Ben Higgins - Lauren Bushnell - Bachelor 20 - Discussion - #4

People were wondering why she didn't at least stay with Ben's family until 1-2 days before Christmas and, well, now we know why. Doesn't explain the whole celebrating separately thing and I still think it's a little odd but not as big of a deal as I initially thought. 

Also great post on Ben @cocoasneeze

mindless wrote:I think they're just practical people who don't see the point of flying back and forth for the sake of one or two days, when they already spend most of their days together. I totally understand. The whole wanting to spend every second possible together might be romantic, but it's a bit silly to me personally. They have their whole lives to spend together, so what's the urgency? Maybe it's because I was in a long-distance relationship for years, but I just don't get the desperation as if time is gonna run out. Everyone should fly less, not more, for the sake of the environment. No point in Lauren going back to Indiana for a couple of days, and Ben should be with his parents if he didn't spend last Christmas with them either. I'm sure Ben and Lauren will have loads of Christmases together if they get married and have kids. JMO.

I agree.

I guess I'm not very sentimental.. Well, I can confirm I'm not, actually!

Cocoasneeze wrote:

sosleepy wrote:

Mgrissom wrote:Does Ben still have a job?  I think he is confused and unsettled. I think he is home with Mama so she can help him figure out what he needs to do. Lauren has shown a lot more initiative IMO. It may be photo shoots and selling products on the Internet, but at least she seems busy.

LOL! While I don't think he's home right now so Mama H can help him sort it out, I definitely think he's a little lost and needs some direction. I think he's struggled (like most ex leads do) to find a nitch post Bachelor. And totally agree, some may snark on her for it, but Lauren found something and she keeps busy. I'd wager she's pulling in more income than he is at this point. I bet his lack of direction for a guy that generally seems to crave purpose accounts for a lot of his insecurities and unreadiness. Just my total speculation.

I think he's in a personal rut. IMO it's not related to Lauren, but him and what direction in his life he's going to take. He was on reality show slump for a few years, first Kaitlyn's season, then his own and finally the dreaded HEA. He was a 'wanted' man for years, and it must've felt good for a guy with his insecurities, and for his need of fangirling. He had to drop a political run for HEA. He had options. Now I think that has dried down. No more offers like that flying towad him. He has to figure out a job he wants to do. He's not a big 'doer' IMO. He's been getting opportunities IMO all his life, and maybe now he's not. It's a bit scary, I bet.

As for Lauren, imo she's a doer. She had to stop flying for not her own choice, so she figured out what she wants to do, took the opportunities given to her, and started her blog. Whether it'll be successful for years to come remains to be seen, but I have no doubt Lauren will figure and do her life when need be. Imo.

So Lauren leaving Warsaw a few days early was for work reasons. IMO thats usually the case with them.

Ben the new Sean? No wonder TPTB picked BenLo to be the next SeanCat. Heh..jk.

I don't see Ben as a "doer" either as much as I see Lauren. But maybe if Lauren is successful, he can take inspiration and motivation from her.

Did Ben leave the job he had pre Bach?

He was still working there when they went on their vacation to Turks and Caicos a couple of months ago.

I think he still works there, but obviously pretty limitedly. He was definitely still working there right before their vacation in October. It's possible he works from home too though, and thus works more than we realize. I don't think Software Salesman is his dream career regardless.

Maybe he's burnt out from work + the show + all of the social media stuff the goes into being a reality TV couple? I know that even I rag on a lot of the past leads/contestants for not working, but if Ben was working AND is doing all of this stuff on top of it, he might be exhausted. Sales isn't really a job that you need to be physically in the office (for example, I'm also pretty sure Nick posted something a long while back to the effect that he worked during the filming of Kaitlyn's season and didn't leave until after).

So if Ben really is still working (which it seems likely), my guess is that anything "weird," including his stay at home, is more attributable to burnout than anything else.

^ I don't believe Ben was working much while filming the show. Lauren said they filmed 7 days a week 12 hours a day. The show was essentially their life for 3 months straight, and even then some, because they were doing a lot of promo for it in October/November.

Apologies for posting this late as i missed the boat on the HEA threads. I am so irritated by the show I still can't park it until I offload some of IMHO right here. I wasn't even that bothered about Ben & Lauren at all but watched most of HEA for fun, to see what I hoped wd be a romantic playful upbeat kind of show. Since viewing the last three or four episodes my general opinion of B&L as a sweet couple changed dramatically to that of utter horror at their lack of intellect, lack of maturity and lack of depth. Then there was the hideous Las Vegas episode with the samples taken; the show reached a new low. Making  imo a total mockery and a joke out of the issue of infertility coupled with the disgusting practice of a bunch of guys taking turns in the same hotel suite as a 'stag' party activity. I mean how far from decency can these people fall. I found it repulsive and also an insult to those who really do have to get tested properly when faced with infertility.
Then there was the story lines which intentional or not seemed to come off as faked or totally constructed for the camera. The group session with the counsellor- as if a real therapy session wd look like this and be so basic and have so little of substance. The ridiculous episode of Lauren searching for her new career- trying out Zookeeping til she had the brainwave that she was more cut out for selling bags online. I mean how brainless and vacuous do you want to look in the pursuit of fame/ money. If it was faked then that is even more pathetic to want to represent your modus operandus as a stupid materialist airhead with very little to say about life. Ben sucks- his supposed uncertanties over a wedding came across as faked for the show- in which case - selling his truth and his soulmate for a fast buck. If not faked then - Ben still sucks - teenage mentality going about in public being filmed having therapy where he tells her the wedding is off in front of tv cameras - her in a wedding dress- is plain cruel and selfish. Imo it means he still thinks he is ' the prize' and those cameras are still rolling. Also in general he patronises Lauren all the time, despite he himself having the vocab and emotions of an 18 year old. I thought I liked that sweet couple until I watched their HEA. Next time guys, take a leaf out of Sean and Catherine's book & stick to a one-off special at the wedding! Next time - note to self- I wont watch you either. It's my fault too, but mainly yours Ben & Lauren, HEA was DOA. Single handed snark post. My apologies,but thankyou for reading. All imho.

Totally agree about HEA and I hope they really do take a breather before even thinking about signing up for more of that nonsense, even if it's a wedding special.

In my opinion, most fans of Ben and Lauren were probably looking for a romantic, playful, upbeat kind of show from 'Ben and Lauren, Happily Ever After?', consistent or similar to what was reflected and what we saw of them on the Bachelor.

I believe Ben and Lauren could have provided the producers with a guide for the contents for the show but the story and character created by the show didn't exactly match what fans of the show expected.

I am not sure if Ben or Lauren even knew exactly where the direction of the show was heading. In their interview prior to the show airing on TV, Ben and Lauren queried on the question mark in the title 'Happily Ever After' said there was no question mark for them, and when it was originally mentioned they had a show the title didn't have a question mark, but the adding of the question mark later provided a guidance of what direction the show was being planned for for production.

I believe it's the writers that try to create the plots to drive a particular story from the footage they get. I think producers could possibly ask the contestants to re-create or play out a particular scene for them so they can edit it later in a certain way.

If you watch reality shows they try to create conflict or drama to create a story to make it more interesting, and thats what they tried to do in the first couple of episodes (in my opinion) which backfired because it didn't line up with people's image or expectations of what they saw of the couple from the Bachelor. What was filmed first was not necessarily what happened first either, as these shows tend to be edited to create a storyline.

It also makes sense why producing and doing a reality show for Ben and Lauren was exhausting for them (mentioned above 7 days, 12 hours a day). On reality shows they say that contestants film scenes a number of times so they can capture different angles or stories so when they get to the studio they can select the footage that helps them best create a story for the show. Example, on the Biggest Loser they said the contestants had to walk up to the scale 5 times so they could get the different angles on camera. If the main people on the show are Ben and Lauren then it would be even more exhausting for them. They may have to film them doing particular scenes a number of times, plus also film them for their interviews and questions so they can then go back to the studio to determine which footage would be the best to use. At least on the biggest loser you have 12, 16, plus contestants and bachelor 20 plus which narrows down slowly to three casts in the end (bachelor and 2 finals). Tiredness and exhaustion can also make people grumpy as well, which also explains why Ben and Lauren said they needed a holiday afterwards to refresh themselves again.

Hence, it helps if there are other people to film on the show as well. The easiest way of bringing people on the show would be to bring in former contestants (ie bachelor/bachelorette contestant) for the producers to film, because these people have been on a reality show before so they would be familiar with how it works and what to expect as the producers would be familiar with their personality and work.

Another possible reason why the show wasn't what people expected could also be because the producers were trying to produce a show which they thought would be entertaining that would suit the network the show was on. If you look at the network it was on, it was previously known as ABC family, rebranded in January 2016 to Freeform.  The reason for their rebranding was to try and evolve their audience from a young-skewing network towards a "Becomers" audience, referred to as those in the life stage spanning 14 to 34. The network said that "the most important question young people ask themselves as they're going from high school to their 30's is 'who am i becoming?'", hence the "becomers" audience. Perhaps this is why they included part of the content relating to finding a career in the show. I think this could also explain some of the other content in the show to try and make it more entertaining for these audiences.

Comments from people who watched the Vegas episode said that it was the weirdest bachelor party ever, even Ben said "My poor parents just called "Ben do you realize you go down in history as the first ever to do this on national television?" They are proud". Sometimes you need to to try and look at the lighter side of things as a result of the storyline the producers decide to produce for TV.

However, if you take a step back and just look at the show for the lighter and and fun side of things, then there were some moments in the show that would have also appealed to fans. They did help a family with the renovating of a house (even though the product placement wasn't as subtle), we learnt and saw a geeky side of Ben with his love of the Renaissance fair, Ben answered the fan question on whether he kept those wings that Lauren gave him, they danced together in his backyard, we saw a silly, fun side of Lauren as she played pranks on him and boxed him up, etc.

So there are good things depending on how you wish to choose to look at it.

I don't think they made the wrong decision in doing the show as if an opportunity presents itself which helps you out in life then you should accept it rather than live to regret it later. If it helps them financially, then good for them, because they deserve it. They don't live in the biggest of houses so if it helps them to get one to prepare for a future expanding family then good for them. Similar to other bachelor and bachelorette contestants that have nice homes, they are one of the couples I hope to see succeed for the future.

I would still be happy to see them if they did make a season 2, I would watch it for just the fun and lighter moments of the show and know that this is Reality TV and not all things are always what they appear to be.

Please be mindful everyone: forum etiquette
Long posts are often not read by members and a good idea can be lost simply because of it's length.
Thanks.