Re: MAFS - Season 4 - Derek Schwartz - Heather Seidel

by jupitercornflakes Wed Sep 21, 2016 3:33 pm

Ali_R wrote:Really the big hullabaloo about Derek being a drug addict is really a curious angle for those of us in 420 friendly states to accept. I'm from Alaska and live in Washington... Please, please, please keep in mind that Dr. Pepper works at UofW - in Seattle! There are pot dispensaries everywhere in urban Seattle. I drive Uber/Lyft and dispensaries are a destination second only to bars.

IMO it wouldn't be a stretch to see Dr. Pepper as a user herself. I'm an old woman (48) married 19 years and I've had my traditional MD that works out of one of the big 3 hospitals in Seattle actually bring up trying marijuana for my chronic health issues. I haven't tried it yet, been there done that back in my youth but it's different now. Yeah there's more potent forms but they've also manipulated it to the point you control what the effect is, i.e. Minimizing the high, the paranoia, maximizing different aspects such as appetite stimulation, nausea suppression, muscle relaxation, sedation level. It isn't all about the high anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if Dr. Pepper used a little to help with the aches and pains that come with years of life, not to mention she's not in the greatest of physical shape.

I've posted in the past pot use is perceived on the same level as wine with dinner in Seattle. Some people are anti alcohol - for themselves and their partner. Some people don't drink but don't mind their partner drinking. It is very much the case regarding pot to Seattleites. I can totally see, IMO, Dr. Pepper having a similar view.

This is all to bring up the point that Derek isn't so terribly flawed. Isn't he also a vet? Heck! That alone I'd give him a pass on a "glass of wine with dinner" or a little cannibus in his downtime

And on THAT note ... Guardian Angel posted a photo of Derek and Sonia from a tweet and it totally made me wonder if TPTBat MAFS are setting us up for the ultimate wife swap? I can't figure out how to repeat the post here...GA can you help me out here? I'm thinking there might be a team Dernia in the future!!!

IMO it is important to remember that some people are just not into marijuana. I personally cannot be around someone smoking it without becoming physically ill and developing shortness of breath. If I was dating or married to a guy who needed it for medical reasons, we would probably have to split up. I wouldn't want to keep them from their treatment and I would not want to jeopardize my own health.

by Ali_R Wed Sep 21, 2016 3:37 pm

theKeptGrits wrote:My opinion as an old, long time married woman...

Heather was looking for a wealthy, handsome, conservative man who would put her on a pedestal and lavish her with the lifestyle she aspires to. She apparently did not understand that or communicate it for the "experts " to use.

As for Derek, IMO, he tried and missed. He clearly is a guy's guy, plus a Mama's boy. That's not a horrible thing. IMO it seems like he is set in his ways, and this may have been the wake up call he needed to realize that he needs to work on himself.

I've been married for 33 yrs. we're still learning new things about each other. As people go through life, things happen and each stage brings new lessons and changes. Each person in the marriage has to be willing to accept those about each other unconditionally and adapt. It's not a one sided thing, and it's part of the whole process of life. Especially if the commitment is for life and not just a few weeks or days. Going through the ups and downs of marriage and staying friends takes a strong desire to always be together and not let the relationship die.

ITA, particularly with the bolded portion. Considering the FAs I've known, they tend to have a self perceived sense of worldliness. Not to mention regularly rubbing elbows with some pretty high rollers. The vibe I get from Heather is that of being very image conscious - IMHO! Anyone know what airline? Her uniform is white top with navy pinstripes, navy skirt & solid blue scarf. It's close to AA, but I thought their scarf was red & blue - maybe they're throwing a different scarf in as a red herring?

by Ali_R Wed Sep 21, 2016 3:47 pm

jupitercornflakes wrote:

IMO it is important to remember that some people are just not into marijuana. I personally cannot be around someone smoking it without becoming physically ill and developing shortness of breath. If I was dating or married to a guy who needed it for medical reasons, we would probably have to split up. I wouldn't want to keep them from their treatment and I would not want to jeopardize my own health.

ITA about some people not wanting to be around some getting stoned - same as people not wanting to be around someone getting tipsy with alcohol. It is no longer administered through smoking only any more. There are sublingual tablets, oils, butter, all forms of pre-made edibles (not just brownies, they have gummy bears!). Living with someone using it for medical would have no more risk or awareness than someone using a pain patch or taking pills. Obviously living with someone using it for the recreational high would be different - while you could easily avoid any smoke/odor you would still deal with the altered state of mind.

by Guest Wed Sep 21, 2016 3:55 pm

What is Heather image conscious about, she has spot all over her and derek has the heart. I felt sorry for him last night talking to his mom. You could see he really went into to his looking for a relationship and hoping it would work out. He was about to cry, he was hurting.

by jupitercornflakes Wed Sep 21, 2016 5:07 pm

Ali_R wrote:
jupitercornflakes wrote:

IMO it is important to remember that some people are just not into marijuana. I personally cannot be around someone smoking it without becoming physically ill and developing shortness of breath. If I was dating or married to a guy who needed it for medical reasons, we would probably have to split up. I wouldn't want to keep them from their treatment and I would not want to jeopardize my own health.

ITA about some people not wanting to be around some getting stoned - same as people not wanting to be around someone getting tipsy with alcohol. It is no longer administered through smoking only any more. There are sublingual tablets, oils, butter, all forms of pre-made edibles (not just brownies, they have gummy bears!). Living with someone using it for medical would have no more risk or awareness than someone using a pain patch or taking pills. Obviously living with someone using it for the recreational high would be different - while you could easily avoid any smoke/odor you would still deal with the altered state of mind.

But someone with a condition where they cannot easily swallow may not be able to take it in the other ways.

by Guest Wed Sep 21, 2016 5:21 pm

Ali_R wrote:Really the big hullabaloo about Derek being a drug addict is really a curious angle for those of us in 420 friendly states to accept. I'm from Alaska and live in Washington... Please, please, please keep in mind that Dr. Pepper works at UofW - in Seattle! There are pot dispensaries everywhere in urban Seattle. I drive Uber/Lyft and dispensaries are a destination second only to bars.

IMO it wouldn't be a stretch to see Dr. Pepper as a user herself. I'm an old woman (48) married 19 years and I've had my traditional MD that works out of one of the big 3 hospitals in Seattle actually bring up trying marijuana for my chronic health issues. I haven't tried it yet, been there done that back in my youth but it's different now. Yeah there's more potent forms but they've also manipulated it to the point you control what the effect is, i.e. Minimizing the high, the paranoia, maximizing different aspects such as appetite stimulation, nausea suppression, muscle relaxation, sedation level. It isn't all about the high anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if Dr. Pepper used a little to help with the aches and pains that come with years of life, not to mention she's not in the greatest of physical shape.

I've posted in the past pot use is perceived on the same level as wine with dinner in Seattle. Some people are anti alcohol - for themselves and their partner. Some people don't drink but don't mind their partner drinking. It is very much the case regarding pot to Seattleites. I can totally see, IMO, Dr. Pepper having a similar view.

This is all to bring up the point that Derek isn't so terribly flawed. Isn't he also a vet? Heck! That alone I'd give him a pass on a "glass of wine with dinner" or a little cannibus in his downtime

And on THAT note ... Guardian Angel posted a photo of Derek and Sonia from a tweet and it totally made me wonder if TPTBat MAFS are setting us up for the ultimate wife swap? I can't figure out how to repeat the post here...GA can you help me out here? I'm thinking there might be a team Dernia in the future!!!

@Ali_R, I like your post. I personally don't have a problem with people using cannibus instead of having a glass of wine or a beer when they get home from work. My problem with it is when people smoke it all day long, or before work/school, etc. as I hold the same view on drinking. I consider it a mood altering drug, as I do alcohol and I think it should be held in the same regard. (I'm talking about recreational use of cannibus and not medical use) Now I know Derek was smoking in the morning on their honeymoon, but he said it wasn't his normal routine, he viewed it as like vacation for him. Many people on vacation or on their Sunday brunch will down a few mimosas or Bloody Mary's so for me, I don't have an issue with what he did. He did ask her first, she said she was fine with it.

by MAFSMinority Wed Sep 21, 2016 5:38 pm

sandyqcar wrote:My whole problem with Derek is that he still has yet to take ANY ownership for ANY of his negative actions. Be it his name calling, his temperature tantrums or the smoking of the unknown substance. All the comments he makes are about Heather. Ie... I wish I had got to see the better side of Heather. I wish Heather had given me a chance. I believe in marriage and this experiment...etc.. (I didn't quote them because they were examples and I'm not sure if they were exact comments)
The guy keeps running his mouth everywhere, yet like a child he can't take any responsibility for any of his bad actions IMO

I don't think that will change any time soon when we have people like Dr. Pepper visiting him and telling him he "did a good job". I cringed when she said that last night. Never mind the alleged substance abuse or who was at fault for it going south, did she really just compliment him on his participation in this after the displays of jealousy, hurtful comments, and childish tantrums? My respect for Dr. Pepper, already not the highest, really took a nosedive last night after seeing that.

On another note, the last few posts seem to be going into personal opinions on pot use. I'd love to see an informal poll on the members in this thread, and those who support or are against pot use. Then to see how that aligns with who they support in this marriage. I am guessing, but from the last few posts, I'm pretty sure many who support Derek see no issue with pot use, and those who see him negatively are against it. Just my opinion, as I find this stuff fascinating.

by momof2dogs Wed Sep 21, 2016 6:53 pm

I'm 100% against pot use for any reason whatsoever and think the medicinal stuff is an excuse. I also support Heather.

by Guest Wed Sep 21, 2016 6:58 pm

MAFSMinority wrote:
sandyqcar wrote:My whole problem with Derek is that he still has yet to take ANY ownership for ANY of his negative actions. Be it his name calling, his temperature tantrums or the smoking of the unknown substance. All the comments he makes are about Heather. Ie... I wish I had got to see the better side of Heather. I wish Heather had given me a chance. I believe in marriage and this experiment...etc.. (I didn't quote them because they were examples and I'm not sure if they were exact comments)
The guy keeps running his mouth everywhere, yet like a child he can't take any responsibility for any of his bad actions IMO

I don't think that will change any time soon when we have people like Dr. Pepper visiting him and telling him he "did a good job". I cringed when she said that last night. Never mind the alleged substance abuse or who was at fault for it going south, did she really just compliment him on his participation in this after the displays of jealousy, hurtful comments, and childish tantrums? My respect for Dr. Pepper, already not the highest, really took a nosedive last night after seeing that.

On another note, the last few posts seem to be going into personal opinions on pot use. I'd love to see an informal poll on the members in this thread, and those who support or are against pot use. Then to see how that aligns with who they support in this marriage. I am guessing, but from the last few posts, I'm pretty sure many who support Derek see no issue with pot use, and those who see him negatively are against it. Just my opinion, as I find this stuff fascinating.

You are probably correct in your assumption. laugh out loud

Personally I wouldn't want to be married to someone that smoked weed, because I don't use it, but I really don't care if others chose to do it, as I don't care if someone decides to have a couple glasses of wine, it's their choice. I don't have a problem with Heather saying she didn't like him smoking, I understand that. My issue with her is she said it was okay, when he asked her first. If it was going to be as big of an issue for her she should have been honest and said, I'd prefer you didn't. I'm also disappointed she didn't stick with the commitment she made.

by jlccaz Wed Sep 21, 2016 7:10 pm

I just read an online post that sums up the show for me:

"you couldn't trust these 'experts' to pair up socks out of the dryer."

Ha.

Bad casting, bad matching, d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g everything out to infinity episodes. I really think I won't troll the show next time to post the obvious.

by Jackenzo Wed Sep 21, 2016 8:32 pm

No issue here with pot use or drinking but very much an issue with how you talk to or about others. Derek, whether on his own or under the prodding of the producers, behaved poorly and/or unattractively. Bad on the matching by the experts, bad on Derek for his behavior, bad on the producers for editing the heck out of the situation.

by albean99 Wed Sep 21, 2016 10:25 pm

I don't want anything to do with pot myself but have no issue with what other adults do in a state where it's legal (or for medical purposes) however I wouldn't choose to be with someone who uses regularly for fun. In Derek's case, there was a legal aspect which could be harmful for his and Heather's careers. I have to question his judgment when he wants to smoke (assuming he did) on his honeymoon with a stranger in another country. Perhaps it would have been better to wait and get to know your wife better first? It's very possible that Heather wouldn't have stayed married to him anyway but we won't know that for sure.

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