Re: Bachelor 19 - Chris Soules - Episode - 11 - LCD - FRC - ATFR #3 *Spoilers - Sleuthing*- Discussion

sfrank wrote:

Pia1 wrote:

Ladybug82 wrote:It posted it in the last full, locked thread, but here it is   :

Cosmo - Cringe Worthy Moments from the Bachelor Finale

Thank you! This was hilarious!

I know so funny!  This may be my favorite part...

"the place was decorated like someone had had a stroke in an Anthropologie, all candles and stained glass windows and hanging lanterns and empty mason jars. Props to the set dressers for giving it their all, but sometimes you cannot put lipstick on a pig barn. Because it's a pig barn."

I actually LOL at that comment!!

Ladybug82 wrote:It posted it in the last full, locked thread, but here it is   :

Cosmo - Cringe Worthy Moments from the Bachelor Finale

Thanks Ladybug! Hilarious! I especially loved #11 Chris really did have a hard time articulating.

mindless wrote:Ugh, I just lost a long post.

Anyway, IMO the reason that Whitney's rose was never in question during rose ceremonies, was that Chris didn't have any questions about her. He knew she was there for him, she was wife material and she was gonna accept a proposal no matter what. It made all the sense in the world to take her to F2, because she was the sure bet and he did enjoy her company and admired her as a person. That doesn't mean she was the frontrunner in his heart. I think he had more of a spark with Britt, then Jade and finally Becca. The first two just turned out to be something else than he thought they were, and Becca didn't fall as fast as he and the show needed her to. Kaitlyn was never an option IMO, at least after HTD's. If anyone was dragged along for the sake of becoming the next lead, it was her. I saw no chemistry during their HTD and FD. The chemistry between Chris and Becca was undeniable though, and most obvious during their two 1-on-1's. The edit for the rest of the season focused mostly on her inexperience, so many may have missed that effortless connection they had since early on. I'm sure we would've seen more of it during the day portion of their LCD, but they conveniently cut that out in order to make Whitney seem like the only choice.

People have been saying that Chris was just doing his job and comparing them to other couples, but I really don't see why. I can't remember a single season where I felt the lead missed out by choosing his F1. Well I did think Nick could've been better for Andi than Josh, but we saw how that "love story" turned out. I never bought Sean with Lindsay. Their relationship actually reminded me of Chris and Whitney. He really liked and admired her as a person and she was perfect for him on paper. The problem is that he never fell for her, he fell for Cat. Much like Chris did with Becca IMHO. Des and Brooks was a one-sided love story all the way. He just wasn't feeling it and didn't see a future with her, so he was never a true option. Becca, however, was falling for Chris and wanted to keep dating him to see where it can go, so she was a legitimate option. Just too risky for wimpy Chris. He didn't want to end up with nothing and have his sisters tell him "we told you so" for the rest of his life. Not an edit. JMO.

Spot on! I agree with all of this!!

sfrank wrote:^^^i didn't see an agrument. What I saw was real emotion and heartbreak. I saw a man desperately trying to get the woman he loves to say yes to moving to Iowa and a proposal and a woman falling in love for the first time and wanting a future but not willing to make those promises after a collective 72hrs of alone time. It was really sad to watch actually because of the pressure they were under by the constrains of the show.

I agree, it was probably the most heartbreaking piece of reality tv I have ever seen. To me it was him longing for her to just give him something (and I actually think she did, but he in the end was too pressured by his family to go with it) and her straining to sort out the feelings that she was having for him, knowing that she was in love but not willing to admit it because admitting it would mean a committment that she was not ready for. So sad. Had the show allowed the option of them dating for another 2 months I think we'd have a whole other outcome.

sfrank wrote:

Pia1 wrote:

Ladybug82 wrote:It posted it in the last full, locked thread, but here it is   :

Cosmo - Cringe Worthy Moments from the Bachelor Finale

Thank you! This was hilarious!

I know so funny!  This may be my favorite part...

"the place was decorated like someone had had a stroke in an Anthropologie, all candles and stained glass windows and hanging lanterns and empty mason jars. Props to the set dressers for giving it their all, but sometimes you cannot put lipstick on a pig barn. Because it's a pig barn."

Comments like the bolded is why Chris is with Whitney and it would not have worked with Becca.

I don't think Whitney cared where the FRC was held or how the place was decorated. Her goal from day 1 was to get engaged to Chris and that was all that mattered to her. She got what she wanted, and I think she just went along with the barn atmosphere and probably never noticed it. JMHO.

It's simply different strokes for different folks. Doesn't make one wrong or one right as long as the parties involved are happy.

sfrank wrote:And isn't CH out there saying he thinks Whitney was the front runner?! Does it make sense to have  the host of show saying one thing and Chris saying something else?!  If anything we know that CH is one full of you know what. It only helps the show if the lead is in the media saying Whitney was the one all along - People mag says "soulmates" because that what people want to believe in.

CH said in an article I read yesterday that Britt was the front runner for awhile.  He also said that he felt from Bali that Chris was leaning towards Whitney.  He went on to say that Whitney was never an option to be sent home at F3.  It was between Kaitlyn and Becca.

 I admire Becca for the choices she's made but IMO Chris was never going to choose the virgin.

@2observe wrote:
@Eviebloom wrote:
There was an article that I read recently that said there is a study that can predict that a relationship will last.  It said that if the couple looks for ways to be kind to each other and responds in kind ways they are more likely to last.  I noticed that in the interviews how kind they are to each other.  Even in the hard questions, Whitney always turned to a kind answer or choice.  I see Chris doing that too for Whitney.  He says so many kind things about her, even when talking about her being a light sleeper and him a deep sleeper.  It was said in kindness, by both.  That was one of the things that I noticed about Josh and Andi in their interviews, there were some personal digs.  (Such as eating with his mouth open, etc.). They did not laugh it off either.  
Also I like how Chris and Whitney leaned toward each other and touched shoulders.  That is a sign of connection and a more mature relationship. As for him saying nice things about Becca, if he became negative he would get criticized for that.  He is trying to take the high road.  That is the way I am taking it. He is making it clear that he is not the man that could make her happy and he did not see a future with her.
I must have miss this interview.  Can you provide a link that interview?  Thanks.

Here is the link.  http://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/Culture-Cafe/2015/0310/The-Bachelor-Chris-Soules-has-chosen-What-makes-relationships-last-video

I butchered by synopsis, but I really believe in the last part of the article:

According to the website, ScienceofRelationships.com, the main reasons reality show relationships do not last is because they are too romantic and too short for couples to develop a relationship foundation that will last once the cameras stop rolling. Talking about groceries and laundry evokes much less romance than exotic vacations and sunset yacht cruises. The level of romance produced in the show creates strong feelings of love, but it is not sustainable and often leads to unrealistic expectations.

“These couples often attempt to recapture the initial excitement that drew them together, but if they fail, they may re-evaluate the relationship and focus even more on their partner’s flaws, which can spell the end of the relationship,” ScienceofRelationships reports.

So if speed and romance are not the answer to a lasting relationship, what factors can determine a successful union?

In a study called “The Love Lab,” researcher John Gottman at the University of Washington analyzed the ways in which newlyweds interacted. He designed a “lab” that mimicked a beautiful bed and breakfast retreat. He then watched couples interact, and used these interactions to predict the success of their marriages.

By looking at two traits – kindness and generosity – he and his colleagues were able to predict whether a couple would remain together after six years with 94 percent accuracy.

“There’s a habit of mind that [successful couples] have . . . which is this: they are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. [Non-successful couples] are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes,” Gottman explained in an interview with The Atlantic.

Gottman continues to say that extending kindness is not always easy. For many people, it is something that has to be practiced, especially in moments of anger or conflict when being kind to a partner is the last thing someone wants to do. However, it is in these moments that it matters the most.

“[Successful couples] tend to think about kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it to keep it in shape. They know, in other words, that a good relationship requires sustained hard work,” The Atlantic reports.

Why does all this DWTS thing just seem like a dig at Juan Pablo?

cindebugg wrote:

sfrank wrote:And isn't CH out there saying he thinks Whitney was the front runner?! Does it make sense to have  the host of show saying one thing and Chris saying something else?!  If anything we know that CH is one full of you know what. It only helps the show if the lead is in the media saying Whitney was the one all along - People mag says "soulmates" because that what people want to believe in.

CH said in an article I read yesterday that Britt was the front runner for awhile.  He also said that he felt from Bali that Chris was leaning towards Whitney.  He went on to say that Whitney was never an option to be sent home at F3.  It was between Kaitlyn and Becca.

 I admire Becca for the choices she's made but IMO Chris was never going to choose the virgin.

I think you missed my point because ^^^^ comments was the latter piece in a larger commentary I wrote (this is missing the first paragraph)

The poster was saying that Chris' struggle was manufactured by TPTB and he is still under contract to say that he had feelings for Becca and didn't decide until shortly before the FRC (per an interview he gave yesterday here: http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/the-bachelor-star-chris-soules-interview-i-still-question-how-whitney-bischoff-will-adapt-in-iowa-17597.php)

My point was that Chris' contract requires that he show up and make appearences on behalf of the show.
It does not require him to keep telling people he didn't decide until shortly before the FRC that it was going to be Whitney, or to say that he told his family certain things about his feelings for Becca that made them think he would pick her.  And post show continue to vigioursly defend his feelings and the connection he had with Becca when asked if it was just "the chase".

I was pointing that CH is saying the exact opposite and its strange to have the lead and host saying two things that are completely opposite. Chris S. could easily downplay his feelings or use the outs he has been giving him to make the woman at his side, his fiancé, feel special. He's not. He saying these things because it's the truth, IMO.

CH lies to us constantly but now we believe  his word is gossip? No. He does what is best for himself and the show. Period. The show benefits from the happy ending and People Magazine fairytale. That is my point.

Eviebloom wrote:@2observe wrote:
@Eviebloom wrote:
There was an article that I read recently that said there is a study that can predict that a relationship will last.  It said that if the couple looks for ways to be kind to each other and responds in kind ways they are more likely to last.  I noticed that in the interviews how kind they are to each other.  Even in the hard questions, Whitney always turned to a kind answer or choice.  I see Chris doing that too for Whitney.  He says so many kind things about her, even when talking about her being a light sleeper and him a deep sleeper.  It was said in kindness, by both.  That was one of the things that I noticed about Josh and Andi in their interviews, there were some personal digs.  (Such as eating with his mouth open, etc.). They did not laugh it off either.  
Also I like how Chris and Whitney leaned toward each other and touched shoulders.  That is a sign of connection and a more mature relationship. As for him saying nice things about Becca, if he became negative he would get criticized for that.  He is trying to take the high road.  That is the way I am taking it. He is making it clear that he is not the man that could make her happy and he did not see a future with her.
I must have miss this interview.  Can you provide a link that interview?  Thanks.

Here is the link.  http://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/Culture-Cafe/2015/0310/The-Bachelor-Chris-Soules-has-chosen-What-makes-relationships-last-video

I butchered by synopsis, but I really believe in the last part of the article:

According to the website, ScienceofRelationships.com, the main reasons reality show relationships do not last is because they are too romantic and too short for couples to develop a relationship foundation that will last once the cameras stop rolling. Talking about groceries and laundry evokes much less romance than exotic vacations and sunset yacht cruises. The level of romance produced in the show creates strong feelings of love, but it is not sustainable and often leads to unrealistic expectations.

“These couples often attempt to recapture the initial excitement that drew them together, but if they fail, they may re-evaluate the relationship and focus even more on their partner’s flaws, which can spell the end of the relationship,” ScienceofRelationships reports.

So if speed and romance are not the answer to a lasting relationship, what factors can determine a successful union?

In a study called “The Love Lab,” researcher John Gottman at the University of Washington analyzed the ways in which newlyweds interacted. He designed a “lab” that mimicked a beautiful bed and breakfast retreat. He then watched couples interact, and used these interactions to predict the success of their marriages.

By looking at two traits – kindness and generosity – he and his colleagues were able to predict whether a couple would remain together after six years with 94 percent accuracy.

“There’s a habit of mind that [successful couples] have . . . which is this: they are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. [Non-successful couples] are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes,” Gottman explained in an interview with The Atlantic.

Gottman continues to say that extending kindness is not always easy. For many people, it is something that has to be practiced, especially in moments of anger or conflict when being kind to a partner is the last thing someone wants to do. However, it is in these moments that it matters the most.

“[Successful couples] tend to think about kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it to keep it in shape. They know, in other words, that a good relationship requires sustained hard work,” The Atlantic reports.

Thank you for sharing this article - I had some of these same feelings about Chris and Whitney.  I see a level of maturity in them that we haven't seen too often on this show.  They both seem very down-to-earth and realistic and instead of being swept away with the glamor of exotic dates overseas, they appear to have discussed more about their how their real life will be here at home.  This is why I liked the idea of having the dates in locations more similar to what Chris' life is like on a daily basis.  None of us know how successful their relationship will be, but at least it looks like it's starting out on a solid foot.  I believe Chris took this entire process very seriously, and even though he may not have been one of the most exciting and articulate bachelors, I have a respect for him and enjoyed watching his journey to find love.  JMHO