BACHELOR 23 - Colton Underwood - General Discussion - **NO SPOILERS** - *SLEUTHING*

Evening portion of the date. The girls are nervous and the claws are coming out.

Colton pulls some girl aside and spews the same sh*t. They have so much fun and have so much in common. They both like food. Wow. Who would have guessed. He keeps rubbing his fingers down her leg. Giggling ensues...from both of them. Lame.

Meanwhile, Demi is being her usual bitchy self to Tracy. How hard it would be if she were an older woman surrounded by all these younger women. B*tch! I don't know how Tracy finds the strength to keep herself from slapping that brat who has the nerve to say that Tracy is being condescending and calls herself and the younger girls beautiful as if the older ones are hideous hags who can barely walk without a walker.

Demi doesn't worry about the other women because she is confident in her 5 minute "relationship" with Colton. Naturally, she goes and buts in on someone else. Her horrid laugh is annoying me. She blindfolds him and spanks him. Seriously??? She thinks she challenges him and excites him and makes him nervous because she uses a fake hand to touch his crotch. Charming. Your parents should be proud. Naturally, they make out.

Other girls are bitching about Demi and the interrupted girl whose name I don't know...ooops apparently it is Courtney...pulls her aside to tell her politely that she should be more aware of how she behaves and naturally dumb Demi doesn't care. Screw all of them. I got to be me, me, me. They are all intimidated by her and her confidence and how untouchable she is. I can't wait until this idiot is off my screen. Sadly I suspect I may have to wait a while since the producers seem to think that she makes good tv. :shootme:

Back at the mansion the others are wondering about how the date is going. They are pretty spot on. Date card...Elyse gets the single date. Cassie is getting all emotional because she is worried she may not get a date this week. Why girl? Why? You are so much better than that dolt! You should be running away from him. WTH do you see in him...other than overworked, bulked up muscles and that stupid, blank grin? You've spent all of 5 minutes with him. What is there to get all worked up about???

Back to the group date and here is Colton with Cailyn. Apparently their "moment" was awkward when she saved him and wants to do what he should have done then...kiss her...it is not any less awkward when he does it privately.

Can I just say that his lips bug me. It looks like he is wearing pink lipstick. His bottom lip is just weird. I think that is why he wears the beard...to hide the lips and probably because he thinks it makes him look more manly. Not working Dolton!

On another note, can I say that I was distracted by that weird hug they had. It looked like she would be popping a boob through that cutout in her dress. I was just waiting and staring.

Naturally Hannah is p*ssed and is being encouraged to share her issues with Cailyn with Colton. Don't do it girl. Or, maybe, do do it. He can get ticked off and kick your a** out since after your date last week, he knows there is zilch there. Then I won't have to listen to this idiotic feud you seem to think you have with her. I don't even know...does Cailyn know they are feuding?

Hannah time. She doesn't even waste any time and starts in on Cailyn. You can see by Colton's body language he just doesn't want to hear this. He asks her is she mean, manipulative? Basically asking for concrete examples of why there are issues and she is just going on they were competitive, it was stressful, if that is what you want then why would you want me. The girl rambles and doesn't really answer the question. Colton is confused and needs time to figure this out. He wants out of there, but she tries to be all cute and kisses him. He gives her a peck and hightails it out of Dodge.

He goes back and gets Cailyn. He is confused and frustrated. He basically spills the beans...or what part of it he understood. She says the exact same things...competitive environment, they handle stress differently, blah, blah, blah. There are things she wanted to talk to him about...real life stuff, traumatic stuff, that she feels he should know if they are in a relationship. She starts crying. You can tell he is way more sympathetic to her and willing to listen to her. She doesn't want to talk about it tonight. He gives her a hug. I suspect she will be getting a single date ASAP so that we can hear this traumatic tale. And naturally he goes and gets the date rose to give to her. Totally ignores the other women when he does and he kind of looks p*ssed. Hannah quaking in her boots. Probably not the way she thought it would go.

Next day, Cailyn is crying by the pool complaining that she should be happy, but feels that was taken away from her. She knew this would happen when she saw Hannah was also on the show. She wants him to send Hannah home. I wish he would send both of you home.

Meanwhile, Hannah is off venting to her confidant Heather and doesn't want to go home before Cailyn. I can see that they are both manipulative and competitive. I'm not crazy about either one, but I think that Cailyn is better at playing the game. Hannah is a mess, but Cailyn can do the pretty cry. And this is why I am not a fan of pageant girls!!!

Date with Elyse and Colton in a limo. They are going on a helicopter ride and are going to San Diego to an amusement park. She is 6 years older, but to me it seriously feels as if she is his baby sitter. It is a group date with some kids to show us just how good a guy Colton is because he gets along with kids. The kids squealing, seriously sounds just like the women on a group date!!! The kids are cute handing out dating advice. They probably know more than he does.

Obligatory make out on top of the rollercoaster once they get rid of the kids. I see zero chemistry.

Evening portion and they are in some theater. She thinks he will make a great dad and she thinks the age difference isn't an issue. He likes her confidence and independence. She talks about her sister passing away from cancer. And this is why she got this date...so we can hear her spill her guts. I hate them doing this kind of stuff and exploiting a tragedy for "entertainment". Just hate it. Naturally she gets a rose...for opening up.  

Another surprise...fake concert by unknown singer. Stupid dancing and making out in front of audience. Boring. If I didn't already see they have zero chemistry, the concert date would be enough to tell me she doesn't win. Naturally she is falling in love.  

Colton was not my favorite for Bachelor and still isn't but he's doing okay. I don't think he's anywhere near ready to get engaged but that's fine with me.

So the Cailynn and Hannah B drama started the show and basically took over the whole episode. I just don't care. He seems to prefer Cailynn so guess the producers are making him keep Hannah. Out of the rest, he seems to really like Cassie and also Hannah G (does she remind anyone else of Reese Witherspoon?).

Even the outtake was from the 1 on 1 date. I thought it was so cute, especially when the little girl said "fine" in a tone just like the big girls are thinking.

Shirtless Colton working out. Please just stop. He needs someone fit.

Ladies in the limo are wondering what the date is about. Strong man needs a strong woman. They think it is wrestling. They see him shirtless...squealing ensues.

Terry Crews and his botoxed beyond recognition wife...who looks very like Catherine...except with short hair. They put the girls through some exercises. Colton is giving advice. Some women are not very athletic. Sydney is apparently making stretching look like dirty dancing.

One last test outside with an audience for the Bachelor Strongest Woman Competition. Only 3 make it to the finals and one winner. CH and Fred Willard doing commentary saying the crowd is on their feet going wild...and they are not. Doing stupid sh*t. Anayka? won. I don't think he cares.

At some hotel they start the night portion of the date. He likes strong confident women...sure you do.

Tayisha pulls him aside. She is feeling him. Please. She is a strong woman and he needs a strong woman. Make out. Please.

Girls are feeling nervous. Naturally not Catherine.

Nicole is Cuban and from Miami in case we and Colton didn't know....like, like, like. Like I don't think I have ever heard someone use the word like so many times in a sentence. Like. Like let's make out. Like!

Anayka gets wedding cake because she won. She apparently has contagious energy and he feeds off of that, but not enough to make out. Cassie on the other hand, is awkward, but cute and has him backed up against a window as they make out and he has his hands kind of under the hem of her dress rubbing up and down her legs...and yet she didn't win...or did she? He is hot for her...poor, dumb girl. When he is around her he gets butterflies. She is cute and sexy. Butterflies and sexy usually signals winner, winner, chicken dinner. So far, he seems the most natural with her and he finds her sexy. For the real win....

Caitlyn...relationship behind the others. Bad sign. She looks a lot like Caylin. Seriously, some of these women could be interchangeable. She sadly has no tragedy to share with Colton at this time. He asks he why she is ready and what she is looking for...Someone who is happy to go out with her and her friends. Yup. That is why she is ready for a relationship. Maybe she should just have a relationship with her friends. Even Dolton realises that her answer is dumb, so you know just how truly dumb it was. He is so not feeling it, even though he thinks she is hot and desperately wants to feel it. He doesn't feel the spark and so he doesn't feel she is for him. She is looking at him like a deer in headlights. No, she doesn't want him to hold her hand.

And off she goes in the limo of shame. The others are shocked!!! She didn't expect to be in this position. In the limo, it says she is 25, but she looks more like 35. She thinks he got rid of someone who was real and there for him...unlike some other women at the house. Sure. If you say so. I never would have guessed. In her delusion, she thinks he will regret this and maybe ask for her to come back. Yeah, I don't think so.

Next morning the ladies are getting caught up on what went on last night and why Colton sent Caitlyn home. They are shaken. Some admire him because it shows just how serious he is...yeah, sure. Others are scared...who will be next, me? D*amn, they want to make it to the travelling portion so they can at least get to BIP...ooops, to be Colton's wife. Panic and fear is rampant.

Shockingly, CH arrives, but only because he won't need to be here for the cocktail party. Whew. Here I thought he was working extra hard this episode. Dolton knows what he wants. No cocktail party....but, it's OK. There will be a pool party all day and Dolton will be shirtless. Just what I needed. Appropriate squealing ensues and a rush to get glammed up in their best teeny-weeny bikini.

Demi is ready to spend lots of time with her man.... Lots of gratuitous shots of women spraying one another with sun tan lotion. Hannah planning more talking with Colton about her previous talk. Just keep you mouth shut girl and perhaps, if you pull a Corrine in the pool, the sight of your naked boobs might distract the virgin from kicking you to the curb like Caitlyn.

Poor Dolton. This week has been much harder than he expected. Jeeze. It's only week 3. He will be a basket case by the end. Hard conversations. Doubts. Hoping his instincts don't let him down. Lighten the mood. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Demi asks him to disrobe. It's like he is a stripper at the strip club and aging women are all eager to shove bills down his pants...and he is thrilled. Demi happily lubes him up and you know the others are silently swearing in their heads...I should have thought of that.

Silliness ensues. Colton jumping, splashing, desperately attempting to attract attention.

FIR Hannah pulls him aside. She was worried. He is all reassuring. He knows what they have...their chemistry...kiss, kiss, kiss. Same old, same old. He says he likes her, but I'm not feeling quite the same chemistry as before. I venture to say, she has slipped down the food chain.

More pageant queen drama. Hannah still harping about Cailyn and the petty drama which we have not seen or had explained clearly to her buddy Heather. She fears that Cailyn is talking cr*p about her to Dolton and she is ready to let out her beautiful inner monster...What ever the hell that is.  :shootme:

And we are back. Lots of bikini shots. Hannah who now has a giant zit on one nostril is still worried about Cailyn who has just accidentally on purpose...thanks to production...strolled by with Dolton. She just wants to get into it with him and tells him she and Hannah have a past. It started when she became runner up and Hannah didn't place...manipulation, deceitfulness... jeeze Louise. Just shut up about this. I am over it. You don't like one another. I don't care. Either does he. He will believe the one whose pants he wants to get into the most and that is clearly Cailyn.

Cailyn is good. She knows how to work this. She is very smooth and convincing and that is probably the reason why I may actually believe Hannah. A good liar is smooth. They practice their stories. Hannah is a mess and awkward and that makes me more inclined to believe her. Cailyn is much more subtle, not trying to thrown Hannah under the bus...as she shoves her...with all her strength.

Colton goes to talk to Hannah alarmed at the things that were said about her character...toxic, manipulative, deceitful. She naturally denies it. He asks why would Cailyn say that? He really is a dolt. Hannah says because Cailyn is the one who is manipulative and fake because she knows how to be what people want. She thinks if he ended up with Cailyn, she would feel bad for him because he wouldn't know what he was getting. He is pissed and confused and doesn't know who to believe...and takes off with a producer and continues to go round and round. Enter CH to talk Dolton off the ledge. He still has to figure it out because he is afraid that someone will be here and take advantage of him. Poor guy. Never mind about his fake self.

RC time.

Girls are not happy because the pageant drama apparently took up hours of time and many of them did not even get a chance to talk to him.

Nicole, Cailyn and Elyse all have roses.

Colton...emotional and surprising week. If you don't get a rose, it's not because you aren't incredible.

FIR Hannah
Taysha
Katie
Cassie
Kirpa
Sydney
Demi
Tracy...Demi is shocked and rolling her eyes
Courtney
Heather
Anyca...is ticked because she had something planned and didn't have a chance to do because he had to listen to pageant girl drama.

Last rose...

Pageant girls are b*tching about one another. Hannah is nervous and upset and Cailyn is rather smug. It just reinforces that I think Hannah is probably closer to the truth. I wish they would both be gone, but since tptb loves their drama and like to beat us over the head with it until we are numb, I suspect I have more to endure of this.

Shocking nobody, the final rose goes to...Hannah.

Nina, Catherine and some girl whose name I never got go home.

Hannah is really upset and hates Cailyn. Yup. Too stupid to lie.


Next week...Singapore. What? They are out of the country in week 4? They didn't do any travelling in the US. Not even Vegas.

Colton tells us that life is all about experiencing things for the first time....Why whatever could he be referring to??? Hint, hint, wink, wink.

He is making out with some blonde in the car...is it Cailyn? They all look the same. Bungee jumping. Walking on the beach with someone. Making out in some building. Ferris wheel. Being straddled by someone. Making out with Cassie I think. Making out in the ocean with Tyisha? Demi suggesting that Colton could lose his v card in Singapore. Apparently Cailyn gets the shopping date...will it make Hannah blow her top??? Pageant girls still talking smack about one another and Demi once again getting into it with the others and making someone cry. Fun times.


Well, this was as stupid and predictable as expected.

As of tonight, I'm going with Cassie as F1. She got butterflies and sexy. Classic F1. (Sean's Cat got sexy.)

Cailyn and FIR Hannah are in the running, but I don't think they win. He wants to believe Cailyn because he is attracted to her, but I don't see the "it" spark that I do with Cassie. FIR Hannah is another one he is attracted to, but I am surprised because it already looks like he is not as interested as he was the first couple of episodes. Again, that spark seems to be missing. I never thought she won because of the FIR, but it just appears that he lost some interest in her. I had expected her to go far...top 4...but, if he is losing interest this quickly, maybe she doesn't get that far.

Really other than Cassie, I'm not seeing much with others. She is also not getting a lot of air time, so I am wondering if they are hiding her.

He is making out a ton, but it just seems forced vs him really enjoying it. The conversations on this show are usually pretty lack luster, but this season is worse than ever. That is what you get when you cast a bunch of toddlers who can barely string a sentence together.

The ending credits with the kids interrupting each other was much funnier than when the ladies looking for love do it...and the kids were much more polite about it.

Thanks for the recap and your thoughts Sprite.
I was confused when I saw him making out with Cassie when we haven't seen a first kiss between them. Nor any conversations of substance or otherwise for that matter. Hate this sort of editing. Perhaps she is being given a physical edit because he has only said she is sexy so far ?
I agree the FIR girl is dropping down the pecking order. If she makes it far it will be (IMO) a strategic move. Possible future lead ? She seems confident so maybe that's a plus.
He likes Caelin (Pagent girl) which is causing his confusion. Both Pagent girls can leave asap for me.
I like the girl he took on the 1on1 Elise. As I said before she is stunning and could be a future lead as well.
I really really hope that he does not loose his V card on this show. Though I suspect that's where the storyline will head. Particularly the line with Demi in the Promo as a foreshadowing.

nd4reality wrote:Thanks for the recap and your thoughts Sprite.
I was confused when I saw him making out with Cassie when we haven't seen a first kiss between them. Nor any conversations of substance or otherwise for that matter. Hate this sort of editing. Perhaps she is being given a  physical edit because he has only said she is sexy so far ?
I agree the FIR girl is dropping down the pecking order. If she makes it far it will be (IMO) a strategic move. Possible future lead ? She seems confident so maybe that's a plus.
He likes Caelin (Pagent girl) which is causing his confusion. Both Pagent girls can leave asap for me.
I like the girl he took on the 1on1 Elise. As I said before she is stunning and could be a future lead as well.
I really really hope that he does not loose his V card on this show. Though I suspect that's where the storyline will head. Particularly the line with Demi in the Promo as a foreshadowing.

Yeah, I'm wondering if Cassie will be getting a date soon. They clearly have the most chemistry and have spent time together because he is much less awkward making out with her and she is way too invested already if they haven't, but we have barely seen her or their time together.

The storyline is all about his virginity and no doubt will continue to be, which is pretty much what I said before the show started. In fact, I think I wrote the script as soon as he was cast and it's been pretty much on point thus far. I agree that I hope he doesn't take it that far. Can you imagine tptb taping that...kind of like Kaitlyn with Nick on their first date? And the sound effects they would probably add? My stomach would turn.

I really don't see anyone from this season who I think would make a good lead. The young ones are too young and dumb and the older ones are just as dull. Maybe something happens that will make one of them beloved and a must see lead? I don't think the tragedy of her sister dying and leaving a baby is enough to get the job for Elyse. That sounds so callus, but that is just the way tptb think, plus she seems kind of reserved and not as desparate as they like them. Maybe Cailyn? Apparently she has had some big trauma she must share with Dolton and she seems like the type that would most definately play along and cry a bucket on cue. Now I am wondering what she has going on? What is the cause du jour that tptb like to exploit?

I am really bored by this season thus far. The casting from the lead on down has been atrocious. I started watching late last night after I got home and kept flipping back and forth between the show and the Australian Open. The tennis was much more entertaining and it took me ages to finally finish watching the show. I had to force myself!

Dolton ! Classic

I'm cringing just thinking about sex noises being taped and put on an upcoming episode. Tacky indeed.

ETA : I am increasingly convinced that Cassie is the one he wanted and is genuinely attracted to and the edit is deliberately hiding her. I cannot remember which season (s) they did this offhand but this is an old trick. All the drama queens are getting pride of place currently.
I need to go back to watch Arie's season (which I barely really watched) but he had neither his real f1 or the original F1 heavily featured initially from my memory.