Bachelorette 14 - Becca Kufrin - Episode 4 - June 18th - *Sleuthing Spoilers*

Amethyst wrote:I am willing to admit that I am speculating based on some very sketchy information coming from his ex-wife's camp. However I think this is just the opening salvo and more information from better sources will be forthcoming. What I will say is that I am not willing to take just Garrett's side of things. There are two sides to this story, and I want to hear the other side.

What I think *has* been established (at least to me) by public Instagram likes is that Garrett is tone-deaf. Here is the Merriam-Webster definition of that meaning of "tone-deaf" -- "having or showing an obtuse insensitivity or lack of perception particularly in matters of public sentiment, opinion, or taste".
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/tone-deaf

So it wouldn't come as a shock to me if that quality happens to pop up elsewhere in his life.

Amethyst wrote:North, if Garrett had kept it vague (i.e. there were incompatibilities that came to light immediately following the marriage, there were signs beforehand to which he didn't give enough attention,) then I would be in agreement with you. But when he publicly threw his ex under the bus, all bets were off as far as I was concerned. She didn't deserve that and if she wishes to tell her side of things (on her own, or covertly through friends or family members,) I would support that.

Sharleen wrote:Sharleen Joynt on Episode 4 of The Bachelorette

What Jean Blanc did to Becca last night was not only excruciating to watch, it was a downright chitty  thing to do to her of all people. A woman whose Bachelorette crowning and entire television storyline has revolved around being deceived by the man she loved? And you tell her you’re “falling in love” with her just because it’s what you think she wants to hear?? And then, instead of exiting quietly, you ADMIT that to her, fuelling her insecurity about the other guys’ sincerity??? Dude. That is some terrible judgment and major short-sightedness.

What’s incredible is that every step of the way, Jean thought he was being savvy, like he could play his appearance on this show like a game of chess. At the start of the episode, he received a Rose Ceremony rose and, while happy to have it, he bemoaned it being the last rose of the night. Now, not only does that solidify my long-held stance that there is rhyme and reason to that rose order, it also was the beginning of him analyzing and breaking apart his ranking in what I’m pretty sure he saw as a race. He referred to Becca as “his woman” (to John, who was thankfully above making a stink out of that) after having spent maybe a total of half an hour (maybe 40 minutes, if I’m generous) collectively with her. In an ITM he declared, “You’re only as good as your last rose,” yet failed to mention at any point what it is about Becca that had him interested in her, much less “falling in love” with her.

As terrible as what he did was, I found myself fascinated by this series of unfortunate decisions on his part. It occurred to me that it is remarkable that we’ve never seen a misstep like this before. Let’s be honest (or as honest as Jean Blanc was dishonest): It is sadly impossible that there aren’t a few, if not several Jean Blancs in any given Bachelor/ette cast. The odds of every contestant who’s ever claimed to be “falling” (or “on track” to falling, or having full-blown “fallen in love”—I’ve documented my beef with these arbitrary terms) having been 100% sincere is slim. I’m thinking maybe three-quarters of them, at best. And I’m accounting for the Bachelor bubble, in which contestants often naturally develop a starry-eyed infatuation with their lead.

An inherent problem with this show is that you can’t put a girl—no matter how hot and dynamic and compelling—in a room with 25 men and expect all 25 of them to want to spend the rest of their lives with her. There are so many factors at play: compatibility, timing, the guys’ genuine readiness to settle down, just to name a view. And that’s only inherent problem number one!

Number two is something I’ve been harping about for years, dating way back to when I first started recapping. It involved watching Nick on Andi’s season and observing how he, a man who genuinely felt he was in the right and hadn’t done anything wrong, was at the mercy of his communal girlfriend. She said to him, “All I can do is go on your word. When you say you’re gonna do better, I guess I gotta wait for you to do better.” Think about it: that sentence wouldn’t sound out of place in a pre-breakup ultimatum conversation where the guy had a terrible vice or history of bad behaviour. But this wasn’t a couple trying to reconcile when the man wouldn’t quit drinking or cheating; it was merely a new couple’s disagreement, a matter of subjectivity, between two “equal” partners. It wasn’t until Nick finally gave in, telling Andi she was right and he was wrong, that they were able to move forward in their relationship. This little exchange really sums up the issue, which is that Nick (and every contestant for that matter) is doing all the proving, all the conceding, all the submitting, all the time. The structure of this show, with one person holding all the power and everyone else being at her (or his) mercy, leaves such a power imbalance that it’s impossible for the contestants to be either completely themselves or completely autonomous.

Finally, inherent problem number three is the very factor that allows this show to continue to cast relatively desirable and high-calibre (I know this is debatable but you get my drift) candidates. With this show’s consistent and (somehow) ever-expanding relevance and notoriety, appearing on this show now comes with real-life perks—far beyond 15 minutes of fame—that even a couple of years ago none of us could have imagined. It only makes sense that most, if not all of those high-calibre candidates are there for those perks first, and AT BEST, “finding love” a distant second. In other words, the factors that give the casting department the pick of the contestant litter are the very factors that not only enable, but encourage #wrongreasons motives.

I’m not saying anything can be done about any of these issues. These are and forever will be ingrained in this show. But as awful as what Jean did was, it shone a light directly on them, and for the critical viewer watching a social experiment, it was good food for thought.

Kels0012 wrote:Why is this board so dead this season?

northernviewer wrote:OR ....1 of them wanted out real bad and agreed to half just to get the h3!! out ... real quick ....

OR ... they lived together before getting married and purchased a house together etc.