The Bachelorette 11 - Kaitlyn Bristowe - Britt Nilsson - Edit Analysis - *Sleuthing - Spoilers*

A hard. hard, hard episode to watch...

Did they or didn't they? She says she has been "intimate" with John Lithgow Junior... I mean, Nick. She loves that word... in-to-mate. Can mean anything...

...but I demand pictures!

She also fears Chief Shawneee will find out, since she keeps giving him... re-assurance. If she doesn't keep giving him re-assurance, he might leave and she will be "heart broken". (He threatens it... again in PI sessions in next week's promo.)

For now, he just marches up to take advantage of her cave man style, but I was disappointed that there was no hot and heavy action. Just a lot of mumbling and lines like "this process is sssssoooo hard for me, watching you with other dudes." As Kait knows, a hard man is hard to come by. Later, Shawn says twice that he is having a hard week and eventually Kait is feeling how hard Shawn is too. The word "hard" is being thrown about a lot this episode. Amusingly, the local ABC affiliates broadcast a commercial for an upcoming episode of Mistresses "going full throttle" (their words) shortly after Shawn uses this word four times in a speech.

Her "biggest mistake" (according to her) was NOT being in-to-mate with Nick, but for giving Shawn re-assurance in Texas (with or without in-to-mate-seeee). Shawn, you know, must NOT think he is Numero Uno. That is the Ultimate No-No in Bachelor and Bachelorette shows. According to Tanner, who chit-chats with Nick behind the shrubbery, Shawn thought he was Numero Uno since Day 1 and needs to be cut down to size. So having Nick as the resident Stud Muffin is good for the rival guys' egos... and for keeping this show going as summertime brain-relaxation. As Tanner tells Nick, "he doesn't even try to get to know yooooou." (Yup, we must all be bro-buddies and "even out the playing field" by allowing each guy to have a little of Kaitlyn.)

Therefore, Shawn MUST be called last at the next rose ceremony after Cupcake and Ben H. (Bye bye, Ben Z. and Tanner.)

But before that next rose ceremony...

It is time to cut off the access fat

Over the cliffs, she takes JJ and Joe on their romantic date as a ménage à trois.

Kait likes JJ because he is edging... excuse me, I mean... he is "edgy". He also "feels" like he has the rose on this 2 on 1 date. Well... you know what THOSE words mean on screen. Dum Dee Dum Dum. He gets thrown off the cliff.

Kait likes Joe because he is sweet. He blows her away by "opening up" like the two Bens. Also he hasn't fallen in love like this in four or five years. This is why being on a reality TV show is so life changing. You can fall in love after hanging out with a Bachelorette for a total of three hours in a four week period.

Jared road trippin' through Killarney...

While he gets to ride with Road Rage Kait, the other guys get stuck in the Paddywagon. Ha ha!

He is one spacey dude (eyes half shut as he talks)... if not half as spacey as Kait has become behind the wheel. At least she kept Jared awake as his whole life flashed before him over each curb she skids over. (In the blooper reel, over the end credits, Jared struggles with stick shift himself.)

She later gets Jared into the bed fully clothed again, but no rose petals. She also sees Jared "as my husband". Ooooh boy! Time to make Shawn lose his re-assurance even more.

Next... The Big Swurpwize

Mister Harrison has had enough with Shawn's re-assurance and Nick's in-to-mate situation, so he decides to push up Fantasy Suite Time before hometowns so that a third guy (or more?) can get "off camera time" too. This "evens out the playing field" in his words. (I am trying hard to not cry from laughter here.) I sure hope Jared gets to be lucky... since he too "got lucky in Ireland" like Nick and has already managed to "bed" Kait twice in two weeks. Maybe with the cameras off, Kait will get a chance to meet Little Jared.

Meanwhile, Cupcake's date card reads "Let's take our love to the edge."

Of course, JJ was the "edgy" one. Yet Cupcake has, according to her, "everything I want in somebody". Alas... that doesn't stop her from tossing him off another cliff into the ocean where JJ drowned.

According to Cupcake, "she's a mess... and I get it." Poor guy sobs so much, it brings back fond memories of my beloved Mister Sunshine in Taiwan. (Ryan Park to Ashley Hebert: "Don't you want... to meet-meet my family?")

Stay tuned for next week.

Will Shawn pull an Ed on Jillian, I mean, Kaitlyn?

Also... refresh my memory, folks, since I may have dozed off during part of the episode. Has Kaitlyn told Nick, Ben and Jared that "we had sex" yet? We see this goofy edit business in the seasonal promo in episode 2 (or 1 1/2). So far, all of the talk is about "being in-to-mate" and "giving re-assurance", which may or may not involve the same body parts in action (and I will have to re-watch the group date to the middle school of professional "actors" to remember what body parts are involved), but I am guessing "we" does not involve the three guys she appears to be talking to. (Oh... that Kentucky Joe and his moonshine. You know he is STILL a possibility as part of the "we".)

Great recap JBF!! I really enjoyed the humerous review of the show because it has been hard to watch. I laughed at the driving scenes too and I liked the paddy wagon. And no Kaitlyn hasn't told the other guys about Nick yet. That was a preview for next week. The weeks do run together though don't they?

Ha ha! I don't know what to think.

If I wasn't such a sucker for the silly editing job they pull on us season after season (and I fall for it, hook-line-and-sinker every time), I would assume that she and Shawn did some hanky panky in Texas and The Story Department had to huddle together in the conference room to determine how to save the show from disaster. I mean... Mister Harrison actually ADMITTED that they had "off camera time"! (Hello? Is there anything wrong with this situation? I can easily imagine Mike Fleiss fuming behind his dark sunglasses: "Why couldn't she just settle for his sweaty T-shirt if she was THAT lonely and restless at night?!!")

Now... I do not want to upset Nick's fans by suggesting that he may NOT have had hanky panky with her. Yes, he could have... behind that closed door. On MAD MEN re-runs, they do it in the office with their clothes on all the time. Also... since Nick is still the Ultimate Stud Muffin, I would never slam his "capabilities" regardless if they were utilized or not to meet Kaitlyn's "needs" in reality.

Yet it is possible that all of his "in-to-mate" action with her COULD BE simply a smokescreen. AGAIN... she keeps saying "in-to-mate". She has YET to claim on screen that Nick inserted his... into her... oh heck! We all saw the group date at the Middle School and Ben H. used stickie notes to explain it all. Also we got the banana and the red "thang" demonstration so that Maury Povich does not need to do a paternity test.

Oh My! I hope I don't get busted on this wholesome forum for talking "dirty"!

Remember Jillian's season? We got the volcano erupting during Ed's "last chance date" in Hawaii. This season, we have different wording and images. I wonder is the word "reassurance" is a code-name for something else.

Actually the only "action" I am seeing on screen involving The Great Kait is fully clothed with Jared. I would think HE is the one who actually got "lucky".

Rumors and innuedos make it hard to develop an edit analysis.
Great job on working with what you've got, JBF.

Just so I have Kaitlyn's "Top Five" (post-Cupcake) straight.

Jared is the "love interest" getting all of the On Screen Bed Action... fully clothed, of course.

Nick is the "love interest" getting all of the Behind The Closed Door With Subtitles Action. No clue if his clothes stayed on or not, but at least Nick didn't leave "nekked".

Shawn, according to blabbermouth Mister Harrison on screen, is the "love interest" getting all of the Off Camera Action That Is Dubbed "Reassurance".

Ben H. is the "love interest" Who Knows Too Much.

Joe is the "love interest" Who Drinks Moonshine And Fell In Love With Kait.

Is there a sixth dude not getting screentime?

JBF you are a riot.

Regarding Ben H. knowing too much....it does seem that "something" happened between Shawn and Kaitlyn and Ben's straight forward and honest assessment of the situation helped to solidify that possibility.

I just read the first couple of sentences and already am laughing out loud. JBF you need to post this or someone needs to tweet this out. It is so much better than the other recaps that are out there by "official" bloggers.

Back to reading and laughing at this recap/roast

I have to keep correcting my boo-boos above though. They did NOT go to Austin, Texas. Why do I have that place etched in my brain?

who knows

JBF wrote:I have to keep correcting my boo-boos above though. They did NOT go to Austin, Texas. Why do I have that place etched in my brain?

There are a lot of things etched in my brain this season, that won't go away! You're not alone.

Brad Womack is from Austin, Tx.