The Bachelor 20 - Ben Higgins - Episode 9 - Discussion - #3 *Sleuthing - Spoilers*

Fingersandtoes wrote:

rhondam wrote:

ForeverLove wrote:That could very well be true Sophie. Between the two, only one has had cams in her face multiple times and knows what it's like to set up for scenes etc.  Personally, I loved it that Lauren got "chased" by Ben, and that she has become the queen of his heart . In RL, that's how I'd like it too vs being someone who might be looking to fill a void asap caused by a cheating Ex. Imo, it does make a difference .

Imo, why would the choice be one extreme or the other? To me a huge part of a successful relationship comes down to mutual respect and an equal partnership. The scales will slide back and forth at times which is natural but overall, they are balanced. 

In this relationship, from what I see on TV and have read or heard Ben say to date, I see him still chasing, reassuring and....well, doing most of the work and I don't see that dynamic changing between them ever. I hope I'm wrong about this. To me, no matter who the couple is, when most of the power is held by one person most of the time, the other person loses who they are and is very unhappy. 

I don't doubt that Ben's choice would be to be married only once and he will work hard at it to make it great, but in no way should he be responsible for the majority of the work, so I hope the dynamic I currently see isn't an indicative of how it will always be.

Just curious, but where have you seen anything about their relationship in real life? I'd like to see that feed too? As far as I know they can't even date out in the open for 2 more weeks.

I never said I've seen this couple in real life. What I did say was..... "from what I see on TV [aka the show] and what I've read or heard Ben say to date."

^

Ok, thank you.

Ben has said that his fiancé has been loving and supportive, the best, he's incredibly happy and can't wait to date her out in the open. IMO it sounds like a quite balanced relationship. Jmo of course.

GuardianAngel wrote:

Jeepers wrote:The flower doesn't dream of the bee .. It blossoms and the bee comes Molly Bushnell .. IG

Please provide Mollie's exact IG username for the source.

Molliebushnell .. Ig

George1218 wrote:

mindless wrote:Not sure about MTP, but the US Weekly article a while back made it sound like JoJo's LCD was first.

Thanks!

I would agree with that from the previews, I think the chat Ben has with his parents is him telling them about the girls before the first arrive, and he has the same shirt on with Jojo

rhondam wrote:

ForeverLove wrote:That could very well be true Sophie. Between the two, only one has had cams in her face multiple times and knows what it's like to set up for scenes etc.  Personally, I loved it that Lauren got "chased" by Ben, and that she has become the queen of his heart . In RL, that's how I'd like it too vs being someone who might be looking to fill a void asap caused by a cheating Ex. Imo, it does make a difference .

Imo, why would the choice be one extreme or the other? To me a huge part of a successful relationship comes down to mutual respect and an equal partnership. The scales will slide back and forth at times which is natural but overall, they are balanced. 

In this relationship, from what I see on TV and have read or heard Ben say to date, I see him still chasing, reassuring and....well, doing most of the work and I don't see that dynamic changing between them ever. I hope I'm wrong about this. To me, no matter who the couple is, when most of the power is held by one person most of the time, the other person loses who they are and is very unhappy. 

I don't doubt that Ben's choice would be to be married only once and he will work hard at it to make it great, but in no way should he be responsible for the majority of the work, so I hope the dynamic I currently see isn't an indicative of how it will always be.

BUt I think that is their obstacle... HE THOUGHT he had to chase because she was too good for him,but she told him finally that she felt the same way. She cries telling us she cant live without him. To me that shows balanced vulnerability in their relationship, as they admitted to each other how much they mean to each other.

Obviously, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Mine supports Lauren as a sweet, lovely young woman who is falling in love.
What I see in Lauren is a girl that isn't terribly comfortable in front of the cameras.(Sophinette's observation of Lauren hiding behind her hand when Ben says that the loves her is one moment that particularly brought that to my attention, too) Jojo has done this before with her brother. She knows "the rules" when she says, "can you say that?" following Ben's ILY.
Lauren has said throughout the season that she can't believe that he would be interested in HER with all of the other beautiful, lovely women she is surrounded by. She cannot believe that she has been so lucky to be the one he is chasing.
I don't think I have ever been as touched as when the two of them prayed for the baby turtles. When do they ever let that type of behavior on the screen?  It tells me that there may have been other times when there were conversations about religion/beliefs and they found that they were compatible in that area.
Relationship's that work are relationships where both feel that they have found someone that is "better than them" both Ben and Lauren have expressed this.
They both seem to feel that they have been blessed to find someone who they see as a good match for themselves.

I have nothing against Jojo: I think her family is probably fun, loving and supportive of each other. I think the brothers were put up to the Ben inquisition or just have a weird sense of humor and thought it would be funny. I don't think they would have done it to cause Ben to dump their sister, but more likely just put in on the hot seat to see if he really did like her and would put up with their ribbing.

Mommyof1 wrote:^^  ITA with everything you said, peggy.  I still can't get a read on Lauren.  Is she quiet?  Is she shy?  Is she a witch with a capital B?   Not sure at this point, but she does come across emotionless at least in her edit.  Very robotic.

Same, and I really want to like her, am trying to and think she's really cute and pretty when she smiles and laughs, but ... there's such a disconnect for me as a viewer I just can't get attached to her.  Maybe it's just her discomfort with the show, I hope so.  Even her I love you's and you're the man of my dreams sound so flat and uninspired.

sophienette wrote:

rhondam wrote:

ForeverLove wrote:That could very well be true Sophie. Between the two, only one has had cams in her face multiple times and knows what it's like to set up for scenes etc.  Personally, I loved it that Lauren got "chased" by Ben, and that she has become the queen of his heart . In RL, that's how I'd like it too vs being someone who might be looking to fill a void asap caused by a cheating Ex. Imo, it does make a difference .

Imo, why would the choice be one extreme or the other? To me a huge part of a successful relationship comes down to mutual respect and an equal partnership. The scales will slide back and forth at times which is natural but overall, they are balanced. 

In this relationship, from what I see on TV and have read or heard Ben say to date, I see him still chasing, reassuring and....well, doing most of the work and I don't see that dynamic changing between them ever. I hope I'm wrong about this. To me, no matter who the couple is, when most of the power is held by one person most of the time, the other person loses who they are and is very unhappy. 

I don't doubt that Ben's choice would be to be married only once and he will work hard at it to make it great, but in no way should he be responsible for the majority of the work, so I hope the dynamic I currently see isn't an indicative of how it will always be.

BUt I think that is their obstacle... HE THOUGHT he had to chase because she was too good for him,but she told him finally that she felt the same way. She cries telling us she cant live without him. To me that shows balanced vulnerability in their relationship, as they admitted to each other how much they mean to each other.

Sophie

wow. definitely respect all the opinions, I just am really in awe with how extremely different people's perceptions can be.
I personally love Lauren. she's not an over-emoter and talks in a very calm demeanor - to some it may come across as robotic. IMO her edits by far don't provide a whole picture of her personality, maybe to hide many reasons why Ben had been in love with her for a while.

Jojo is beautiful, a camera natural, and gets an edit in her favour. She seems charismatic, kind and accomplished. She definitely gets a lot of people to like her, because let's admit it, she's the hottest of the bunch. But just like there are some who think Lauren is bland, I feel like a lot of what Jojo has said this season was producer-driven and not fully her.

These girls know that sometimes others say things that weren't their own ideas, see Caila telling Ben "that sounds like a line" during their breakup. To me, that's what Jojo's case was. But if she is the next ette, I'll be more than happy to see a guy who is just as into her as she is and it ends up well.

limoncello wrote:wow. definitely respect all the opinions, I just am really in awe how extremely different people's perceptions can be.
I personally love Lauren. she's not an over-emoter and talks in a very calm demeanor - to some it may come across as robotic. IMO her edits by far doesn't provide a whole picture of her personality, maybe to hide many reasons why Ben had been in love with her for a while.

Jojo is beautiful, a camera natural, and gets an edit in her favour. She seems charismatic, kind and accomplished. She definitely gets a lot of people to like her, because let's admit it, she's the hottest of the bunch. But just like there are some who think Lauren is bland, I feel like a lot of what Jojo has said this season was producer-driven and not fully her.

These girls know that sometimes others say things that weren't their ideas, see Caila telling Ben "that sounds like a line" during their breakup. To me, that's what Jojo case was. But if she is the next ette, I'll be more than happy to see a guy who is just as into her as she is and it ends up well.

Great post!

I think this cast of women 'overall' are all gorgeous in their own way- inside and out, it's really hard to compare them, each unique, likeable and have something different to offer. Can't imagine being Ben and finding 'the one' in that group, but he did and I'm happy for them.

mtnlvr55 wrote:Obviously, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Mine supports Lauren as a sweet, lovely young woman who is falling in love.
snip

Jojo has done this before with her brother. She knows "the rules" when she says, "can you say that?" following Ben's ILY.

To me there are two things I saw in Ep9 that make me question JoJo - and this is one of them. JoJo thinks and speaks in "show jargon" and "show rules". Why is her mind even going to the issue of "show rules" when a guy she is in love with just told her he loved her? Why isn't she thinking about the guy and to Heck with the rules?

Also - when JoJo referred to the last time they had been together she referred to that time as their hometown date - again she's tusing jargon specific to the show. When Lauren alluded to how long it had been since she'd last seen Ben she talked about their time in Portland - not the phrase hometown.

I will grant that some of the ITMs by Lauren seem unenthusiastic and JoJo does a better job of seeming excited - but its a fake form of excitement to me - acting up for the cameras - and not doing it very well IMO. Lauren sometimes takes a line that is such a total cliche - like "I'm not in love with Ben the Bachelor - I'm in love with Ben from Warsaw, IN" and end it by reflectively saying "Oh gosh ... yeah - I'm in love with Ben"
Quote Source: at 2:55

Lauren totally owned that scene because she made it personal and seemed to be speaking from her heart rather than for the cameras.
JHMO

I believe Ben told his f1 on the fd that he told the f2 he loved her also i do not think he waited until after the show was over jmo