The Bachelor 20 - Ben Higgins - F1 to F4 - *Sleuthing - Spoilers* - #3

emusha wrote:IMHO -- I don't think Ben really cares which one of the women is more insecure or "holding it together" esp at this point in the game. I think he needs to base his decision on his feelings because he knows both of them are fully committed to him. I don't see whether one girl holds her insecurity inside after expressing herself vs. another girl expresses herself then struggles to keep it together has long term implications on Ben.

At this point I think he's basing his decision on his own feelings.

And, it was his own feelings to wait to tell Lauren about Jojo even in the FS.

I do think it shows Ben how these two women process stress, problems, anxiety... Lauren seems to be a port in the storm, Jojo more of a shaking leaf. At least, that's what it appears, anyway. Things aren't always as they seem, I'm willing to concede, and again, MO.

I'm sure in the end Ben did make the decision based on his own feelings, who he saw a life with or wanted to build one with and didn't want to say goodbye to.

I think the comparisons above aren't necessarily about if it influenced Ben or his final decision, but how it impacted their interactions on their LCD and how it could impact their relationships long term. How each handles conflict and turmoil, and how you together handle it, is a good thing to know, IMO.  

JMO.

emusha wrote:IMHO -- I don't think Ben really cares which one of the women is more insecure or "holding it together" esp at this point in the game. I think he needs to base his decision on his feelings because he knows both of them are fully committed to him. I don't see whether one girl holds her insecurity inside after expressing herself vs. another girl expresses herself then struggles to keep it together has long term implications on Ben.

At this point I think he's basing his decision on his own feelings.

IMO he was clear for a while Lauren was his pick. He just simply didn't want to have that conversation in front of the cameras, telling the woman you want to commit to, that you also love another woman and told it to the other woman. IMO that's kind to both himself and Lauren.

Fingersandtoes wrote:

emusha wrote:IMHO -- I don't think Ben really cares which one of the women is more insecure or "holding it together" esp at this point in the game. I think he needs to base his decision on his feelings because he knows both of them are fully committed to him. I don't see whether one girl holds her insecurity inside after expressing herself vs. another girl expresses herself then struggles to keep it together has long term implications on Ben.

At this point I think he's basing his decision on his own feelings.

IMO he was clear for a while Lauren was his pick. He just simply didn't want to have that conversation in front of the cameras, telling the woman you want to commit to, that you also love another woman and told it to the other woman. IMO that's kind to both himself and Lauren.

I could not agree more. I also agree with Lucas that all the things he needed to say about it might not be something the producers would be too keen on him saying. I understand why people would be upset and feel that he tricked her into accepting his proposal or something but she could have immediately called it off if she was that upset about it. He needed to tell her in private for no other reason then maybe he also wanted her reaction to be private. She's very reserved, said that herself, he may have realized Jojo did not take it well and he was not going to have Lauren's moment of realizing that possibly televised. Just my opinion.

richmondrose wrote:I think it's beautiful, too. Lucky girl!  No way  could Ben  afford such a stunner for his final one.

Im not sure about that . I read somewhere that Ben is worth about 700,000. to 800.000 , not so bad for a 26 yr old. ( don't know if it's true or not, I can't remember where I read it, maybe someone else here can shed some light if there is any truth to this. idk.

Ladybug82 wrote:I'm sure in the end Ben did make the decision based on his own feelings, who he saw a life with or wanted to build one with and didn't want to say goodbye to.

I think the comparisons above aren't necessarily about if it influenced Ben or his final decision, but how it impacted their interactions on their LCD and how it could impact their relationships long term. How each handles conflict and turmoil, and how you together handle it, is a good thing to know, IMO.  

JMO.

I agree that it would be useful information -- I just mean to say that things have progressed sooo far that if he really does love Jojo and was going to pick her -- it wouldn't be a deal breaker NOW whether she's calm under pressure or freaking out. If she's his F1 I would even say her level of insecurity would reassure Ben about the depth of her feelings. I think Lauren crying and telling him how devoted she is to him also makes him see the depth of her feelings. I agree how someone handles stress is useful info but imho it wouldn't have a HUGE implication on ben and the relationship at this point in the show cos his feelings are already deep and I'm sure we all know if you've been in love love -- you're going to always look at things from an emotionally loaded perspective rather than being able to reason and logically consider pros and cons and cold-heartedly make a decision. imho whatever happens with the girls he'd only use to subjectively justify his feelings which will determine his decision rather than use cold hard facts detached from his feelings to make decisions. I think how a girl reacts would determine his next moves with her if and only if this was in weesk 3-4-5 in the show ....JMHO

In essence: "The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know"

Lucas15 wrote:

2observe wrote:I want to know why Ben wasn't honest with Lauren about telling Jojo he loved her before the FRC.  

IMO - some possible reasons:

1 - The show storyline shows Ben saying that in order to love one woman he has to say goodbye to the other. Since he will say goodbye to JoJo he tells JoJo which sets the stage for why he will say goodbye to her. He's not going to be saying goodbye to Lauren so the storyline doesn't require him to say anything to her.

2 - Privacy - after the FD Ben has no ability to talk privately to Lauren (forget about the bathroom trick - that doesn't work based on what we saw) and won't until he proposes to her and the cameras are off and they are truly alone. At that point he can tell her the full truth about everything that happened and TPTB no longer have any reason to care or interfere. I don't know what the full truth really is but IMO it's not exactly what the show is giving us - that's only the show storyline. So he would logically wait for that opportunity.

Also in past episodes:

Ben promised to not blindside Jojo
Ben asked Lauren to focus on just them. She also said (during the Leah incident) that she didnt understand anyone using their time with Ben to talk about another girl.

I do not see Lauren straight out asking for such info, for formal promises and reassurances, and just be in the moment.

tennischick80 wrote:I do think it shows Ben how these two women process stress, problems, anxiety... Lauren seems to be a port in the storm, Jojo more of a shaking leaf. At least, that's what it appears, anyway. Things aren't always as they seem, I'm willing to concede, and again, MO.

Or maybe Lauren is too scared of the answer to ask the question? Maybe she's the kind who avoids confrontation at all cost and keeps her feelings in until they burst out? We saw how she reacted to the Leah accusations, she basically shut down and then cried when she was away from him. Don't get me wrong, I like Lauren, but I don't think she's necessarily the stronger person here. She reminds me of myself and I don't think my way of avoiding problems is the best. JoJo is perhaps more scared of being blindsided than hearing the truth in advance, even if it's something she doesn't want to hear.

sophienette wrote:
Also in past episodes:

Ben asked Lauren to focus on just them. She also said (during the Leah incident) that she didn't understand anyone using their time with Ben to talk about another girl.

I do not see Lauren straight out asking for such info, for formal promises and reassurances, and just be in the moment.

mindless wrote:Or maybe Lauren is too scared of the answer to ask the question?

I think that Lauren is terrified of the possibilities of the answer:


LadyBug2's SC

But as Sophie posted above - she knows she has to keep focus on her relationship with Ben. IMO she didn't ask questions for that reason - using your time with the lead to focus on someone else's relationship doesn't usually produce good results.

Have you guys discussed the Yearofelan ig. He usually posts an IG of the lead and the F1 every season and I think he has done the same this time again.

lexforlife wrote:Have you guys discussed the Yearofelan ig. He usually posts an IG of the lead and the F1 every season and I think he has done the same this time again.

yes we have