MAFS - Season 4 - Derek Schwartz - Heather Seidel

2observe wrote:

Amberish wrote:Thing is, because he thought getting stoned, even once during the honeymoon, was acceptable behavior is, in itself, good enough reason to call it quits.

I'm a little confused.  I thought that one of the premises of the Show was to not make it so easy for the participants to walk away when things become difficult without at least trying work through them.  IMO, this is at least one of the reasons why the participants have to get married.  At least the producers are showing us that Derek is trying to work out their problems.  When Heather made a big deal about his smoking, he stopped smoking.  I just don't see where Heather is trying to work on making their marriage work.  Apparently, she now wants out of the marriage since it wasn't her "ideal" marriage.  No wonder there are so many divorces. :bigsigh:

Please. He didn't quit, or at least for long. He's an addict and that's what a pot addict does --- smokes pot frequently.  Perhaps at home he may only hit the pipe on weekends, but he already showed his hand by telling her he gets high habitually, because if he didn't, he would have never smoked pot throughout early days of the marriage. Expecting Heather to put up with a pothead is asking for too much. Heck, his face gives him away and knowing what we now know tells us he was stoned during the wedding ceremony.

Are there women in the world that would welcome Derek and put up with his addiction? Sure --- other addicts.

Ruqibabe wrote:

albean99 wrote:I'd walk away too. Obviously a real life (not reality life) marriage is different. You'd already know that he "smokes" and he'd know that it's a deal breaker with you. I also didn't appreciate his tone with her and that started early on. I get that she shut down early on herself but he helped that by his insults IMO. I think both were to blame but I also think they were never suited for each other from the start.

I didn't notice any harsh tone until the smoking fight. I really wish she had brought the smoking issue up in private and a lot earlier. I disagree with you abt the compatibility. I actually think they might have been good for each other.

Why would a sensible, educated, and confident upward mobile woman want to straddle herself to a drug addict? It's not a good life ...

Amberish wrote:

2observe wrote:

Amberish wrote:Thing is, because he thought getting stoned, even once during the honeymoon, was acceptable behavior is, in itself, good enough reason to call it quits.

I'm a little confused.  I thought that one of the premises of the Show was to not make it so easy for the participants to walk away when things become difficult without at least trying work through them.  IMO, this is at least one of the reasons why the participants have to get married.  At least the producers are showing us that Derek is trying to work out their problems.  When Heather made a big deal about his smoking, he stopped smoking.  I just don't see where Heather is trying to work on making their marriage work.  Apparently, she now wants out of the marriage since it wasn't her "ideal" marriage.  No wonder there are so many divorces. :bigsigh:

Please. He didn't quit, or at least for long. He's an addict and that's what a pot addict does --- smokes pot frequently.  Perhaps at home he may only hit the pipe on weekends, but he already showed his hand by telling her he gets high habitually, because if he didn't, he would have never smoked pot throughout early days of the marriage. Expecting Heather to put up with a pothead is asking for too much. Heck, his face gives him away and knowing what we now know tells us he was stoned during the wedding ceremony.

Are there women in the world that would welcome Derek and put up with his addiction? Sure --- other addicts.

It's either you are Heather or you know him personally. Is this your opinion or fact? Please add IMO or JMO so fact can be separated from assumption.

I've just caught up on S4... And IMO these two are equally contributing to the problem... Heather looked like she was going to throw up when he kissed her shoulder at the wedding, she wasn't attracted to him and had a wall up since day 1... give her any reason or excuse to blame him and she is running with it.. she talks the talk at times in the interview but it's not convincing... Derek was open to start and I felt he really tried but where he failed in my eyes was when his frustration turned to aggression and accusations and put downs in the interviews (like about her age and looks -just rude IMO)... In regard to pot, people in all parts of society indulge, many are not addicts even if they are regular users, at the end of the day he was willing to consider her in his decision to do it (to his credit).... IMO the way Heather could throw back and hold her drink shows me she's lived a little herself, no sympathy from me.

Ruqibabe wrote:

Amberish wrote:

2observe wrote:
I'm a little confused.  I thought that one of the premises of the Show was to not make it so easy for the participants to walk away when things become difficult without at least trying work through them.  IMO, this is at least one of the reasons why the participants have to get married.  At least the producers are showing us that Derek is trying to work out their problems.  When Heather made a big deal about his smoking, he stopped smoking.  I just don't see where Heather is trying to work on making their marriage work.  Apparently, she now wants out of the marriage since it wasn't her "ideal" marriage.  No wonder there are so many divorces. :bigsigh:

Please. He didn't quit, or at least for long. He's an addict and that's what a pot addict does --- smokes pot frequently.  Perhaps at home he may only hit the pipe on weekends, but he already showed his hand by telling her he gets high habitually, because if he didn't, he would have never smoked pot throughout early days of the marriage. Expecting Heather to put up with a pothead is asking for too much. Heck, his face gives him away and knowing what we now know tells us he was stoned during the wedding ceremony.

Are there women in the world that would welcome Derek and put up with his addiction? Sure --- other addicts.

It's either you are Heather or you know him personally. Is this your opinion or fact? Please add IMO or JMO so fact can be separated from assumption.

I can refer to DSM-5 terminology call out Derek's pot problem as an use disorder instead of addiction, although, IMO there is truly no difference.

Curious, if he only smokes on weekends, how can that be an addiction? MY BIL smokes cigarettes only on vacation, is that an addiction? IMO we don't have any proof that Derek is a pot head. To me a pot head smokes all day every day. I have no experience in such matters, because whether it's legal or illegal I don't like it.

Has there been anything sleuthed that tells us he smokes all day every day?

IMO there is no way we can determine addiction or disorders from our sofas.... normally substances (alcohol included) only become a problem when 1) we lose the ability to control its use- if Derek can take it or leave it as he wills it's not an addiction 2) if t's use interferes with the relationship because it alters the dynamic or personality or its use in itself is contensious....then it's a problem for the relationship and should be addressed but doesn't always mean addiction.

I knew one investment banker who smoked on weekends and then gave up for a year so his wife could get pregnant... he was very successful and not an addict... It's not for me but worked for them.

Bottom line.... pot or no pot... Heather just wasn't into Derek enough to work through the little stuff never mind the big stuff.

Amberish wrote:

Ruqibabe wrote:

Amberish wrote:

Please. He didn't quit, or at least for long. He's an addict and that's what a pot addict does --- smokes pot frequently.  Perhaps at home he may only hit the pipe on weekends, but he already showed his hand by telling her he gets high habitually, because if he didn't, he would have never smoked pot throughout early days of the marriage. Expecting Heather to put up with a pothead is asking for too much. Heck, his face gives him away and knowing what we now know tells us he was stoned during the wedding ceremony.

Are there women in the world that would welcome Derek and put up with his addiction? Sure --- other addicts.

It's either you are Heather or you know him personally. Is this your opinion or fact? Please add IMO or JMO so fact can be separated from assumption.

I can refer to DSM-5 terminology call out Derek's pot problem as an use disorder instead of addiction, although, IMO there is truly no difference.

I think there are people who smoke weed occassionally just like there are people who drink occassionally. Why do people think that smoking weed is addictive? Does it have nicotene like cigarettes or something?

Derek. Derek. Derek.

No sane woman wants to marry an addict.

He should have been eliminated before the experts made the matches.

Unacceptable.

2observe wrote:

Amberish wrote:

Ruqibabe wrote:

It's either you are Heather or you know him personally. Is this your opinion or fact? Please add IMO or JMO so fact can be separated from assumption.

I can refer to DSM-5 terminology call out Derek's pot problem as an use disorder instead of addiction, although, IMO there is truly no difference.

I think there are people who smoke weed occassionally just like there are people who drink occassionally.  Why do people think that smoking weed is addictive?  Does it have nicotene like cigarettes or something?  

I didn't know so I looked it up.

https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/marijuana-addictive

Marijuana is also, often, debated as a gateway "drug".

I've heard that too, Kasha. I've also heard that it's stronger than it was a generation ago.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/marijuana-far-more-potent-than-it-used-to-be-tests-find/