Kaitlyn Bristowe - Bachelorette 11 - #5 - Discussion

I'm already imagining him marrying his next gf in a year or something crazy

I never cared for Shawn on K's season and was in a minority with that opinion of him even though I saw him winning before any spoilers came out. I always thought he was there just to "win" imo. Even with real feelings there I find it pretty weird how he got his gym and as all this happens things seem to have stalled in their relationship. Seems suss to me.

Tbh sometimes I think these F1s males who stay with their leads it's more because they benefit more from doing so and they can concentrate on their careers - something they'd be doing anyway if they were single - but they get the bonus of followers, $$$$, be seen as a "good" guy who is with his bette lead so he's such a catch. It's like it gives them an "out" to just be with the lead but not plan any marriage or set a real date.

There's not been a Bette marriage since Des season 9. So while I used to think Bettes chose better, now I just think Social Media has given dudes like Shawn a reason to stay and build their careers in a bigger way than they could ever have done if they were single or broken up before that Neil Lane ring guarantee.

Whatever is going on with K and Shawn's relationship, to me it seems toxic and dysfunctional as can be. I can't imagine what's gone on bts these years even when things look/looked good on SM they never usually are.

jmo

bleuberry wrote:I'm already imagining him marrying his next gf in a year or something crazy

@bleuberry
You’re probably more right than you know. He just knows he has to be careful about his next steps, publicly. Kaitlynn better wake up and get her ring back before someone else ends up wearing it. I know I’m starting to sound like a broken record but, I don’t trust her to look out for herself because she’s more emotional than smart, IMO. Her giving him her ring to give back to her was my first clue she is confused because I disliked him so much for his caveman behavior during her season, I didn’t start paying attention to them until he started to prove my suspicions right. JMO.

Nah, I can’t sit here and say or think that Shawn simply stayed with Kaitlyn these three years because of the benefits of being in a relationship with her.

I’ve never followed them closely, but from what I did see, Shawn was absolutely crazy about her. Those first couple of years really showed me IMO that he adored her and was genuinely very happy with her as she with him. Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes people change and they can’t change and grow together. Sometimes you just realize as much as you love the person, you’re just not a good fit anymore.

Shawn has never really been my cup of tea per say, but up until this last year, I always saw a guy that genuinely cared for Kaitlyn. Crap happens and to me it appears that they’re at a fork in the road and neither has been able to officially end it yet. Regardless if that happens or not, they’ve made it three years together after they formed as a couple from this show. That’s wonderful in itself and good on them for trying to build a life together and lasting this long even if it doesn’t work out.

Ash2214 wrote:Nah, I can’t sit here and say or think that Shawn simply stayed with Kaitlyn these three years because of the benefits of being in a relationship with her.

I’ve never followed them closely, but from what I did see, Shawn was absolutely crazy about her. Those first couple of years really showed me IMO that he adored her and was genuinely very happy with her as she with him. Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes people change and they can’t change and grow together. Sometimes you just realize as much as you love the person, you’re just not a good fit anymore.

Shawn has never really been my cup of tea per say, but up until this last year, I always saw a guy that genuinely cared for Kaitlyn. Crap happens and to me it appears that they’re at a fork in the road and neither has been able to officially end it yet. Regardless if that happens or not, they’ve made it three years together after they formed as a couple from this show. That’s wonderful in itself and good on them for trying to build a life together and lasting this long even if it doesn’t work out.

@Ash2214
I don’t follow other sites - only Instagram and here but, I haven’t seen anyone here say that Shawn never cared about Kaitlyn. What people have said, in a variety of ways is that he seems unwilling to take the relationship to the conclusion she has always wanted and the engagement has always implied, which is of course marriage. No one can ever measure how much the “benefit” of being in a relationship with anyone is a factor in keeping them there, IMO. We just don’t know what mix of emotions and benefits keep any couple together but, from day one I always saw him as the competitive Type A, very aggressive and anxious to win and take the prize. So he won. Then what? IMO, it does not matter one whit that he stayed with her for three years because she does not have what she always quite honestly made clear that she wanted and he clearly didn’t just decide last week not to marry her so, it appears he didn’t decide that until his own goals were met.  I see nothing great about any man having such a self serving epiphany on such a self serving timeline. 
I am very sorry for Kaitlyn if a breakup is the outcome of her love and faith in Shawn. I want her to cut her losses by putting herself and her own needs first. IMO, that’s what Shawn has done, all along.

Unlike Kaitlyn, Shawn has done nothing in months to indicate that he's still in love and wants the relationship to work. He's been putting out very strong "single and available" signals for a long time, and posting that photo of himself at Joshua's wedding while Kaitlyn was home alone was his "we're done" message. He knew what the fan reaction would be and he knew how all of the hubbub would make Kaitlyn feel, but he didn't give a rip. I think he's wanted to make an announcement for a while, but Kaitlyn hasn't been ready and his patience has run out. And the timing of his coldness towards her along with the establishment of his app and gym isn't coincidental. I never thought I'd call Shawn cruel, but here we are. I hate him. (All my opinion.)

Ash2214 wrote:Nah, I can’t sit here and say or think that Shawn simply stayed with Kaitlyn these three years because of the benefits of being in a relationship with her.

I’ve never followed them closely, but from what I did see, Shawn was absolutely crazy about her. Those first couple of years really showed me IMO that he adored her and was genuinely very happy with her as she with him. Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes people change and they can’t change and grow together. Sometimes you just realize as much as you love the person, you’re just not a good fit anymore.

Shawn has never really been my cup of tea per say, but up until this last year, I always saw a guy that genuinely cared for Kaitlyn. Crap happens and to me it appears that they’re at a fork in the road and neither has been able to officially end it yet. Regardless if that happens or not, they’ve made it three years together after they formed as a couple from this show. That’s wonderful in itself and good on them for trying to build a life together and lasting this long even if it doesn’t work out.

I totally agree with this post. Also, maybe Shawn has been hesitant in getting married because he has been questioning the bold. Maybe he is happy with the way things are, but the pressure of getting married has torn them apart. I can't say it's all Shawn's fault for not marrying her. There has to be a reason, there are two sides to a story IMHO. I have no idea what OTV is, but K has admitted she has anxiety issues. She does not have to give an explanation for every move in her life. This has been an issue with her since her season. IMHO. Exposing pretty much every waking moment on SM is going to result in negative opinions. When there's trouble in paradise, fans are expected explanations, to me that's just not right. If you're not a strong person emotionally, you're not going to be able to deal with it.

Not giving a crap what people think is the best route. I see Shawn taking this route. JMO's.

Ash2214 wrote:Nah, I can’t sit here and say or think that Shawn simply stayed with Kaitlyn these three years because of the benefits of being in a relationship with her.

I’ve never followed them closely, but from what I did see, Shawn was absolutely crazy about her. Those first couple of years really showed me IMO that he adored her and was genuinely very happy with her as she with him. Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes people change and they can’t change and grow together. Sometimes you just realize as much as you love the person, you’re just not a good fit anymore.

Shawn has never really been my cup of tea per say, but up until this last year, I always saw a guy that genuinely cared for Kaitlyn. Crap happens and to me it appears that they’re at a fork in the road and neither has been able to officially end it yet. Regardless if that happens or not, they’ve made it three years together after they formed as a couple from this show. That’s wonderful in itself and good on them for trying to build a life together and lasting this long even if it doesn’t work out.

I also agree with this post. I don’t know what went down in the relationship, none of us do. However, I definitely see signs that they’re over & that Shawn appears ready to announce.

I can’t measure what a break up with K will mean for Shawn’s business. But what I’m more curious about is what K will choose to do in her next chapter of life. I also think the purchase of the house is an unfortunate circumstance to now have to deal with. I can see the house & dog being major anxiety issues for K, on top of the break up.

I feel for them both, but in very different ways.

I don't think Shawn and Kaitlyn stayed together for all this time just because of the attention and monetary benefits, but I do think that this new era of social media is partly responsible for the super drawn out engagements. In the olden days of this show, people would mostly either get married or break up within a year or two. Now, they just seem to be unable to commit to marriage, but are also unwilling to deal with the public backlash that results from a breakup or give up all the benefits that come with being a Bachelor supercouple. 

I do agree that the Bachelorettes aren't necessarily better pickers than the Bachelors. I think they just try harder post-show to make it work (and the men are more motivated to make it work, since they "won" and they know the relationship is their key to fame and relevancy). 

IMO.

Aria wrote:I don't think Shawn and Kaitlyn stayed together for all this time just because of the attention and monetary benefits, but I do think that this new era of social media is partly responsible for the super drawn out engagements. In the olden days of this show, people would mostly either get married or break up within a year or two. Now, they just seem to be unable to commit to marriage, but are also unwilling to deal with the public backlash that results from a breakup or give up all the benefits that come with being a Bachelor supercouple. 

I do agree that the Bachelorettes aren't necessarily better pickers than the Bachelors. I think they just try harder post-show to make it work (and the men are more motivated to make it work, since they "won" and they know the relationship is their key to fame and relevancy). 

IMO.

i agree with this completely! I do think there was genuine affection there and I think Kaitlyn really believed Shawn was the one. We have no way of knowing how much the social media fame and business oppurtunities affects how long these relationships last but I’d guess it matters even more to the male winner. I just don’t think it’s worthy of praise for staying in a long term relationship that’s going no where, there’s just no reason for that, they are missing out on what life has to offer.

Every single couple that forms from this show has talked about how difficult it is to make a relationship work once off the show. The reasons why are often stated here, so I don’t feel the need to list them out. Most of these couples are over within the first 6-8 months because from what they have said, those 6-8 months are the most difficult and trying.

Kaitlyn and Shawn pushed through that, worked on their relationship, and actually built a life together instead of giving up when most of these couples do. While this last year things have obviously changed and I think it’s best for both of them to separate if they’re not happy anymore, I still say good for them for trying and I see no issue in praising them for that. If you’re incredibly unhappy with someone, you don’t stay with them for three years just for the perks of a public relationship IMO. While that might play a part, the love was/is genuine here.

I never posted that Shawn "simply" stayed with her three years because of the benefits of being in a relationship with her but I will say that I bet those benefits outweighed not being with her in those years. Kaitlyn imo has major flaws and I am no fan of hers but I bet this was a push-n-pull type relationship that started a looong time before this year.  

I'm not going to praise a relationship just for lasting longer than others when the result is the same and we don't know the reasons they stayed longer than others. Staying longer is not a means for praise imo. I know couples that have stayed together for 10 years or more and their relationship is dysfunctional and toxic. Time-length of a relationship is not a barometer for a healthy one. Rather get out sooner than waste ones time. And imo Kaitlyn has wasted her time on someone who was never going to marry her. jmo