Re: Episode 10 (Finale Part 1) - 7/29 - Bachelorette 9 - Thread #1

[Guest]

Producers can do whatever it is they do but the reality is the guy said he knows what it is to be in love and this isn't it.  He said it in a well thought out, calm fashion.

There have been plenty of red flags throughout the season as well.  His body language, the conversation where she is "running" and he "isn't there".  

Brooks is simply NOT as into Desiree and Desiree is into Brooks.  It is what it is no matter how TPTB or fans want to spin it.  The guy likes her, he respects her, but he doesn't love her.

IMO ring or no ring, rehab or no rehab, proposal or no proposal, this is not then next Trista and Ryan season.  Even if by some producer manipulation Brooks proposes my bet is by the time we are looking at a new bachelor this relationship is a bad memory.

I totally agree...finally someone with common sense.

[philphan]

Just another person weighing in here...

A lot of viewers have long watched the Bachelor/ette series for a fantasy version of love, IMO.  However, when the much talked about "bubble" bursts, and real-life sets in, the lead and F1 can't maintain what they thought was love in the unreal storybook setting in said "bubble".

Did the producers work overtime on Brooks to exploit every insecurity he had because they needed drama for a season that was branded as "boring"?  And, did the producers take advantage of Des being vulnerable enough to admit that she was in love with Brooks too soon?  I believe the producers are guilty of these things and more.  

But, here is the thing.  I've been Des.  And, I've had a Brooks in my life.  A man like Brooks is damaged (but, there are a lot of damaged people in the world).  My "Brooks" and I have had that same scene played between us so many times that I've lost count.  Would some people consider me a glutton for punishment?  Probably.  Those who have been lucky enough to find a seemingly "healthier" or "more normal" version of love, I suppose.  But, I, like Des (I suspect) simply fell in love with who we love - men who maybe aren't the "best" choice because of their complexities and insecurities.  It's not easy to love these men sometimes, I'll admit.  And, if Brooks comes back (which I think he will) and they end up together (which I think they will, at least at the conclusion of the show), she'll likely have a hard road - just as I have had.

But, even though there are certainly challenges in loving a man like this - there are great times as well.  This is real love for some people.  It's not tied up in a neat little package with a pretty bow.  Some of us have messy love stories.  But, despite the messiness, we love our men to pieces.  And, they may not be able to articulate their feelings well, and freak out from time to time due to over analyzing things, and fall into a depression from time to time - but, that's just a part of who they are.  (Just a note, I don't think for one minute that I'm any version of being close to perfect, or that Des is, it's just that our love interests seem to pale in comparison to more "appropriate" choices like Chris and Drew.  If this were a movie, I'd have no doubt that production would have had Chris and Drew in capes and riding white horses.  Brooks, on the other hand, would've been clad from head to foot in black leather riding a horse to match).

But, here's the crux of the matter - my "Brooks" and I have been together for 24 years.  And, during that time we have never been unfaithful to one another, we still make one another laugh, and we have a beautiful family (to which, he is an excellent father).  

I know that we didn't start our relationship under the same circumstances, and I don't presume to know every detail of their relationship from what we've been shown - but, I do know that I've been right where they were last night, and yes, things could change totally the next day, let alone five days later.  Maybe after the hell that the producers put these two through, the irony is that they may have a better chance of making it than most couples who have gone through the "fairy tale" version of the process.

I totally agree that we all fall for different types of guys and that love isn't tied up in a neat little package.
The issue(s) I do foresee for Des and Brooks if he is F1 FIVE DAYS LATER are trust and communication. Desiree has already experienced this with previous boyfriends and I'm afraid this would just be a relationship pitfall all over again. If they are willing to make it work outside of the Bach Bubble...we may POSSIBLY see a fairytale evolve. I will say that I am very skeptical, though:nono: 

[Guest]

  Great post, DoxieMom! And congratulations to you and your Brooks for having a relationship such as yours for 24 years, and seeing the beauty, love and value of it.  

Sorry but you got lucky...for every situation that ends up like yours there are prob a bunch that didn't end up that way. I have friends in marriages where the guy always has the upper hand...they are always insecure...I feel sorry for them. I think Des won't be better off if Brooks comes back and tries to take her back...I still doubt he will do that though.

[DoxieMom]

I totally agree that we all fall for different types of guys and that love isn't tied up in a neat little package.
The issue(s) I do foresee for Des and Brooks if he is F1 FIVE DAYS LATER are trust and communication. Desiree has already experienced this with previous boyfriends and I'm afraid this would just be a relationship pitfall all over again.  If they are willing to make it work outside of the Bach Bubble...we may POSSIBLY see a fairytale evolve. I will say that I am very skeptical, though:nono: 

Again, I'm just speaking from experience, but I think that trust and communication are issues in almost every relationship. Perhaps you are right in saying that this relationship will end up like her previous ones - we all know this franchise's dismal success rate - but, to expect a fairytale relationship in the real world (no matter who we are speaking of) is unrealistic to me. If a couple has a fairytale relationship, I'd certainly like to meet them to gain some much needed insight. All of the people I know who have had long, successful marriages have had to work damn hard to maintain them.

[Archer23]

Producers can do whatever it is they do but the reality is the guy said he knows what it is to be in love and this isn't it.  He said it in a well thought out, calm fashion.

There have been plenty of red flags throughout the season as well.  His body language, the conversation where she is "running" and he "isn't there".  

Brooks is simply NOT as into Desiree and Desiree is into Brooks.  It is what it is no matter how TPTB or fans want to spin it.  The guy likes her, he respects her, but he doesn't love her.

IMO ring or no ring, rehab or no rehab, proposal or no proposal, this is not then next Trista and Ryan season.  Even if by some producer manipulation Brooks proposes my bet is by the time we are looking at a new bachelor this relationship is a bad memory.

This. Every word of it. I don't even mind if he has a change of heart, comes back, begs for another chance, and she agrees to date him in the real world. But any ending that involves her accepting a proposal from anyone will make her look desperate and needy in my eyes. That ring needs to be a "let's date in the real world and see how it goes" ring and nothing else.

[atem]

Trying to make sense of this show is way too much to me. MF & Co. is only showing some of the story.

[DoxieMom]

  Great post, DoxieMom! And congratulations to you and your Brooks for having a relationship such as yours for 24 years, and seeing the beauty, love and value of it.  

Sorry but you got lucky...for every situation that ends up like yours there are prob a bunch that didn't end up that way. I have friends in marriages where the guy always has the upper hand...they are always insecure...I feel sorry for them. I think Des won't be better off if Brooks comes back and tries to take her back...I still doubt he will do that though.

Thank you very much for your congratulations, Piper - it's been hard earned and I appreciate your sentiment tremendously.  

I got lucky? What a laugh! Certainly you are right, our divorce rates are through the roof in this country. Not all relationships like mine last - but neither do the "but they seemed so happy" or "but they seemed so perfect for one another" relationships. I'm sorry for your friends who have been in the situations that you describe as well - but, I do know that there are people who feel insecure no matter who they are with. But, please, after all of my tears and hard work to make this relationship last this long - don't demean me by calling me "lucky".

[Cecilia]

Producers can do whatever it is they do but the reality is the guy said he knows what it is to be in love and this isn't it.  He said it in a well thought out, calm fashion.

There have been plenty of red flags throughout the season as well.  His body language, the conversation where she is "running" and he "isn't there".  

Brooks is simply NOT as into Desiree and Desiree is into Brooks.  It is what it is no matter how TPTB or fans want to spin it.  The guy likes her, he respects her, but he doesn't love her.

IMO ring or no ring, rehab or no rehab, proposal or no proposal, this is not then next Trista and Ryan season.  Even if by some producer manipulation Brooks proposes my bet is by the time we are looking at a new bachelor this relationship is a bad memory.

This. Every word of it. I don't even mind if he has a change of heart, comes back, begs for another chance, and she agrees to date him in the real world. But any ending that involves her accepting a proposal from anyone will make her look desperate and needy in my eyes. That ring needs to be a "let's date in the real world and see how it goes" ring and nothing else.

Agreed with the bolded.

But really annoyed with everyone calling her "desperate and needy." She's in love people!

[Kashathediva]

Producers can do whatever it is they do but the reality is the guy said he knows what it is to be in love and this isn't it.  He said it in a well thought out, calm fashion.

There have been plenty of red flags throughout the season as well.  His body language, the conversation where she is "running" and he "isn't there".  

Brooks is simply NOT as into Desiree and Desiree is into Brooks.  It is what it is no matter how TPTB or fans want to spin it.  The guy likes her, he respects her, but he doesn't love her.

IMO ring or no ring, rehab or no rehab, proposal or no proposal, this is not then next Trista and Ryan season.  Even if by some producer manipulation Brooks proposes my bet is by the time we are looking at a new bachelor this relationship is a bad memory.

This. Every word of it. I don't even mind if he has a change of heart, comes back, begs for another chance, and she agrees to date him in the real world. But any ending that involves her accepting a proposal from anyone will make her look desperate and needy in my eyes. That ring needs to be a "let's date in the real world and see how it goes" ring and nothing else.

I think in real life, they more than likely are taking a cue from Jesse Palmer and an air ticket to visit might be more realistic on their horizon. He didn't even wait to take her on his cruise.

[Guest]

  Great post, DoxieMom! And congratulations to you and your Brooks for having a relationship such as yours for 24 years, and seeing the beauty, love and value of it.  

Sorry but you got lucky...for every situation that ends up like yours there are prob a bunch that didn't end up that way. I have friends in marriages where the guy always has the upper hand...they are always insecure...I feel sorry for them. I think Des won't be better off if Brooks comes back and tries to take her back...I still doubt he will do that though.

Thank you very much for your congratulations, Piper - it's been hard earned and I appreciate your sentiment tremendously.  

I got lucky?  What a laugh!  Certainly you are right, our divorce rates are through the roof in this country.  Not all relationships like mine last - but neither do the "but they seemed so happy" or "but they seemed so perfect for one another" relationships.  I'm sorry for your friends who have been in the situations that you describe as well - but, I do know that there are people who feel insecure no matter who they are with.  But, please, after all of my tears and hard work to make this relationship last this long - don't demean me by calling me "lucky".  

I didn't mean to "demean" you....maybe I used the wrong words....my point was just that the chances of someone who started off in your situation and ending up with what you describe are low...I know it happens but for every result like yours many don't end up that way....so I feel like if Brooks and Des are supposedly together their chances of having a successful marriage where the girl isn't always constantly insecure is low.

[Guest]

Producers can do whatever it is they do but the reality is the guy said he knows what it is to be in love and this isn't it.  He said it in a well thought out, calm fashion.

There have been plenty of red flags throughout the season as well.  His body language, the conversation where she is "running" and he "isn't there".  

Brooks is simply NOT as into Desiree and Desiree is into Brooks.  It is what it is no matter how TPTB or fans want to spin it.  The guy likes her, he respects her, but he doesn't love her.

IMO ring or no ring, rehab or no rehab, proposal or no proposal, this is not then next Trista and Ryan season.  Even if by some producer manipulation Brooks proposes my bet is by the time we are looking at a new bachelor this relationship is a bad memory.

This. Every word of it. I don't even mind if he has a change of heart, comes back, begs for another chance, and she agrees to date him in the real world. But any ending that involves her accepting a proposal from anyone will make her look desperate and needy in my eyes. That ring needs to be a "let's date in the real world and see how it goes" ring and nothing else.

Agreed with the bolded.

But really annoyed with everyone calling her "desperate and needy."  She's in love people!

She's in love with someone who doesn't love her...often results in someone feeling "desperate and needy." I think it's an accurate description and it happens to a lot of people...been there myself...not fun. Hopefully Des will snap out of it and get over Brooks fast.

[BachfanNY]

Producers can do whatever it is they do but the reality is the guy said he knows what it is to be in love and this isn't it.  He said it in a well thought out, calm fashion.

There have been plenty of red flags throughout the season as well.  His body language, the conversation where she is "running" and he "isn't there".  

Brooks is simply NOT as into Desiree and Desiree is into Brooks.  It is what it is no matter how TPTB or fans want to spin it.  The guy likes her, he respects her, but he doesn't love her.

IMO ring or no ring, rehab or no rehab, proposal or no proposal, this is not then next Trista and Ryan season.  Even if by some producer manipulation Brooks proposes my bet is by the time we are looking at a new bachelor this relationship is a bad memory.

I totally agree...finally someone with common sense.

 

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