Juan Pablo Galavis - Nikki Ferrell - Bachelor 18 - Discussion

Because this is all subjective and everyone has a different tolerance for these terms, JPG would have been better off to ignore the rude woman. I found what he said offensive others didn't and we can argue til the cows come home (or farmer Chris' season begins) but we're unlikely to all agree and that's okay.  

albean99 wrote:Because this is all subjective and everyone has a different tolerance for these terms, JPG would have been better off to ignore the rude woman. I found what he said offensive others didn't and we can argue til the cows come home (or farmer Chris' season begins) but we're unlikely to all agree and that's okay.  

I completely agree that JPG would have been better off ignoring her. This woman seems to love attention. He has helped give her just what she wanted.

stuckinsc wrote:

chasingpavements wrote:

stuckinsc wrote:I appreciate all of your opinions.  But yes, when you act like a sl** you give people a right to call you a sl**.  That is my opinion.  

People should own their own behavior.  That is my opinion and I stick to it. If I am b***** and a man calls me that I don't hate on him for pointing out my truth.

Being a woman doesn't entitle us to not have to be responsible for our own actions.  Maybe this is because I thought about equality extensively when I was growing up.  The equal rights amendment was going state to state to be voted on.  

If you truly want to be equal then you must take the good with the bad.  That is just the way it is.

And yes, when we women call each other sl**s we also make that word more permissible.

I don't get a special pass on my behavior because I genetically have two X chromosomes.  If you feel you do that is fine, but it is not how I want to be treated.  I want my work and ideas to count equally, so I am prepared to own my own actions.

But, that's the problem. There is no equivalent word as "sl**" for men. JP slept with 3 women (allegedly…but come on, he did) within a span of a week and he didn't get called a sl**. He puts up countless pictures of himself half-naked on Instagram and paraded around on The Bachelor/ette without his shirt and didn't get called a sl**. He had a child out of wedlock and didn't get called a sl**. It's an incredibly gendered insult that repeatedly lets men get away with crimes like sexual assault and r*pe.

Actually I have called my male friends sluts when they sleep with lots of women.  So to me it is not just a female term.  And even if I am silly I consider lingerie different from swimwear.  I grew up in south Florida, so swimsuits, even bikinis are kind of a part of life.  I would walk around in a swim suit, but I am not walking out of the house in a bra and underwear to get the mail.  So yes, her lingerie pics are different to me.  Maybe even the lingerie pics without the naked, but the naked and lingerie being 90%, yup, I am okay with calling that sl*** along with very self promoting.  Like I said, I wish he just ignored her, since the attention is what she seems to want.  

Also, I don't care if you are a sl**, wh*** or c***.  No means no, so I don't think they let people get away with sexual assault and r*pe.  I might say this woman and KK and Paris Hilton are sl***.  I would never ever say that a man who had sex with them without their consent was justified.  I don't believe in the she was dressing that way and asked for it defense.

I'm going to let this go, because it's obvious that you are a JP fan. I have a hard time understanding or defending his homophobic and misogynistic comments, but we all have a right to our own opinion. But, I will say that just because YOU call your male friends sluts doesn't mean that most people do. When men are called sluts or man-whores, it's said more humorously and certainly doesn't hold that same judgement or nature of vile degradation. And, again, just because YOU don't believe that "sluts ask for it", doesn't mean that a female victim's sexual history and the way that she was dressed isn't brought up at every single r*pe trial and news article covering it. That NEVER happens with male victims. sl**-shaming absolutely adds to that r*pe culture and I will never support it.

Thank you, chasing. I completely agree.

I didn't see anyone comparing JP's use of the word "sl**" to a violent act against woman. I don't really think that has anything to do with it, but that's just my opinion. Name-calling does not automatically mean someone is going to commit felonies. It just shows the person has a different tolerance for words that they use than I do.

Language and words have meaning, and they are used differently by people all over the world. From this twitter exchange I could criticize both the woman and the man involved for their choice of words. I'm not going to though, because if they want to engage in name-calling on their social media that is their business. I don't have to like it, don't have to read it, and it isn't going to change my day.

You could fault JP for calling this woman a name, but you can't ignore that she did the same thing.

OfficeRules, yeah this^^.

officeRules wrote:I didn't see anyone comparing JP's use of the word "sl**" to a violent act against woman.  I don't really think that has anything to do with it, but that's just my opinion.  Name-calling does not automatically mean someone is going to commit felonies.  It just shows the person has a different tolerance for words that they use than I do.

Language and words have meaning, and they are used differently by people all over the world.  From this twitter exchange I could criticize both the woman and the man involved for their choice of words.  I'm not going to though, because if they want to engage in name-calling on their social media that is their business.    I don't have to like it, don't have to read it, and it isn't going to change my day.  

You could fault JP for calling this woman a name, but you can't ignore that she did the same thing.  

Yeah, but there is obviously a difference, in that we're not using asterisks to blank out letters of the name she called him.

Kasha, why are we using asterisks for words that are not vulgarity? Is it our rules or Forumotion rules?

whit90 wrote:

Amberish wrote:

whit90 wrote:

So now he is a porn consumer because he has watched Jenna ?? How many man and woman know who Jenna is? Let's say millions I even knew who she was and I am sure my husband has seen her before but that does not make either one of us porn consumers.  

Juan Pablo said he has watched Jenna's videos when he commented that Jenna use to have big breasts, thus our adorable Juan Pablo is a porn customer --- yes, he watches porn. It's that simple.

Just because he has watched Jenna that use to be a porn star many years ago does not make him a porn consumer. Do you know for a fact that he still watches porn as you stated as a fact once again.

Juan Pablo said he's watched Jenna's porn productions, thus he watches porn, which is not a remarkable inference.

Moreover, he's had opportunity to qualify his porn watching statements by making it clear he no longer watches porn, but he didn't do that. Had he, the discussion might be similar to those of Sean's being a born again virgin.

Amberish wrote:

officeRules wrote:I didn't see anyone comparing JP's use of the word "sl**" to a violent act against woman.  I don't really think that has anything to do with it, but that's just my opinion.  Name-calling does not automatically mean someone is going to commit felonies.  It just shows the person has a different tolerance for words that they use than I do.

Language and words have meaning, and they are used differently by people all over the world.  From this twitter exchange I could criticize both the woman and the man involved for their choice of words.  I'm not going to though, because if they want to engage in name-calling on their social media that is their business.    I don't have to like it, don't have to read it, and it isn't going to change my day.  

You could fault JP for calling this woman a name, but you can't ignore that she did the same thing.  

Yeah, but there is obviously a difference, in that we're not using asterisks to blank out letters of the name she called him.

Kasha, why are we using asterisks for words that are not vulgarity? Is it our rules or Forumotion rules?

I will anser that if I may. Because during Andi's season, we got tired of seeing the world sl** and those that were offended and argued that Andi was being called a sl** and it was offensive. So, it's now a bleeped out.

chasingpavements wrote:

stuckinsc wrote:

chasingpavements wrote:

But, that's the problem. There is no equivalent word as "sl**" for men. JP slept with 3 women (allegedly…but come on, he did) within a span of a week and he didn't get called a sl**. He puts up countless pictures of himself half-naked on Instagram and paraded around on The Bachelor/ette without his shirt and didn't get called a sl**. He had a child out of wedlock and didn't get called a sl**. It's an incredibly gendered insult that repeatedly lets men get away with crimes like sexual assault and r*pe.

Actually I have called my male friends sluts when they sleep with lots of women.  So to me it is not just a female term.  And even if I am silly I consider lingerie different from swimwear.  I grew up in south Florida, so swimsuits, even bikinis are kind of a part of life.  I would walk around in a swim suit, but I am not walking out of the house in a bra and underwear to get the mail.  So yes, her lingerie pics are different to me.  Maybe even the lingerie pics without the naked, but the naked and lingerie being 90%, yup, I am okay with calling that sl*** along with very self promoting.  Like I said, I wish he just ignored her, since the attention is what she seems to want.  

Also, I don't care if you are a sl**, wh*** or c***.  No means no, so I don't think they let people get away with sexual assault and r*pe.  I might say this woman and KK and Paris Hilton are sl***.  I would never ever say that a man who had sex with them without their consent was justified.  I don't believe in the she was dressing that way and asked for it defense.

I'm going to let this go, because it's obvious that you are a JP fan. I have a hard time understanding or defending his homophobic and misogynistic comments, but we all have a right to our own opinion. But, I will say that just because YOU call your male friends sluts doesn't mean that most people do. When men are called sluts or man-whores, it's said more humorously and certainly doesn't hold that same judgement or nature of vile degradation. And, again, just because YOU don't believe that "sluts ask for it", doesn't mean that a female victim's sexual history and the way that she was dressed isn't brought up at every single r*pe trial and news article covering it. That NEVER happens with male victims. sl**-shaming absolutely adds to that r*pe culture and I will never support it.

^^^This is a very thought provoking post (for me). You make some very good points. R*pe is a serious crime. I would never wish to marginalize the effect is has on its victims or on society as a whole.

IMO, "sl*tty" clothing is clothing intentionally styled in order to accentuate and draw attention to a woman's sexuality, with the ultimate goal of garnering attention from men. The vast majority of adult women know full well what is sl*tty and what is not. It is a conscious decision that an adult woman makes when she dresses and looks at herself in the mirror. She is making a choice about her own behavior. She does so, knowing that what she projects is how she will be judged by those that see her (whether that's a future employer, her own grandmother, a man at the bar). Clothing is used as an attempt to manipulate our surroundings and the opinions of others. In society, we have an unspoken, generally accepted dress code. A conservative suit or dress to an interview. No plunging, cleavage showing tops in Church. More skin=more familiarity. Sl*tty clothing shows a lot of skin, and it implies a familiarity and closeness that is artificially inflated. That can lead to all kinds of bad assumptions by men.

How you dress, just like every other aspect of your behavior, will be interpreted and acted upon by others. It NEVER makes the actions or the committing of a crime by a man justified, but it could put a woman at higher risk for unwanted advances. And this is something that we as women DO have some control over. As women, we should all be conscious of how we can decrease our risk factors--don't get drunk, high, walk alone on a dark street, dress like a sl*t, etc. Dressing like a sl*t is just like everything else---it's a risk versus benefit decision. We can never be fully in control over the actions of others, but we need to conduct ourselves in a manner in which we do not contribute to our own harm.

I'm NOT saying that a woman "asks to be r*ped". That would be a ridiculous thing to say. What I AM saying is that women need to be smart and take their own safety seriously. Women need to stop using their own sexuality in order to gain attention from men--free drinks at a bar, a one night fling, their means to a self-esteem boost. Nothing in life is free. Buy your own drinks. Do you realize that you just sold a piece of your self-esteem for that 6 oz glass of Chardonnay? Stop setting up the paradigm so that men "think" they have the power, that they have "bought" you, that you "owe" them something.

Amberish wrote:

whit90 wrote:

Amberish wrote:

Juan Pablo said he has watched Jenna's videos when he commented that Jenna use to have big breasts, thus our adorable Juan Pablo is a porn customer --- yes, he watches porn. It's that simple.

Just because he has watched Jenna that use to be a porn star many years ago does not make him a porn consumer. Do you know for a fact that he still watches porn as you stated as a fact once again.

Juan Pablo said he's watched Jenna's porn productions, thus he watches porn, which is not a remarkable inference.

Moreover, he's had opportunity to qualify his porn watching statements by making it clear he no longer watches porn, but he didn't do that. Had he, the discussion might be similar to those of Sean's being a born again virgin.

We as posters have no idea if he still watches porn or not. IMO I do not think it is any of our business if he does or does not. Why should he have to explain himself ?

We all know that that r*pe is not about how a woman dress, it's about power......