BACHELOR 23 - Colton Underwood - General Discussion - **NO SPOILERS** - *SLEUTHING*

Next up the only one Colton and his p*nis want...Cassie.

She is beautiful and he missed her. This is the most enthusiastic I have seen him...particularly when she strips down to her bikini. She will be teaching him to surf. Since the start she has been one of his strongest relationship. She is the perfect mix of sexy and cute...but he worries where her feelings are.

Lots of shots of Colton flailing all over the place as he tries to surf. I have a feeling this was done as a metaphor for his first time having sex.

Colton tries to get her to admit how she feels and she is kind of beating around the bush. She wants to be sure. Not exactly a ringing endorsement. I wonder if he is now thinking about all those gazillion warnings he received about her not being ready?

Back home dad is already planning how to take out Colton. He is not happy how touchy Colton is with his baby. He wonders if Colton is like that with all the women he dates. Oh, dad. At least Colton is a virgin so you don't have to worry too much!!!

We are back and they are talking about where they have travelled.

One of the sister pulls Cassie aside. Cassie is saying she still hasn't told him she is in love and she wants to be sure. Sis is encouraging this. No doubt producers threw a few hints there.

Mom is grilling Colton. He can't keep the smirk off his face when she asks how he feels and tells her the "chemistry" is AMAZING. So his p*nis is in love with Cassie.

Cassie is now trying to convince yet another sceptical father. He is talking about the other women still here. She says he would have at least explored all other possibilities. She says if she accepts the proposal it will only be because she is sure. Dad is asking all the right questions, but he is freaking her out. She is yelling at him. Dad is still not sold.

Now Colton is talking with Dad. He is talking about the others and basically says that while all the relationships are good, Cassie is special. Ask for her hand in marriage and dad is NOT impressed. He thinks that would be a premature blessing...and I don't think this one will be backing down. Colton in the ITM is practically in tears. He is not a happy camper. Daddy practically emasculated him.

Cassie and Colton go outside and he wants her to say she is falling in love, but she is her daddy's girl and leaves him hanging.

It is so clear that Cassie is the one he is chasing and she is the one playing hard to get. You know who is F1 by who the lead chases and it is crystal clear that is Cassie. It is just as clear that she is not going to jump in with the enthusiasm of the others. So we have one no declaration, two falling in love and one IN love. Bye Calynn!!!

The ladies arrive for the RC.

Hannah is first. She could see forever with Colton, but doesn't know how other HTDs went.

Taysha is next. Followed by Calynne and Cassie.

Colton says this has been the hardest decision. He will follow his heart....blah, blah, blah.

Hannah. She avoids his eyes as she accepts....hmmm....

Taysha.

Cassie and Calynn look at each other. Classy Calynn lets out an f*** bomb.

Surprising no one Cassie gets the rose....although she looks shell shocked.

On her way out Calynn hugs Cassie and tells her to get engaged.

Colton walks Calynn out and says he doesn't know what to say. Calynn says she feels like an idiot and does some fake dry heaving into Colton's chest until she can get those auditioning tears out.

Poor Colton is squatting in the driveway and she is shocked in the limo. Please. She 100% believed she was getting engaged at the end of this....this despite the fact that she saw the connection with Cassie. I don't buy any of this missy.

Colton walks back to the ladies. First hug goes to Cassie and then he pulls CH aside. The ladies are wondering why. Hannah is ready for things to get super hot. Taysha is thinking about it logically and Cassie is kind of freaking out. She acts so ridiculously young I can't even pretend she has any remote interest in an engagement, let alone marriage.

Next week...two nights.

Monday...Naked Colton fantasizing about his Harlequin style first time. So ridiculous, pushing his virginity and selling his soul and finally jumping the fence.

Tuesday...WTA and everyone auditioning for BIP. I'm sure the claws will be out in full force.

Thanks Sprite, I always enjoy reading your recaps.  They are way more entertaining than the actual show!    

coffeeyum wrote:Thanks Sprite, I always enjoy reading your recaps.  They are way more entertaining than the actual show!    

Thank you. It's my way of venting at this particularly stupid season.

GuardianAngel wrote:I don't know if you're by yourself, but I enjoy your posts to the max!

She is not alone . . . I am still here!!

I am not sure what to think of this season.  I still pick Cassie as F1.  Maybe she dumps him maybe she doesn't.  I am leaning towards the scenario that TPTB are playing up Cassie being the one holding out saying ILY because if she would utter those words it would be game over, wrap up the show 3 weeks early.  I feel like this is the normal "overcome something" situation the lead usually has with F1.

It is a little bit hypocritical for editing to act like many of these young girls aren't ready to settle into marriage, yet in a few weeks they will be trying to sell them as the next B'ette - which means folks . . . . ding ding ding . . . . they need to be ready to get married!!

I like Cassie and Hannah.  They seem the most normal to me.  Beyond that I don't know what will happen.  For all we know Colton bolts for the wall when Hannah tries to take his virginity, for which he is saving for Cassie!!  

I am glad they are combining WTA into next week so that we can get this finale over with sooner rather than later.

locoforbach wrote:I am not sure what to think of this season.  I still pick Cassie as F1.  Maybe she dumps him maybe she doesn't.  I am leaning towards the scenario that TPTB are playing up Cassie being the one holding out saying ILY because if she would utter those words it would be game over, wrap up the show 3 weeks early.  I feel like this is the normal "overcome something" situation the lead usually has with F1.

It is a little bit hypocritical for editing to act like many of these young girls aren't ready to settle into marriage, yet in a few weeks they will be trying to sell them as the next B'ette - which means folks . . . . ding ding ding . . . . they need to be ready to get married!!

I like Cassie and Hannah.  They seem the most normal to me.  Beyond that I don't know what will happen.  For all we know Colton bolts for the wall when Hannah tries to take his virginity, for which he is saving for Cassie!!  

I am glad they are combining WTA into next week so that we can get this finale over with sooner rather than later.

I don't really think that Colton is jumping the wall because of Hannah. I think it is more likely something to do with Cassie. Maybe she dumped him or told him she doesn't feel as invested as he does. There is a reason they have been beating us over the head with the fact that there is someone here who isn't ready the whole season.

Jeeze I nearly spoiled myself. I clicked on the episode thread before I realized what I was doing. That is what happens when you are trying to watch two Bachelors at the same time.

Colton getting his fatherly advice from CH about the FS. Please. Ridiculous.

Taysha is up first and we get a stupid recap about building trust and overcoming fears and she wants to bang him because sex is an important part of a relationship.

Oh, now we have a recap of Cassie and her reluctance to tell him her feelings.

Next is Hannah and her stupid journey with Dolton.

Next up Dolton and his angst about losing his virginity...but only if he is really in love.

Here comes Taisha and her jump and straddle. They have a helicopter and are are checking out the Algrave. Apparently she never knew it was so beautiful. These people are so stupid. They are discussing the exports of Portugal. I'm sure they are crazy for each other. More talks of sex and his virginity.

Picnic on a cliff overlooking the ocean.Making small talk about HT. More sh*t talk about getting permission from her dad. Is it the 18th century? Review of all the things they have done together. This is beyond boring. Let's jump to the fence jump!

He says he is falling in love with. OMG. Just shut up about the virgin sh*t. I don't give a crap.

They need to explore their chemistry tonight. I can tell them that there is none.

Dinner time. Virgin time...regurgitating Harlequin romance novels.

Taysha says she is in love with Colton. Bye Taysha.

They are both good. He is watching her boobs because apparently they are flashing the camera. She has tape, but doesn't want to flash the cameras.

Once again, they discuss HTD. Please. Do they not have normal conversations? More nip slip talk and back to discussing his virginity. I am beyond bored. She says her husband was the first guy she had sex with so she understands where he is coming from. She spills that hubby cheated on her about a year and a half after they got married. It makes her value intimacy, truth and marriage. It made her stronger. Kiss. If it is the two of them, he will always be truthful. And here comes the FD card. Coy looks, kiss and they are off.

She could be the one he is waiting for and they play the Bolero music.

They are at the suite and they are feeding each other. He scares the crap out of both of them when he tries to pop the champagne cork. He tells us he has done practically everything but the deed...while blushing. He is experience in other ways. How hard can it be? Well, it should be pretty darm hard!!!

The walk past the romantic tub and end up on some tiny bed, but before anything really happens he closes the door and we hear her giggling as the crescendo builds in the music. :shootme: