The Bachelorette 11 - Kaitlyn Bristowe - Britt Nilsson - Edit Analysis - *Sleuthing - Spoilers*

There are some good conversations going on here, but they really should be discussed in the Bachelor thread. TY

Episode "New York To Texas"
(not bothering to number these anymore)

This show really didn't make much sense to me. So many guys looked liked they were stoned out of their minds. Color me confused.

"But at the same time..."

This is the key voice-over repeat line of the day. You know that Shawn makes it far since his voice-overs include this line... "But at the same time..." Kaitlyn has been using it (almost) every episode, including this one. I have no idea when this line got scripted-recorded-dubbed in, but I didn't see Shawn's lips move.

The whole Nick crashing the party scene at the hotel and at rose ceremony cocktail hour was a repeat of...

...what was her name?... the blonde drunk last season? Everybody but Kaitlyn and Whitney wasted their time with Prince Farming on a group date discussing her. (Well... Whitney did enough fussing behind the Prince's back, just not to his face.) Only here, apart from some Shawn grumbling, Joshua acted like Kait forced him to discuss Nick during their alone time. (Yeah... right.) You know... this episode is making no sense to me. It looked like a few guys complained about Nick TO her during cocktail hour, but not during the group date later. Are handlers coaching the guys when to do their "dramatic bits"? Or is Jimmy Hoffa back from the grave after 40 years?

JJ got to talk about something besides Nick. He got to talk about sports... and carry Kaitlyn like she's Clint. Once again, I am so happy she kept JJ for another round with both his and her boys. He prevents each episode from being a snoozefest.

That rose ceremony in the stadium was mighty windy. Lots of breezes and red faces. That must be tough on the Abercrombie models who are used to warm gyms and sunny beaches.


Bennie goes a-dancin' in his hee-haw plaid

Ben's favorite line on his solo date. "Great. This is gonna be awesome".

He also can't believe he is dancing on the dance floor with "such a beautiful woman" just before the camera pans on the lady at least five decades older than him, who dances a storm with this "nice young man". How much did they pay all of these local dancers to give us PI sessions on Bachelorette Romance? Ben still gets a cute kiss with Kait on the pickup truck though. Awwwww!

Ben: "I think good things are happening."
Kait later that date: "Ben is somebody (or type of person?) I would liked to fall in love with."

I think we've got a winner here!


Nick's date with the guys and Kait

Ugh! Another song writing date. Last season, we had the gals jealous of Britt on one of these in South Dakoteee. This season, Nick plays the Britt role.

Of course, Cupcake the great Broadway musical star is the one most impressed by the junior singer in the sombrero troupe. (All of the guys are amusing in them, themselves.) The tyke reminds him of him when he as that small... long before his teeth were as white as they are now.

Oh Nick! Please stop! Your song is killing me! Yup, "connection" does rhyme well with "erection", doesn't it?

Funny thing about Kait. She is really, really fussy about Nick getting along with her boys. Huh? What is this? A gender reversed season of "Big Love" with Kait taking over Bill Paxton's role?

Joshua wants a haircut with Kaitlyn while he was blindfolded (like AshLee getting Sean Lowe to blindfold her a while back so she can establish T-R-U-S-T). Actually, he wants to look more like Shawn so he can stay longer. Mind you, it would have been twice as funny had she been welding real close to his head while he was blindfolded instead. Oh well, his haircut had them temporarily distracted from Nick. JJ gets another gold star in my book for comparing Joshua's haircut... and "rage" over Nick... to a pin being removed from a bomb.

Nick's alone time with Kait starts with him carrying her the same way JJ does. Copycat! Fortunately, he gets the bull statue during his kissing scenes... I guess because he is as blessed as one... er... OK.

Curious as to why Joshua takes Kaitlyn to a church to discuss Nick. Is that some sort of "sanctuary" that is Nick-proof? Maybe because he can not lie in a church?

In any case, none of the guys stand up for him when she asks the dudes "who doesn't get along with Nick?" What? You think they want to miss their TV exposure and free vaycay by helping you rat him out, Joshua? Are you quayzeee?


Shawn gets his hush-up date

Since Joshua tried so hard to get a haircut that looks like his, Shawn feels the need to defend him for "speaking up" about Nick. Not that we hear Shawn say much about Nick at all since he is so head over heels in love with Kait. I guess he was grumpy enough in his earlier session with her in the windy NYC stadium.

It also amuses me how fast they get into swimsuits, considering the location... San Antonio. Usually there is a pool or beach somewhere.

Oh... like Ian, he can not be trusted around cars.

The rest of the date consists of Kait crooning on and on about how Shawn is the best thing since Wonder Bread and likely the one she will give her final rose too. You know what that means. Dum dee dum dum. Storm clouds on the horizon! After our fireworks time, the previews for next week make us think she cheats on him with Nick and he is all in a state of rage. Yeah... THIS I got to see. The editors of this silly show could easily turn THE SOUND OF MUSIC into a horror pic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHPFe8-2tqY


Ian would rather be the Bachelor than a prospective F1

Although Jared gets to make out with her on a rose-petal bed that just HAD to be there (ha ha!), Ian's mojo is not on the rise with our lovely Bachelorette. I must confess that this guy is getting even funnier than Nick and JJ in his PI sessions, if such a thing is possible. He always looks down when saying that Kait is less attractive than his girlfriend. Does he even have a girlfriend? Or is he planning to meet up with Clint and JJ post-show? He can not look into the camera without appearing to bust out laughing. What exactly am I watching? Is everybody on their proper medication this season?

Anyhoo... his departure will be like Clint's a week ago... I guess.

Chris Harrison's blog "recap", broken down to the only quotes of importance.

https://www.yahoo.com/tv/chris-harrison-bachelorette-blog-episode-5-121607618310.html

Tonight we picked up right where we left you last week, with the arrival of Nick. He hadn’t even moved in with the guys yet and already he has been a divisive force among all of YOU out there.



That night, it was really great to see Ben H. start to come out of his shell. I know Kaitlyn really appreciated it.



On behalf of our entire cast and crew, I would like to apologize to the residents of San Antonio.



In usual Nick fashion, Nick tried to be different and stand out. Obviously, a few of the guys didn’t like that move, but as you know, you just have to be bold if you want to get a group date rose.



Oh, Joshua. I don’t know what was worse for him this week: asking Kaitlyn to give him a haircut or sticking both of his feet in his mouth.



Ian, who has been relatively quiet, apparently has had a lot to say this week. I’m not entirely sure where all of his opinions are coming from, but it’s clear that he has strong ones and he has decided to go down in a blaze of glory.

JBF-I am late to the game since I just accidentally got spoiled last weekend after trying to stay unspoiled to simplify my life. I am trying to catch up with the spoilers commentaries but I want to tell you how much (as always) I appreciate your detailed commentaries and humor regarding the edit where I am so lacking...your insight as always appreciated and I admire your attention to detail.....thanks for your commentary and keep posting!!!

Awww... thanks! I hope everybody takes my silly analysis with a sense of humor. I try my best to roast all of the contestants equally, regardless if they are a fan favorite or not. (You can tell that I miss Tony quite a bit... and don't know how I will cope once JJ is out.)

I too came into this season un-spoiled and only figured out the final two from all of the comments on the threads a week or so ago. Not that it matters since, as I gather, The Spoilers keep changing "scripts" by the week.

JBF. That was hilarious. Just cracked up laughing, even lil Oliver Twist got an honorary pic insert. Keep posting aka roasting.

From Texas... Mister Harrison's home state and a place that is close to his heart... to Ireland

This will be a meandering synopsis with little point to it. On the plus side, this episode was less confusing than last week's. It appears that there was a better organized storyboard written on bulletin board index cards this time. Most everybody memorized their lines with limited coaching.

We start out with a little déjà vu...

Last year on The Bachelorette...

Eric calls Andi an "actress"
She goes in rage with the other guys. "This is really real for me!"
Josh comments on hoping she is OK, but...
Nick is the one who comforts her...
... and the guys get jealous.

This year on The Bachelorette...

Ian calls Kaitlyn "shallow"
She just gets grumpy in a PI session. Kait is too-too much a lady eager to make her boys happy and comfy on their TV show.
Shawn comments on hoping she is OK, but...
Nick is the one who comforts her...
... and the guys get jealous.

However, Ian does not want to "live like Eric". He just wants to be the next Bachelor. Therefore, he won't take up hang gliding before Men Tell All. (Eeek! What a dark season that was...)

Rose Ceremony at the Alamo, another place close to Mister Harrison's heart. By the way, did you know that Texas is his home state? He reminded Kait again.

Awwww! Kait says she is "falling in love" at this rose ceremony. Apparently not with Nick, though. He gets some very odd face shots during her speech. Not sure what to make of those. One thing is for certain: Joshua isn't in love with Nick. He leaves the show as a grumpy man, unlike "oh well" Justin (who got as much screen time as still-on Tanner).

At least JJ is still on the show. Spreading the bro-buddy l-u-v.

No better place to fall in love than Ireland...

... as Nick says in his PI session. Y'know... he looks pretty tired in his PI sessions. Must be tough having to be the primary Stud Muffin of the show when so many other guys (according to Sophisticated Ian) have nothing to do but quote movies and potty humor.

Later he says a funnier line: "I just got lucky in Dublin!" Oh DID you, now?!

Shawn says he is part Irish, which means he views Nick much as the Irish viewed British rule.

Cupcake Chris, in turn, croons: "Kaitlyn is like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow." Oh Cupcake! Your pearly white grin outshines the other Chris. Is there anybody besides you and our host who are as relentlessly cheerful? (Later this episode, he comments on how much "in love" Shawn is with her and how grumpy he is, as if he is simply a narrator with no concern at all if he and Kait "love" each other.)

Nick's date... "We seem to be very... drawn... to each other."

Finally! The show actually starts MOVING for a change!

Best of all... the pigeons are back from Venice! Nick gets to be The Birdman again to calm Kait's fears, just as "hunk of meat" Ben Z. did in their haunted booby trap. Did any birds poop on him for good luck?

Once again, our boy looks so tired in his PIs. These must have been shot after their "overnight / time together", when he ran out of the Cialis. I sure miss the "Old" Nick. He tells us that Kaitlyn brings out his "goofy side", but he isn't half as "goofy" as he was on Andi's show. (That line about marrying Andi on a mountain top and the two getting a dog named Murray was... priceless. Brian actually getting mad at him after hearing this was half of the fun.)

Alas... the drinks at the pub aren't working well, but... amidst a vast sea of "likes" in the conversation, he does tell us that "our physical connection is rock solid." Per Kaitlyn (looking half-sleepy and half-aroused), "We definitely have chemistry. It is intense."

They first take their... um... intensity... to a church. (Huh? Well... Joshua got to hang out in one too.) She chirps "Nick makes me feel like a woman... a desired woman." She also is "falling" for him and is ready to ignore the cameras and get down and dirty!

Off to the hotel... and lovely edit "inter-cuts" of a closed bedroom door (not unlike what we saw with Chris Soules + Britt last season, post balloon ride when they were still full of helium) and Kait and Nick whispering all kinds of lovey-dovey stuff that production must have been able to decipher well enough to subtitle for us. I am curious if she put on her firecracker costume behind that closed door.

Meanwhile... back at the guys' pad, we have Shawn and Jared talking about Nick not being "who he is" and Kait will just have to find out. OK... whatever.

After ... whatever they did or didn't do... Kait is all worried that Nick will blab like Britt did about her and Chris Soules' "nap" last season... or some such stuff. (Unlike Kait, I did not get the impession that Chris and Britt produced a hundred kids in his hotel room.) Although Nick leaves with his tie hardly shuffled, something-something may have happened with these two. (That is why the zipper was invented. No need to get completely naked in order to accomplish what Christian Grey is capable of, complete with tie.)

When Nick returns to the guys, he tells them... not much. Apparently, we are still in the dark.

The "No More Roses" Date

Kait is "dead" per Mister Harrison. Gee! Was her night-time with Nick that exhausting?

In their Irish "wake" celebrations, Cupcake is quite critical of Jared kissing her in her coffin. "Who kisses dead people?" Oh Cupcake. As Andi used to say... "Sttttoph".

Ha ha! Great roast by Shawn. He says he would have also taken his own life (as Kait pretends to have done in her bogus coffin) had he also spent the night with Nick. Guess he and Nick will never be bro-buddies. What about JJ? Don't kill yourself if you spent the night with him. Like Tony, he has a lotta luv to give, bro. Did you see how he put his arm around Joe when he discovered he was getting a date with him?

Ben Z. and her sitdown after the wake was amusing, not so much for what was discussed but for the body language. He is nervous about "letting my guard down", but she insists on massaging his thighs in order to get... something... up. Ooooh Kait. You are in that mood again! Like the other Ben, this Ben is starting to... open... up.

Kait insists to Jared that he "set the bar high" (and I am enjoying all of the Freudian insinuations this episode). However, her hands stick to his hands and there is no sign that his manhood is in any danger... any more than it was when they were "making out" last week in a rosey bed. After he gets the group rose, she takes him to another church. Kaitlyn loves her churches.

The lyrics heard as Kait & Jared dance... "Do you have to... do you have to... let it linger?" certainly apply to...

Grumpy Shawn

Unlike Ben Z., Shawn's "guard is going up". Up! Up! Up! Jealousy awakens the beast.

Unfortunately, he lacks "validation". However, we learn from his upset conversation with a producer that he got some sort of suite "validation" (either with clothes on or off) sometime last week, after his date. She even told him in private that he was The Wun. (Sort of like in MIDNIGHT COWBOY, with one girl saying "Oh Joe... you're The Wun! The Only Wun!") Not sure how much more "extras" that his "extra time" involved than Nick's hotel visit. Unfortunately, we were denied a peep show with subtitles last week and can only guess.

We end with Shawn marching up to Kait's hotel room to demonstrated how a real dude operates... or... well, this will be another "to be continued". Stay tuned. Will Shawn have a hissy fit? Or will he make Kait feel like a "desired woman", just as Nick did?

Over the end credits...

Remember that other couple, Britt 'n Brady? Apparently she worries that The Family may think they are in the "friend zone".

Well... sweetheart... perhaps you should gives us more on screen of what Kaitlyn is offering with Nick, Shawn and Jared.

JBF, your posts are not only more entertaining than the show they are the only entertaining part of the show currently for me. Thank you for posting.

Favorite description was of Cupcake: "relentlessly cheerful" On point! (Until we see him relentlessly sobbing next episodes. Yikes )

Gee... I hope I am not too rough on Cupcake. Sometimes I just wonder why he is on the show since he and Kait hardly seem a match.

Thanks JBF!! I agree with AllAboutLove....you really made me laugh in a season that is really not so enjoyable to watch. I liked your comparison between Andi's season and this season. Also really laughed over your line that Shawn views Nick the way that the Irish view British rule...so true!!

JBF wrote:Gee... I hope I am not too rough on Cupcake. Sometimes I just wonder why he is on the show since he and Kait hardly seem a match.

On the interview I just watched Kaitlyn said she wished they had shown more of her time with Cupcake. She said he's really funny and it sounds like she enjoyed her time with him. I wish they'd shown more too.

I think everyone does.

JBF wrote:Gee... I hope I am not too rough on Cupcake. Sometimes I just wonder why he is on the show since he and Kait hardly seem a match.

Maybe he was cast as a potential , future Bachelor- who- does- not- need -to -have -alot -in- common -with the Bachelorette. (It reminds me of like Andi and Chris Soules.)