Bachelorette 14 - Becca Kufrin - Episode 8 - July 16th - *Sleuthing Spoilers*

Kashathediva wrote:

GypsySarah wrote:

whit90 wrote:

GypsySarah wrote:I enjoyed all the families this season. I hardly think that Garrett’s mom would disparage the ex on national tv if it wasn’t true. She came across much smarter than that. All IMO, of course.

It is not fair to the ex that she was even brought up . What is even worse IMO is how they all bashed her. We have no idea what really went down we are just hearing one side to the story. JMO

If she had mentioned the ex by name, I would agree. It is only those who researched her that know her name. I would say the general viewing audience doesn’t know, nor were they curious to find out. I don’t know her name.

IMO, it does not matter if it was only one person watching that knew the name of Garrett’s ex.  That is one person too many.  The ex did not go on this show or volunteer to be on the show.  This was handled with “no bars held”, which is how his mom operates. IMO classless and bulldozing.  IMO it abuses the ex’ privacy, just like other past cast have done when mentioning and dragging dead past spouses or others, to build there own case. It was bad enough Garrett opened that can of worms without helicopter mom adding her 2 cents. Jmo

To this point I felt similarly when Blake talked about his mom having an affair with his basketball coach. I'm sure everyone in his hometown knows who the coach is and the coach didn't sign up to be mentioned on the show and have his dirty affair broadcast so publicly. I was actually surprised that Blake would even talk about his MOM in such a way on tv! IMO

Minney wrote:

Kashathediva wrote:

GypsySarah wrote:

whit90 wrote:

GypsySarah wrote:I enjoyed all the families this season. I hardly think that Garrett’s mom would disparage the ex on national tv if it wasn’t true. She came across much smarter than that. All IMO, of course.

It is not fair to the ex that she was even brought up . What is even worse IMO is how they all bashed her. We have no idea what really went down we are just hearing one side to the story. JMO

If she had mentioned the ex by name, I would agree. It is only those who researched her that know her name. I would say the general viewing audience doesn’t know, nor were they curious to find out. I don’t know her name.

IMO, it does not matter if it was only one person watching that knew the name of Garrett’s ex.  That is one person too many.  The ex did not go on this show or volunteer to be on the show.  This was handled with “no bars held”, which is how his mom operates. IMO classless and bulldozing.  IMO it abuses the ex’ privacy, just like other past cast have done when mentioning and dragging dead past spouses or others, to build there own case. It was bad enough Garrett opened that can of worms without helicopter mom adding her 2 cents. Jmo

To this point I felt similarly when Blake talked about his mom having an affair with his basketball coach.  I'm sure everyone in his hometown knows who the coach is and the coach didn't sign up to be mentioned on the show and have his dirty affair broadcast so publicly.  I was actually surprised that Blake would even talk about his MOM in such a way on tv! IMO

Absolutely...and I can imagine his mom isn’t too happy with him right now .... divulging TMI about anyone who hasn’t signed up for this ( or in the case of his mother, hadn’t been consulted about what was talked about on camera) is inconsiderate and cruel ... and classless. Thy can be vague ... make a point without giving away family issues. An example .. Blake could have said. “ when I was younger, there were incidents that caused me to have trust issues” ... no harm no foul ... Then when they were in that FS ...and the cameras were GONE ...tell her then if he felt he needed to give more details .... if not ...let .. it ... go ..

Every season unknowing people get hurt because of TMI by leads and contestants.

Lol I didn’t even know about that ^^^. WTH is wrong with people. Asked rhetorically and don’t expect responses. That could be a whole other game thread.

I don't really see how Garrett has overshared. It was his experience that the ex was a b*tch to him and his own marriage is his story to tell. The ex probably thinks he was a b*tch to her. People don't get divorced for no reason after all. If there's any truth to the ex cheating on him with the current husband, then Garrett was keeping some things private, which is more than you can say for a lot of the contestants. Blake talking about his mom's affair was way worse IMO and not in any way necessary to advance their relationship. Same with Arie bringing up his ex's miscarriage multiple times. And last year they were straight up exploiting Dean's dad. Garrett telling us his ex had a temper that got to the point of being abusive is small potatoes in comparison to me. He said he initially thought he could handle it, but I guess it got worse after the wedding and he realized this is not who he wants to start a family with. For all we know, he owned up to more mistakes than just ignoring the red flags and we just weren't shown. Oh well, the ex will live. JMOAA.

If I were Becca I would see a red flag with both guys.
Becca has had ample opportunity to throw shade at both Ross and Arie by sneaking in a few digs however she has chosen not to. That is the key - choice; personal boundaries. I see that as a value. What both Garrett and Blake shared in terms of details IMO do not align with Becca’s code of conduct when it comes to privacy. Also, they appear to hold others to account while she owns accountability for what’s within her control - herself.
JMO

I think it depends on what you want. I think that if Becca values "privacy" then she most definitely has red flags with both guys.

I see the following differences in their stories:

1) Language Used

- Blake - he described the situation using positive vs. negative words. Did not describe by using the words "she cheated on my dad" but rather "my mom fell in love with someone else".

- Garrett said his significant other was "emotionally abusive", screamed all the time, didn't want to spend time with his family.

While both are "oversharing" on this show where I find a clear difference is in the words used and what they represent. Blake used positive language "fell in love" vs. negative Garrett she was "emotionally abusive".

2) Why was the story shared:

- Blake - he talked about what he learnt from it and how it formed him into the person he is and wants to be

- Garrett - He told the story because he was divorced and this is the reason why he got divorced. I want to know what did he learn from it, how can he be better? It is completely possible his ex-wife was a horrible human but no one is innocent, it takes two to tango.

3) Current Relationship with those involved:

- Blake is still very close with his mom/her partner (pretty sure mom married the guy) and his dad/his partner. Both sets of parents seem to co-exist quite healthy. He may be aware of what they are or aren't okay with sharing, he even told his dad at his HTD that he had brought it up the week prior.

- Garrett is no longer in contact with his ex, and I am sure received no head's up that she would be on blast week after week.

4) Recurrence of the story being brought up
- Blake brought the story up once and didn't talk about it again (during hometowns)
- Garrett has brought it up at least 3-4 times

ALL IMO

@sbolduc

Think both had reason for discussing divorce. Great language examples.

mindless wrote:I don't really see how Garrett has overshared. It was his experience that the ex was a b*tch to him and his own marriage is his story to tell. The ex probably thinks he was a b*tch to her. People don't get divorced for no reason after all. If there's any truth to the ex cheating on him with the current husband, then Garrett was keeping some things private, which is more than you can say for a lot of the contestants. Blake talking about his mom's affair was way worse IMO and not in any way necessary to advance their relationship. Same with Arie bringing up his ex's miscarriage multiple times. And last year they were straight up exploiting Dean's dad. Garrett telling us his ex had a temper that got to the point of being abusive is small potatoes in comparison to me. He said he initially thought he could handle it, but I guess it got worse after the wedding and he realized this is not who he wants to start a family with. For all we know, he owned up to more mistakes than just ignoring the red flags and we just weren't shown. Oh well, the ex will live. JMOAA.

I don’t believe for one second ... that IF his ex cheated , he or his family, would stay quiet.... they’re not the type IMHO

Also IMO he and his family over shared, especially as it’s his side of the story, of which Im sure theres a polar opposite side of the same story that could be told by her ( thankfully she’s staying wisely quiet)  I’m always suspicious of people who tear down in order to build themselves up.  Classy people don’t do that ... trashy people do though ...

sbolduc wrote:I think it depends on what you want. I think that if Becca values "privacy" then she most definitely has red flags with both guys.

I see the following differences in their stories:

1) Language Used

- Blake - he described the situation using positive vs. negative words. Did not describe by using the words "she cheated on my dad" but rather "my mom fell in love with someone else".

- Garrett said his significant other was "emotionally abusive", screamed all the time, didn't want to spend time with his family.

While both are "oversharing" on this show where I find a clear difference is in the words used and what they represent. Blake used positive language "fell in love" vs. negative Garrett she was "emotionally abusive".

2) Why was the story shared:

- Blake - he talked about what he learnt from it and how it formed him into the person he is and wants to be

- Garrett - He told the story because he was divorced and this is the reason why he got divorced. I want to know what did he learn from it, how can he be better? It is completely possible his ex-wife was a horrible human but no one is innocent, it takes two to tango.

3) Current Relationship with those involved:

- Blake is still very close with his mom/her partner (pretty sure mom married the guy) and his dad/his partner. Both sets of parents seem to co-exist quite healthy. He may be aware of what they are or aren't okay with sharing, he even told his dad at his HTD that he had brought it up the week prior.

- Garrett is no longer in contact with his ex, and I am sure received no head's up that she would be on blast week after week.

4) Recurrence of the story being brought up
- Blake brought the story up once and didn't talk about it again (during hometowns)
- Garrett has brought it up at least 3-4 times

ALL IMO

With reference to the above bolded :  Garrett had to initially share that he was divorced if he wanted any chance of a relationship going forward.  Becca is the one who has come back to him several times to ask more questions about the divorce and his ex-wife rather than Garrett choosing to keep referring to her.
We did hear Garrett share that he was not being himself with his ex-wife  and that now he realizes that wasn't healthy.  Also that he would speak about any potential red flags that he saw with Becca instead of "thinking he could handle it" (I believe that was his expression towards his former relationship). Finally I don't think **I** can hold Garrett not being in contact with his ex against him since that is usually the case and often most healthy.  
All JMO.  Both Blake and Garrett seem to be trying to share why they are who they are.  This is normal in a new relationship but comes with a public price and invites comment on the bachelorette!

@mindless If there's any truth to the ex cheating on him with the current husband,

So, I’m curious as to how this info is now stating as a possibility.?Wasn’t it brought up as a pure speculation to explain the short marriage? Now it’s something that is used to boost Garrett’s explanation of his short- lived mattiage? Do we have ANY sort of evidence for that? If, not, it should NOT be brought up at all. And I’m pretty sure that IF there was any validity to this speculative claim, Garrett’s family would have used it at any an all occasions to say that their poor son was cheated on, and that they are looking for someone who they can trust. WHICH NEVER CAME UP .  And Garrett would have legitimate issues with trusting his next partner... WHICH HE CLEARLY DOES NOT.  ( He launched on her like a dog after a stick from night one) That would have been TOTALLY exploited by TPTB  also, come on, gold nugget of the ex cheating on the main lead’s interest... This, for me, is a great example of how some rumors can start and take a life of their own and become reality for some people who are looking to paint a person in a certain way. So unfair to this woman who is out of the equation in terms of privacy. JMHOAA

mindless wrote:I don't really see how Garrett has overshared. It was his experience that the ex was a b*tch to him and his own marriage is his story to tell. The ex probably thinks he was a b*tch to her. People don't get divorced for no reason after all. If there's any truth to the ex cheating on him with the current husband, then Garrett was keeping some things private, which is more than you can say for a lot of the contestants. Blake talking about his mom's affair was way worse IMO and not in any way necessary to advance their relationship. Same with Arie bringing up his ex's miscarriage multiple times. And last year they were straight up exploiting Dean's dad. Garrett telling us his ex had a temper that got to the point of being abusive is small potatoes in comparison to me. He said he initially thought he could handle it, but I guess it got worse after the wedding and he realized this is not who he wants to start a family with. For all we know, he owned up to more mistakes than just ignoring the red flags and we just weren't shown. Oh well, the ex will live. JMOAA.

Co-sign this whole post, but I'm particularly amazed at how few people are calling Blake out on sharing that incredibly personal and embarrassing story about his mother. It's always a bad sign when you're basically willing to throw your family under the bus just to get some sympathy points with the lead. It also shows he's very easily manipulated by the producers, IMO.

Astrobach wrote:@mindless If there's any truth to the ex cheating on him with the current husband,

So, I’m curious as to how this info is now stating as a possibility.?Wasn’t it brought up as a pure speculation to explain the short marriage? Now it’s something that is used to boost Garrett’s explanation of his short- lived mattiage? Do we have ANY sort of evidence for that? If, not, it should NOT be brought up at all. And I’m pretty sure that IF there was any validity to this speculative claim, Garrett’s family would have used it at any an all occasions to say that their poor son was cheated on, and that they are looking for someone who they can trust. WHICH NEVER CAME UP .  And Garrett would have legitimate issues with trusting his next partner... WHICH HE CLEARLY DOES NOT.  ( He launched on her like a dog after a stick from night one) That would have been TOTALLY exploited by TPTB  also, come on, gold nugget of the ex cheating on the main lead’s interest... This, for me, is a great example of how some rumors can start and take a life of their own and become reality for some people who are looking to paint a person in a certain way. So unfair to this woman who is out of the equation in terms of privacy. JMHOAA

People speculated that she was cheating because the marriage ended so quickly and she apparently was remarried within 6 months. (I would actually like to know how that was arrived at and have asked previously as I have no idea how to figure that kind of stuff out.)

@Mindless did say IF so she is still stating it in terms of speculation and speculation is what this board does. Just as you are speculating that Garrett's family would have used it at any and all occasions or that Garrett doesn't have any issues with trusting his next partner. That is not a fact either....it is your own speculation.

Lots of times the board speculates wildly and things can't be proven and yet, many times what seemed like pure speculation actually turns out to be spot on. Naturally, we are also wrong plenty of times. And yes, our own view points and past experience often cloud how we interpret people and their behaviour...including Garrett and his ex.