally seeing the real Lauren. The life she loves right now is travel, booze and BFFs. There is nothing wrong with that at all, but IMO it's so obvious that she isn't ready for marriage. IMO, she won't be ready until she grows out of this phase in her life.

As for Ben, IMO he seems super genuine. I think he does want a wife and family. It's not his fault if he became hesitant of his future with Lauren after the honeymoon phase/when he started seeing the real her. Maybe he's continued to talk positive about their future because he is trying and hopes Lauren will want to settle down, or maybe it's because TPTB have told them to keep faking it? We don't know, but IMO I don't see Ben as the type of person who would string a girl along. IMO, hurting a girl would hurt him even more. He has a big heart as seen by how much and how often he gives back, and it's been my experience that most people like that are real.

I have no doubt they love each other, but love isn't always enough. IMO, they're just too different.

sweeti810 wrote:

Cocoasneeze wrote:I'm with @sosleepy, I feel sorry for Lauren, because she will get most of the blame, she will get dragged. Imo Ben is and has been the one putting on a front, an act, and talks a lot of good talk that doesn't match his actions. Imo both Ben and Lauren are good people, and imo it's really unfair to blame Lauren and her actions for the break up, and for Ben to be the poor broken hearted guy who got got by evil fake Lauren. As, IMO, Lauren is the more real one, not putting on any fronts, and Ben is doing just that. Jmo.

IMO, Lauren put on a front during The Bachelor by acting like the girl next door ready who was ready to settle down and get married. She admitted she went on the show as kind of a joke. IMO, if she went on looking for a serious relationship, she probably would have said something about being ready to settle down and how she was looking for "the one". Not that the dating scene in LA sucked so she applied as a joke with her friend. IMO, we're finally seeing the real Lauren. The life she loves right now is travel, booze and BFFs. There is nothing wrong with that at all, but IMO it's so obvious that she isn't ready for marriage. IMO, she won't be ready until she grows out of this phase in her life.

As for Ben, IMO he seems super genuine. I think he does want a wife and family. It's not his fault if he became hesitant of his future with Lauren after the honeymoon phase/when he started seeing the real her. Maybe he's continued to talk positive about their future because he is trying and hopes Lauren will want to settle down, or maybe it's because TPTB have told them to keep faking it? We don't know, but IMO I don't see Ben as the type of person who would string a girl along. IMO, hurting a girl would hurt him even more. He has a big heart as seen by how much and how often he gives back, and it's been my experience that most people like that are real.

I have no doubt they love each other, but love isn't always enough. IMO, they're just too different.

Agree to disagree.

I've said multiple times my opinion, and tbh, even I get tired typing it over and over, so it must be even more boring to read it over and over. I'm just tired of the 'it's not Ben's fault' about everything, his words, actions, but we all have our opinions, my endless typing won't change that. Jmo.

@sweeti810 LOL IDK she got arrested for being a wild and crazy woman. (tongue in cheek) You get what you see.
She didn't put on a front. TB put on what is called an "edit". Production is responsible for what the viewer sees on the show.

Unfortunately, these couples are not allowed the privacy they need to develop a relationship off the show.  If they were left alone, I think a lot more of them would succeed.  They are forced to project images which are contrary to their real selves.  IDK if this is what happened with Ben and Lauren, but they should be allowed to privately go their separate ways, if that's what they're going to do, without "blame," etc.  JMHO

Who thinks if it's over, it's not over for good?

I don't think Lauren's spent much time on her own - often with friends, sister and mom. She may realize she misses him after a while, because for a girl who states that she's 'really picky'...good luck trying to find a solid guy back in LA, especially given her new fame. Some of us may agree to disagree on Ben and Lauren but IMO, don't take this guy for granted - I think it would be hard for her to see someone else make him happy. When the time comes to commit - be a husband and father, there's no doubt, IMO, that he would be great. Lauren's said that herself.

Newto wrote:Unfortunately, these couples are not allowed the privacy they need to develop a relationship off the show.  If they were left alone, I think a lot more of them would succeed.  They are forced to project images which are contrary to their real selves.  IDK if this is what happened with Ben and Lauren, but they should be allowed to privately go their separate ways, if that's what they're going to do, without "blame," etc.  JMHO

There have been other couples who got a lot negativity and still managed to develop a relationship, get married and even have kids. If they want it bad enough, they will make it happen. Nobody is forcing them to project images that are contrary to their real selves. It's not like tptb stay with them after the show with a gun to their head. They jointly made the decision to continue putting their private life out there with HEA. They didn't need to do it. Maybe they wanted the money, maybe they missed the attention, but that was on them. Both of them. I don't care if Lauren wasn't as keen at first, but they both decided. She also decided to become a blogger and keep herself out there instead of going back to work. And I don't buy that because she had to give up being a flight attendant, she couldn't have continued with the company in some other capacity. She chose to continue to publicise herself/them for whatever reason becoming a blogger/influencer/whatever. Those decisions carry consequences and they both have to deal with those consequences.

I'm not casting blame. Life happens. People dating don't always work out. I don't know if contractually they can't say anything, but just because they are not necessarily announcing it, doesn't mean that tptb can force them to remain together. They can go their separate ways as they appear to be doing. Maybe this is their way of forcing the producers hand? I really doubt that the split announcement will be much longer. Typically, as soon as one season starts, they announce breakups and it's not even as if they are the latest couple and need to be trotted out for the premier. We had JoJo and Nick after them. If most of these couples didn't live their lives on SM, they could do as they please and nobody would be the wiser.

Cocoasneeze wrote:

sweeti810 wrote:

Cocoasneeze wrote:I'm with @sosleepy, I feel sorry for Lauren, because she will get most of the blame, she will get dragged. Imo Ben is and has been the one putting on a front, an act, and talks a lot of good talk that doesn't match his actions. Imo both Ben and Lauren are good people, and imo it's really unfair to blame Lauren and her actions for the break up, and for Ben to be the poor broken hearted guy who got got by evil fake Lauren. As, IMO, Lauren is the more real one, not putting on any fronts, and Ben is doing just that. Jmo.

IMO, Lauren put on a front during The Bachelor by acting like the girl next door ready who was ready to settle down and get married. She admitted she went on the show as kind of a joke. IMO, if she went on looking for a serious relationship, she probably would have said something about being ready to settle down and how she was looking for "the one". Not that the dating scene in LA sucked so she applied as a joke with her friend. IMO, we're finally seeing the real Lauren. The life she loves right now is travel, booze and BFFs. There is nothing wrong with that at all, but IMO it's so obvious that she isn't ready for marriage. IMO, she won't be ready until she grows out of this phase in her life.

As for Ben, IMO he seems super genuine. I think he does want a wife and family. It's not his fault if he became hesitant of his future with Lauren after the honeymoon phase/when he started seeing the real her. Maybe he's continued to talk positive about their future because he is trying and hopes Lauren will want to settle down, or maybe it's because TPTB have told them to keep faking it? We don't know, but IMO I don't see Ben as the type of person who would string a girl along. IMO, hurting a girl would hurt him even more. He has a big heart as seen by how much and how often he gives back, and it's been my experience that most people like that are real.

I have no doubt they love each other, but love isn't always enough. IMO, they're just too different.

Agree to disagree.

I've said multiple times my opinion, and tbh, even I get tired typing it over and over, so it must be even more boring to read it over and over. I'm just tired of the 'it's not Ben's fault' about everything, his words, actions, but we all have our opinions, my endless typing won't change that. Jmo.

I didn't say everything wasn't Ben's fault. I just said it's not his fault if he became hesitant of his future after the honeymoon phase/spending more time with Lauren.

I watched bits and pieces of Ben's season He's cute as can be but also very vanilla. I did not watch JJ ATFR, but caught a replay of Ben giving Lauren the third degree because her reply to him apparently wasn't in black or white (so to speak) when Ben answered a question. I was like "WOAH", I didn't see or meet this guy on TB. IMO, he's definitely not the catch of the century! Partier or not, he could take his whiny azz and play single for eternity for all I would care. I wasn't necessarily a fan of Lauren either, but I would definitely NOT be on board with that behavior in a partner.

hannah.e. wrote:Who thinks if it's over, it's not over for good?

I don't think Lauren's spent much time on her own - often with friends, sister and mom. She may realize she misses him after a while, because for a girl who states that she's 'really picky'...good luck trying to find a solid guy back in LA, especially given her new fame. Some of us may agree to disagree on Ben and Lauren but IMO, don't take this guy for granted - I think it would be hard for her to see someone else make him happy. When the time comes to commit - be a husband and father, there's no doubt, IMO, that he would be great. Lauren's said that herself.

I disagree. If they do break up, Lauren will continue having fun and living her life according to what makes her happy. Ben IMO will be reflecting on the past, and will probably dwell on it for awhile. Wondering what could have he done to make it work. 1. stick up for her 18 months ago when she was getting trashed for being F1 is one example.

If she was so devasted about a looming break up, IMO she wouldn't be enjoying her life right now. I see a huge change in Lauren, after HEA, and I didn't even watch that show. Besides, who says she's going to miss Ben? What would give you that impression? If she is the one that has decided to call it quits, she won't be missing him IMHO. If they decided it's best to go their separate ways they won't be missing each other IMHO.

Also, if Ben was so appaled by her behaviour why not call it off sooner. There are plenty of couples that ended their relationship while under contract.

Actually I wonder if she's already moved her things out. She was pretty quiet in Denver last week.