The Bachelor 20 - Ben Higgins - F1 to F4 - *Sleuthing - Spoilers* - #3

ForeverLove wrote:

Fingersandtoes wrote:

richmondrose wrote:

I don't think it was about Ben being untruthful with the women. It probably did boil down to just one asking and the other one didn't. Could be that Lauren was more confident about her relationship with Ben and didn't need the reassurance that JoJo did ( fear of being blindsided).  Lauren, by not asking, might be trying to avoid the truth/getting hurt whereas Jojo wants the truth so she can prepare herself for it. It's difficult to know what makes people tick.

IMO it also shows Lauren and JoJo, how different their personalities are. Jojo is more in your face, confrontational of issues at hand. Lauren takes more laid back approach. IMO it showed well with their families. JoJo's brothers were very 'in your face', 'we demand answers now!' While Lauren's family asked the same questions but in a very different manner.

I think there's another difference .
Jojo seems tough on the outside but is emotionally weaker on the inside
Lauren is seems gentler in nature on the outside but is emotionally stronger on the inside.

Jhmo

Or maybe they both were intuitive and knew what was coming. JMO

Fingersandtoes wrote:IMO it also shows Lauren and JoJo, how different their personalities are. Jojo is more in your face, confrontational of issues at hand. Lauren takes more laid back approach. IMO it showed well with their families. JoJo's brothers were very 'in your face', 'we demand answers now!' While Lauren's family asked the same questions but in a very different manner.

I felt as well that JoJo was confrontational with Ben - almost too confrontational. Ironic because Ben's mother had liked JoJo because Ben described her as "the first person who will reassure me, tell me it's gonna be OK" and yet JoJo does almost the opposite and it's Lauren who comforts Ben when she sees him with a heavy mind.

I think that was Ben's way of telling Jojo. Look, I told her too so don't go running off believing you'll get a proposal. In a way, he told her because he knows what his decision is so as not to blindside Jojo.

I thing JoJo is strong on the outside and soft on the inside. I think she likes to get  the whole story and then if there is a problem she'll work hard to find a solution. She likes to be prepared for all scenarios. I don't think she's confrontational at all. She just wants to get to the root of things and deal with it.

Rolly wrote:

ForeverLove wrote:

Fingersandtoes wrote:

IMO it also shows Lauren and JoJo, how different their personalities are. Jojo is more in your face, confrontational of issues at hand. Lauren takes more laid back approach. IMO it showed well with their families. JoJo's brothers were very 'in your face', 'we demand answers now!' While Lauren's family asked the same questions but in a very different manner.

I think there's another difference .
Jojo seems tough on the outside but is emotionally weaker on the inside
Lauren is seems gentler in nature on the outside but is emotionally stronger on the inside.

Jhmo

Or maybe they both were intuitive and knew what was coming. JMO

Yes but we see Ben sort of shutting down with both. It's just that both girls handled things differently , according to their nature. Jojo started to weaken and Lauren held it together as best she could imo. In this situation , this is about who we are on the inside. Lauren looked very afraid to lose Ben but all she did was express her feelings and held the rest in. Jojo was afraid too ,but she not only expressed her feelings , she wanted Ben to tell his. Maybe it could be because she was still raw about her previous breakup with Chad and could sense another coming from Ben. Mo

Lucas15 wrote:

Fingersandtoes wrote:IMO it also shows Lauren and JoJo, how different their personalities are. Jojo is more in your face, confrontational of issues at hand. Lauren takes more laid back approach. IMO it showed well with their families. JoJo's brothers were very 'in your face', 'we demand answers now!' While Lauren's family asked the same questions but in a very different manner.

I felt as well that JoJo was confrontational with Ben - almost too confrontational. Ironic because Ben's mother had liked JoJo because Ben described her as "the first person who will reassure me, tell me it's gonna be OK" and yet JoJo does almost the opposite and it's Lauren who comforts Ben when she sees him with a heavy mind.

Again just MO, but I think most of JoJo's comforting Ben came from her telling him it's just a show, and she gets it. IMO the first was when Jubilee got dumped, JoJo knew to go to comfort him, and it weirdly turned to a make out sesh. IMO it happened throughout the show. 'Youre doing great, I get it, don't worry about it!' But then when it mattered, sort of, JoJo didn't get it. Lauren was the one he told about his father and his fears about that. Lauren let him rest his head in her neck and comforted him when he was confused in the end. IMO there was a bit confusion between show support and real life support. IMO Lauren's quieter approach is what Ben needs irl, JoJo's approach would feed the people pleaser Ben. Jmo.

richmondrose wrote:I thing JoJo is strong on the outside and soft on the inside. I think she likes to get  the whole story and then if there is a problem she'll work hard to find a solution. She likes to be prepared for all scenarios. I don't think she's confrontational at all. She just wants to get to the root of things and deal with it.

And also this is JoJo's biggest fear to share her heart and not be loved the same in return. It took her some time to trust Ben because she was afraid. And when she is able to tell him she loves him he says he loves her too. And then she feels unsure again and she asks questions to understand. I don't blame her for that, I would have questions too. I wonder how TPTB are gonna tie this little story up with a nice neat bow? Fasten your seat belts!!!

richmondrose wrote:I thing JoJo is strong on the outside and soft on the inside. I think she likes to get  the whole story and then if there is a problem she'll work hard to find a solution. She likes to be prepared for all scenarios. I don't think she's confrontational at all. She just wants to get to the root of things and deal with it.

I didn't mean she's confrontational as in argumentative. She confronts the situation now, and wants answers now. Whereas Lauren expects answers, but has the patience to wait until you're ready to give them. It doesn't make either quality bad or wrong, just different. And IMO Ben needs the second kind in his life.

ForeverLove wrote:

Rolly wrote:

ForeverLove wrote:

I think there's another difference .
Jojo seems tough on the outside but is emotionally weaker on the inside
Lauren is seems gentler in nature on the outside but is emotionally stronger on the inside.

Jhmo

Or maybe they both were intuitive and knew what was coming. JMO

Yes but we see Ben sort of shutting down with both. It's just that both girls handled things differently , according to their nature. Jojo started to weaken and Lauren held it together as best she could imo. In this situation , this is about who we are on the inside. Lauren looked very afraid to lose Ben but all she did was express her feelings and held the rest in. Jojo was afraid too ,but she not only expressed her feelings , she wanted Ben to tell his. Maybe it could be because she was still raw about her previous breakup with Chad and could sense another coming from Ben. Mo

I was thinking about "Shutting down" with both. I believe he had to really "shut down" with Jojo because it was time - he couldn't continue on with full force loving her because he knew it would end. With Lauren, I believe he "shut down" for the cameras to build suspense. I don't think he was too torn in the end like the show wants us to believe...he had to appear that he was cooling off with Lauren so that it led to a very memorable, shocking finale event. JMO. He had the reality of showering Lauren with a proposal a few days down the road...he probably just had to hide his excitement and put on a poker face. I do believe he loved Jojo. I won't pretend it was all a facade. I think he got over her pretty dang fast, though. But, I'll never really know because I don't know these people!

Fingersandtoes wrote:But then when it mattered, sort of, JoJo didn't get it. Lauren was the one he told about his father and his fears about that. Lauren let him rest his head in her neck and comforted him when he was confused in the end. IMO there was a bit confusion between show support and real life support. IMO Lauren's quieter approach is what Ben needs irl, JoJo's approach would feed the people pleaser Ben. Jmo.

IIRC Lauren has posted a quote from Mark Nepo - "The flower doesn't dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes." I think that captures well what we see in previews and will see more of about how Lauren - she's the flower who's always there for the bee. JoJo may be a great friend and confidante on the show; Lauren is the stronger IRL.
JMHO

Lucas15 wrote:

Fingersandtoes wrote:But then when it mattered, sort of, JoJo didn't get it. Lauren was the one he told about his father and his fears about that. Lauren let him rest his head in her neck and comforted him when he was confused in the end. IMO there was a bit confusion between show support and real life support. IMO Lauren's quieter approach is what Ben needs irl, JoJo's approach would feed the people pleaser Ben. Jmo.

IIRC Lauren has posted a quote from Mark Nepo - "The flower doesn't dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes." I think that captures well what we see in previews and will see more of about how Lauren - she's the flower who's always there for the bee. JoJo may be a great friend and confidante on the show; Lauren is the stronger IRL.
JMHO

bbm. I think that's exactly why Lauren liked that quote . It's about how love is realized. You're either ready for it as opposed to just looking to fill a void we might have. Sometimes when we face a breakup, we don't feel whole. We feel a little lost and searching for validation . In a breakup, we feel like we didn't matter so we're looking to matter again. Lauren was ready not to fill a void but because she was ready for love. Imo

IMHO -- I don't think Ben really cares which one of the women is more insecure or "holding it together" esp at this point in the game. I think he needs to base his decision on his feelings because he knows both of them are fully committed to him. I don't see whether one girl holds her insecurity inside after expressing herself vs. another girl expresses herself then struggles to keep it together has long term implications on Ben.

At this point I think he's basing his decision on his own feelings.