Ben Higgins - Lauren Bushnell - Bachelor 20 - Discussion - #5

If that is the case, and they're going through a rough patch, but trying to work through it, then they need to settle down and just be together. Seeing each other for a few days, not even alone because her friends were there, in one month isn't going to cut it.

If it's over and they simply need to "be together" in some capacity before they announce the split, then she can take as many girls trip without Ben as she wants. All JMO

sosleepy wrote:She does seem happy... but I wonder if it's like overcompensated happiness? Like try hard happy. I think that can also be common after a breakup. Or they aren't totally broken up yet and she's sending Ben a message with her SM happiness.

I can't even believe in an alternate universe we were supposed to see their wedding on tv this month. I don't think it's a coincidence at all they are imploding same month as the cancelled wedding.

Regarding the bolded, that's how I see it. IMO she's not so subtly implying that she'll go on with her life with or without Ben and it'll be his loss if it's without.

I don't think they're broken up or keeping mum because of TPTB. Andi and Josh broke up while Chris's season was airing and Chris and Whitney announced the split while Kaitlyn's season was airing, so I don't really see why they'd have to wait until Nick's season is over. Would make more sense to announce it now while people are distracted by the current season. It's not like they're the only engaged couple from this show around at the moment either, so it wouldn't be that big a deal IMO, or a surprise since HEA already showed their relationship isn't perfect. I think they're still figuring things out. JMO.

bleuberry wrote:

Boshem wrote:So they were spotted today.. I'm still confused.. Do we think they're in a rough patch in their relationship?

This is exactly what I think. ie not completely over, nor great.

Agreed. Circling the drain. But no one has flushed the toilet yet. 

Who knows. Miracles happen. Maybe they can get through this and come out the other side ok. I'm not holding my breath though.

I am glad my guess was wrong about Portland. I hope that whatever the status of their relationship is that they both get to a place of agreement and mutual happiness. It would be nice to sort things out for better or worse. No reason to settle IMO.
JMO

IMO Lauren is checked out, even if it's not official. She's done nothing to stop any rumours, not even tried. IMO she's been going to these trips with the people she has wanted to go with, which is not Ben. She's seemed 'free' on all forms of sm I've seen of her, IMO. I think Ben is trying to keep up the act publicly, but in private he's done even less he normaly does, imo.

The odds of someone finding their soulmate on this show are so slim, almost nonexistent really, that we should view those who do as miracles. Add in all the public pressure and it's enough to kill budding feelings. imo

Ben didn't seem to me like he knew his own mind to the point that he could choose a long term mate, so the fact they made it this long is 'amazing.' I hope all involved can learn from the experience and grow from it, whether they are together or splitting up.

It annoys me the most cause people in this franchise - producers, past contestants etc put Ben and Lauren on a pedestal while simultaneously putting other couples down, IMO. Anyway, it's annoying to me. I constantly think that is a reason they're holding off any break up news (if there is one). However, I just keep thinking of Josh and Amanda being seen several times while we knew they were broken up, so maybe Lauren is taking a page out of that book, JMO but we never truly know. It also seems weird that like you mentioned: Lauren is doing nothing in regards to making it that her and Ben are doing great, like she would have previously, ie. During the show she posted plenty 'pda' and couple shots of them.. My guess is Lauren has had enough of Ben and his only child syndrome and sick of being his 'cheerleader'- really Ben???? Lauren needs to get out ASAP. I wish people didn't see Ben as some type of hero, smh.

All my opinion, ofcourse

I'm really sad to say it but now looking back on what was shown of this relationship - esp after the more in-depth insight during the HEA show - I don't see these two as compatible. Ben needs constant validation, his sense of humor is dorky and dry, he needs to be talked off the ledge constantly, he's a people pleaser and he's needy at the same time he needs to be in charge but actually he's not. I don't think that Lauren's personality is very compatible with that -- she's a bit in her own world, she's composed and not very emotional, she's not the kind who would be validating him constantly....while ben is intense, emotional and needy. I don't see their sense of humor meshing very well. I don't get the friendship "chemistry" between them that show their personalities meshing. I don't get the feeling that if they're not dating and "in love" that they would voluntarily spend a lot of hours just enjoying each other's company....At first I thought she would help calm him down but I actually don't think these two communicate very well or on the same level...

It's totally a moot point but we can consider a diff relationship we've seen Ben in that I think does calm him down, talking him from the ledge and validating him constantly, allowing him to enjoy his humor to the fullest while bouncing off of someone else's similar sense of humor **edited**

I can see how there was intense infatuation and some level of compatible chemistry with Lauren focusing on their core values and religious views but now looking at it I don't think it's on the levels he needs it to be for him to feel great in a relationship. I don't think Lauren feels great in the relationship either cos she's constantly making sacrifices but it feels like she's still not done enough and she's not getting what she wants.

More and more I'm finding it fascinating to watch the relationships after the show to see if the real compatibility is there...and to see what makes a couple work. Whoever "wins"..... the true story is in the long-haul... who knows if Ben and Jojo would have worked out if they were together -- obviously Lauren, the emotions he felt for her and the values she stands for was something he couldn't imagine living without...but more and more I don't think they're meant to be in the long run and I don't see that as a bad thing...just another step in their life journey for both of them to learn from

@emusha

I'm thinking that Ben especially needs to learn much more about himself, until anyone will be a good fit for him. He needs to learn to talk himself down, and perhaps compromise more. Imo he needs to find a balace betweet the man he is, the man he wants to be, and the man his society expects him to be. In normal circumstances I'd say, that Lauren needs to learn to not 'do' so much, and leave some of the doing for her partner, but IMO she's being 'doing' what IMO Ben has very vocally said he wanted to happen. JMO

@Cocoasneeze I agree with you, at the same time I do think there are likely people out there who are more suited for the growth journey we take on than others and I don't think Lauren is helping Ben grow and change in the direction he needs to because he's at a total loss (from the way I see it) on ways to engage his emotions when he's with her. IMHO the extreme emotional incompatibility between them creates a conflict and it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle because he's constantly feeling bad/strange cos he's the crazy one who's needing to be talked off the ledge (which she is not effective at doing cos she gets defensive and engages from a completely different standpoint). At the same time they're in a "check-mate" situation when she comes to the same issue from a completely different angle. Someone who leads a bit more with their emotions, on the other hand, can react in a way that taps into validating Ben's "neurosis" helping him feel normal, but also then calmer to engage the issue... I see Jojo as someone who used to help Ben feel validated first, then was able to relate to him on many different levels - mental/emotional etc. Having someone who's like that could help him along his growth journey...rather than someone who doesn't emote and is very composed most of the time with whom he would not be able to engage productively at all...

hope this makes sense and all very much IMHO

ETA: I wasnt a fan of either pairing during the show but finding it fascinating to see how things moved forward and what that could mean

@emusha just to let you know , you can't bring Jojo in this page . This is Ben and Lauren thread,you can point your opinion but you can't compare other constant here on this thread . IMO that's against the rule here .

@Simon21 thanks for the heads up! Mods please feel free to let me know if I need to delete mentions of Jojo in the above comments.