ATFR (Live) - 8/05 - Bachelorette 9 - Discussion and Spoilers

Chacharo wrote:I want to comment on Chris not watching the break-up scene.  I believe that is a sign of great maturity on his part.  Why watch something that might potentially cause heartbreak and feelings of doubt?  I also agree with whoever said Chris probably realized that Des had strong feelings for Brooks.  IMO I think they are both smart to look forward and work on their relationship, rather than look back to ruminate over Des' feelings were in that moment.  They seem to be doing a good job of that so far.  It really doesn't matter to me whether they make it to the altar or not - I don't know these people and never will.  I thank them for providing me hours of entertainment this season and enjoyed the finale more than any since Jash.  What most people understand here is that what they do now outside of the Bach Bubble is what really matters for the future.

I'm looking forward to the drama and subsequent snarking of JuanPa's season.  I have high hopes for a snarktastic season.  

veg_out wrote:

Alanna wrote:
She definitely said all those things and probably felt them to be her true feelings in the moment but IMO it's just like teenagers screaming they hate their parents, want to die, run away, blow up the school or whatever, whatever, whatever. They may feel it when Mom and Dad ground them from the iPad but in reality, it's just a splash of emotions going crazy.

She was hurt and felt betrayed and said all those things, and couple that with her understanding of what love is supposed to be like with feeling unloved, insecure, and unwanted, she freaked out and went nuts. Once she calmed down, she realized that love is the guy that is always there for you that matters, and not the spark she felt with Brooks, which didn't matter since he never wanted her anyway. She seems to understand it now and appreciates and loves the man who wants to be her rock no matter the waves around them.

I also attribute this situation to Ali's and basically echo everything nd posted upthread, except with a caveat. As similar as these situations are and to me, they're bordering on identical, I think the outcomes will be different. Ali had an agenda to be a STAR which Roberto didn't fit and she had many, many previous boyfriends so it wasn't her first rodeo into charming a guy and doing what she wants. I put Des more into the Jillian and Ashley category of women, who don't know their female prowess exists or they don't know how to use it, so I think she'll stick around with Chris instead of running off into LA chasing over Brooks' clone. Like everyone says though, time will tell!

 About Brooks: Even if Des and Brooks were locked in a room, I'm not certain that any additional rehashing of the relationship or "feeling" talks would bring them out of the circle they were running in. At the end of the day, as he intimated last night, "it" wasn't there for him. Why, then, should Des not move on to someone who does love her?

I understand that people are concerned about Chris not watching the Brooks' breakup. I suspect that Chris knew that he was "second" to Brooks; he commented on it since episode 3 and then again in Madiera. When Des told them at the F3 RC that Brooks was gone, I think that "$hit got real" for Drew and Chris who then actually had a shot.

I almost see Chris' LCD as the first date of their "real" relationship, and Chris and Des jumped into things with open hearts unfettered by the "journey to that point". It was a fresh start for them both. If that's the case, I could see Chris more easily dismissing the Brooks stuff and not seeing it necessary to watch the breakup. If that LCD was the start of their relationship essentially and they both knew it, then everything before that time becomes irrelevant to their reality.

I really see possibility for this couple, and I'm elated by the turn of events.  Brooks will find someone who he wants to love soon.

iamreal2u wrote:Don't you need to understand your past to move forward with the future.  There is nothing wrong with learning from mistakes it all part of acceptance.  Plus, burying their heads in the sand, does not make it go away.  I guess I am a better now than later kinda person.

SueSt wrote:

veg_out wrote:

Alanna wrote:
She definitely said all those things and probably felt them to be her true feelings in the moment but IMO it's just like teenagers screaming they hate their parents, want to die, run away, blow up the school or whatever, whatever, whatever. They may feel it when Mom and Dad ground them from the iPad but in reality, it's just a splash of emotions going crazy.

She was hurt and felt betrayed and said all those things, and couple that with her understanding of what love is supposed to be like with feeling unloved, insecure, and unwanted, she freaked out and went nuts. Once she calmed down, she realized that love is the guy that is always there for you that matters, and not the spark she felt with Brooks, which didn't matter since he never wanted her anyway. She seems to understand it now and appreciates and loves the man who wants to be her rock no matter the waves around them.

I also attribute this situation to Ali's and basically echo everything nd posted upthread, except with a caveat. As similar as these situations are and to me, they're bordering on identical, I think the outcomes will be different. Ali had an agenda to be a STAR which Roberto didn't fit and she had many, many previous boyfriends so it wasn't her first rodeo into charming a guy and doing what she wants. I put Des more into the Jillian and Ashley category of women, who don't know their female prowess exists or they don't know how to use it, so I think she'll stick around with Chris instead of running off into LA chasing over Brooks' clone. Like everyone says though, time will tell!

 About Brooks: Even if Des and Brooks were locked in a room, I'm not certain that any additional rehashing of the relationship or "feeling" talks would bring them out of the circle they were running in. At the end of the day, as he intimated last night, "it" wasn't there for him. Why, then, should Des not move on to someone who does love her?

I understand that people are concerned about Chris not watching the Brooks' breakup. I suspect that Chris knew that he was "second" to Brooks; he commented on it since episode 3 and then again in Madiera. When Des told them at the F3 RC that Brooks was gone, I think that "$hit got real" for Drew and Chris who then actually had a shot.

I almost see Chris' LCD as the first date of their "real" relationship, and Chris and Des jumped into things with open hearts unfettered by the "journey to that point". It was a fresh start for them both. If that's the case, I could see Chris more easily dismissing the Brooks stuff and not seeing it necessary to watch the breakup. If that LCD was the start of their relationship essentially and they both knew it, then everything before that time becomes irrelevant to their reality.

I really see possibility for this couple, and I'm elated by the turn of events.  Brooks will find someone who he wants to love soon.

Re the bolded - Chris still didn't know Drew was gone, nor did he know the extent of Des' feelings for Brooks .... in my opinion, the first day of their "real" relationship started ATFR... Can they actually make it work in the real world?  

Also for me, personally, everything before that time is still relevant to their relationship... it's all about who they are as people, how they react and respond and will undoubtedly color their life together in the real world.

SueSt wrote:

iamreal2u wrote:Don't you need to understand your past to move forward with the future.  There is nothing wrong with learning from mistakes it all part of acceptance.  Plus, burying their heads in the sand, does not make it go away.  I guess I am a better now than later kinda person.

While I don't think you necessary need to understand your past to move forward with the future (there are plenty of people that make the same mistakes repeatedly without understanding)... the future happens regardless, the past is prelude.  I do agree that refusing to watch the show is a form of burying their heads in the sand... and ultimately this issue will resurface in their relationship.

Luvvy wrote:^^Well, is not watching it truly avoiding it? She told him she loved Brooks. They say they've discussed it. Does he really need to see it? I feel like if she's been totally honest, they should be okay. I'm sure they have bigger problems than Brooks in the real world, like living together, getting to know each other more, etc.

Luvvy wrote:^^Well, is not watching it truly avoiding it? She told him she loved Brooks. They say they've discussed it. Does he really need to see it? I feel like if she's been totally honest, they should be okay. I'm sure they have bigger problems than Brooks in the real world, like living together, getting to know each other more, etc.

Beeleever wrote:I don't see the comparison to Ashley and JP as apples to apples. Ashley was most certainly NOT confessing her love to Ben in the most heart-wrenching, emotional break-up we've ever seen, five days before accepting JP's proposal. Ashley faked her way through the end of the show because she had to in order to be with JP. Des is the one that said she ONLY wanted to date Brooks. Big difference.

If your relationship is built on a solid foundation, there isn't ANYTHING that you shouldn't be able to address and work through. Having this big a skeleton in your closet, one that the whole world knows about, and not dealing with it head on, is a red flag for me. I'm a Des fan and I respect her right to make her own decisions, but this one worries me. I know we all see things differently and I'm good with that.