Ben Higgins - Lauren Bushnell - Bachelor 20 - Discussion - #6

I also don't like putting the onus on women saying a guy will be romantic when the right woman comes along to inspire him. Like what?  No matter what muse comes along, I am not going to have certain traits. Sometimes it is what it is.  And maybe what would appear to be a lack of romanticism for one person is enough or too much for another.

Kashathediva wrote:I also don't like putting the onus on women saying a guy will be romantic when the right woman comes along to inspire him. Like what?  No matter what muse comes along, I am not going to have certain traits. Sometimes it is what it is.  And maybe what would appear to be a lack of romanticism for one person is enough or too much for another.

Very good point.

Kashathediva wrote:I also don't like putting the onus on women saying a guy will be romantic when the right woman comes along to inspire him. Like what?  No matter what muse comes along, I am not going to have certain traits. Sometimes it is what it is.  And maybe what would appear to be a lack of romanticism for one person is enough or too much for another.

So true. My husband hardly ever uses SM to begin with, but when he does he's not one at all to ever have some big declaration of OTT love. That doesn't make him any less loyal, loving, kind, great husband and father. I kind of resent the notion that somehow it is my fault or our fault as a couple that I don't "bring out that PDA in him." That's ridiculous. IMO. Also, I wouldn't want him to be so public in his affection. That would personally make me uncomfortable. Of course we are merely a private, normal couple.  These Bach couples put themselves in a trap where they are judged for their PDA levels on SM. All ridic. IMO.

AllAboutLove wrote:I dunno. I've seen plenty of PDA couples that crash and burn and and guys that wax poetic and lyrical can be total players.

Also, I hardly think that finding "the one" means that a guy will become romantic and if he doesn't then it means the woman he is with is not the one. That to me is just romantic fiction.

With Ben and Lauren, outside of "reality" tv shows, they seem to be doing their own thing and while they certainly like all couples will have their ups and down, they seem to be okay, IMO, and doing things on their terms which is what matters most, IMO. Again, whatever works for them.

JMO

Nice post. ITA.

Whatever is happening between them, I hope they are mutually happy, or can get to a place where they are mutually happy, whether together or apart. It's clear to me they are trying. Without being either OTT fake, or publicly disrespectful.  That says a lot. Wishing them well.

AllAboutLove wrote:I dunno. I've seen plenty of PDA couples that crash and burn and and guys that wax poetic and lyrical can be total players.

Also, I hardly think that finding "the one" means that a guy will become romantic and if he doesn't then it means the woman he is with is not the one. That to me is just romantic fiction.

With Ben and Lauren, outside of "reality" tv shows, they seem to be doing their own thing and while they certainly like all couples will have their ups and down, they seem to be okay, IMO, and doing things on their terms which is what matters most, IMO. Again, whatever works for them.

JMO

Very true.

Lauren and Ben are IMO working out what works for them as a couple, and as individuals. IMO that's what they're supposed to do.

I love all 3 of your recent posts in this thread @AllAboutLove yours too @Kashathediva.

It annoys me to no end that women get blamed in relationships and all relationships are supposed to fit in an idealized standard. IMO there is NO one size fits all regarding relationships. IMO whatever is right for any given couple is aok. Each couple needs to find a balance that works for them.

IMO Ben and Lauren are clearly trying to work through some difficulties exacerbated by HEA. IMO all relationships go through ups and downs. On all of their recent posts and outings the supportive comments of close friends who actually know them and are in their real lives...indicates to me that they are truthfully trying. I think the time apart was a good thing for them. Sometimes a step back teaches us we want to proceed forward. My wish for Ben and Lauren is that they each take the time on their own terms to decide if they are each others one. I wish them happiness in their quest.
All JMO

Ash2214 wrote:Yeah, I would take loyalty over romance too, but as a woman, I like the occasional public display of affection. It's nice to have both in a relationship IMO. 

In terms of being loyal, Ben wasn't that loyal to her in both of their reality television shows since he threw her under the bus for the shows, so hopefully he's working on that behind closed doors. JMO

There's loyalty to promoting the Ben-lo brand, IMO. Lauren obvi tagged Ben, mvmwatches, mvmwatcheswomen (in case you don't notice the watches peeking out from their sleeves  ) and the restaurant. A different pic of the shillers couple in the restaurant was posted by another source with a focus on their drinks.

Ben-lo seemingly adheres to the sage advice offered by Bach shiller-wife #1 - "don't bite the hand that feeds you". IMO.

@FLChica the restaurant didnt post any pictures of ben and lauren on their ig account. Lauren posted the photo on snap chat and different bachelor fan accounts reposted and tagged the location.

Kashathediva wrote:I also don't like putting the onus on women saying a guy will be romantic when the right woman comes along to inspire him. Like what?  No matter what muse comes along, I am not going to have certain traits. Sometimes it is what it is.  And maybe what would appear to be a lack of romanticism for one person is enough or too much for another.

IMO this isn't putting the onus on the woman but on the relationship. IMO all humans are capable of anything depending on their situation. Same flavor here. I suppose time will tell how Ben can be if/when there is another fiancée (maybe a real one this time ) in the future. All IMO of course.

I can think of a lot of fake fiance's over the years, Lauren isn't one of them IMHO She is a very real young lady, who comes from a great family. She picked up and moved to Denver to start a life with Ben. She didn't wait, she did it as soon as it was possible. I'm not sure what's not so real about that and other things she has done for the relationship.

hae1001 wrote:@FLChica the restaurant didnt post any pictures of ben and lauren on their ig account. Lauren posted the photo on snap chat and different bachelor fan accounts reposted and tagged the location.

Thank you @hae1001 - I edited my post. No big surprise, but I don't follow Lauren on snap chat. Glad to know her multi-level shilling efforts are getting an assist from her fan accounts.

Alanna wrote:

Kashathediva wrote:I also don't like putting the onus on women saying a guy will be romantic when the right woman comes along to inspire him. Like what?  No matter what muse comes along, I am not going to have certain traits. Sometimes it is what it is.  And maybe what would appear to be a lack of romanticism for one person is enough or too much for another.

IMO this isn't putting the onus on the woman but on the relationship. IMO all humans are capable of anything depending on their situation. Same flavor here. I suppose time will tell how Ben can be if/when there is another fiancée (maybe a real one this time ) in the future. All IMO of course.

Regarding the bolded: IMO, that is exactly a prime example of putting the onus on the woman since it is the women that are different in the example given and Ben is the common denominator.

ITA with Kasha that it is what it is. Some people are just not that romantically inclined and IMO, while it's nice to have those romantic gestures and whatnot, I think romanticism should not be a determinant for a healthy relationship. Is it nice to have it? Sure. But if romanticism is what indicates when a man is most into someone then I have to beg to differ with that since to me that is nothing but infatuation/romantic love and not real, day-to-day, get-through-life-together love that I have been truly privileged to experience myself with my soulmate and hubby.

So if I had to wish anything for Ben and Lauren, it would be that they have a love based on much more than romantic gestures for random strangers via SM and the kind of love that puts in the work in a way that works best for them. JMO