The Bachelor 20 - Ben Higgins - NO SPOILERS - Discussion

Mia,  I love your viewpoint on this season.  I agree with your take on almost everything!  I wish I had confidence that Ben would draw back on the MTP and LCD with his F2 but I don't feel like he will.  He is proving to be too in the moment with the ILY's without the forward thinking repercussions of emotional devastation for his F2 and future questions and hurt feelings from his F1 as she learns the details.  I do truly think in Ben's highly emotional state at that time that he was truly conflicted in which one to choose.  I am going to be so interested to watch how he untangles himself enough to finally decide which one to choose. Since he is so close to his parents.....I am expecting their input to push him one way or another.  Staying unspoiled is so hard I applaud your abilities!!

@MiaHawk  

It's so nice to see you posting here. We don't have very many unspoiled posters and I go away for a few days and you've all had a party without me!  

I enjoyed reading your posts.

I just can't pick between L and JJ at the moment. Before the ILYs I would have put my money on L being F1 but last week really threw me for a loop.

I was utterly flabbergasted when he did that. I knew that there was going to be 2 IYUs from the previews but had thought it was just going to be just another producer manipulation and one would have been as he said goodbye to her or something like that.

I believe that he said it sincerely to both girls which I honestly struggle with it. I think he was too focused on the moment and himself and how he was feeling and wasn't thinking of the bigger picture - a picture that involves both girls thinking she has his heart and ending with one being utterly devastated and the other confused and maybe a little hurt. I know I wouldn't be 100% happy to find out that my new fiancée declare his love to another woman only a few days before he proposed to me!

As for who would be most suited for him - again I just don't know. The season has been so focused on drama that they haven't let the girls' personalities show that much. From what I've seen I think JoJo would be great for him if we could just swap her crazy family for Lauren's lovely one!

JoJo seems to have more spunk, which I personally gravitate to, and Lauren has more sweetness. I'm hoping that now we are down to F2 we will get to see more of who they really are.

Have we got a WTA next week then its FRC the week after?

Yes...Just two episodes to go.  The WTA on March 7 and the MTP, LCD, and FRC, finale on March 14.  Also March 14 is the ATFR which follows the finale episode.
Because of all the emotional upset and confusion, I think this finale will be so fascinating to watch.  I expect and episode to be filled with practically every emotion under the sun.  I am also looking forward to seeing the ATFR and seeing in real time how everyone is feeling as of then.  My heart really goes out to both the women.  I think Ben was selfishly thinking to much about himself without enough consideration for the feelings of both the F2 or F1.  One will face emotional devastation at the blindside and the other will left to struggle with upset feelings, the media stories, and awkward question on the post season press tour.    
Ben lost major points with me on his creation and handling of this ILY situation.

Seabear wrote:Yes...Just two episodes to go.  The WTA on March 7 and the MTP, LCD, and FRC, finale on March 14.  Also March 14 is the ATFR which follows the finale episode.
Because of all the emotional upset and confusion, I think this finale will be so fascinating to watch.  I expect and episode to be filled with practically every emotion under the sun.  I am also looking forward to seeing the ATFR and seeing in real time how everyone is feeling as of then.  My heart really goes out to both the women.  I think Ben was selfishly thinking to much about himself without enough consideration for the feelings of both the F2 or F1.  One will face emotional devastation at the blindside and the other will left to struggle with upset feelings, the media stories, and awkward question on the post season press tour.    
Ben lost major points with me on his creation and handling of this ILY situation.

IA on all the bolded!

I had wondered what other posters were thinking about what he did. I'd hoped I wasn't being unfair in thinking he showed poor form.

Not that I have experienced it, but I do think it is possible to love two people romantically at the same time - but to the exact same depth - I'm not sure. I'm just disappointed in Ben's lack of understanding about how it would affect both women. To me it shows immaturity on his part. If he said it the first time in the heat of the moment without repeating it I'd be more understanding. But to repeatedly say it to both girls giving the words more credence each time is just a big no no

I am looking forward to seeing how he explains himself at ATFR! I wonder if he'll still have his "Perfect Ben" title at the end of the season. IMO his title belt is already tarnished.

Katiebelle,  I am on the same page as you.   I could clearly see that Ben was very attracted to both JoJo and Lauren.  But the telling them both ILY.. not just once but multiple times and saying it with passion and feeling...IMO really led both women to let their guard down...gain confidence and believe they would be the F1. It was extremely immature and thoughtless on Ben's part.  The "unwritten" rule on the Bachelor is the Lead does not say ILY until he is on his knee asking you to marry him at the FRC.  I think his actions will definitely tarnish his relationship with the F1.  It has got to be emotionally grueling for her to watch this public spectacle play out in the media and on TV.  Not fun.  I don't think anyone wants their betrothed sobbing over his love for another woman a couple hours before he asks you to marry him.  For the F2 the elimination is going to be so heart wrenching.  I have watched every season of Bach/Ette and for the 1st time ever..I truly believe this will be the most dramatic finale ever.    
I am going to be very interested to see how Ben, the F1 and the F2 are all handling this at the ATFR show. It is very fair to say Ben10 is no more.  Just Ben....who in my estimation still has a lot of growing up to do.  

JMO

bluwavz wrote:***Warning: Remember to be careful about no spoilers in this thread.

That's cool but @bluwavz don't scare off my new friends!

If it wasn't for some fab posters who come over to support and chat to me it would be quite lonely.  :bigsigh:

I actually can't wait until this season is over so I can chat with all the spoiled posters.  I have so many questions!

I'd love to hear what your thoughts are on why Ben did do 2 ILY's this season.

For me I've been stuck on his "unlovablity" issue as a possible additional impetus

emusha wrote:I'd love to hear what your thoughts are on why Ben did do 2 ILY's this season.

For me I've been stuck on his "unlovablity" issue as a possible additional impetus

I really have no idea what he was thinking. I actually yelled at my computer "Ben! What are you doing?".

I thought throughout the season that he was a little unsure of Lauren's feelings for him - and he did say that he thought she was too good for him. So I kind of understand the joy and relief he felt when she told him she was in love with him - and he just wanted to give her the same validation back.

What a really do not understand is this. He must have been on such a high after his date with Lauren. She loves him and he loves her. How could he jump from this "perfect" night to then getting all smoochy by the waterfall and say (quite sincerely IMO) I love you, not once but I think it was 4 times, to JoJo.

He must be very good at compartmentalising his relationships - something I have always struggled to do.

Maybe his immaturity and inexperience allowed him to get too swept up in the moment without thinking through the consequences? How many serious relationships has he had?

If he thinks he's unlovable and two women have said they loved him maybe he was so happy and reassured that he just wanted to give them back that same reassurance, not realising the ramifications for both women later.

Maybe he was thinking with his other head? It must be pretty exciting for a 26 year old to be surrounded by so many gorgeous women who think you are the "bees knees".

Maybe TPTB were playing mind games with him to keep his relationship with Lauren off balance - suggesting that Jojo is the one for him. Although I highly doubt it.

So - I'm sorry - I have no idea what was going on in his head when he was saying ILY to two different women - but he better give a very good explanation at the ATFR!

Katie, I love hearing your thoughts!

He said he's only been in 1 serious relationship that lasted for 2 years, from age 22-24. I do believe that his immaturity and inexperience in relationships had a lot to do with it.

nothatgirl wrote:Katie, I love hearing your thoughts!

He said he's only been in 1 serious relationship that lasted for 2 years, from age 22-24. I do believe that his immaturity and inexperience in relationships had a lot to do with it.

Thanks @nothatgirl

Yes - and you would have to be quite mature to not let the situation - a healthy young man having beautiful women fight over you - give you a big head (and I might be implying both heads! )

Katiebelle, I think all the reasons you mentioned were factors contributing to his ILY blunder. I'll add a few.
I also think being Bachelor Ben where all these women are clamoring for his attention 24/7 was a factor too.
Add to this that Ben is very emotional and a people pleaser.
With Ben's lack of relationship experience he was like a kid in a candy store...only the candy were women.
I think his intent was not to be malicious but was based in his real confusion and highly emotional state of mind and lack of impulse control. He clearly was not thinking rationally IMO.  I truly believe that he was seriously conflicted in trying to decide which one to choose F1 or F2 or F1 or F2 or F1 or F2 or F1.
Sadly his lack of self awareness to the ramifications of his ILY's seems destined to cause varying levels of emotional distress to Ben and both women.
I expect the finale will be an emotional roller coaster.  
I hope we hear a mea culpa from Ben on the ATFR and he takes responsibility for his actions.  I am not holding my breath though.