MAFS - Season 4 - Derek Schwartz - Heather Seidel

^^^ What she said. Yes, exactly.

I know that Heather is coming off as harsh and unforgiving -- I am sure Derek feels rejected and upset. I get that and i am sure that doesn't feel good for him at all. I understand Heather -- that behavior/lifestyle would be a deal breaker for me, too. I would be upset if I were her.

Did the experts really think they were a good match? Were they just matched because they needed a last minute replacement? I really hope there are some positive long-lasting marriages coming from this season. i feel like heather and Derek were cast in part for the "trainwreck effect". JMO

suzq wrote:I know that Heather is coming off as harsh and unforgiving -- I am sure Derek feels rejected and upset.  I get that and i am sure that doesn't feel good for him at all.  I understand Heather -- that behavior/lifestyle would be a deal breaker for me, too.  I would be upset if I were her.  

Did the experts really think they were a good match? Were they just matched because they needed a last minute replacement?  I really hope there are some positive long-lasting marriages coming from this season.  i feel like heather and Derek were cast in part for the "trainwreck effect".  JMO

Obviously, this season is about deal breakers. Nick has two large dogs and Sonia is deathly afraid of dogs. Tom loves living in his tour bus which proves to be impracticable for Lillian's needs. Derek is accustomed to the half azz pothead lifestyle which proves to be in direct conflict with Heather's substantial and healthier preferences.

Will Nick get rid of the dogs or will Sonia overcome her fears? Will Tom get rid of the bus and his seemingly unending self centered idiosyncrasies based upon what we see coming up from previews? Will Derek walk away from his brain fog habit, join the human race and, perhaps, even Heather?

So, no, there was no last minute decision to throw Heather and Derek together ... the pairing falls in line with the two other we're watching this season.

Amberish wrote:

2observe wrote:

jupitercornflakes wrote:

Sometimes people make a change too little too late

Too late on the 2nd or 3rd day of the marriage???

Did Derek make the intelligent and adult decision to quit smoking weed for good or did he ONLY stop smoking for the week?

All we know is that he stopped for the week, which, btw, accounts for his inappropriate aggressive and paranoid behavior towards Heather as those being typical of marijuana withdrawal.

Sometimes I am confused by the response. How do you know he stopped for the week and not stopped forever? There are so many assumptions being made.. the key information is that he stopped for her .

Yes, he stopped for her and Derek's withdrawal systems began ... the obnoxious passive aggressive paranoia attacks that Heather should be expected to overlook?

I forgot to clarify about Heather and Derek being a last minute replacement because another couple backed out at the last minute -- there was actually an internet article (trying to remember if it was Starcasm that had a copy of when these couples got married -- it showed Tom/Lillian and Nick/Sonia got married at the beginning of April while Heather/ Derek got married at the end of April. i also saw on Twitter that someone had posted that they were supposed to be one of the original Miami couples, but they backed out at practically the last minute--I think they got some flack from the production company for posting this. This wasn't the first time that this happened -- it was found out on internet through documentation that Neil/Sam were married almost a month after the other two couples on MAFS Season 3.

I do think that they cast with some potential conflict causing issues/stress with each couple. That is why I love this concept of this show, but I would not trust in being a participant of it. i think the process has the potential to create some really good matches/relationships, but at the end of the day it is also a "reality TV show" with producer manipulation, exaggeration, editing and drama added into the mix. I posted in the Nick/Sonia thread about the dogs. i do really like the pairings of Nick/Sonia and Tom/Lillian and hope they are still married.

There are some definite "deal breakers"

Ruqibabe wrote:

Amberish wrote:

2observe wrote:

jupitercornflakes wrote:

Sometimes people make a change too little too late

Too late on the 2nd or 3rd day of the marriage???

Did Derek make the intelligent and adult decision to quit smoking weed for good or did he ONLY stop smoking for the week?

All we know is that he stopped for the week, which, btw, accounts for his inappropriate aggressive and paranoid behavior towards Heather as those being typical of marijuana withdrawal.

Sometimes I am confused by the response. How do you know he stopped for the week and not stopped forever? There are so many assumptions being made.. the key information is that he stopped for her .

I would like to know as well. If he only stopped for the week and resumed, then we need proof. Otherwise, it can't be posted as fact.

That Pastor dude was so aggressive, I thought it bordered on bullying. I suppose he probably knew from production/handlers that she was on the verge of quitting, but not quite there yet, and he thought he could intimidate her into saying out loud "I'm not ready to quit." So good on her for insisting on wanting the space to separate from the experiment and think about what is in the end a very personal decision about the circumstances that will lead to (even an inevitable) divorce.

I would give Heather a pass on all of this simply because IMO Derek showed a clear lack judgment for even lighting up once. He is incredibly immature and fights dirty. I talked to FA friend of mine who said that they drug test on her airline, and if found dirty their career is done. I don't know what airline Heather works for and I don't know if the drug testing is industry standard, but if Derek wanted to make a good impression on her and he is not "pothead" without an "addiction problem" then he is just too immature and no in the least situationally aware enough to be married. Pot is illegal in both Florida and San Juan, what if he had been arrested buying it? What if he had been arrested smoking it and Heather was with him? Why should he get a pass just because some people believe pot is ok? He could have ruined her career. Whether he agreed to quit or not, the fact that his judgment is so warped that he saw no problem with it to start with would be unforgivable to me.

And IMO it is obvious that the producers know it or they wouldn't edit all references to pot out of the conversations and trying to make it appear that he is smoking regular tobacco cigarettes. As for the others, I liked Sonia and Lillian, but I have to question their judgment about hanging out with this loser when their careers (especially Sonia's) could be put on the line should Derek use the same bad judgment he used on the honeymoon.

What I'd like to know is if smoking weed was such a deal breaker for her, why match the two of them? If she despised it so much, when he asked if he could smoke, why did she say no it's not okay instead of saying it's fine and then get mad at him for doing it? If he did quit smoking on their honeymoon because she wasn't okay with it, did she not see that as a comprise?

jlccaz wrote:That Pastor dude was so aggressive, I thought it bordered on bullying.  I suppose he probably knew from production/handlers that she was on the verge of quitting, but not quite there yet, and he thought he could intimidate her into saying out loud "I'm not ready to quit."  So good on her for insisting on wanting the space to separate from the experiment and think about what is in the end a very personal decision about the circumstances that will lead to (even an inevitable) divorce.

Why would Heather want to say that she wasn't ready to go???? This was her opportunity to leave since, like I said before, she is one that is soooo unhappy with Derek. My guess is that counselors saw that Heather likes to complain about everything; but, when it comes to doing something about it she becomes wishy-washy. I think that the Pastor was just trying to get Heather to make decision either way. Either she stop complaining and work on her marriage, or get out of it. It's that simple. The fact that Heather didn't immediately say that she wanted to end the marriage makes me question where things were really as bad as she made it seem. JMO

Heather perhaps (reasonably) didn't want to write her epitaph on this chapter in her (real!) life without some space, and plugging in to off-camera/show support systems, is my guess. "She quit the day after the honeymoon" vs. "she tried sincerely for a few weeks but was hopeless match, out of respect for everyone's time and effort, she quit" ... or whatever happens. It seems she was balking at moving in with him, and creating those "next step" videos where they plan to visit each other's homes, etc.

She can write her epitaph any way she wants, even knowing it's doomed -- given all the "hate" online against Ashley for not even trying, etc., I can see why she wanted some space and outside wise counsel on how to exit with her reputation in tact, if possible.