Bachelor 18 - Tweet/Facebook Updates - Discussion

eliza3 wrote:

rosesrREd wrote:

eliza3 wrote:

rosesrREd wrote:

docnash14 wrote:

rosesrREd wrote:

bleuberry wrote:

rosesrREd wrote:

bleuberry wrote:I don't think he knows at all about the whole R word issue. I come from a family of immigrants, so I'm very well aware of the language issues that come to play. Remember his "little package" comment?

What I do think he needs to work on is taking the criticism and responding sensitively. I suppose he's just so done at this point, though....

I went back and read up thread, and I have heard the "R" word mentioned several times.  However, what in the world is the "R" word?  

intellectually disabled... re×××d.

Got it. It's not a proper word to use, however, I don't think him simply using that use makes him a terrible person.  In what context did he use that word?

He didn't use it - he re-tweeted a passage that contained it - his mom tweeted later that in Venezuela the word means less educated which fits the context in which the word was used in the passage.  After he re-tweeted it, JuanPa got a lot of backlash and he tweeted:

In Venezuela the R word is USED commonly and by NO means is to OFFEND anyone... #Relax #DifferentCulture #Respect

Tweeters didn't appear to take kindly to it

So, it was a retweet.  While I don't condone the use of that word, people are way oversensitive.  He is right, people need to #relax.

As a parent of a child who is mentally challenged and as a family that has had to endure mean and rude comments about her being "a intellectually disabled" I don't feel like I am oversensitive.   I don't need to relax --- but I think what we all can do is educate the ignorant people who use the word inappropriately. I use the word ignorant as it means 'Lack of knowledge"  (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ignorant)    I don't blame him for not knowing, but I blame him for downplaying the use of the word by saying it is #differentculture  #respect   Obviously someone explained to him what that word means here otherwise he wouldn't have tweeted what he did.    He preaches respect and doesn't practice it.

As I said, I don't condone the use of the word.  However, him being in a different culture certainly could be the reason behind him being so blase about the word.  Perhaps, he does need to be educated about that word, but at the same time, he wasn't being malicious to developmentally disabled people.   I understand your sensitivity to the word, and admire you for your strength, sometimes outrage is a little misdirected, and I think it may be in this case.  He clearly realizes the word was not appropriate to say, but him downplaying the word, isn't because he is insensitive to it, but rather because the meaning to him is different from how you and I, and most other Americans define it.

I didn't  say anything about being outraged.    I simply think that if he had said something to the affect that while it means something different in his country he understands the difference and apologizes if he offended anyone that would have diffused the situation….but he didn't.   His response when chastised is to blame it on the culture difference instead of trying to learn the lessons from this country where he lives.

BKay wrote:Jp could have helped his 'situations' as they arose if he could just humbly say "I'm sorry, I screwed up" and mean it. Saying 'it's ok' or 'just relax' to someone you've offended is demeaning. I don't think that is a cultural thing, but more of a personal growth issue. People respond to that kind of honesty and humility, and it would defuse so much of the ire toward him.

Sprite wrote:JPab just needs to STOP tweeting. He is running out of feet to insert into his mouth.

eliza3 wrote:I simply think that if he had said something to the affect that while it means something different in his country he understands the difference and apologizes if he offended anyone that would have diffused the situation….but he didn't.   His response when chastised is to blame it on the culture difference instead of trying to learn the lessons from this country where he lives.

dw_a_mom wrote:

eliza3 wrote:I simply think that if he had said something to the affect that while it means something different in his country he understands the difference and apologizes if he offended anyone that would have diffused the situation….but he didn't.   His response when chastised is to blame it on the culture difference instead of trying to learn the lessons from this country where he lives.

He is incredibly bad at diffusing difficult situations or at validating anyone's feelings but his own, it seems.

It's OK to stumble into it when you don't know a language really well, but his explanations too often make everything worse. All he has to learn is to say, "I am sorry, that is not what I thought I was saying and not what I meant!" <---- memorize this, Juan Pablo. Repeat. Then stop talking.

stuckinsc wrote:He could learn some sensitivity to this, I don't use that word and don't let my friends.

But, I will say, he apologized for the mistake with the gay comment (I thought it was genuine - others may disagree). He has continued to be criticized for that comment. So maybe he just doesn't see the point in apologizing anymore. It didn't really do him any good.

RollingEyes wrote: EXACTLY.  For the record, I am primarily the one who was offended by his laughing at and endorsement of using the word in an offensive context by retweeting it.  I was HIGHLY offended by the "joke" and I made sure he knew it.  Perhaps I am a little sensitive to it, but to me, it was very unacceptable.  First we had to deal with the "more pervert" crap, and now this.  Instead of recognizing he retweeted and laughed at something offensive, he made an excuse about culture, and basically said too bad. THAT is what pissed me off, and I will admit, I resorted to name-calling.  But let me give a little back-story.  My sister was born with Downs Syndrome.  She died at 8 months old.  Her 31st birthday would have been March 5th (day before yesterday)..... the R-word is generally used in an offensive way to refer to people with disabilities, especially such as those like my sister.  I'm sorry, ignorance is not an excuse for being a plain a-hole.  BTW, all I told his sister, which at the time I didn't realize it was his sister, was to STFU, due to her condescending involvement.  She told me to learn geography and culture.  Ok, well, let's see.....I served in the US Army for over 10 years.  I have been deployed around the world.  I PROTECTED other people's cultures that I didn't even agree with.  What else, I was married to a Spaniard.  I spent a lot of time in Spain.  Oh, yeah, I learned Spanish, and while it was not perfect, I made it a point to learn the culture enough to try not to offend anyone, and if I did something inadvertently, I APOLOGIZED for it.  

The original "joke" he retweeted has been removed, go figure, and he blocked me on Twitter, which is laughable to me.  I was just thinking before this all happened that I couldn't wait for this season to be over so I could unfollow him.  Before I'm asked, I followed him and watch this show for the train wreck that it is.  Because it is amusing to see how people take it so seriously.  It is like a car wreck, you just. can't. look. away.  

It amazes me how many people defend this jerk.  I don't normally troll people on Twitter or the internet, but THIS got me going.  Especially with the timing of it happening the day after my dead sister's birthday.  Perhaps calling him a dipshit and whatever else I said wasn't my finest moment, but I am passionate about this subject.  His dismissive attitude about it is disrespectful and hurtful.

pbmax wrote:

dw_a_mom wrote:

eliza3 wrote:I simply think that if he had said something to the affect that while it means something different in his country he understands the difference and apologizes if he offended anyone that would have diffused the situation….but he didn't.   His response when chastised is to blame it on the culture difference instead of trying to learn the lessons from this country where he lives.

He is incredibly bad at diffusing difficult situations or at validating anyone's feelings but his own, it seems.

It's OK to stumble into it when you don't know a language really well, but his explanations too often make everything worse.  All he has to learn is to say, "I am sorry, that is not what I thought I was saying and not what I meant!"  <---- memorize this, Juan Pablo.  Repeat.  Then stop talking.

He does know how but it seems when people don't want to hear what he's saying then it's pointless. For example the situation with Andi about the word default, after Andi insisted he said it, he said okay I said it, he apogized also for sayinghis it's okay's which seem to bug her so bad. He also did the same with Clare, he took responsibility for the rump in the ocean...he did not put it all on Clare but was saying it was a mistake. It seem like people take out only the parts they want to hear. When he touch the ladies face and say listen to me is not him ordering tjem but trying to get attention so he can explain himsef and make them feel better, some men are like that and it's not about demanding.

dw_a_mom wrote:

pbmax wrote:

dw_a_mom wrote:

eliza3 wrote:I simply think that if he had said something to the affect that while it means something different in his country he understands the difference and apologizes if he offended anyone that would have diffused the situation….but he didn't.   His response when chastised is to blame it on the culture difference instead of trying to learn the lessons from this country where he lives.

He is incredibly bad at diffusing difficult situations or at validating anyone's feelings but his own, it seems.

It's OK to stumble into it when you don't know a language really well, but his explanations too often make everything worse.  All he has to learn is to say, "I am sorry, that is not what I thought I was saying and not what I meant!"  <---- memorize this, Juan Pablo.  Repeat.  Then stop talking.

He does know how but it seems when people don't want to hear what he's saying then it's pointless. For example the situation with Andi about the word default, after Andi insisted he said it, he said okay I said it, he apogized also for sayinghis it's okay's which seem to bug her so bad. He also did the same with Clare, he took responsibility for the rump in the ocean...he did not put it all on Clare but was saying it was a mistake. It seem like people take out only the parts they want to hear. When he touch the ladies face and say listen to me is not him ordering tjem but trying to get attention so he can explain himsef and make them feel better, some men are like that and it's not about demanding.

It is a lot more complicated than that.  I realize I am only seeing edited TV, but there are patterns in view that I KNOW from personal experience are NOT indications of a man who knows how to be in a sincere and serious relationship in anything resembling a healthy way. IF he really is like he's been shown to be on TV, and how he comes across in his tweets, he simply has a lot to learn about interpersonal relationships and American culture.