Kaitlyn Bristowe - Bachelorette 11 - #5 - Discussion

I didn’t just say that length is a means for praise, however, if you’re with someone for three years then that to me shows a lot of work went into that relationship and probably more effort than those in a six month relationship.

Do I praise Kaitlyn for packing up her life and moving to Nashville to be with Shawn and living there with him for the last three years? Yes. Do I praise both Kaitlyn and Shawn for trying to blend their family and friends together over the last 3 years? Yes. Do I praise them for buying a house together to share with Tucker that Kaitlyn probably hoped to one day raise kids in with Shawn? Yes. The list goes on.

Do I feel for Kaitlyn seeing how upset she appears to be at their relationship falling apart after all of their hard work for those two years to three years? You bet. I think seeing how torn up Kaitlyn is right now shows how much work and how much of her heart she put into this relationship. Some relationships last and others don’t. Now, I think it’s time for her to get out and move on, but as a “fan” of this show, I can appreciate their effort and what appeared to be wonderful times for them in those first two years.

One could put in a ton of work into a relationship but if it's not a healthy one then that is not praiseworthy imo. It's just sad and honestly exhausting and unhealthy to do that for so long and the one I saw who did more was Kaitlyn (moving for Shawn, etc and not surprising since she did that for her ex re Germany too). Imo it's even less praiseworthy especially if Shawn was never going to marry Kaitlyn but led her on long enough to when he didn't need to anymore.

We don't know how this relationship was from the beginning. SM often paints a very good light but things BTS can be a whole different story. Many couples can put on a happy #couplegoals vibe but behind closed doors things are dysfunctional and toxic - which I will not be shocked at all if it comes out this was the case. Just seeing how Shawn dealt with conflict on Kaitlyn's season was enough for me to RUN. And I say that as someone who doesn't even like Kaitlyn.

I do agree that unhealthy relationships should not be praised. I would say that the last 6-8 months or so have not been healthy. It has been referenced that we do not know if it was a healthy relationship, but we do not know if it was an unhealthy relationship the whole time. If it was unhealthy, that will change my mind.

I have referenced the first two years of their relationship in my recent posts. From what I saw in those first two years, I saw a couple that tried, who cared, who worked for it, and enjoyed each other’s company. If those two years were as good for them as they seemed to be, then great for them for trying. All JMO

Yeah...I agree that a long-term relationship is not necessarily a good thing. I don't know how Kaitlyn feels, but if I was 33 and had to start fresh, I would be freaking pissed at Shawn for wasting my time and not being honest about his thoughts on marriage earlier. Sometimes, quitting and accepting failure early on is the most healthy thing to do. And sometimes putting in work and effort into an unhealthy and doomed relationship is actually a negative, because it shows that you're lacking awareness and/or intitiative to do the hard thing and leave. Call me old-fashioned, but I have the most respect for couples that make a decision at or before the 2 year mark. Whether that's marriage or a breakup. Anything else is usually just stalling to me, because I suspect the couple knows that they don't see forever together but are too scared to admit it. 

IMO.

IMO if you are in a relationship that isn’t serious enough to be planning a marriage it just shouldn’t be a lot of work. When you are married you are committed to work through any problems, otherwise I just think after a couple of years you are wasting your time holding on to something that’s not going to last. I feel sorry for Kaitlyn because it seems she doesn’t have the self-esteem she wanted everyone to think she did.

Aria wrote:Yeah...I agree that a long-term relationship is not necessarily a good thing. I don't know how Kaitlyn feels, but if I was 33 and had to start fresh, I would be freaking pissed at Shawn for wasting my time and not being honest about his thoughts on marriage earlier. Sometimes, quitting and accepting failure early on is the most healthy thing to do. And sometimes putting in work and effort into an unhealthy and doomed relationship is actually a negative, because it shows that you're lacking awareness and/or intitiative to do the hard thing and leave. Call me old-fashioned, but I have the most respect for couples that make a decision at or before the 2 year mark. Whether that's marriage or a breakup. Anything else is usually just stalling to me, because I suspect the couple knows that they don't see forever together but are too scared to admit it. 

IMO.

I agree with you 100%.  Especially the bolded.  I’ve never been a Kaitlyn fan, but I’m a fan of women getting what they want.  She clearly wants marriage and children.  Screw Shawn for leading her on.  

Kaitlyn, go find your life partner who wants to have children with you.  You deserve it. IMO.

Ash2214 wrote:@AllAboutLove I do agree that unhealthy relationships should not be praised. I would say that the last 6-8 months or so have not been healthy. It has been referenced that we do not know if it was a healthy relationship, but we do not know if it was an unhealthy relationship the whole time. If it was unhealthy, that will change my mind.

I have referenced the first two years of their relationship in my recent posts. From what I saw in those first two years, I saw a couple that tried, who cared, who worked for it, and enjoyed each other’s company. If those two years were as good for them as they seemed to be, then great for them for trying. All JMO

Eh, I think an unhealthy relationship is Shawn leading Kaitlyn on which imo is exactly what I've seen. FWICT Shawn is the one who made it like his proposal wasn't even for real with his re-proposal idea and this long after he proposed and no doubt to me Kaitlyn saw it as real at the time. It seems like he was saying he would do a real proposal and she's all ready for that and then nada. Honestly seems like a bunch of BS on Shawn's part imo. So to me the one changing the goal posts and leading someone on is Shawn. It's clear to me as day Kaitlyn was wanting marriage day one. Shawn otoh I don't think had any intention of ever marrying Kaitlyn. 

jmo

@AllAboutLove do we know for a fact that Shawn led Kaitlyn on? How do we know that he never expressed concerns about marriage and any hesitations he might have had about it in general or in regards to marrying her?

I agree that it would be horrible of him if he did lead her on, but we don’t really know that for a fact. I mean, in interviews that I saw of him and them together, I questioned his readiness as well and saw some red flags there. I don’t think Kaitlyn was completely oblivious to his concerns IMO. If she was then there are some serious issues there IMO.

My brother wasted almost four years with a woman because he wants children and she was on the fence. Eventually he made the choice to move on even though it really, really hurt him because he thought she was it for him but he didn’t want to live in limbo. We all have difficult choices to make. I think over the last year Kaitlyn should have left given his behavior towards her. I haven’t liked how cold he’s been to her and she deserves better. She didn’t leave him. Her choice. All JMO

Oh I'm sure he expressed hesitations. Probably his whole let me re-propose so it will be 'real' this time (jmo)   

If he didn't want to marry her he should've ended it a long time ago. I believe he didn't because he could benefit more from staying with her (he loses nothing by doing so and gets to do his own thing anyway) and Kaitlyn has low self-esteem imo that she'd stay with him no matter what he does or say or how he changes his mind and keep that hope alive. I think that hope came with Shawn and his re-proposal which to me was just an excuse and bsing on Shawn's part. 

So I can easily say she didn't leave him, her fault, but I believe it's because of him bread-crumbing her. Like @Aria posted, Kaitlyn's 33 and I am sure she saw Shawn as "it" for her. If Shawn changed his mind then HE should have made it clear and put her out her misery and left. Hopefully she will get the help she needs for her well-being because I don't think she is in a good place at all. Shawn otoh doesn't seem to gaf. 

I am no fan of Kaitlyn's but the one who I see who did the most work and sacrifice in this relationship was Kaitlyn. jmo

@AllAboutLove Unless we lived with them and overheard all of their conversations and disagreements, I can’t really place all of the blame on Shawn and say he continuously has led her on. Can I place the majority of blame on him for how things have gone this year for them? Yes. Like I’ve said, his behavior sucks, especially over the last eight months or so and it has shown me that he’s done and she’s refusing to let go. IMO

Ultimately, sometimes you have to be your own “hero.” If I was in my thirties and with a guy as back and forth as Shawn, which led to me being unhappy, then I’d be gone.

Ash2214 wrote:@AllAboutLove Unless we lived with them and overheard all of their conversations and disagreements, I can’t really place all of the blame on Shawn and say he continuously has led her on. Can I place the majority of blame on him for how things have gone this year for them? Yes.

No one is placing all the blame on Shawn. It takes two to tango and I am no fan of Kaitlyn's and she's not exempt from things. I do place a  majority on him though so exactly as what you posted 

@AllAboutLove
@Aria
@Lexi
we are all in various degrees of agreement. 
Anyone who watched Kaitlyn’s season saw the real Shawn. 3+ years on the Bachelorette gravy train is not commendable when you know for yourself you’re not even with the program and your “engagement” is a sham. He needs to give Kaitlyn HER ring back and gtfo so he can be with who or whatever has brought this whole fiasco to a shrieking halt. IMO, Sean is not the single guy type so without wasting anyone’s time arguing without proof, let’s all just wait a few months and we’ll see for ourselves what changed the Kaitlyn and Shawn dynamic. All JMO.