Bachelorette 14 - Becca Kufrin - Episode 8 - July 16th - *Sleuthing Spoilers*

@mindless, I do agree with much of what you say. The fact that the ex hasn't come forth to defend herself lends more credence to what Garrett says about the marriage. IMO What did have me side-eyeing a bit was when he gave the specific of how his parents would come to Tahoe only once a year to vacation with them but she would have other plans (something like that). For one thing, his parents only lived about 3 hours away from Reno, so why once a year? He could go see them too, right? For another thing, since they were only married for 2 months, how does the "once a year" frequency fit in? So this maybe happened once if they lived together the year they were engaged. And if it bothered him that much, he still married her.... so he has some responsibility in it. I still don't think it reflects well on him to keep bashing his ex on national tv, even if I could sympathize and he is telling the truth. And this should also turn Becca off, being a feminist. ALL just my opinion.

Garrett does have 2 siblings and I believe neither of them live near the parents. So I can see why his parents might have only come to Reno for vacation once a year. They would probably go to visit the brother and sister as well. That would be 3 trips a year. They own their own business and the business owners I know work 7 days a week to keep that business going (even my former employer that was not in agricultural) with minimal vacations.

The visits could very well have been pre-marriage and even pre-engagement. At the time he may have thought that she was just letting him spend time with his parents without her. It may not have become the red flag to him until post marriage when things became clearer to him about what was going on. Not a huge red flag to me.

IMO the best thing this ex could do is say nothing and not to dignify this diarrhea of the mouths and poor taste.
@SFoster you bring up some excellent points which brings up lots of inconsistencies in what the viewer heard.
1) son and parents lived a mere 3 hours from each other, there is nothing to have prevented either party from visiting more often than a paltry annual visit. IMO to blame a third party in preventing such is, IMO ludicrous.
2) The viewer does not really know much of any of the parties. IMO, it is equally likely that just as the ex could be the ex from heII, the same could be said of the parents. I am sure just as many have great in-laws, there are those in-laws that are nightmares. Raising hand here. There may be justified reasons for either party.
3) and most importantly, IMO is the quantitative factors involved. Which is it, the couple was only married 2 months so the once a year visit is an exaggeration or misstatement at best or the couple co-habituated for at least 10 months before marriage equaling a year to justify the statement? And if the couple did co-habitate, it raises even more red flags that there were no issues indicating troubles leading toward divorce.
IMO, the bottom line is parental units and glumpy, guffawing Garrett come across looking pathetic. Add them to the list of poor me cast that talk about past people in their lives, who aren’t on the show.
I have a lot of respect who choose not to go there. Jmoaa

@Kashathediva, Exactly! Agree 1000%!

And G's mom said she kept her mouth shut about the ex, but in laws can give off a vibe without saying any words, so maybe they made the ex feel very uncomfortable. The mom also said with G's next gf/wife, they were not going to be silent but let G know what they thought, like he's a child and they will be watching and managing his relationships. Like he can't think for himself. And didn't Garrett tell her that himself. Before the HTD, in the prior episode, she told him she was nervous he would ignore red flags in future, and he said he would alert her of any red flags and that when she meets his parents, his parents would help him pick up on anything. Like she has to have his parents approval. I don't remember the exact words he used. Is mama's boy an obstacle just like with Bryan on Rachel's seaon? Becca needs to watch out, I would hate to think my in laws were watching my every move for a misstep. JMO

SFoster wrote:@Kashathediva,  Exactly!  Agree 1000%!

And G's mom said she kept her mouth shut about the ex, but in laws can give off a vibe without saying any words, so maybe they made the ex feel very uncomfortable. The mom also said with G's next gf/wife, they were not going to be silent but let G know what they thought, like he's a child and they will be watching and managing his relationships. Like he can't think for himself. And didn't Garrett tell her that himself. Before the HTD, in the prior episode, she told him she was nervous he would ignore red flags in future, and he said he would alert her of any red flags and that when she meets his parents, his parents would help him pick up on anything. Like she has to have his parents approval. I don't remember the exact words he used. Is mama's boy an obstacle just like with Bryan on Rachel's seaon?  Becca needs to watch out, I would hate to think my in laws were watching my every move for a misstep. JMO

I would like to say I’m totally shocked by your bolded, but unfortunately this foolishness, IMO is all too common and always a mistake. IMO this parental attitude may have been the ultimate cause of his first marriage dying.
IMO when a couple marries, they owe support and allegiance to each other first and foremost, if they are going to make it. Not and never their parents. IMO
I personally, know of far too many parents who chose not to see this attitude as meddling, but as helpful. In the strong marriages, the couple will work through it, read the Buttinskys the riot act and possibly put firm boundaries on the relationship. This could definitely cause the couple or one of them definite reason to distance themselves from the parents. Jmo, but I would be running out the door..
The parents never win in this instance, no matter how well intentioned. Imo

Kashathediva wrote:IMO the best thing this ex could do is say nothing and not to dignify this diarrhea of the mouths and poor taste.
@SFoster you bring up some excellent points which brings up lots of inconsistencies in what the viewer heard.
1) son and parents lived a mere 3 hours from each other, there is nothing to have prevented either party from visiting more often than a paltry annual visit. IMO to blame a third party in preventing such is, IMO ludicrous.  
2) The viewer does not really know much of any of the parties. IMO, it is equally likely that just as the ex could be the ex from heII, the same could be said of the parents. I am sure just as many have great in-laws, there are those in-laws that are nightmares.  Raising hand here.  There may be justified reasons for either party.
3) and most importantly, IMO  is the quantitative factors involved. Which is it, the couple was only married 2 months so the once a year visit is an exaggeration or misstatement at best or the couple co-habituated for at least 10 months before marriage equaling a year to justify the statement? And if the couple did co-habitate, it raises even more red flags that there were no issues indicating troubles leading toward divorce.
IMO, the bottom line is parental units and glumpy, guffawing Garrett come across looking pathetic. Add them to the list of poor me cast that talk about past people in their lives, who aren’t on the show.
I have a lot of respect who choose not to go there. Jmoaa

Just a clarification to your first point @Kashathediva. My understanding wasn't that the ex prevented them from visiting more often, but rather that when they visited...and that apparently was rarely...she would make plans for other things with him so that he was he wasn't spending time with them.

I actually get that since we had a very similar thing occur with our family. We live in Canada and went back to Croatia to visit. Obviously a trip that is not a spur of the moment thing, but one where everyone had lots of prior notice that the family was coming. My aunt's fiance at the time tried the same thing. He wanted her to go to his moms beach home with his mother....who lives in town...for a few weeks during our visit. Mouthy, teenage me spouted out that that was pretty selfish since they can do that at any time and who knows when we would be back again. That shut him up pretty fast and he did apologize. That turned me off of him right there. They did end up getting married, but it has not been a particularly happy marriage. Shockingly, one of her biggest complaints about him is that he is selfish and thoughtless. My 17 year old self pretty much told her that.

@Sprite I can totally understand this.
However, in this situation, the distance is 3 hours. Even if Garrett can’t get away for a long weekend, a weekend or a day, as well as his parents making the same trip for the same reasons, there is nothing to stop them from meeting halfway, making the trip less than 2 hrs, if only to meet up for dinner. I don’t understand this mentality to blame another party for them not meeting up. As far as the 4th party, something or somethings seem to have occurred to make her not want involvement. I would hope a grown man can choose time to be with others and not having a meet up dependent upon his wives presence.
Speaking only for myself, I won’t be around or will severely limit myself to being around those I don’t enjoy being with. I don’t interfere with my dhs desire for guys nights out etc, nor does he with my personal outings. Jmo

He never said it was the only time they saw each other. I'm sure he went the other way IMO.
Just that they only got up the Tahoe once a year.

@IrelandRose ok so it sounds to me it’s an issue with the parents. thanks

The bottom line for me is that Garrett seems very immature and almost juvenile in his speech, reactions and explanations / excuses when he talks to Becca. His parents have said things that made me eye roll big time...like his mom:” from what I heard you come from a similar background”. They know nothing really about her when they meet, they just hope that she is not going to break their son’s heart. Both Becca and Garrett have this need to make this work at all cost because their chemistry is strong, but I see so many red flags about issues that are pushed right under the carpet to not disturb the fantasy. All JM sad O.

Well again, this is a lot of theorizing about very small clips of G, his family and what he discussed with Becca about his marriage. The problem this show poses is that if you truly want to get to know the B/ette and to reveal who you are and what has made you that way, then you need to share intimate details of your past in order to go for that future with her. The producers choose to show what they show and there is no way (apart form the FS which might be too late for such details as a previous marriage, or virginity..) to speak privately so I guess you go "all in". I remember Jordan being so hesitant to speak about his brother on JoJos season but realizing he needed to do so. Then Colton with his virginity was another intimate share that got big public exposure. Of course what you share is your own perspective and there are 2 sides to every story of divorce. I respect the ex wife for NOT chiming in and I don't think that reflects badly on G or on herself. G's family seem concerned he doesn't make the same mistake (their perspective) and that isn't inappropriate for a family to feel either. ALL JMO!

Tahoe is about 30 minutes from Reno, where G and his ex lived. Reno is right there at Tahoe, isn't it?