MAFS - Season 4 - Derek Schwartz - Heather Seidel

Kikiminx Personally I think Heather was never attracted to Derek and was looking for ways to get out of it.  She reminds me a lot of Ashley from Ashley/David season.  Same kind of thing going on IMO!!!

I do love how the Preacher does not let Heather get away with things and is firm with her.

Kikiminx wrote:Newbie here!

First I don't understand why Derek is getting such a hard time when I honestly think Heather checked out of this marriage before she even walked down the aisle.   I'm not going to assume Derek was smoking pot because it is a story from a tabloid.  I felt Heather was a bit harsh when she brought up the issue she had with his smoking.  He stated that the habit was not an everyday habit and he was just cutting loose while on vacation.    I felt that Derek tried to have a conversation with Heather but she had checked out and he was growing more and more frustrated.   Heather isn't perfect... She did have a DUI 5 years ago...  Marriage is a serious commitment  and if you're not ready for that commitment than you shouldn't do it..   ***IMO***

@Kikiminx

IA for the most part. IMO if that was me, and he meant how committed he is, I would tell him like it is. I would want to work it out as much as possible. These are issues you should be thinking about before you apply. Anything could go wrong and you need to decide how much you want to put into it. If in fact he is smoking pot, then that would be an issue he'd have to compromise because that's a deal breaker for me.

She bugs me way more than him. IMO he's trying, she's the one that acts like a child. I didn't watch last night, I watched the previous week when they were talking to the pastor. All she kept saying is she's tired, she needs to rest. They seemed to have an instant attraction in the beginning, but personally I think she just doesn't want to go any further. I found her disgusting the way she was drinking on their last night of the honeymoon. What's the difference being half in the bag, or high on pot.

trfkah wrote:

5) As far as Heather not wanting to hold hands etc. Besides being married to Derek, I have seen strangers dance in clubs that have had more contact then she wants. So I get where Derek is coming from about his hand holding comment with the surf guy.  Her excuse of what should I do when he wants to hold my hand.  Derek wanted to hold her hand and she was not into it. Again coming back to that attraction thing.

Derek wants to hold hands romantically.

Surf instructor was holding her hand to keep her balanced in the water.

HUGE difference in intent, which is why one was acceptable, and the other not. Attraction isn't really a part of it at all as far as why they are not the same thing.

Call me old fashion, but it always churns my stomach when one of these guys starts talking about being with a woman all week and can't have sex with her. That's basically what Derek was saying. That showed a lot about him. She's no picnic, but I really can't blame her.

BusyLizzie wrote:Call me old fashion, but it always churns my stomach when one of these guys starts talking about being with a woman all week and can't have sex with her. That's basically what Derek was saying. That showed a lot about him.  She's no picnic, but I really can't blame her.

I didn't watch last nights epi. Re the bold, can you clarify what he said?

That is basically what he said. It was last weeks I think. I can't remember the exact quote.

In last night's episode, Heather admitted that Derek, after that one time of smoking, stop for the rest of the trip. It is very obvious to me, that Derek knew what he was signing up for and Heather had no clue. Derek is a little creepy but at least he tried to make this work. I know a women like Heather. When the group of us get together, unless she is in charge she will look to pick out the smallest negative detail and let you know about it and make a big deal about it.

@trfkah Thanks for the info. That shows me he is sincere when he says he is committed. IA, I've felt that from the beginning, Derek is trying, but for whatever reason Heather is trying to made a big deal about everything. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt and kept waiting to be proven wrong. I believe him, he's giving it his all. He probably could use a little more patience but I'm sure it's frustrating when she gives him the silent treatment.

My take on Derek is he is/has been all in for this marriage since day 1. Heather was all in, until he opened his mouth. I think she was okay with the wedding, but once things started going south, and saw how he argues or behaves when in a disagreement (one trying to keep it civil, one trying to attack and name call) she regretted her decision. After that, there is no going back. He doesn't have enough redeeming qualities for her to want to make it work so she checked out. I don't really think his looks are what she's not attracted to, it's his actions and words. For me personally, I don't find his looks unattractive, but I find him very immature. They are in different leagues.

GuardianAngel wrote:@trfkah Thanks for the info. That shows me he is sincere when he says he is committed. IA, I've felt that from the beginning, Derek is trying, but for whatever reason Heather is trying to made a big deal about everything. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt and kept waiting to be proven wrong. I believe him, he's giving it his all. He probably could use a little more patience but I'm sure it's frustrating when she gives him the silent treatment.

She's probably grossed out. Given Derek decided to introduce himself as a stoner the night of the wedding and continued to get loaded until she told him how disgusted she was and he stopped, it just might be impossible to un-ring that kind of bell.

Am wondering where everyone is getting the info that Derek smokes pot? Is it a definite thing?
IMO he could have handled things better.
But if I had just met someone who within a day or 2 started picking at me, complaining, and in general showing no genuine desire to put effort in.... I doubt that I'd be willing to continue.
Heather comes across to me as someone whose looking for a wealthy businessman that would be the "perfect" compliment to what she thinks she wants.
IMO they just seem like a thrown together couple for the sake of having 3. I would much rather just have 2 couples that are really trying and have a good chance at actually making it.
These 2 just seem doomed.

My tablet won't allow me to edit and add. So posting comment # 2

I don't think that Heather is out of Derek's league except in her mind. When she left him in the cave that was rude. Biking ahead of him was a way of keeping distance.
Saying she was too tired and needed to rest was just pathetic. I loved that the preacher checked her on it.