Andi Dorfman - The Bachelorette 10 - Discussion - #2

stuckinsc wrote:I think Andi took blame with Josh in the interview. Now if she never loved the other guy (football player) why did I have to listen to her question Josh's sincerity because of him all the time?

I also agree that Andi will never think she did any wrong to Nick. Any chance for that died when he outed her on national tv.

Sadly I don't expect Andi to ever realize that her own actions played into that. Once you wrong Andi she will never take blame IMO.

I also think she still doesn't get it. Also, the tweet:

Andi Dorfman @AndiDorfman · Feb 15
As hard as this is, I have no regrets. I'm beyond grateful for the love I got to experience & the journey that changed my life #thebachelor

And the others before it, to me it is just attention seeking. You went on the show. You bawled a bucketful of snotty tears about your heartbreak and how the fact that other couples were happy at the premier made you realise that things weren't working...whatever. Continueing with the sad tweets is just crying look at me. Feel sorry for me...whaa whaa whaa. Clearly she has too much time on her hands.

SueSt wrote:

Sorry for your past, Stuck.  Great that you are able to take each man on his own merit/limitations and not hold your past against them.  
I had a number of core emotional issues in my life that I did speak with my husband about as we were courting... it was an opportunity to share my vulnerability and based on his reactions, and as a result, I knew he was the one for me...
But to your point, and of course we don't know if this was THE core issue that led to their breakup, but maybe Andi never got the assurances she needed to feel safe with Josh.

Thank you. I guess it took me realizing that I kept choosing the wrong kind of men to open me up to my husband. Had I met him in my 20s I don't honestly know if I would have given him a chance.

That is part of what annoys me with Andi, except for with Josh it is always someone else's fault. Always. And that is very rarely true in any conflict. There is always blame to be had on both sides. Andi doesn't seem to get this at all. Personally, even with the crying CH love fest I don't know if Andi genuinely feels that it was her fault too or is just smart enough to see that unlike her ex and Nick where she had things that enabled her to completely blame the men, Josh didn't do any horrible thing wrong so to blame him completely would just make her look bad. If I see any future growth in Andi I might believe it was genuine for now, I will just wait and see.

There was some talk in the fan thread about Andi and Josh spending more time together than any other couple right after taping and it made me think. Do we really know the need to be in each other's company every minute of every day was mutual? I know fans took it as them being best friends and so in love that they can't be away from each other, but say one person wanted it and the other would've preferred some alone time or time alone with his friends/family/dog and felt smothered. Judging by things post breakup, or even pre really, Andi certainly has the potential to be a bit of a clinger. Not to mention she didn't even have a job to keep her busy unlike Josh. Josh on the other hand had been single for 5 years, so going from that to having Andi stuck on his side like a barnacle must've been quite the 180. Perhaps over time Josh realised that he was looking forward to going to work and on work trips and instead of missing his fiancee felt relieved to be barnacle-free.

Well Josh didn't seem to mind. Because he could have created more "business trips" and hung out more with his friends if he wanted to. But he did say that they were both home buddies. They enjoyed being at home and not out so much.

mindless wrote:There was some talk in the fan thread about Andi and Josh spending more time together than any other couple right after taping and it made me think. Do we really know the need to be in each other's company every minute of every day was mutual? I know fans took it as them being best friends and so in love that they can't be away from each other, but say one person wanted it and the other would've preferred some alone time or time alone with his friends/family/dog and felt smothered. Judging by things post breakup, or even pre really, Andi certainly has the potential to be a bit of a clinger. Not to mention she didn't even have a job to keep her busy unlike Josh. Josh on the other hand had been single for 5 years, so going from that to having Andi stuck on his side like a barnacle must've been quite the 180. Perhaps over time Josh realised that he was looking forward to going to work and on work trips and instead of missing his fiancee felt relieved to be barnacle-free.

"barnacle"

I can't take credit for that term. I think it was Cat who used it about herself, but in a positive sense.

KB_Mom wrote:

mindless wrote:There was some talk in the fan thread about Andi and Josh spending more time together than any other couple right after taping and it made me think. Do we really know the need to be in each other's company every minute of every day was mutual? I know fans took it as them being best friends and so in love that they can't be away from each other, but say one person wanted it and the other would've preferred some alone time or time alone with his friends/family/dog and felt smothered. Judging by things post breakup, or even pre really, Andi certainly has the potential to be a bit of a clinger. Not to mention she didn't even have a job to keep her busy unlike Josh. Josh on the other hand had been single for 5 years, so going from that to having Andi stuck on his side like a barnacle must've been quite the 180. Perhaps over time Josh realised that he was looking forward to going to work and on work trips and instead of missing his fiancee felt relieved to be barnacle-free.

"barnacle"  

OMG. I use the term "barnacle" all the time when I am preaching, er, um, I mean, talking, to my teenagers about the perils of clingy relationships. I can totally see that a needy, unemployed fiance could feel like a barnacle on a guy's hip.

Barnacles are really sharp and if you touch them you can get a serious infection, I learned that at nerd camp in the FL keys. So nope not a compliment at all.

One person's experience and opinion, not universal. Two-way barnacle/clingy should be a good thing.

stuckinsc wrote:

SueSt wrote:

Sorry for your past, Stuck.  Great that you are able to take each man on his own merit/limitations and not hold your past against them.  
I had a number of core emotional issues in my life that I did speak with my husband about as we were courting... it was an opportunity to share my vulnerability and based on his reactions, and as a result, I knew he was the one for me...
But to your point, and of course we don't know if this was THE core issue that led to their breakup, but maybe Andi never got the assurances she needed to feel safe with Josh.

Thank you. I guess it took me realizing that I kept choosing the wrong kind of men to open me up to my husband. Had I met him in my 20s I don't honestly know if I would have given him a chance.

That is part of what annoys me with Andi, except for with Josh it is always someone else's fault. Always. And that is very rarely true in any conflict. There is always blame to be had on both sides. Andi doesn't seem to get this at all. Personally, even with the crying CH love fest I don't know if Andi genuinely feels that it was her fault too or is just smart enough to see that unlike her ex and Nick where she had things that enabled her to completely blame the men, Josh didn't do any horrible thing wrong so to blame him completely would just make her look bad. If I see any future growth in Andi I might believe it was genuine for now, I will just wait and see.

I couldn't put my finger on it, something about Andi, but this is it. She is (IMO) the type of person who will NEVER "get it". I've had a few of those in my life. No matter what you say, or what you do, they never see the error of their ways. They never believe they did anything wrong and will never understand. Andi isn't an evil person, just has some growing up to do and maybe learn to take a good hard look in the mirror. I can see the barnacle description fitting her. Certainly not a good thing if only one does that - can be rather suffocating.

Nope barnacles are just not good things.  Not ever, people get paid really big money to clean them off the bottom of boats.  

Now two way clingy could be fine.  

I just would never say I was proud to be any man's side piece.  Ever, just not how I would want to see myself.  Of course, I would never date or marry a man who needed to consider me that either.

Mustang, I also agree that Andi isn't a bad person, she is just a very spoiled brat who has a lot of life lessons to learn. If she learns from this relationship that would be great. We will see, gosh knows I was an idiot when I was 27 compared to what I am now. So hey, I am sure that she will be able to grow. I think getting away from Daddy Hy and people like Kelly T who reinforce her bad traits would be a great idea. Again this is IMO!

Pretty sure the barnacle reference in terms of Andi was more in the clingy/suffocating sense which is negative (The original poster please correct me if I'm wrong.). When Cat originally used it it was basically her way of saying her husband was her other half and they were inseparable, a sentiment they both state often so it wasn't negative in that sense.