Re: Ben Higgins - Lauren Bushnell - Bachelor 20 - Discussion - #5

by lovebites8727 Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:20 pm

I do think Lauren might get tired of being just always the one compromise to make Ben happy . I knew the wedding being called off during their HEA show might be just not a big deal with her but for sure deep inside it sucks and hard for her since she is so ready and think ben is too after the being giddy and excited at the ATFR even proclaimed he would marry Lauren tomorrow if he can and re-proposed in front of Lauren's parents. I do think that lately it shows something is off between them. I do think Ben needs to stop thinking that this relationship is all about him. The cold birthday greetings , and being away and girls trip on her special day instead of spending together is telling to me . Even if her birthday get away is paid by the resort in Mexico they stayed . Jmo.

by emusha Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:21 pm

mindless wrote:@emusha, I agree with your analysis. Lauren is pretty reserved and even aloof, and seems to shut down when there's conflict. I can't really knock her for that since I can very much relate, but I can't see her personality being a good fit with someone as insecure and neurotic (IMO) as Ben. Ben needs verbal and non-verbal validation, someone who giggles at his jokes and brushes off his insecure moments with humour. Being with a person who shuts down emotionally just breeds insecurity and paranoia in him. I think Lauren could learn to be more verbal and to show more acceptance, but not when she's feeling insecure herself, which I suspect she has been ever since the wedding postponement. Neither of them can grow or move forward when they're just feeding each other's insecurities. JMO. I think Ben would be better off with someone more "warm" and expressive, and Lauren would be better off with a man who's secure in his own skin and can make her feel safe to be herself and make her lighten up. Not saying they can't make it work if they try really hard, but I personally suspect it's not worth it. No one should have to change themselves too much for a relationship, since there are plenty more fish in the sea. Love shouldn't feel like work. All JMO.

very well articulated - thanks! yes to "love shouldn't feel like work" and while Ben definitely could benefit from growing more (as most of us should) he also can find someone who can be compatible with him that helps him feel loved at every step along the journey

by ReneeM Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:24 pm

As someone who thinks the relationship is on it's last legs (i.e. not officially over, but just a matter of time), even if she posted something it wouldn't make a difference to me. I would just think she's trying to save face before the official break up announcement. So I don't think it would make a difference to a lot of people. If they're together, and working on it, or happy, they should just do that and ignore SM comments. JMO.

by Lennoxcolinrolland Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:27 pm

I agreed with that one comment posted on her pic that essentially said, they didn't want to hear that Lauren was busy with "work" (traveling all month) to be home in Denver, considering she made no posts about any of her trips on her blog, and that she chose to not be with Ben, for whatever reason.

( in regards to traveling being her job. Especially last month.)

by Boshem Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:31 pm

I think neither of them were prepared to be engaged. Neither of them were prepared to change their life.. Neither of them feel like compromising for one another.. Sometimes in a relationship you have to do things you don't want to do.. So what Ben wanted to spend Xmas with his family and Lauren did too, when you're engaged you have to be willing to make sacrifices.. Both of them are selfish IMO

by Cila51290 Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:35 pm

I think Lauren was prepared since she did the moving, job change, all to fit into Ben's world. She compromised and tried, IMO. Ben complained about paint colors, changing his furniture, no puppies, etc. The littlest things always bugs Ben yet Lauren has done some tough decisions for herself that he has yet to make. JMO

by bleuberry Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:37 pm

I disagree. I think one of them was much more willing to make changes IMO. Feeling resentful is understandable. I feel like being The Bachelor messes with the guys' egos, whereas f1 guys who are chosen have IMO put in much more work and as a result have been more successful in lasting. I wonder if it's because they started out pursuing her.

by Cocoasneeze Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:40 pm

Boshem wrote:I think neither of them were prepared to be engaged. Neither of them were prepared to change their life.. Neither of them feel like compromising for one another.. Sometimes in a relationship you have to do things you don't want to do.. So what Ben wanted to spend Xmas with his family and Lauren did too, when you're engaged you have to be willing to make sacrifices.. Both of them are selfish IMO

IMO Lauren did both. She uprooted her life to move to live with Ben, build a solid friendship group from his friends and hers from around Denver. She started to fix his house to make it feel like their home, not just his. She started a new career, at least tried to, which she could do from Denver. She took part in charities he is involved with. I don't know how many more sacrifices she was supposed to make. IMO Ben didn't meet her halfway, and that started to create problems. He had a freeking fit over paint
colours. (IMO that home depot fight was him throwing a fit)
IMO the cancelled wedding and humiliation broke something, and Lauren stopped wanting to compromise alone. JMO.

by Boshem Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:47 pm

Sorry I don't follow them closely just check up on them.. What fight about paint colours? I agree with all that you've said - uprooting her life in California to move to Denver and all that comes with a new city, lately I do feel like she's done compromising/dropping everything for Ben

by Cocoasneeze Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:55 pm

@Boshem there were TMZ or other tabloid pictures of Ben and Lauren looking like they were arguing at home depot, about that time when Lauren was moving to Denver. Later Ben revealed, that it had been over paint colours. IMO if your partner packs their bags and moves for your relationship, you let them pick the colours redecorating the house. Jmo.

by Ash2214 Sun Feb 05, 2017 2:02 pm

mindless wrote:I certainly don't think Lauren owes anyone an explanation, but I can't help thinking how easy it would be to just post a recent couple pic with some sweet words instead of daily pics of her trip without Ben. Easy if all is well that is. The fact that she doesn't speaks volumes to me. Of course it might be that she just doesn't care, but it seems like Ben does considering his post the other day. Seems more likely that she can't in good conscience claim all is well when it isn't. JMO.

Yeah, this is what I meant. Lauren is adding fuel to the fire by posting single shots of herself without her ring on, captioning posts saying she's already planning her next trip and that this one was the best she's ever had. She's not hiding the fact that she's spending most of her time without Ben. If they're over, then fine, whatever, but if not, I do think a seeet picture with a nice caption would at least calm the storm a little bit more. JMO

by notarose Sun Feb 05, 2017 2:20 pm

Does anyone think, in retrospect, it would have been better for them if they had maintained their preshow lifestyles and dated long distance for a period of time?
I get the sense that Lauren had her foundation removed (by choice of course) and Ben has a long list of still "need to get to knows" which doesn't need to happen in the same house especially when part of Lauren's identity (as a career woman and as a part of a circle of friends) isn't there.
I am aware that it is typical for couples from the show to get engaged after a few dates then cohabitate shortly after however in the case of Ben and Lauren I feel it may have been a minus rather than a plus.

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