Andi Dorfman - The Bachelorette 10 - Discussion - #2

GuardianAngel wrote:

Laudergirl wrote:^^^^^
That's just it. If it were an issue of Andi not finding Josh to be intellectually challenging enough, or if their equally strong alpha personalities were a main reason for their problems, it would have presented itself a lot sooner IMO.
That's what I find so confusing about these theories people have. There are a lot of inconsistencies. For almost every theory I have heard about their breakup or why they have issues, I can tell you something that contradicts it. Things aren't adding up to me and I hope to get some clarity on Sunday night.

It probably did, they tried for several months, it didn't work out. IMO it's not like they woke up on red carpet day and decided after that it's not going to work out. It was brewing for awhile.

Couples get together, they date, they get to know each other, they compromise and do all the things couples do. Sometimes they get married, thinking they could change the other.

It may be a shock to hear of a break up because all they saw was one side of the coin. Actually! That just happened to me. I was leaving a store, walking across the parking lot to my car the other day, and someone pulled up to me. It was an ex co worker, my Rod Stewart concert buddy that I've known for 20+ yrs. She tells me her and her husband split and we have to get together. What???  She was so happy, she has her own apartment, and can't believe she did it. I'm like, what??? They've been married over 20 yrs. We were very close for the 8 yrs we worked together. It happens, I'm looking forward to visiting her once she's settled. Talk about blindsided!

It takes time to get to know one another. People are on their best behaviour at the start of a relationship. People are also less critical because they are in that honeymoon phase...particularly if the sex is good. Eventually though, reality sets in and things begin to bug. I frankly see Andi, deflecting any criticism by shifting the blame to others...in this case Josh. That has been her style throughout the show, so I don't expect any different. Both of them are to blame, but I see her getting defensive. We will have to wait and see how he responds.

Dear Andi,

Duck face isn't cute when you're a 13 year old girl. It's even less cute when you're in your late twenties.

You know that feeling when you really don't want to post something but then you feel obligated to share:
https://mobile.twitter.com/TJs_tweets

Proof that Andi Dorf is in Chicago.  
:hidingchair I'm a diehard Nick fan so I'd have preferred her to be anywhere butt but.  Why Valentines weekend. 

^ Hmm. Is she friends with those girls? Has she hung out with Jaclyn before?

^She's visiting Christy and Christy is friends with Jaclyn.

umngirl wrote:^She's visiting Christy and Christy is friends with Jaclyn.

Isn't Christy the one who did her hair in Atl and went visit her a few times?

Laudergirl wrote:^^^^^
That's just it. If it were an issue of Andi not finding Josh to be intellectually challenging enough, or if their equally strong alpha personalities were a main reason for their problems, it would have presented itself a lot sooner IMO.
That's what I find so confusing about these theories people have. There are a lot of inconsistencies. For almost every theory I have heard about their breakup or why they have issues, I can tell you something that contradicts it. Things aren't adding up to me and I hope to get some clarity on Sunday night.

I'm a longterm lurker posting for the first time. Full disclosure I was (and still am) a huge fan of Nick so my perspectively is probably colored by this bias. Nevertheless, I can certainly imagine that Josh and Andi were not compatible intellectually, and I've always held that opinion. No offense to Josh but he never struck me as being very deep during the show. When they weren't butting heads, they had the most superficial conversations (at least in the edit we got).

I'm not suggesting Andi is an intellectual but she graduated from law school which means she does have the capability (or perhaps the slight desire) to stimulate her brain to some degree. Perhaps more so than she realized before this relationship and probably helps explain the attraction to Nick in the first place. She only managed to tell us quite often about their mental connection.

It could very well be that once the initial infatuation wore off and the rose-colored glasses came off, she was much more aware of how incompatible the two of them truly were at least in this regard. This isn't meant to suggest that Josh is at fault or lacking in some way, but people are different and have varying needs. I'm not a huge fan of Andi but I can relate on this point.

I don't consider myself an intellectual although I do have a Ph.D. And while I do love to have fun and engage in a fair number of trivial pursuits very often, I do need that mental stimulation, someone who challenges me and forces me to think beyond my limited scope, opens up new experiences and perspectives. I dated someone once where it was fun all the time and within a couple of months I was very bored although I stuck it out for almost a year. When it ended I was devastated because I hurt someone I truly cared about, but it was definitely the right thing to do.

I share this to say that I can understand the apparent contradiction where Andi might be broken up about the relationship but on some level still feel like the two of them did not match up intellectually.

And now my cynicism comes into play. She might also be feeling broken up and devastated because I think Andi really wanted the relationship to succeed for a number of reasons that probably had little to do with love. She strikes me as the kind of person (and I can also relate on this score) who takes failure personally. So it's hard for her to forgive herself that the person she picked in the end wasn't right for her. It makes her feel weak and that she did not live up to expectations. I also suspect that after the Nick fiasco during the ATFR she was determined to have a successful relationship to show him up, but also prove to everyone else who saw (or heard about it), that in the end it did not matter. Now she has to deal with some people (and in her mind Nick too) probably reveling in the breakup. Finally, I also imagine that having Josh on her arm seemed like a real coup since he is considered a hunk by so many people. That's probably why she usually goes after the athletes. She needs that external validation and this would explain why the relationship lasted as long as it did. She was determined to make it work.

nannymargie wrote:

umngirl wrote:^She's visiting Christy and Christy is friends with Jaclyn.

Isn't Christy the one who did her hair in Atl and went visit her a few times?

Yes. She's part of that group from the season who are close.

OH brother!! She went to JS party!> omg We posted JS having visitors in another thread earlier tonight, speculating why Chris was in DFW. Someone thought maybe he was going to Chicago to JS's party.

Oh boy. This is hilarious.

ETA: Her devastation lasted only so long. I hope no one lost sleep over her heartbroken devastating situation.

Stuck I totally agree with you about the insecurity thing.  Secure people do not feel the need to talk about what colleges they went to, what degrees they have or what their professional accomplishments are. 

scenedujour wrote:

Laudergirl wrote:^^^^^
That's just it. If it were an issue of Andi not finding Josh to be intellectually challenging enough, or if their equally strong alpha personalities were a main reason for their problems, it would have presented itself a lot sooner IMO.
That's what I find so confusing about these theories people have. There are a lot of inconsistencies. For almost every theory I have heard about their breakup or why they have issues, I can tell you something that contradicts it. Things aren't adding up to me and I hope to get some clarity on Sunday night.

I'm a longterm lurker posting for the first time. Full disclosure I was (and still am) a huge fan of Nick so my perspectively is probably colored by this bias. Nevertheless, I can certainly imagine that Josh and Andi were not compatible intellectually, and I've always held that opinion. No offense to Josh but he never struck me as being very deep during the show. When they weren't butting heads, they had the most superficial conversations (at least in the edit we got).

I'm not suggesting Andi is an intellectual but she graduated from law school which means she does have the capability (or perhaps the slight desire) to stimulate her brain to some degree. Perhaps more so than she realized before this relationship and probably helps explain the attraction to Nick in the first place. She only managed to tell us quite often about their mental connection.

It could very well be that once the initial infatuation wore off and the rose-colored glasses came off, she was much more aware of how incompatible the two of them truly were at least in this regard. This isn't meant to suggest that Josh is at fault or lacking in some way, but people are different and have varying needs. I'm not a huge fan of Andi but I can relate on this point.

I don't consider myself an intellectual although I do have a Ph.D. And while I do love to have fun and engage in a fair number of trivial pursuits very often, I do need that mental stimulation, someone who challenges me and forces me to think beyond my limited scope, opens up new experiences and perspectives. I dated someone once where it was fun all the time and within a couple of months I was very bored although I stuck it out for almost a year. When it ended I was devastated because I hurt someone I truly cared about, but it was definitely the right thing to do.

I share this to say that I can understand the apparent contradiction where Andi might be broken up about the relationship but on some level still feel like the two of them did not match up intellectually.

And now my cynicism comes into play. She might also be feeling broken up and devastated because I think Andi really wanted the relationship to succeed for a number of reasons that probably had little to do with love. She strikes me as the kind of person (and I can also relate on this score) who takes failure personally. So it's hard for her to forgive herself that the person she picked in the end wasn't right for her. It makes her feel weak and that she did not live up to expectations. I also suspect that after the Nick fiasco during the ATFR she was determined to have a successful relationship to show him up, but also prove to everyone else who saw (or heard about it), that in the end it did not matter. Now she has to deal with some people (and in her mind Nick too) probably reveling in the breakup. Finally, I also imagine that having Josh on her arm seemed like a real coup since he is considered a hunk by so many people. That's probably why she usually goes after the athletes. She needs that external validation and this would explain why the relationship lasted as long as it did. She was determined to make it work.

ITA with your last paragraph. That's how I imagine it, too.
Please continue to post. You've made many good points.

scenedujour

 for your insightful post