Andi Dorfman - The Bachelorette 10 - Discussion - #6

She is simple at heart. 
All she needs in order to have the best night of her life is something that can "get it up" and all she needs to have the best undies is a toasty kitchen. What more can an intelligent, sophisticated women desire?
She could patent a toasty, somewhat stale loaf of french bread and have the best of both worlds.  Put a whole new spin on fresh baked goods. She could be the next Jared!

kimberlyg wrote:I'll say this:  I'm not going to totally discount Andi's emotional abuse claims regarding Josh.  Many, many, many women, including very strong women, hesitate to leave bad relationships for a myriad of reasons (including physically abusive relationships); particularly when there are all sorts of feelings and emotions there.  And it's pretty clear that Josh has a temper, so I could see him saying things like that, and holding the Nick stuff over her head, etc.

I'm really glad you wrote this. I used to like Andi, but have been a bit disappointed in the path she has taken since her season ended. That said, I think it's really important that everyone remember that all kinds of women end up in abusive relationships-feminists included. Just because someone believes in gender equality or has a strong or aggressive personality doesn't mean that they can't end up in an unhealthy dynamic that is difficult to walk away from. These situations are so easy to judge from the outside looking in, but when your feelings are involved, it can be very tough.

Of course, lying to Josh was a big mistake and it probably doomed their relationship. Similarly, saying "If you did X, we are over...did you do X?" is not a healthy way to communicate in a relationship. These two had undeniable chemistry, but I don't think they were right for each other, or for something as serious as an engagement in the first place.

Ash2214 wrote:Sorry if this was already posted, but I just spit out my coffe and I wasn't even drinking any is Andi's mom for real with that hashtag?!?

@HysFirstWife: @AndiDorfman @HyDorfman So very proud of you! #classychick

And this is why she is the spoiled brat that she is.

You should not be proud Patti!
You should be mortified!!!
You should be having a serious talk/intervention with your daughter and tell her to get her lazy, entitled a** back to work and that you will no longer be supporting her frivolous life in NY.

reason wrote:

Ladybug82 wrote:and she calls herself a southern belle or Georgia Peach!    far from it, IMO

Oh no she is no southern belle. I leave my thought right there.

In the southern spirit, I feel a "bless her heart" coming on...

I'm going to agree with those saying that abusive relationships are complicated pile of mess, and I wouldn't doubt a possibility of abusive relationship from the victims actions, as in her staying in the relationship or going back after a break up. I'm not saying that this relationship was abusive, it certainly wasn't healthy, ever. But I don't doubt Josh lashing out in degrading way just because Andi stayed and wanted to get back together even after they broke up a few times.

Victims of DV or abuse in relationship always get that doubt thrown at them. 'If he was so horrible, why did you stay, why didn't you speak up, why did you cover up for him..' The reasons are complicated, one usually is the doubt and shame the victims receive from other people.

I know I went OT, sorry. And all this is JMO of course.

Domestic abuse is a very serious and real issue. No one who suffers deserves criticism and yes it can happen to the strongest of women before they know it. It is insidious and creeps up on you.

It is hard to believe from Andi. At the same time she claims to be the abuse victim, we publicly saw Josh constantly chosing Andi and her family over his own family. He was the one who looked beat down while she looked like a smarmy witch getting her way. I can believe that she and Josh both said harmful and hateful things to each other, they both have explosive tempers. Except for admiting to an initial lie, which she seems to immediately discount as not bad because it was not what made him mad. Andi takes no responsibility for anything. I am sure that Josh was bothered that she had sex with Nick, but again is that because he asked before he proposed if she had sex with Nick and she lied? There is no way to know the truth. There are so many lies in this book, I just don't know what is truth. 

I mean really, Nick was terrible because he said the f word while they were f wording and that was just too terrible? Nothing is ever, ever MeAndi's fault. It makes it hard to actually believe anything she said in this trashy "novel".

stuck, I think it's hard to say that just because we saw something publicly one way doesn't mean that something else happened behind closed doors. I do think it's hard to tell from the snippets here and there what went on, and of course it's all from Andi's POV... so unless Josh does an interview or talks about what happened on "Famously Single" I don't think we'll ever know the truth. That said, I don't doubt at all that **** was flung by both parties at each other during the course of the relationship. It's pretty clear that there was no "winner" and it was absolutely unhealthy for both.

I will say that if what Andi is saying is 100% true (or even 50% true), then I really hope she's in therapy because her meandering around and her seeming lack of wanting to date at all since the breakup becomes a lot more concerning. Abusive and unhealthy relationships can have long term effects on mental health and writing a book isn't really a replacement for therapy in the long run.

stuckinsc wrote:
It is hard to believe from Andi. At the same time she claims to be the abuse victim, we publicly saw Josh constantly chosing Andi and her family over his own family. He was the one who looked beat down while she looked like a smarmy witch getting her way. I can believe that she and Josh both said harmful and hateful things to each other, they both have explosive tempers. Except for admiting to an initial lie, which she seems to immediately discount as not bad because it was not what made him mad. Andi takes no responsibility for anything. I am sure that Josh was bothered that she had sex with Nick, but again is that because he asked before he proposed if she had sex with Nick and she lied? There is no way to know the truth. There are so many lies in this book, I just don't know what is truth. 

This!^^^^^

So far the book excerpts just show me what I already suspected, and that is Andi justifying her part in this mess and painting her ex in the more negative light.  Do I think Josh is likely guilty of calling her those names and being jealous and mistrusting?  Yes.  I'm not giving him a pass on that by any means.  But I don't see her as a victim in this.  I see her as a participant, and there's a difference IMO.  I'm not an expert on emotional abuse, but I have seen some things.  Knowing what I do know about Andi and Josh,  I think Andi may have dished it out as much as she took it and that it went both ways with the name calling and emotional manipulation.

Yeah, I can somehow see her giving back just as much and using the same type language. She is not one to mince words, unless they're being used as teeny tiny daggers.

^^ same here. I feel like they were probably equal opportunity name callers, each giving as good as the other.

I guess I'm in the minority, but I'm not ready to call this an "abusive" relationship yet - very unhealthy, yes. They are both hot heads that name call in the heat of an argument with no communication skills. I know plenty of couples that have said things they regret in the heat of an argument, and no way are they "abusive" people. I would bet the farm that Andi never sat there and took the verbal tirade. She very likely could have started the name calling, we will never know. They are two people better off apart.

I don't know why Andi doesn't really rile me up. Of course the book is in awful taste and she has dropped to an embarrassing low after having a pretty good job and her foot in the door. I feel about her the way I felt about Courtney, but it seems like there's way more outrage surrounding Andi. Why is that? Is it because she trashes more than one ex?

No disrespect to anyone in abusive relationships. Those are serious matters which affect far to many people in our society.

This is my opinion on the subject, IMO, Andi stayed in the relationship for the fame. She was the Bachelorette, was proposed to and became part of the successful couple. The thought of splitting was probably a nightmare for her. What would this do to her reputation, what would happen to her fame.

If she was being abused mentality, and he broke off the relationship, wouldn't a person who was abused thank the stars above them? Wouldn't they then seek professional help to get over the whole nightmare? They would do whatever it takes to move on and get away from him/her. They wouldn't go on national TV and sob like a baby because her relationship is over.

She chose to continue with the digs, continue bringing up JPG, moving to NYC trying to remain famous. She writes a book to slam the others, all because she wants to remain famous. Hanging on to the past, bringing up old details that shouldn't mean anything to her at this point, other than life experiences.

She takes the attention away from her when it comes to the FS. #26 wasn't good, JPG wasn't good, the fact remains she is the one who chose to participate a few days before getting engaged to the first slot. She is the one who was vying for an Oscar performance during JPG's season when she rambled like a lunatic that he didn't pay any attention to her in the FS.

She is an obsessive liar IMO. She lies whenever it suits her and the worst part of that is it's so flippin obvious. I've said it before, she needs professional help.