The Bachelor 20 - Ben Higgins - NO SPOILERS - Discussion

MiaHawk wrote:Hi! I have not been on the board much this season because I am totally unspoiled. I just felt like watching it completely from within my own head this time. It's very difficult for me to come to this board and NOT participate in discussions, so I've been pretty scarce.

What I'm wondering about is this: In the spoiled threads, are posters going ballistic over Ben saying ILY (multiple times) to both L and J?  In seasons past, comments like "Christmas in Texas", "honored to receive a ring from you", etc have basically led to the lead being verbally crucified. I have my own thoughts on Ben's ILYs, why he said it and what it all means for his relationship, but I'm just curious to hear from some of the spoiled people as to how the posters are reacting to it. TIA.

Now for my 2 cents about F1 versus F2: I think he has had several quality women to choose from. I like both Lauren and Jojo. Jojo's hometown date did not go very smoothly, but neither did Ian's and we all know Meredith still picked him. I don't fall for the editor's crap--ex-boyfriend flowers, brothers, etc. I go by what I see with my own 2 eyes when the lead looks into the contestant's eyes.

I think he admires Lauren, thinks she is cute, nice, and sweet. However, I think they are too similar in personality and demeanor, and they have more of a puppy love thing going on. Their kisses are pecks. They act like teenagers IMO.

I think family is very important to Ben and Jojo's hometown made him take pause, however, I think that for weeks he has been saying that Jojo is the women with whom is is the most "like himself". In contrast, he says that Lauren is "too good for him", which in my mind means that they don't mesh up completely on some subconscious level. He has said that there is passion, chemistry with Jojo and she brings out a joy and playfulness in him. That, to me, spells a truer, deeper love. And he can't keep his hands or lips off of her.

So, if you ask me, little ole unspoiled me, I say Jojo is F1. Hopefully, he can communicate to her his confusion and ILYs to Lauren, and they can get through the rough patch. Good luck to him when he says goodbye to that poor F2. Whoever she may be, she's going to be very hurt, more hurt than if he kept his ILYs to himself. IMO.

 

GuardianAngel wrote:Mia!

Yes, the threads are buzzing with various opinions of the two ILY's.

I enjoyed reading your post and admire your ability to avoid reading spoilers!

Look forward to more of your thoughts!

IA love reading your posts and admire anyone that can be and stay unspoiled. I could never do it. Your perspective is very interesting.

Because I am unspoiled (and am trying very hard to stay that way) I haven't searched the internet for any info on how Ben is doing post-show and haven't sought out any of his media/interviews. I figure that if I google his name, spoilers will automatically pop up.

So, for any spoiled posters that would like to answer, I ask: In general, what is the "mood" of Ben post show? Has he stated in media that he found Love or is happy? Any tidbits? I watched the 20 season/Tanner & Jade Special but I couldn't get a read on Ben from that. TIA.

Ben has announced he is engaged and ready to show off his fiancé to the world! He said he had a very frank discussion about the ILY's to both F2 girls with his fiancé and she has been perfectly supportive of him. He feels that he has found his ever-after love.

Whom do you think he chooses?

He is very happy, not sure how much you want to know, he says he's engaged and can't wait to show her off. There are no hidden clues since he comes right out and says it. He obviously was given the go ahead to gush and he has been. He did interviews during the filming of WTA which was this past weekend. A couple of days later, his interviews during WTA were posted on every major rag mag site.

He says yes he was in love with two women but he chose the one he knew he wanted in his life, the one he couldn't let go. Paraphrasing.

Gone are the days where we searched for clues post filming. That's not the case this season.

Norcalgal wrote:Ben has announced he is engaged and ready to show off his fiancé to the world!  He said he had a very frank discussion about the ILY's to both F2 girls with his fiancé and she has been perfectly supportive of him. He feels that he has found his ever-after love.

Whom do you think he chooses?

Thank you so much for the reply! That is good to hear. I'm sure that if Ben and his F1 had a good heart-to-heart about the whole process and the ILYs, that his F1 (either Lauren or Jojo) could have accepted his explanation and moved forward. I've always found it odd and completely unrealistic that on the same day that the lead breaks up with the F2, he proposes to his F1, etc. Despite the ILYs to both F1 and F2, this scenario isn't really all that different FOR THE LEAD. However, since the lead saying ILY is taboo on this show, I feel the significance of his saying it to the F2 had to have been interpreted by the F2 as so much more than it really was. Hopefully, Ben was wise enough to walk back his comments somewhat during the MTP and final dates, so as to give the F2 some sort of clue as to where he heart really was. I typically feel sad for the F2. In this case, with Ben being a genuine and sincere guy and the extra reciprocation that the ILY provided, I feel very sad for the F2. I'm sure that all parties will get over it, but it will, unfortunately, be part of the narrative of Ben's journey. I guess it just got messier from the ILYs, but sometimes life is messy. I'm way too old and I've watched way too many of these seasons to feel that any one thing that a contestant says or does while on this show has that much significance. The real relationship begins after the director yells out his final "cut".

My totally unspoiled self thinks that he is in puppy love with Lauren and more deeply in love with Jojo. I think, barring any more family catastrophes with Jojo's relatives that Ben will choose Jojo.

Now, if you and others can spread the word that I am hiding out in this thread and am starved for conversation, I'd much appreciate that. The hardest part about staying unspoiled for me is that I cannot participate in 99.9% of the discussions on this board. I know that if I open another thread I will become spoiled instantly. In fact, I clicked on the Contestants Thread (figuring if I simply went to page 1 of the girls' descriptions I might read some interesting. Well, I didn't even get that far. I simply glanced down the list of contestant threads, and based on the number of threads for each girl, I began to wonder if there was significance to that. Was the girl with 5 pages of thread F! and the girl with only 2 pages of thread the F2? But then I thought about Josh versus Nick, and well Nick always had many more pages that Josh, so maybe that didn't mean anything. But those are the kind of mind games that happen when you are trying to stay unspoiled! So, send in the clowns and give me somebody to chat with!

Mia

There are a few others here Mia. Katiebelle is on the other side of the world so she will post after she views the epi, which for her isn't until the day or two after.

theKeptGrits posts here as well.

There has been some interest for next season for more to go unspoiled. Thanks to those that are unspoiled and post here, they have brought so much excitement!

Oh Mia.. **edited** I miss your posts. I remember you from Emily's season. I haven't been on here much after that season but still remember the tinfoil days.. Best part of that season for me. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you had to say  today. So proud of you for staying unspoiled.

I remember you from those tinfoil days too Mia! LOL! Sophie suggested a thread for the unspoiled to sleuth next season! How fun!

A couple of seasons I started out unspoiled but then succumbed to my curiosity and entered the spoiled threads. But mostly I succumbed because of how much fun it is to read everyone's posts, to agree to disagree, and to (speaking purely for myself) blather on about this show.

I think Ben appears to be a genuinely nice guy who seems to want to settle down in a longterm relationship. Can't say the same thing for all of the past leads. But Ben I like. He's not perfect, of course. I think it was a mistake for him to say ILY to both women, only because it will confuse the F2 more than usual.

I believe that a man can "love" or be "in love" with 2 women at the same time. We "love" people for different reasons, in different intensities, and with differing attractions. But "love" is not the same thing as "commiting to the social contract of marriage" with someone. "Loving" someone is a unidirectional act. "Marriage" is a partnership for life. You need love and more to have a successful life partnership with a spouse.

So, I personally don't dislike Ben for feeling he was in love with both women. I don't fault him for wanting to share that with the women (he reciprocated after they professed their love first). It felt organic for him to express that, I guess. I only hope that he will be able to gather himself together enough to have 2 good conversations in the next few weeks, one with the F2 and one with the F1. He now needs to articulate his thoughts as well as he articulated his feelings with the ILYs. If he can do that, he should be fine. iMO.

Love love love reading your posts MiaHawk! I rarely check in here but I am so glad I stumbled in today .....Your thoughts are as mine were when the whole, Ben is in love with and told two girls that he loves them story came out.

Great post MiaHawk! I enjoyed your views on Ben's relationships to this point. .