Ben Higgins - Bachelor 20 - Discussion

While I'm thinking of it. The Sally Sunshine interview Ben is just such a stark contrast to the moody/pissy Ben who was often captured buried in his phone on the rare occasion "he allowed" Lauren to snap him. Also a stark contrast to the guy his mom alluded to - the one that gets very internal and overthinks things and needs to be taken off the ledge.  Lauren also talked about his overthinking and worrying on HEA. Just such a stark contrast to little Miss Sunshine when you stick him in front of E! or ET or People or whatever else. And that's fine - I get it. He gives a good interview, hits all the marks. I actually DO think he has what it takes to be a politician. It just also shows me further proof that he's an image conscious, interview BSing expert. One of the most refined in this franchise. IMO.

But have we ever heard Ben ever say anything wasn't fine? This guy went to a FS with Kaitlyn after she spent the night in his room in bed with Shawn while he was on the cot. He went right along playing the game. Ben has spouted the company line all along, from the bachelorette to the bachelor, to the fake HEA. I am shocked that Ben had the balls to postpone the wedding. While handled badly, that was one of the few genuine things Ben did. Now claiming after that they were magically better, that is pure Ben, until TPTB gave him permission and Lauren dumped him, he was going to stay with the party line.

Ben is a pleaser, hasn't he always been the one dumped? Goes with being a pleaser. Living with someone day in and out that is hard to maintain. That is why I don't doubt Lauren does know the real Ben, he got to the point of having to be real. Remember his own mom warned both JoJo and Lauren that Ben was not perfect and he could be difficult.

Ali and Roberto came up with many different excuses to postpone their wedding while claiming they were still on the road to marriage and happy. In Bachelor world that is standard. That is why JPG, Brooks and even Vanessa and Nick got so much grief. You can acknowledge struggle in bachelor world only if you are healed from it and have moved on happily, like Des and Chris. If you show unhappiness they tear apart one or both of you. Ben wasn't going to risk that. Ben was not going to bite the hand feeding him.

All JMO.

It almost sounds like Ben is saying they were on a high when they first got engaged, and then it all went downhill from there. Kind of admitting to lust..? I think it's interesting that the article says Lauren started moving out in late April.. May is almost over!

I had no problem with two ILYs. I have loved two people at once when it was the new immature giddy love. I think most fall hard amd fast for one, but didn't Andy Baldwin tell his F2 he loved her? Sean actually told Lindsay he loved her right before he dumped her.

I actually wondered if Ben mentioned loving Lauren and much like we saw Chris H do with Des, everytime she talked about Brooks he brought up Chris. I could see them talking Ben into expressing love for both of them, even subconsciously. People pleaser Ben would not have done that without permission. Heck I bet he had TPTB permission to postpone the wedding. It is still gutsy, because a bad marriage is way worse, but I can see TPTB allowing him to postpone if he did it on camera. JMO. Wasn't that one of the few real or genuine things on HEA?

Soooo basically...if he says something nice about Lauren (which IMO, he does not need to do) then he's fake and image conscious? But if he were to throw some subtle shade her way, wouldn't people be saying he's not so perfect after all? Just trying to understand what was wrong here....

IMO, what he said seemed very honest. I have no doubt that they both learned a lot from this relationship and the whole Bachelor experience in general. Will they go on to be life long best friends? That's doubtful I think. Even if breaking up is for the best, I'd imagine it's hard to suddenly stop talking to that person and maybe never see them again. I'm glad there's people like him that embrace taking the high road.

I do agree that is how Ben has been all along the difference is now I don't see it just as people pleasing and image consciousness I see it as disingenuous on Ben's part. And I would think this regardless of what statement Ben gives or in regards to Lauren. I think this is just how he is and has been long before even she came on the scene (and I am no fan of hers FTR). jmo

AllAboutLove wrote:I do agree that is how Ben has been all along the difference is now I don't see it just as people pleasing and image consciousness I see it as disingenuous on Ben's part. And I would think this regardless of what statement Ben gives or in regards to Lauren. I think this is just how he is and has been long before even she came on the scene (and I am no fan of hers FTR). jmo

He is introverted and moody, as his mom said, but only presented the sweet and charming. She claimed to want to settle down, but has shown her true happiness to bein traveling, partying, and getting that second chance to model since she didn't stand out enough before TB to get paid for it. Both tried to be something they really weren't. I don't know if it was deception or a desire to be something different to make the giddiness last. But that never works, if you are suppressing who you are it isn't sustainable unless you are a sociopath. JMO.

Me whenever Ben speaks:


Source

Call it him being a politician, or PC, or a people pleaser but the bottom line is, this dude be lying all the d*mn time IMO.

"Lauren will always be one of my best friends". Sure Ben whatever you say!

Article says she took all the furniture and moved out at the end of April!? That was like almost a month ago! Crazy.

Imo Ben is full of bs with his statements. Being politically correct? Wth does that mean? What would he have said if he wasn't politically correct?

This dude was only a few weeks ago telling media how happy they were and closer to wedding than ever, when Lauren was packing up the furniture and her stuff from his Denver home.

Also, how tacky was Ben adding that podcast announcement in the break up announcement? He couldn't wait a few days to send out a separate announcement about the podcast? 'with sad hearts we announce our break up, but don't worry fans, you still can see Ben in a podcast with AshleyI' jmo

Politically correct: Disapproving. avoiding language or behavior that any particular group of people might feel is unkind or offensive:
The politically correct term "firefighter" is used instead of "fireman."

Cambridge Dictionary

I took his comment to mean he didn't want to say anything disrespectful to Lauren or their relationship but also wanted to be honest about the ended relationship. Being politically correct is not a bad thing imo. If he were to go around spewing hateful things about Lauren that would be crappy imo.

hae1001 wrote:

Politically correct: Disapproving. avoiding language or behavior that any particular group of people might feel is unkind or offensive:
The politically correct term "firefighter" is used instead of "fireman."

Cambridge Dictionary

I took his comment to mean he didn't want to say anything disrespectful to Lauren or their relationship but also wanted to be honest about the ended relationship. Being politically correct is not a bad thing imo. If he were to go around spewing hateful things about Lauren that would be crappy imo.

He didn't have to say, that he was being politically correct, IMO. That, to me, indicates, that he could say something not pleasant. That doesn't mean he had to trash Lauren either. Most people manage to not insult their exes, without saying, that they're being politically correct. Jmo.