Re: Nick Viall Bachelorette 10 - Fan Forum - Updates - Discussion - Thread #9

[happygolucky]

Thorny Rose Twitter

OutKast - Roses (YouTube)

[sdmom]

I agree that the smile is not reaching Nick's eyes yet.  I know that all of us here who were and remain TeamNick see what he was put through and base our conclusions on our own past experiences with love.  Some of you were lucky enough to find the "right one", which is wonderful.

So, even though my take on where Nick might be right now may not be the same as the majority here, I saw things differently.  I believe that Nick arrived at the AFTR meeting with Andi, expecting to find the woman that he remembered on the show.  I believe that he watched all of their scenes together, right up until when she let him go, believing that Andi did fall in love with him but was just scared, went with what he considered the safe choice.

I believe that Nick wrote that letter to Andi expressing how HE felt, expecting her to say that she really did care for him, maybe even say that she did love him but fell more in love with Josh.  I also believe that Nick wasn't there at the AFTR attempting to change her mind, and it could have gone entirely different had a different Andi, and not the icy cold women who had not even a ounce of compassion and understanding toward him, had showed up instead and had treated him with kindness.

So, I think that even though that was a good thing for Nick in the long run, he most likely left the AFTR wondering if he had been totally mislead by Andi - wondering if he somehow he had missed all the signs - and questioning how that could be.  Andi's demeanor toward him at the AFTR completely threw him off.  From my own experience, it is so much easier to move on after a breakup if you at least get confirmation that you mattered to your ex, that the feelings that your ex had for you were also real and genuine, even if you were not meant to be together.

IMO, Andi shattered that for Nick at the AFTR, and this probably set him back a little bit.  I think that Nick knows in his head that Andi is not who he thought she was, and he will be able to move on and find the right one for him.  But, I think that Nick's heart is still a step behind, and he is having to come to the realization that perhaps he did not really know Andi as well as he thought he did.  And, that is something that Nick may never know with certainty, but with time, it won't even matter anymore.  

I think that we will know when his head and heart are on the same page, you will see it in his eyes again.  He just needs time to help him completely heal.

   I think so too. Also having a similar character, I believe, the most difficult part is to reconcile the heart and the mind and to admit to yourself that you were wrong. To acknowledge and accept and forgive yourself for believing in the idea, the image of a perfect woman who gives you all you ever wanted, to admit to yourself that you might not know as much as you would like to think that you do.  I think once the battle of poles, that try to reason where and how the miscalculation happened, is over, that's when his spark will return.

I agree with both of you, Happy and Longhornfan   
I especially agree that Nick didn't want her back, but for answers and closure.

Sorry I didn't watch the FRC, so did she dump Nick the day before or earlier that day?
Now Andi is saying in her post ATFR interviews that she didn't make her decision until the final day? Am I right? Why didn't she say that to Nick at ATFR? If she had done so, I don't think Nick would have brought up FS stuff. Why couldn't she just act/pretend to be more caring just for 5 more minutes then everything would be finished? But, everything happens for a reason, I guess. The way she had acted towards Nick revealed part of her personality that he hadn't seen/experienced. If Nick had watched how she threw a fit towards Eric (RIP), he should have prepared himself to see this side of Andi. Anyway, it's all water under bridge now. I am glad Nick is having some fun with his friends. Well, he does have friends and a life outside of the Bach nation! Hard to believe, isn't it?   

Even though we may disagree on some topics, we all care for Nick so it make discussion easier here. Thank y'all   

[sdmom]

jjobrien
2 hours ago · Millennium Park
hanging out with this random dude from #thebachelorette and his friends at #Lollapalooza

[Litta123]

Nick Stutter just posted this "#haha @undergroundchi well with that being said I don't know how I can't. @viallnicholas28 & I were there last Friday. @mrjjobrien Let's go"

Undergroundchi is a night club so I guess maybe that's where they will be tonight? Hope to see more photos today

Undergroundchi is owned by Billy Dec, a local celeb. Watch his twitter feed as he always posts pics of those visiting his establishments.

Billy Dec's Twitter

[Longhornfan]

I agree that the smile is not reaching Nick's eyes yet.  I know that all of us here who were and remain TeamNick see what he was put through and base our conclusions on our own past experiences with love.  Some of you were lucky enough to find the "right one", which is wonderful.

So, even though my take on where Nick might be right now may not be the same as the majority here, I saw things differently.  I believe that Nick arrived at the AFTR meeting with Andi, expecting to find the woman that he remembered on the show.  I believe that he watched all of their scenes together, right up until when she let him go, believing that Andi did fall in love with him but was just scared, went with what he considered the safe choice.

I believe that Nick wrote that letter to Andi expressing how HE felt, expecting her to say that she really did care for him, maybe even say that she did love him but fell more in love with Josh.  I also believe that Nick wasn't there at the AFTR attempting to change her mind, and it could have gone entirely different had a different Andi, and not the icy cold women who had not even a ounce of compassion and understanding toward him, had showed up instead and had treated him with kindness.

So, I think that even though that was a good thing for Nick in the long run, he most likely left the AFTR wondering if he had been totally mislead by Andi - wondering if he somehow he had missed all the signs - and questioning how that could be.  Andi's demeanor toward him at the AFTR completely threw him off.  From my own experience, it is so much easier to move on after a breakup if you at least get confirmation that you mattered to your ex, that the feelings that your ex had for you were also real and genuine, even if you were not meant to be together.

IMO, Andi shattered that for Nick at the AFTR, and this probably set him back a little bit.  I think that Nick knows in his head that Andi is not who he thought she was, and he will be able to move on and find the right one for him.  But, I think that Nick's heart is still a step behind, and he is having to come to the realization that perhaps he did not really know Andi as well as he thought he did.  And, that is something that Nick may never know with certainty, but with time, it won't even matter anymore.  

I think that we will know when his head and heart are on the same page, you will see it in his eyes again.  He just needs time to help him completely heal.

   I think so too. Also having a similar character, I believe, the most difficult part is to reconcile the heart and the mind and to admit to yourself that you were wrong. To acknowledge and accept and forgive yourself for believing in the idea, the image of a perfect woman who gives you all you ever wanted, to admit to yourself that you might not know as much as you would like to think that you do.  I think once the battle of poles, that try to reason where and how the miscalculation happened, is over, that's when his spark will return.

Happygolucky, I remember reading one of your earlier posts, one in which you expressed similar thoughts as mine.  For me, it was reaffirming to read your take on things, because it took me a long time to recover after my divorce.  You see, I am a bit of a perfectionist, and the hardest part of the divorce for me was "to acknowledge, accept and FORGIVE myself" that my husband and I were just not a good match for each other.  I too questioned how I could have been so wrong about him?  

I guess I saw some of myself in Nick, how he wore his heart on his sleeve.  In my opinion, Andi was NOT who he thought she was, which was hard for him to reconcile to the Andi that showed up at the AFTR.  I agree that trying to reason where, how and when the miscalculation happened is futile.  Hopefully, it will help Nick now that TB show is over, and BIP is starting up next week.  The Jodi coverage will become less and less prevalent as well, less "in his face" coverage of them, and they will become yesterday's news.

So, Nick needs to surround himself with those who truly love him, his family and friends.  And I believe that he is leaning on his faith as well to get him through this.  I am sure that some day in the future we will be reading about Nick getting married, and I will be super happy for him.  When the time is right, it will happen.

[Litta123]

OutKast - Roses (YouTube)

Hilarious, happy! Loved "Roses really smell like poo-poo." Best line -- "Take one final look at the past and we're out!"

[happygolucky]

Longhornfan - I've been also reading your posts and finding in sync with your thoughts ...
the same with Catwoman ... and well, too many to name them all ... I don't always post, repost and say "I agree", because I think I'm posting way too much already   

Litta   I checked the schedule of Lolla for today ... and saw OutKast, now, I don't listen to them, I'm not much of a fan of the offensive language, which rap/hiphop is plenty of ... but the concept of the song kinda fits   I'm bad, I'm really bad.

[happygolucky]

Another piece of my thoughts ... just like Longhorn said, being a perfectionist is extremely hard to forgive yourself first and foremost.
I think I am much easier on people around me, although with higher expectations towards my closest ones, like family, I tend to get extremely emotional and irrational and harsh. Stubborn probably and at times non perceptive, when I think I have all figured out. Because I don't take decisions lightly, I always try to look from different angles to come to the conclusion, to decide to take action, I think a lot before I speak (or write in this case), which can also be a huge flaw ... because I miss the opportunity to get it out in the current moment, I guess the comments Nick said on the plane about Andi could also apply to him, I say so, because I see it in myself, to be passive aggressive (that's why I never saw the video rant as an offense as many interpreted).
I also tend to romanticize things, situations, people, I prefer to look on the bright side, focus on the good, believe that every bad has it's deeper meaning/message and try to understand it. That doesn't mean I don't see it or don't acknowledge it, I do, but it often happens that I can find an excuse or a justified reason for it, so I don't get mad at people as quickly, I give them a pass for as long I can hold ... then without them knowing, without me admitting, once they cross the line, when too many unfortunate situations happen, that I can't excuse them anymore for being simply oblivious of the consequences, but that they consciously decided to be ignorant, that's when I turn my back, I walk away without arguing, without trying to explain my point of view (which is my MO, constantly explaining), I simply ignore them. I know that is not nice, but I do warn everyone who come in contact with me beforehand, so I don't see the need to be sorry.

The reason I wrote all this is ... because this behavior is something I've noticed in Nick on the day of the break-up and the night before ... he sensed it, but he was searching for the excuses, to justify her attitude ... then the next moment he was hit with the truth ... and that's when he went into his silent mode ... he had to think ... he just couldn't ... so I believe it took him some time to wrap all the thoughts about it, once he got home, maybe on the way ... maybe the plane video was still his way of justifying Andi's decisions, not wanting to see any wrong in them, so he was pretty soft ... but once it hit him in the face ... at the ATFR ... that's when he couldn't contain anymore ... and he showed "the mean side" ... for which he is not sorry ... and I get it.... that's why I have no problem with him saying what he did, although I wish he didn't, for his own good, but then things happen and you reap the repercussions ... and sometimes even something wonderful comes out of it.

[stuckinsc]

JJ was considered to be really smart by the guys in the house.  I would imagine that Nick and JJ are similar in intelligence.  I also think that JJ was given a crappy edit - why I don't know but somebody has to be trodden on each season.

Love seeing Nick smiling and happy.  Real life looks really good on him.

This is my opinion and my opinion only, but to me part of the mean girl vibe from the house was an inferiority complex. On that bleach-able moment we were shown again at AFTR, we even hear Josh talk about not giving Nick too much credit for his intelligence. But Andi was one of the most educated bachelorettes this show has had, and to me the other guys were intimidated by Nick and JJ's intelligence that it might make them better matches for Andi. That being said, I don't think, Josh, Marcus, Chris or Brian are stupid or uneducated, but they certainly don't give of the same vibe of intelligence, at least in the edit we were shown.

I think it shows a lot the Marquel and JJ, both well educated and having no need to feel inferior, had no problem with Nick.

[stuckinsc]

I never had this Kasha... (I married my guy)  do you ever think of him with regret?

I always dated the jock in high school, and through college.  As with Andi, they were "totally my type."  They were never very successful relationships, because something was always a higher priority than me.  I met my husband at work.  Ironically, not a jock, he worked in IT at my place of employment.  He was very smart, and unlike anyone I have ever dated before.  He came over to fix computer one day, and as soon as I saw him, I knew he was the "one."  Strangely, I didn't even know his name, but I knew he was my future husband.  To make a long story short, he felt the same way, we started dating and got married a year later.  Now, 10 years later, and 2 kids, we are still happy, and there is NOTHING he won't do for me.  

I feel that Nick would have been that for Andi.  Josh, IMO will always have something more important to do, and we all know Andi likes attention.  I think if Nick and Andi met in a situation similar to me and my husband, they would have been together.  The show, and the casting of Josh, ruined any chance they had for a happy ever after because Josh was what she was used to.

Beautiful story RR.  So glad you found your one and only.  Thanks for sharing.

I knew after my first date that my husband was the one.  He also would do ANYTHING for me.  We connect on every level; he is truly my soulmate; the person that taught me about love.

I also think that Nick would have been the forever love for Andi.  

Interesting that on their first date Nick was saying true love was a decision - we could be with other people but we choose to be together - as opposed to meeting "the one"... and by the MTP date, talking to Andi's mom, he reversed his thinking, saying that Andi was it for him.  

What N&A had together was an embarrassment of riches.  Andi said it repeatedly - emotional, mental, physical passion - she knew it, yet she walked.  

It's Andi's life of course, but it's hard to understand (or forgive) her really for walking away from this deep love.  Josh is a great guy with so much to offer but, per the article I posted earlier tonight, he is not Andi's one and only, in my humble opinion, that man was Nick.  

And that's why the end is so painful for ME, because I don't understand how Andi can walk away ??  I feel sad, sad, sad.

One thing about the right one, both people have to be ready. Nick wasn't it for Andi, she wasn't ready for him or wanted something else more. I might be in the minority, but I can't fault her for going with her gut. My fault for her is the lack of compassion and caring in how she let Nick go. I have to trust that Andi knows what her heart and mind want.

Truthfully, I am glad for Andi, he like all of us deserve the person who choses us without hesitation or regret. Andi couldn't give this to Nick, but one day someone special will. It won't make Nick forget what he had with Andi, just help him to realize that it wasn't the forever he thought it was.

Two songs who helped me get over my one, who unlike Kasha was the one to let me go.

[stuckinsc]

I woke up at 4am, since I fell asleep way too early yesterday, and I'm reading you all...
nice debate ... would love to hear more .. about the heartbreaking experiences.

I never ended any relationship, it was usually him walking out, so no, I don't know how it is to "break someone's heart", but I do know that when one of my relationships was over, the one all-consuming kind, it took me some good 3 years to recover. The hardest part was seeing him and his new relationship very soon after ... but then I moved away, the distance helped I guess and one day it just stopped aching.

Aw, happy, I remember you sharing this story during RFL.  Your last sentence reminds me of this song. Since you're always sharing music, I thought I'd share it with you.  

 

Litta, you are searching my iPod too now I see. I am not a huge Sara Evans fan, I find her personally to be pretentious and annoying. I was living in Bham when he met and started dating her current hubby who is on morning sports radio. She didn't even let him reveal their engagement to his listening audience first, she sold it to the meeting. BUT, I love this song.

[happygolucky]

One thing about the right one, both people have to be ready.  Nick wasn't it for Andi, she wasn't ready for him or wanted something else more.  I might be in the minority, but I can't fault her for going with her gut.  My fault for her is the lack of compassion and caring in how she let Nick go.  I have to trust that Andi knows what her heart and mind want.

Truthfully, I am glad for Andi, he like all of us deserve the person who chooses us without hesitation or regret.  Andi couldn't give this to Nick, but one day someone special will.  It won't make Nick forget what he had with Andi, just help him to realize that it wasn't the forever he thought it was.  

Two songs who helped me get over my one, who unlike Kasha was the one to let me go.

Beautiful.    Music always soothes my soul.  :yougogirl: Litta 

ETA:
PS. My fault for her is not just the way she broke it down to him on that final day and at ATFR, but some very strong actions (not to even think about the words) she took, things she did, conscious of what would that bring on Nick ... and as I believe her being aware for a long time during the process how it would end ..

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