Episode 9 (FD's) - 2/25 - Bachelor 17 - Discussion - Spoilers

Had he let Ashlee go sooner then it would mean Desiree or another would be in this postion. I don't think anyone leaving 3rd would hurt less. Ashlee will get over this. Most move on very quickly. The healing starts as they watch the show, if they had not been able to sooner.

HowSoonIsNow wrote:

albean99 wrote:I think Ashlee was all about her journey and her falling in love with him. I think this format is the worst for someone like her because she's so intense that she's only thinking about her feelings for Sean and not if she is a good match for him. It's tough for those on the show because the lead can't tell them what they're feeling nor what they're not feeling until they send them home. I think Ashlee can lean something from watching the show assuming she is. IRL guys don't want someone to be too serious too soon either.

I guess it's why they always say to heal yourself before you seek out a relationship. When you say Ashlee can learn something from this, I think the only thing she needs to learn is to step outside of herself a little bit, to try to understand who the guy is, too. Guys come in all varieties, and many guys prefer a serious girl like her. Plus, in my personal experience, many (if not most) guys become serious much more quickly than the girl does, so her pace IRL is probably not out of step with many guys'.

snowandcold wrote:Last night I really felt that Ashlee was completely holding Sean responsible for her happiness. I don't feel that she is a happy person inside at all. It appears to me that her happiness is based on someone else instead of first being happy herself. I think her ring descriptions is what may have made Sean believe he needed to let her go sooner rather than later. I also think she really under estimated the fact that Sean had real relationships with the other ladies. Her reaction to being sent home was really disturbing to me. I understand that she was hurt but I think her reaction was rather extreme.

Again, the need to heal yourself first before entering a relationship comes into play. She can only be sensitive to another person's needs when she is healed enough to not have to take so much time & energy to focus on her own needs.

I actually liked her reaction to being sent home. It was as raw, honest, and real as this show ever gets.

I'm guessing she felt a huge mix of emotions, and she held it together without pretending a pleasant face, yet she let her feelings be known. I can only imagine being in her shoes, I'd want to high-tail it outta there, too LOL. If Sean had told me "give me a chance to explain - let me have closure" I would have said "email me your closure" and jumped into the car asap. Not everyone can think straight when their emotions run high, and Ashlee's attempt to keep her dignity intact gets a thumbs-up from me. If anything, Sean should have recognized Ashlee's personality type and not pushed for closure then and there, respecting her preference to just get out of there.

Well, I wasn't going to even comment here on AshLee's exit last night, but I totally agree with what you said. Sean seems clueless to me sometimes, and it appeared to me that he needed to explain things to AshLee so that he would not end up looking look like the bad guy here. Goodness, he of all people should have known how it feels to get blindsided!! And he knew going into that RC that AshLee was going to be blindsided. I don't think that Sean is a malicious person, but he could have handled that much better than he did in my opinion.

He already knew that AshLee needed to control situations that were sometimes "out of her control". So, the kindest thing for Sean to have done would have been to just say that he was sorry and allow her to either leave gracefully or else initiate the conversation herself at that point. Her body language was telling him that she was angry. So, I agree with all of you who said that AshLee just didn't know what to say at that moment, and she did not want to say something in anger that she would later regret.

And I am pissed at the producers, with the way that they exploited AshLee's insecurities. It happens every year. Did they not feel like Sean had "tested" AshLee's insecurities and trust issues enough throughout the show? So, they gave her the date where she had to swim through a dark cave? I think that either Lindsay or Catherine could have been given that date and probably had fun with it. But, no!! Let's torture AshLee a little more.

Why do I keep watching this show? Because it is obvious that the producers do not give a rat's patootie about these people.

I'm rewatching the episode, and holy crap Sean and CH have some seriously amazing blue eyes in their little chat.

No matter who left at F3 .. There would have been an uproar if some sort .. It's part of getting that far...

umngirl wrote:Gah. You all are making me wish I had dvr so I can rewatch their date. Can't wait to see it again. And the SC's from their date will be off the charts. So excited.

Should be up on ABC.com by now.

Sean is in a damned if you do, damned if you don't position with AshLee's exit. I promise you, if he had just let her go, people would be saying things like, "I can't believe he let her walk away without saying anything to her, what a jerk. She was blindsided and he acted like he didn't care at all." That's because everyone is different, some of us would prefer he let us walk away, some would want him to show he cared enough to try and explain. He can't make everyone happy.

Sean was once in AshLee's F3 position (which very few people have been) and HE wouldn't have wanted to leave without a word from Emily, so he handled it the way he thought was best. Because that was his perspective. Maybe AshLee would've preferred he not say anything at all (I haven't seen a post show interview from her yet) but Sean can't read minds. And yes, sometimes when a person leaves the room without a word, what they really want is someone to follow them and show they care. Not everyone, but some people do.

tl;dr: No matter what he did in that moment, some fans would think he did it wrong. Which is pretty much true for every decision the lead makes. :)

terabithia wrote:Sean is in a damned if you do, damned if you don't position with AshLee's exit. I promise you, if he had just let her go, people would be saying things like, "I can't believe he let her walk away without saying anything to her, what a jerk. She was blindsided and he acted like he didn't care at all." That's because everyone is different, some of us would prefer he let us walk away, some would want him to show he cared enough to try and explain. He can't make everyone happy.

I agree for the most part. But I think that once she said "stay there," he should have left her alone.

I don't understand why he couldn't have had an Ali/Chris L scenario with AshLee. He openly acknowledges throughout the season how vulnerable she was, how strong her feelings for him were and he also had her jump through hoops to "prove herself" yet he couldn't show a little compassion at the end by sending her on her way privately?

If I had firsthand knowledge of the blindside experience, my reaction would be to try to minimize it for someone I cared for - not ensure that they got to experience the full effect. He claimed all season that he broke rules - why not this time?

NCGalBecca wrote:I don't understand why he couldn't have had an Ali/Chris L scenario with AshLee. He openly acknowledges throughout the season how vulnerable she was, how strong her feelings for him were and he also had her jump through hoops to "prove herself" yet he couldn't show a little compassion at the end by sending her on her way privately?

Everyone says this every year about the F2. Ali was allowed by TPTB to do it. It fit the "story" they wanted to spin at the time. Ashley even said she wanted to let Ben go earlier, but TPTB didn't let her....perhaps so they could convince Ben to propose, so it would make for an interesting Bach set up and add drama.

I think one difference at F3 is that they are not physically staying at the same resort (unlike at F2, with Ali). They bring them to the resort for the RC. Remember, Frank was probably going to be F2, and I think she would have done the traditional thing and let him go at the FRC. But she had enough trouble faking it with Chris at the FD (hello liquid courage) and at Meet her parents (burying her head in his chest rather than really hug him) that she couldn't do it any more- I think she convinced the producers that it's the least they could do for her after having Frank come to Tahiti to break up with her as they're headed out on their date. The only reason they got the reaction they did from her is because it messed up the plan, not because she was overly heartbroken about Frank.

So timing is everything. Maybe Sean should've/could've pushed back some and asked to speak with AshLee before he was introduced to hand out the roses. But I don't know that that would have gone any better.

Like I said last week, IMO, AshLee would have had that same reaction if Sean had let her go in Week 2. She was too invested from the start, and would have been devastated whenever he let her go. And if he had let her go weeks ago and one of the other girls was F3, people would still be complaining today about how he should have let that girl go earlier than he did. In two weeks, people will be complaining that he should have let Lindsay go before he did.

It's the "Bachelor" version of death and taxes.

He was blamed for not waiting for RC to send Sarah home, and now being blamed for not sending Ashlee home before RC... as someone else said, damn whatever he does!