Ben Higgins - Bachelor 20 - Discussion

Well IMO, it's easy to say you'll get back together with someone after they become "The Bachelor". I've had someone let me go because we were "too young" and didn't want to be tied down yadda yadda. From my own personal experience, I felt like it was a douche move and that person clearly didn't want to be with me. When you really love someone you make sure to include them wherever it is. That's just another excuse to break up someone, imho.

Cila51290 wrote:I think if Lauren really did the breakup with Ben and the whole ex Shaelin not wanting him to go move in with her in Texas means Ben is the problem, imo. Seems like these women want to somehow be independent from Ben. I do wonder how it is to actually live with him. Based on Lauren's snaps he seemed really boring. IMO

My opinion is that they just didn't seem compatible. I agree with those who posted that Lauren presented one way on the show and then showed her true colors after the show. I am commenting on this post because it reminds me of how my sister and I used to be when we were in college and in our early twenties (this is light years ago). We described guys as "boring" that were solid and dependable. At that time, we wanted "fun" guys, aka nondependable and hard to get, which never worked out. In the end, it seems that neither Ben or Lauren have met their match yet.

@Cila51290 at the time when they dated she was 19/ 20. At that age, i can honestly say i wasnt looking to be tied down in a serious relationship. I do know some people that were and some that thought they were. I have plenty friends that married high school sweethearts, some are still together, some are now divorced. I think we all come into our own at different paces. There isnt a one size fits all. I can understand where she was coming from if she felt like she didn't want a serious relationship at that time in her life.

@hae1001 Of course everyone is different. I'm just saying when you really do want to be with someone the obstacles, age, experiences, you name it is not a factor imo. You do everything in your power to be with that person. I guess it's just me. idk

I think he needs some one extremely normal, really down to earth, midwestern/Christian/conservative values, into nature, extremely patient, kinda boring, stand by her man type. Honestly, he should probably go find someone back in Indiana. I don't think the type this show attracts anymore is who Ben needs. In an alternate reality I could see him maybe working with a Des-type or a Molly-type. But those types  are few and far between, practically non-existent in this franchise now-a-days.

I absolutely agree 100% this relationship is not all Lauren's fault. I honestly don't think she portrayed herself that differently. Ben broke a lot of promises, hurt her repeatedly on national television. Not saying he should marry her if he wasn't feeling it. But how it played out and all that hurt, I don't know how she could possibly recover from that. I see her excess partying and seeming "personality change" as a direct result of these actions and probably perceived betrayals. Not the other way around.

What about Becca? They are both on the Bachelor rebound and I think they could really be friends. Neither one of them seem to be good at long term relationships and they would understand each other's pasts.

@sosleepy I like how you put all that. I agree. Sometimes you get to a point where you are so broken, you can't put it all back together again.

Mgrissom wrote:What about Becca?  They are both on the Bachelor rebound and I think they could really be friends.  Neither one of them seem to be good at long term relationships and they would understand each other's pasts.

Becca is good friends with Lauren, so zero chance of that.

If Ben wants to live in Denver, he needs to find a woman from Denver. Imo he couldn't handle long distance, and with the amount he's willing to sacrifice for the relationship, it'd be kind of cruel to have another woman move to Denver for him. Jmo

Mgrissom wrote:What about Becca?  They are both on the Bachelor rebound and I think they could really be friends.  Neither one of them seem to be good at long term relationships and they would understand each other's pasts.

Nope.

Becca is just another BN girl looking for her 15+ minutes of fame. Heck, she was in his season and couldn't even get to home town dates.

I agree with sosleepy... he needs someone not entrenched in BN who shares his values and dreams.

Kashathediva wrote:@sosleepy I like how you put all that. I agree. Sometimes you get to a point where you are so broken, you can't put it all back together again.

Liking Kasha's liking of @sosleepy's comment!

I don't think there was strategic or intentional deception on either's part but just a realization that they weren't a forever fit for reasons known to Ben and Lauren. I think they are both good people and did enter into an engagement for the "right reasons."

Being honest though, I do feel a bit more for Lauren in this break-up -- it had to be incredibly hard to deal with the dual ILYs and then Ben's repeated unapologetic stance on his love vomit. Then JoJo's super successful season with constant mentions of Ben's ILY. The nail on the coffin had to be the HEA wedding postponement. Humiliation on TV yet again for the viewing public. How do you come back from all that? With a guy who didn't seem to understand the implications and impact of all that? (In my opinion) I'm actually really surprised they signed on to the Disney Wedding  special...the money must've been good.

I do wish both of them the best and their own HEA when the time is right!

Not to be argumentative, but Ben was not Lauren's until the engagement. So while the two ILYs sucked he was equally Lauren and JoJos at that point. You either let it go or you don't. I guess I sympathize with Ben because I moved shortly after it meeting my husband in person but having known him online for
Months. I was miserable in the area and without a good reason to
Stay, I took a job 5 hours away. I offered long distance and consider moving back in a year if we had promise. He said no thanks. When we rekindled a year later he told me he felt I had abandoned him. I apologized as my moving wasn't about him but me and I also told him he either had to accept my apology and move forward and forgive and drop it or we would not work. He did and ten years later we are good.

Ben's two ILYs were about him, not Lauren and unless I am remembering wrong he did apologize to Lauren. She did not let it go, but IMO caused a first fracture in their relationship. And on
That one I agree with Ben. He was following his path, he was sorry it hurt her, but it was his truth. He very distinctly chose Lauren and made it very clear at AFTR, he loves Lauren alone and wanted Lauren alone. Expecting him to continue beyond that point to pay penance for that is unfair. I am not saying that Lauren didn't have the right to be hurt, but Ben also had the right to be frustrated that he chose her and she was unable to move forward and kept making him pay for the same transgression. She needed to chose to movement forward letting it go or leave him. I realize they had the stupid HEA double date, but let's be honest that was not Ben's fault that was TPTB. But he was once again the bad guy. Ben left JoJo behind. He didn't continue bringing her into his life. The success of JoJo's season is also not Ben's fault. These things may have sucked for Lauren, but IMO they were not Ben's fault.

As for the not getting a dog, I personally think with the amount they both travelled getting a dog would be mean. A dog doesn't appreciate alone time, it isn't happy to be kenneled and left by its owner all the time. I think Ben was smart to see that their schedule would have been mean and unfair to a dog. If Lauren wanted a dog maybe she should have been willing to travel less to give the dog what it needs. I find her desire for a pet without being willing to spend lots of time with it selfish. I feel Lauren's dog would be like Amanda's daughters, cute accessories that are best afterthoughts but not priorities for attention in their mommy's life. IMO, that is selfish. I want a dog too, but I travel at least four days a month and think that much separation would be unfair to a dog.

Ben should have post poned the wedding in private, but I don't blame him for postponing. She is not stuck in an unhappy marriage or headed for divorce. Both those to me are much more cruel.

I just thing they were both selfish people who were unable to make the compromises each other needed to be happy. Both are at fault and both deserve a relationship that can give them joy without as much sorrow. I personally don't believe a relationship can make you happy, rather I think a good one enhances your ability to be happy. But if you are not happy anyway, a relationship can not compensate and fix that.

All JMO.