The Bachelor 20 - Ben Higgins - ATFR - *Sleuthing - Spoilers* #3

soccermom333 wrote:I just watched the today show segment with Kathie Lee, and Ben said something strange.  He said Lauren asked him why he was so quiet and was not talking on the day of the ATFR.  He said he was just tired.  Lauren was concerned enough to bring it up.  I do believe he was tired but I believe it was more than that.  

I bring this up because these two have a hard road ahead.  I think it is great he turned down DWTS, and they get back to real life as soon as possible.  I believe Ben is missing being the center of attention, he had/has mixed feelings about JoJo and he is/was just trying to navigate through them.  I know he loves Lauren and I know he made the right decision but seeing Jo probably threw him for a loop.  This takes nothing away from Lauren, just must have been a confusing time.  I also heard he had no idea it was going to be Jo as the bachelorette.  

I also think there is a reason he is backtracking about watching Jo as the bachelorette.  He is a smart man, and I don't think they should watch her show.  He said himself they have to be cognisant of each other and he is right!  Their relationship needs to come first.

Wishing them the best but they have a ways to go imo.    

bleuberry wrote:I highly doubt Ben didn't know JoJo was getting the gig, or that chances were high that she would be picked. If he wasn't sequestered all weekend, the rumours were out there.

Lucas15 wrote:

bleuberry wrote:I highly doubt Ben didn't know JoJo was getting the gig, or that chances were high that she would be picked. If he wasn't sequestered all weekend, the rumours were out there.

I highly doubt it as well. IMO Ben didn't even need to keep his ear to the weekend rumor mill - all he needed to do was talk to someone he knows in the show staff and I believe they would have told him - even if he didn't ask I think they would have told him. I think Ben would have known of the possibility for as long as it was being talked about as a possibility and I think that goes back longer than just the past couple of weeks. Probably a lot longer ...

JMHO

Idlemess wrote:Lucas, that says a lot about Lauren's sense of self and awareness. Her ability to be sensitive to others and their feelings is a testimony to her own inner strength. I think this is the reason she was also able to listen and to process what Ben disclosed to her about his ily and kissing other women on the show.  

Also, Lauren and Ben are able to share the role of a lead in the relationship because they are now a team. They are on the same page... So she's able to pick up the mike and be comfortable in responding to the redundancies

Idlemess wrote:Lucas, that says a lot about Lauren's sense of self and awareness. Her ability to be sensitive to others and their feelings is a testimony to her own inner strength. I think this is the reason she was also able to listen and to process what Ben disclosed to her about his ily and kissing other women on the show.

Also, Lauren and Ben are able to share the role of a lead in the relationship because they are now a team. They are on the same page... So she's able to pick up the mike and be comfortable in responding to the redundancies

Lucas15 wrote:

Idlemess wrote:Lucas, that says a lot about Lauren's sense of self and awareness. Her ability to be sensitive to others and their feelings is a testimony to her own inner strength. I think this is the reason she was also able to listen and to process what Ben disclosed to her about his ily and kissing other women on the show.

Also, Lauren and Ben are able to share the role of a lead in the relationship because they are now a team. They are on the same page... So she's able to pick up the mike and be comfortable in responding to the redundancies

I've been somewhat in awe watching their interviews at how they seem to know just what to say, when to say it, and how to seamlessly hand off the conversation to each other; I honestly can't think of any couple that I've seen do it as well as they have. It seems they have both "given" to the relationship - they seem to share in strengthening it each in their own way. When you commit to a relationship there's nothing more simple and yet profound than what happens when you change one letter in a word that only contains two letters to begin with - turning "me" into "we".

Lucas15 wrote: snipped

I've been somewhat in awe watching their interviews at how they seem to know just what to say, when to say it, and how to seamlessly hand off the conversation to each other; I honestly can't think of any couple that I've seen do it as well as they have. It seems they have both "given" to the relationship - they seem to share in strengthening it each in their own way. When you commit to a relationship there's nothing more simple and yet profound than what happens when you change one letter in a word that only contains two letters to begin with - turning "me" into "we".

ForeverLove wrote:I personally don't think they have a long road ahead of them .There's something about presenting yourself honestly aka being true to yourself. I think Lauren and Ben did this for the most part. During the SHV's, they built upon that knowledge and relationship. It's during this SHV's where couples find out just how compatible they are or realize they're not. Ben and Lauren to me are the first part. They realized just how much more they fit. She's very athletic as stated in her recent periscope interview posted in the fan thread . She played several sports in school and enjoys golf which is one of Ben's favorite thing to do. They have so much in common . Ben stated in one of his commentaries about Jojo, it's not going to be easy, but it's going to be real. The not going to be easy part struck me. These two have the kind of personality to go at each other . Maybe kinda opposite types. Opposites might attract but it's not always good for every relationship . Maybe it wouldn't have been good for Ben and Jojo long term.

With Lauren, they had fewer personality clashes thus things went smoother. Ben said it was too good to true. After their engagement, their love was tested by his admissions to Lauren. That could have broke them early on. But they showed they are good communicators to have worked things out. Probably made them stronger. With Lauren, they complement each other and that's what many other relationships are built upon. Because who they were on the show has been the same as off the show , their relationship has accelerated. When/if Jojo finds her man, you'll realize why it wasn't meant to be with Ben. You'll see what it looks like when a guy loves her fully. Her real test is when the cameras are turned off. Will they make it ? Thus far , Ben and Lauren has shown they have, and it doesn't look like things are going to change anytime soon. Looks like what they have is very real. Jhmo .

Lucas15 wrote:

soccermom333 wrote:I just watched the today show segment with Kathie Lee, and Ben said something strange.  He said Lauren asked him why he was so quiet and was not talking on the day of the ATFR.  He said he was just tired.  Lauren was concerned enough to bring it up.  I do believe he was tired but I believe it was more than that.  

I bring this up because these two have a hard road ahead.  I think it is great he turned down DWTS, and they get back to real life as soon as possible.  I believe Ben is missing being the center of attention, he had/has mixed feelings about JoJo and he is/was just trying to navigate through them.  I know he loves Lauren and I know he made the right decision but seeing Jo probably threw him for a loop.  This takes nothing away from Lauren, just must have been a confusing time.  I also heard he had no idea it was going to be Jo as the bachelorette.  

I also think there is a reason he is backtracking about watching Jo as the bachelorette.  He is a smart man, and I don't think they should watch her show.  He said himself they have to be cognisant of each other and he is right!  Their relationship needs to come first.

Wishing them the best but they have a ways to go imo.    

We recently experienced the loss of a close family member and for my wife one of the toughest parts we had to go through was the first time we saw friends who knew about the loss. They all offered their condolences which were all with the best of intentions - but they just drew us back into the emotional turmoil over the loss - at a time when we were otherwise coping with it and going on with our lives. For a little bit we avoided seeing friends just so we wouldn't get pulled back - emotionally - to that time which we were moving past on our own.

Ben said in the March 28, 2016 People Magazine spread and interview "Now my feelings are so far removed from that. I feel so disconnected from the show. I was a different person then."

While I believe there will be many tough things that Ben and Lauren will go through in their lives together, the toughest thing that is related to the show was this past week of March 14, 2016 - which is now behind them. Being on the ATFR and going through this week of interviews drew both Ben and Lauren back in time and forced them to re-live things that they seem to have moved beyond very nicely on their own.

But they are now beyond that and IMO the questions they will be getting now will be about things they want to talk about - decorating their home and making it theirs - planning their wedding the way they want it - things that relate to their future, and this week brings closure to all things related to the show and the past.

JMHO

Tiger Tip wrote:

Lucas15 wrote:

Idlemess wrote:snipped

snipped

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Of course he [Ben] could well have made a relationship with her [Jojo] - because she reminded him (IMO) of his mother and offered him what he was very familiar with and comfortable with.  He wouldn't likely see any risk in choosing her - how she made him feel was safe - and he said as much!  Where I saw his real journey was in experiencing a different type of love that a mom can't give a son [Lauren's].  It was here that his insecurities were found - "is this too good to be true"; "what if I'm wrong"; "can she be so perfect"; etc (all of which was tapping on that one vein of self-confidence that was particularly weak in him.

... ... ...

charmained wrote:

We all know Ben started his show and his season as Mr. Unlovable and just in the way he speaks, about the ladies being out of his league or being scared of Lauren leaving on the 2nd cocktail party, you can tell this guy has very low self-esteem. That exgirlfriend really messed him up!!

But moving on to the present, I really am so happy to see a SECURE Ben. By a hundred-fold did his outlook in life change. And I say that just by comparing the Bachelor Ben throughout the whole season and Ben in the ATFR. He is smiling from his eyes, a complete look of contentment, peace, and satisfaction in his face.

This season really proved to be a test for him as a person. Will he, once and for all, get over those insecurities of being unlovable, by picking someone who he does deserve and is right for him, which is Lauren? A girl who he 100% has fallen for and who has fallen for him 100% as well. The fact that he rose up to it and claimed what he really wanted... The moment he knew he had to pick her, he won over his insecurities. Quoting Chbosky (Perks of Being a Wallflower), "We accept the love we think we deserve." Ben finally did and I'm so happy for him [and for him and Lauren]. They deserve this happiness in front of them.

Finding and choosing Lauren made him overcome those insecurities and did make him a better man. And he came out of this a champion.