MAFS - Season 4 - Derek Schwartz - Heather Seidel

Ruqibabe wrote:http://nypost.com/2016/09/14/derek-opens-up-about-married-at-first-sight-divorce-it-hurt-me-so-much/

When did you feel things start to go downhill with you and Heather?

The second day in the morning there was a comment or two . . . when she called me out and said I was a bit messier than she was,

Where it really became evident was before we went on a bike ride. We had a good 45 minutes between doing anything on camera and she just wouldn’t talk to me. We were sitting on our bikes and she was texting and staring at her phone.

Heather’s biggest issue that she had with me was the smoking. I had spoken to her about it and she told me it was OK, and . . . that really wasn’t the case. Had she spoken to me and said, “Let’s address this and figure this out,” instead of holding it in, I would have done whatever it was that she would have asked me to do.

When you sat down with Pastor Calvin, did you know what Heather’s decision would be?

I didn’t expect her to move forward at that point. Right before that happened, off-camera there was a huge thing that went down where she basically threatened to leave the show. She was saying she was going to quit . . . and actually she walked out, and one of the producers had to tell her, “You can’t run away from this.” I was less than optimistic at that point. I was surprised that she said she needed the time to think about it, but then there might have been part of me that thought she might have come around.

Ruqibabe wrote:

I don't understand the comment abt Derek being a 14yr old butt hurt girl.

MAFSMinority wrote:

Ruqibabe wrote:

I don't understand the comment abt Derek being a 14yr old butt hurt girl.

You apparently forgot when he attacked her age (despite him being the older of the two), and mocking how old she would be in "dog years".  Who does that?  Then there's making an issue of an instructor holding her hand in a non-romantic way to keep her balance in the water, while he pouts and thinks him wanting to hold hands romantically is the same thing.

Bottom line here is all 6 of the people on this show are real people with real lives.  When they sign up, they believe they are getting an "expert" match with someone who closely resembles the qualities they say they are looking for during the screening process.  While I have no evidence of this being true or not, I cannot believe for one second that a panel trying to match people up "for life" would not consider some basic questions about compatibility such as use of tobacco/alcohol (drugs shouldn't be included, as a person admitting to drug use shouldn't even qualify from Day One), feelings about pets/children (issues in the other two matches), commitment to careers, and expectations for general housekeeping (obviously a slob would have a hard time adapting to a neat freak, or vice versa).  More importantly, the screening process should be finding out what people consider deal breakers, so they avoid issues like these two.  The show can't predict chemistry, but it is well within their power to ensure the basics of what people are looking for are met.  So, yes, it is quite reasonable that all 6 of these people would be hoping for "Mr./Ms. Perfect" - the show claims they will make highly compatible matches.  

In this case, the match was one that was instantly incompatible.  Sure, they match up well with family values, career mindset, etc., but they missed the boat on substance abuse (both ways - smoking and alcohol), views on gambling, and housekeeping arrangements.  I take the opinion that the show broke their own contract when they failed to see these glaring issues and match people with the expectation that they will overcome their feelings in a 6 week period.  Obviously, the issues were significant enough that Heather wasn't even interested in a friendship, never mind being married.  Therefore, with two weeks down already, and four more in which Heather would have to completely compromise her own moral standards to salvage a relationship of any kind, I am impressed she did walk away rather than continue a phony, superficial charade

As for the recurring debate about what Derek is smoking, while no official source admits to what it is, it is glaringly obvious.  In that Knot article, Heather states that his smoking puts him in an “altered state of mind”.  Tobacco does not have that effect on people.  In the same article, Derek says "she’s living in the 40s", regarding her views.  Tobacco use was much more prevalent back then, while pot use was a social taboo, so his response makes zero sense unless it's indeed pot use.  Another thing to point out is that she says he smoked "every day".  The cameras are present for much of their time each day, yet it is curious that for all the talk about smoking, not once do we see him light up.  If this was an everyday thing, you can expect the cameras would have caught it.  Indeed, to highlight her complaints from a dramatic point of view, the show would show him smoking with a voice over from her expressing her distaste - just like they have done with Sonia regarding Nick's affection being directed at the dogs more than her.  To not show it onscreen leaves the viewer with no point of reference, just a he said/she said back and forth.  So why haven't they shown a single cigarette in the presence of Derek, never mind seeing him smoke one?  Pretty simple answer - because what he is smoking is illegal, and the show cannot put it on air.  Sure, you can dismiss my deductions as just being opinionated, but really, you need blinders if you consider the three points I just raised ("state of mind", "living in the 40's", and not showing him on air smoking) don't directly point to what it is Derek smokes.

Obviously everything I have just said is my own opinion.

theKeptGrits wrote:All I'm going to say about Derek is... Show me concrete proof he's a pot smoker. He does deserve some respect because he served his country. Does that make him above reproach, no. Everyone makes mistakes. As for the way he argues, yes he could have handled that better. But if he grew up without a father figure, he might not have dvr had a role model in that regard. Plus, in the military the drill sergeants are brutal with name calling and trying to set recruits up to possibly fail. It's just a part of he process. Not giving anyone a pass in this, just voicing my opinion.

As for Heather, she was expecting Mr Perfect and didn't get that. She might not be a spoiled brat, but that is how I have formed my opinion of her. Instead of trying to work things out, she pouted and headed for the hills.