BACHELOR 23 - Colton Underwood - General Discussion - **NO SPOILERS** - *SLEUTHING*

@GuardianAngel Thanks!!

I think the F3 at the toast where Colton says "to fantasy suites" is Cassie, Taysha (sp?) and Hannah (FIR).  Hoping this is the case because IMO it tells me he makes some good choices.  These are the girls that seem to be there for the right reasons

Well, I'm still here....unspoiled...and bored. I'm sure it will be another riveting episode. Hopefully, since it looks like Cassie is finally getting her solo date, Colton will be a little more animated, but I'm not holding my breath.

Starting with a preview of the Cassie and Heather dates. Also Taysha and something with Elyse.

We are in Thailand. I would love to go. The water is green, Demi is yapping and Colton is showering and we are getting the go to porn shot. I could do without more naked Colton.

Girls jumping all over the hotel room. Heather informing us she has never been kissed. Gee, I must have missed that somehow. Elyse is looking very uncomfortable.

Date card arrives and Heather has the date. She is all excited because she thinks she will be kissing him. Oh girl. You've waited this long....don't waste it on Dolton!!!

They are starting off on a traditional Thai boat. The scenery is just amazing. I have never seen water so green.

She blabbering on about Colton and how he is some wonderful guy and can't wait to see where this goes.

Elyse is in her head with the girls. She feels heartbroken because she is not getting time with him after their date. She is talking with the girl with a giant bandage on her chin. She wants validation that he is on the same page. You are a smart woman Elyse. You know he isn't and let's face it, you are way too good for Dolton.

We come to the floating city. They have been holding hands and snuggling.

They are listening to a shell...he says it is the sound of hope.

He asks he if she blows kisses. Seriously. They are showing shot after shot of Colton's lips. She just wants him to go for it. The silence is deafening. Such riveting conversation about the rocks.

Back to the girls waiting for a date card. Elyse all in her head. Kirpa is the one with the giant bandage. Everyone but Cassie. Cassie is thrilled and Elyse is not.

Back Dolton and the other virgin. He is asking about her past relationship. Little in high school and college. She met someone after and he was great on paper, but it just wasn't there. They dated 8 months. Geeze. Now he is worried. Please. This is just so ridiculous. Kids in grade school have more interesting conversation.

He blabbers on about making more first experiences together and gives her a rose. She is walking on the beach in heels and they walk to a fire on the beach. Looking at some lights. Guess what? Fireworks...even though there isn't even a spark but they give it the good old college try. So awkward even though she says it was natural. She was hoping for butterflies and instead she got fireworks. He says it was magical and he doesn't think anything could ruin it. I bet he's wrong! That is foreshadowing if I ever heard it.

Back at the house Elyse is all depressed. The ladies don't think Heather will be back, but here she comes waving a rose and tells them about their date. Elyse goes out of the house wearing this fab dress. I would love that for my trip to Croatia this summer. The girls are all wondering what is going on. I bet she realises that she is the oldest one left and has nothing in common with the children...including Dolton.

Elyse doubting herself as she is walking on the beach. Tears in her ITM. She is still insisting that their 1:1 was the best day ever. Stop trying to convince yourself girl. It was not.

Amazingly she magically finds Colton in his digs for a little talk. She wants more attention. She is struggling. Blah, blah, blah. He is excited. He says the connection is there. IT IS NOT!!! Nobody believes either of you. Finally she admits there is something off between them. They would be great friends. Oh girl....not even that.

He says he is genuinely excited about this relationship...said in the most unemotional way ever.

Elyse is saying she can't accept a proposal after sharing him a few weeks. Rather presumptuous that he would be asking her. From that, he says so you are leaving? This is so unbelievably stupid, forced and torturous. I don't know why either of them is crying. He doesn't want this and she wants him to be happy. I want them both to just get over it and get off my screen.

I don't like this Elyse. So fake. She is auditioning hard for BIP.

Colton all worried about this rejection. He isn't enough. This happened before. He will never be enough. This could possibly happen again at the end. Geeze Louise. I feel as if I am being hit over the head with foreshadowing again. So will he be getting dumped again??? I hope so. That would be different. Finally something interesting in this dud of a season.

Geeze. Another torturous video of Colton pretending he is doing an Instagram story for fans. Chance he might be hurt after this. That he isn't going to be enough.

The monkeys scratching are more interesting than Colton. He wants new adventures with someone he wants to spend time with. They are going through the jungle. He says this is not a trail...what a lot of bull....they are literally walking on a cut path.

We meet Joe who was raised in the jungle and will show them how to survive. Can we switch Bachelors? Joe for Bachelor. Teaching them about using elephant dung to make fire. He talks about being adventurous but doesn't do any of the stuff Joe shows them...no eating bugs, touching scorpions, eels or the snake. He is such a suck. The producers are seriously shading him.

Girls are divided into groups and are told to go find food. Demi takes her group to a hotel. Meanwhile, the group with Colton, Tayisha takes Dolton to go look for water...code for make out...while the rest of her team watches. When the teams get back together, Demi's team brings back burgers and champagne. Manly Colton says this is so much better than bugs.

Heather and Cassie hanging back at the house. Here is the date card...looking for love deeper than the sea.

Finally someone I believe when she says they have chemistry and physicality is important in a relationship.

Back after their shower Colton and the girls are ready for their evening. Nicole is nervous. Taysha grabs him again. He is still yapping about being heartbroken at the end. The more I hear this cr*p repeated, the more I'm thinking something funky goes down at end. Oh, did I mention Tay and Dolt are making out on the beach.

Meanwhile girls are discussing ramifications of Elyse leaving. Pageant Hannah must show him what love will look like with Hannah. Apparently she was the one he would feel the best with if there was a zombie apocalypse. Riveting conversation. She is auditioning for BIP, telling him she is falling in love. He is thrilled because now he knows, there is a back up plan if everyone he is even remotely interested in decides that he really isn't enough. There will always be pageant Hannah....kiss, kiss. :shootme: Shot of the GD rose.

Back with the ladies...and apparently before she left, Elyse told Aiysha or WTH her name is something about Nicole. . She must share the news, no not with Nicole herself, but with her BFF Demi. Nicole is not here for him...she must tell Colton. Oh geeze. Haven't we already seen this? Must we watch the same fake drama a gazillion times?

The tattletale Onyka is excited to spending time with Colton. She is telling him about Nicole is here to find opportunities to leave Miami. Well, we are back to his greatest fear...someone is not here for him fully. He is so full of himself.

Dolton pulls Nicole away to confront her...after what happened last night. She denies and starts crying.

Oysha is telling the others what happened with Colton and Elyse and Taysha then says she was there and Elyse never said that and Oysha misinterpreted what was said. Nicole comes back in tears and is upset that O is spreading rumours about her. O denies and says "I'm not! I'm just telling him something someone said!"...which is basically the definition of spreading rumours.

Taysha says all of this could have been avoided if O had simply talked to Nicole and apologized to Nicole that she has to deal with this. OMG Someone with some sense. She takes Nicole to support her … with some booze. O is such a bitch. She is p*ssed because apparently Nicole cries all the time. It is a shock when Demi is not the b*tchiest girl of the evening.

Colton gives the GD rose to pageant Hannah and Nicole is crying. I want to slap everyone!!!

Cassie time. He looks genuinely excited to see her. Apparently she thinks he is hot and sexy...to me he seems like a puffy Pillsbury dough boy. He thinks it is so easy being with her...very comfortable.

They are on some boat cuddling and making out. She is getting butterflies. He is smitten and he hopes they can take their relationship to the next level on their own private island. Everything is so cool and awesome. You can tell that they have scintillating conversations...when they are not making out and he isn't grabbing her a**….with the porn music playing in the background.

Evening portion of the date by the pool. More thrilling conversation....AWESOME!!! Let's make out. We're both special and have great chemistry.

Cassie is not a virgin and they need to discuss. I wish they wouldn't. Awkward. She is afraid her family who don't know she isn't a virgin will be upset. He takes ownership of who he is. Yeah, I don't buy that. They want to be able to share with each other.

Other women are discussing their date and they know he is really into her. I want to know the story behind Kirpa's bandaged chin.

We are back to Cassie in Colton's bed even though he normally doesn't allow that. Somehow I don't believe that for a second and he tells her he is crazy about her. Naturally she gets a rose.
She is amazing. Their date was amazing. He is amazing. He wants to trust his gut. How many times must they highlight this point? It is making me think that she is the one that walks and that really would be awesome!!!!!!!!!!!...since she is the only one that I see him interested in based on the amount of time they spend making out. Now can we skip the rest of this dribble and just get to that????          

Cocktail party time. More awesomeness. Demi doesn't think she is leaving.

O is stirring the pot. Nicole rebuts. Very awkward … for everyone. Lots of forced smiles except for the ones who have a rose.

More platitudes from Colton. Such a wordsmith.

Taysha has a lantern that she wants to light with Colton and apparently all the other ladies are watching. I bet they are thrilled. Colton and Taysha make wishes and set the lantern free. She makes him feel special...kiss.

Others are jealous of that and wondering when the lantern will come down. Next Demi with a trust ring...to always communicate and she will take care of him. She kisses him. He tolerates it.

Kirpa with the awkward and yet unexplained bandage is flossing Colton's teeth. No seriously. So gross and not at all the way to a man's heart. You know she truly has absolutely no interest in him if this is all she can come up with.

Colton knows his wife is here. Makes out with FIR Hannah.

Next up Nicole trying to explain to Colton, while O is sh*tting bricks and doesn't want Nicole to be wasting her valuable time with Colton by talking about O. If only you had followed your own advice! Nicole is getting emotional and Colton says that he knows that she is a very caring person. Perfect. Excellent time to throw O under the bus by telling Colton that O has been bullying Nicole since they met by spreading rumours that Nicole is emotionally unstable, belittling her and that she isn't someone that is the kind of person he would want. What they have is worth fighting for...really. He is not thrilled and is confused yet again.

Guess who Colton pulls??? Just guess...O. He starts off on a positive note and she things she is getting away with it all. The smile disappears and the eye rolling begins and she is … deny, deny, deny. She is a nice person, but again throws Nicole under the bus because he can do so much better. She is coming off as so fake and I don't think Colton looks thrilled. She says she would never call someone crazy as she literally says exactly that!!!

Angry O storms back and must have a bullying session, chat with Nicole.

The other girls are just waiting for the fireworks.

O is just coming off as the biggest bitch. She asks Nicole when she called her mentally unstable and when Nicole answers her, she denies that is what she said and says Nicole is lying. She is just trying so hard to be interesting she is being a bully. What she is doing right now is bullying. Voices are raised and the others are listening.

Colton is off with Katie I think … please let him hear this crap.

Pageant Heather and her weirdly red nose is happy she isn't involved in the drama this time. Taysha is so over the whole O vs. Nicole drama. Preach it girl! Me too!!!

Meanwhile Colton is telling Katie just how peaceful Thailand is as O and Nicole are practically screaming at it each other. Colton can't even string a thought together...even more so that usual...they are so loud. Both Colton and Katie stop talking and are listening to the yelling....as O says she doesn't care. Such a lovely soul. And finally Colton storms off to deal with this. The others see him going over there with his manliest manner and are waiting with baited breath to see who he will send home pronto. Demi is thrilled. Colton is trying to interrupt and they aren't allowing it and he really storms off and O follows. He walks away from her and tells he needs time alone. Nicole tries talking to him and he does the same with her. He is now pensively walking on the beach saying he is over it!!! Me too. Me too. And we get a to be continued.

Cr*p.