BACHELOR 23 - Colton Underwood - General Discussion - **NO SPOILERS** - *SLEUTHING*

Naturally we start off with a shirtless Colton apparently doing an Instagram story. I think they are trying to distract us with his naked bod, but it does nothing for me. I don't like his body type.

CH arrives and has a chat with the ladies and presents the first date card...group date...you never forget your first time...at some theater. Megan Mullally (from Will and Grace) and her husband Nick Offerman are hosting.

Lots of sexual innuendo.

I am already loosing interest.

Colton starts them off with sharing his tale of telling his team mates about his virginity. I'm shocked. I never would have expected that.

Elyse talks about dating a younger man.

Nicole about dating vanilla...Colton.

Hannah about getting the FIR.

And then they didn't show all of some...and frankly I just lost interest.

Demi then decides to go after Colton and kiss him and thinks she will get the first group date rose.

Why am I even watching this cr*p? What is wrong with me?

Back at the mansion and another date card. Another of other of the Hannah's gets a card for her birthday...love is on the horizon. I bet it isn't.

Meanwhile back on the group date they are at some building rooftop and Colton is spewing platitudes.

Demi grabs him first and he pretty much goes in to kiss her after a sentence. Please. She comes back and picks up the rose and is kind of taunting the others. Scott hates that laugh and thinks she will be eliminated for that alone.

Apparently he is intrigued by Elyse...and mooches on her face.

Others are bitching about Demi and her disrespect of the others with the rose and her immaturity. Tracy feels it is her business to straighten her out. Demi pretends as if she cares and is listening.

He is with Hannah (FIR) and having a conversation. His stupid smiling faces are annoying me. He brings up that she reminds him of home again. He makes out...again...as apparently Demi is watching although I just think it is editing.

Some other girl is taking pics with him in the photo booth.

Tracy is yapping about something as Demi is giving us an ITM about how fabulous she is.

Nicole is talking to him about her autistic brother. Just another chance for him to bring up his charity. He appreciates her opening up. Just a way of telling her he really isn't interested in her.

Shockingly Demi is disappointed and pissed she didn't get it...as is Nicole. The tears are slowly running down her face and she is already questioning if she should be there and opening herself up. Please. Get a grip ladies.

First date.

Colton is picking up the girl and others are already bit by the jealousy bug.

The pageant girls know one another and it seems there is some bad blood between them even thought they were friends at one time.

Back on the date there is some horseback riding and Colton rambling on about staying true to oneself. How many times am I going to have to hear that? Then he wants her to make a toast and she is a mess. We are listening to her gibberish and have no bloody idea what she just said. Even Colton is finding it a strain.

Next up the hot tub. To say that things are strained is an understatement. She is uncomfortable and he is useless at making things better. Things are heading downhill fast. It would be hilarious if for the first time ever, the first date girl didn't get the date rose and was sent home. I could get behind that. There is zip there.

Night portion of the date on the Queen Mary.

Colton is now doubting Hannah and his own judgement. He gives her a little pep speech, but jeeze she is 24 and it shows. He wants her to open up and she will try. More virgin talk. :shootme:

She tells her virgin story...I am dying. He likes her opening up and she gets the rose. I will bet that Hannah will not be getting the final rose....this Hannah at least.

She likes that he is so patient. Kiss, kiss, fireworks...even though there were none...and then they are forced to make out with the fireworks background. Happy birthday!

I don't know who it was harder to listen to. So painful.

Manly Colton chopping wood at summer camp. I on the other hand can't but help feel that he is chopping a different kind of wood.

They are playing games and CH and some comedian show up. I wonder if we will have any virgin jokes? Who am I kidding, I know they will.

I am dying. The comedian says he is gay and suggests Colton might wish to look into that.

They split the girls in two teams and make them compete to see who will stay and who will go. Red team wins it all. Yellows are bitter and pissed. I am bored and so is Scott. Even the hot girls are having a hard time keeping his interest. The virginity beating us over the head is alienating him already.

Still trying to finish epi 1. So much filler! The only part I liked was the Bachelor kids. I liked a few of the women- Nicole, Cassie, Caitlin, Erica, Sydney, and maybe Hannah G. I could see chemistry with Colton and Cassie and also Hannah G.

Colton wasn't too bad. I like him well enough even though I didn't want him to be TB. Catherine will be the drama queen but she bothers me to look at with her Botox or whatever she's had done.

Now will try to watch tonight's epi or at least half of it.

Yellow girls are back at the mansion all crest fallen.

He is with some girl yapping about how competitive they are and then they make out.

How many girls is that tonight? I need to keep track. It seems to be pretty much all of them.

Now Heather the virgin and never been kissed is wondering if he would think less of her  because of that. Seriously...he is in the same shoes. From one virgin to another...they coyly hold hands, but no kissing. OMG This is so horrible and yet she gets the group date rose.

This show has so jumped the shark. It isn't even fun anymore, just cringeworthy.

Just saw the season preview. Too funny with Colton running off at the end.

Another shower shot. That Colton sure is clean...in more ways than one.

Girls stressing at the cocktail party while Demi is happily watching their demise.

Colton...real connections starting to form. Sure. Yeah. You bet.

Pulled aside by some random woman whose name I forget and he probably does too since he seems to care less. She is droning on and he is getting that blank look in his eyes and doesn't even attempt to kiss her.

Other women bitching and talking with him. So random and dull. Some woman is blaring the air horn...apparently she is horny.... :shootme: She interrupted some other random woman and that woman retaliated by banging pots. So inspiring. This is what you get when your cast is 23/24 and some random cougars.

More boring chatting with random nameless, forgettable women.

Tracy is being all serious and is naturally interrupted by Demi in a bathrobe. She is this seasons of Corrine but without the nanny. Meanwhile one of the other girls is hyperventilating as a result. Demi comes back and is rubbing it in their faces that she gave him a massage and a chat. She is loving that she is p*ssing off the cougar pack.

RC:

Tayshawn

Cassie

Caylie

Coriya???

Demi...smack talking her way through ITMs

Nicole

Kirpa

FIR Hannah

Catherine

Bri

Sydney

Anriquea|???

Katie???

Cayla

Nina

Tracy...and just to p*ss off Demi and to continue the stupid fued.

CH earning his keep...say your goodbyes.


Angelique, Annie and some others are gone all heartbroken, embarrassed and doubting themselves even more than when they arrived.


Previews for next week. I will have to re-watch this, but it looks as stupid as ever.

And we end on Meghan M and her hubby making more virgin jokes. :shootme: