Couples Therapy - Season 5 - Premier Sept 10 2014 - General Discussion

Well in that extra scene last week she was talking to Dick and she said they'd discussed the option moving to LA and that she would get a job as a nurse there. So obviously they have discussed it and she would consider moving there, but probably not while he's being so non-committal. It's one thing to talk about maybe one day moving somewhere and another to actually start looking for apartments and jobs in the area. It sounded like he's just waiting for her to say "Pack your bags! I got a job at hospital X, so let's move", whereas she feels she can't even start looking before he shows her he's serious about moving.

He always seems befuddled when he's called out, like "who? me? I have no idea what you're talking about!".

JPG would move to LA in a heart beat, but I think it's for TV work. He's willing to leave Camilla for a while so he can become famous. He is not doing it for Nikki. Sure, he NEEDS Nikki to milk the 15 minutes of  fame, otherwise there is no interest in him alone. He knows this.

WHY move to LA to live together? It's one of the worst places for couples to make it TOGETHER. Men are very non-committal in LA. They could pick any spot and they would have a better chance of making it rather than in LA. It's so obvious that the ONLY reason he would leave Miami and Camilla is to make a better life for himself in LA and therefore Camilla. Nikki is not playing his game.

Nikki said that she will not move with JPG ANYWHERE because she is secure and loved where she is. She told JPG straight out that he is NOT giving her anything*.

IF he would say ILY and give her the ring, she would go with him ANYWHERE.
She was telling him blatantly and JPG doesn't get IT. He just wants her to continue doing stuff together without commitment...

Basically JPG wants to play house without a commitment, but Nikki wants a commitment or it's a NO GO. As bitchy as she is, I don't blame her....but she cannot beat the LOVE out if him.

For me, JPG's single sentence from the last episode says a lot about their relationship.

His answer to Nikki's "Pick me!" was "You're picked." Not "I picked you" or "I chose you", but "You're picked." You may say it's a language barrier, but I'm not a native speaker either and I flinched when he said it. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but by using this passive form, he is basically taking himself out of the equation. It's like getting a letter informing you that you were picked for the position of JPG's girlfriend.

It also seemed to me that he already resents Nikki for leaving Camilla because of her and they didn't even move yet. I guess it's easier for him to blame Nikki, rather than admit that he wants to "make it in Hollywood".

I didn't read any spoilers, so I was really surprised when Dick confessed to his illness. It just sucks and could be also one of the reasons why he doesn't want any more kids.

grace8136 wrote:

Amberish wrote:It's not only people judging her and/or JP that she can't stand, she doesn't want anything to do with fans, either, and, actually, I think that's healthy.

Rather clear to me that moving to LA is his idea, and not hers, and remaining in Miami is fans idea of what is best.

I'm definitely not a fan. Staying in Miami is simply responsible parenting. I don't even feel like I can move to another school district with my kids much less move away from them to another state. Once you're a parent, your life is not entirely your own. I would think Nikki would support him by moving to Miami or find it very telling of his character if he is suggesting moving away from his daughter. Maybe they do deserve each other.   He can find work in Miami and/or travel as needed. It's so sad to me that he said he was choosing Nikki over Camila on television. He needs to think before he speaks. He's reckless with others' feelings.

Although it hasn't been said, Nikki's aversion to moving to Miami may be the lifestyle that JPa has there. As I understand it, he, Camila, Carla, his parents and his sister and her family all live in the same "compound" or condo set-up. That's what enables him to travel so much and be away.

That kind overly integrated family life would be really difficult for an introvert. At the very least, it's not an even playing field for Nikki - she would have the constant scrutiny of JPa's family. Talk about a cultural chasm! I can't imagine a bigger one!

I am again a minority. JPG has not said he loves Nikki but he shows her. He has done many sweet things and I think for him the willingness to move away from Camila is a big deal. You all see it as phony, but to me that is sincere. Nikki should have expressed sooner how much his not saying ILY in English bothers her.

JPG's love language seems to be a combination of acts of service and physical touch. Nikki seems to need the words more. Hopefully, they can learn to appreciate each other's languages and learn to express in the other's way as well.

This is directly from my husband in one of our conflicts and then again a couple of years later to a friend when she was having issues with her guy. "Men are emotionally dumb compared to women. Tell us exactly what you need or want in small easy words. Don't pout and try to make us understand, we won't. Be direct and be honest and if we love you we will try to make it work, if we don't then you should find someone who will."

Nikki needs to stop playing and say what she thinks to JPG. In small, direct words.

As for the planning thing. I am a huge planner, huge, my hubby not so much. But he has the career that is more limited and higher paid, so I need to go where he goes. I graduate in May and would like to start looking for jobs, he won't even consider looking for something somewhere else (in science it is always better to do your next step at a new place not stay at the same university), until next year. It has me stressed out. To the point, I am looking for jobs and if I find one he will need to apply. Luckily for me he is good at what he does, so he should get something easily. But yeah, planing not his thing. The whole family is that way. We get one days notice if his family is coming to visit.

I have discovered with hubby, if I want a plan, I have to make it and then he goes along. Some people are just that way. Nikki needs to stop whining and make the plan and tell JPG what he is doing.

I am a Nikki fan, but disgusted with her attitude. When you chose to go on tv, then you expect people to come up to you. That is just the way it is. Her acting as if she is better than Deanna and everyone else who has gone on reality tv is not okay. I respect her and her career a lot. Nursing is a great job and she is good at it. But it doesn't make you better than everyone else. If you don't want people to bug you don't go on tv. I think shutting her twitter down is a great idea. Again, you don't like people bugging you then, stay off SM and crawl in your little whole and leave everyone else alone. But please stop taking free tickets and all the free perks of being on tv if you resent the people whose fan-dome lets you get all that free stuff.

With each episode of CT, I am understanding more and more why Nikki and Andi are bffs from the show.

Now to everyone else. I am happy for Dick that he got to share and hope that with proper treatment, that Stephanie doesn't have to be his last relationship if he doesn't want it to be. I also don't think he and Stephanie will work out. Her hesitation for him to share his condition, to me shows me that she has a problem with it and that they won't work out. HIV is not a death sentence anymore, and he can have a long happy life and still find love with someone, but not if that person is ashamed of it.

Jenna is crazy and mean. She wants to be able to bitch at everyone else, but if you turn her attitude on her she gets made. I really don't like people like that. It is truly all about Jenna. I think John should run for his life. I also think Jenna needs extensive individual therapy and this show is going to do nothing for Jenna and John as a couple, because she isn't going to listen or even try to change.

Cecily and Treach had the two best lines of the show. Treach, stay away from Jenna for at least 20 hours. Yup, she is crazy and was looking to go off on someone, poor, poor John. But John chooses to stay, so I guess I shouldn't feel bad for him. Cecily had the best when she compared Nikki to an angry black woman. It was perfect. I kind of wish Deanna had just told Nikki, no it isn't different, you chose to go on reality tv, just like the rest of us. You are no better than anyone else in this house or on reality tv.

^^ With all due respect, when Nikki says "plan", she's talking about a plan towards their future, i.e., some sort of commitment. It seems that from her current point of view, if leaving home to relocate and live together somewhere else, eeeets not just okay to wing it ...

Yeah, I totally disagree that Nikki should just make a plan on her own and then tell JPG. That might work if they were married or even engaged and both parties were sure that they're serious about spending the rest of their lives together. However, they're not. Nikki still doesn't know how JPG really feels or if he's serious about them moving in together. It would be absolutely crazy of her to start planning just hoping he'll go along with it. Even if he did, she'd still feel like she had to make it happen. Like she's still pursuing him. She was already pursuing him for two months straight and told him she loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him. After several months she still hasn't got anything like that in return. If JPG is serious about her then it's most definitely his turn to show it. She's taken the initiative more times than I EVER would in a relationship, because I've learned the hard way that there's no point chasing after men. Call me old-fashioned, but it's something I've learned through experience. If a man wants you, he takes the initiative. JPG is so nonchalant about everything that I have no idea why she's still with him.

For all of our bitching and moaning about Bachelor show rushed engagements, at least they take the question of intent off the table. Nikki doesn't have that or even a simple, ILY.

I can't say anything "bad" about these two apart from both being victims of their own stubbornness. Usually you become set in your ways with old age. These two got "set" pretty early. Neither will budge from what they are comfortable with. The fact that they learned little about each other before coming onto a couples therapy show doesn't help.

Also, there is no way of getting around the fact that Juan really, really wants a media career and Bachelor was simply a "stepping stone". Did he even want a "relationship"? I try to convince myself "yes", but it is a struggle. At least he LOOKS like he is trying with Nikki on this show, despite his inflated ego and eagerness to talk proudly for the cameras.

This is why I am more optimistic about Chris' season, even if it won't break Nielsen ratings. (An Iowa farmer. Whooop-eeee.) Yet the guy is hardly an "entertainment" oriented personality, being the polar opposite of Juan... and even Sean. (Can't picture Chris on DWTS no matter how hard I try.) He's just an "average Joe" who happens to be successful at his career... and, yeah, Bachelor might help him a little there with some free "publicity". Just not any more than most other leads. I can't even imagine him doing a second TV show apart from maybe a televised wedding.

Not that we know ANY of these people yet. Ha ha! I am sure there is something-something about him that we don't know yet... LOL!

More importantly, ALL of the women know what to expect going into his season. While they do not have to sacrifice their entire lifestyle and career options in order to live in Iowa (i.e. they don't have to be the "happy little home-maker"), they still have to adjust to his. We learned more about him on his hometown date than we did of Marcus, Nick and Josh. Even saw what his house looks like inside.

Nikki certainly had no idea what she was getting into here. Hopefully the trip to Bali or where-ever helped. Nobody following them to get Juan to say "cheeze" for a camera.

mindless wrote:They both sure looked bad in this episode. Nikki is still acting like a spoiled brat and was being really snippy with Deena, who I thought was being very reasonable. If you don't want fans then don't go on TV! It's that simple. If Nikki wants people to avoid her and think she's a bitch then I have no problem with that, but if that's the case, then why is she crying about negative comments hurting her? It's like "bohoo, pity me, but don't you dare like me!". You can't have everything your way, Nikki! This is real life and you can't have nice things for free. If the price you have to pay is posing for a photo every now and then, then you should feel very lucky.

I guess we saw how Juan Pablo reacts when Nikki stands up for herself. Step 1: Be patronizing (Baby...babyyy...). Step 2: Turn into a martyr (I'm willing to leave my daughter, my BLOOD, for you!). Step 3: Drop some F bombs. Step 4: Act exhausted from all the effort you've made to be vague and non-committal reason with her.

I take back what I said about respecting him as a parent. If he's willing to leave Camila for a woman he doesn't even love, then he's an a-hole. If he was saying that just to look good in the moment with all the others around, then that's even worse. He's clearly in no hurry to move in with her, he said as much himself. That's why he's waiting for her to iniate it, because he knows she won't without some real plans. He's just playing time hoping for some great offer to present itself and then he'll be willing to move. Not for her, but for the fame. What a douchebag.

I agree with everyone's great posts for this episode, but I can't quote them all.

Mindless,  your 2nd paragraph summarized the key content of this ep!  I'm quite certain (99%) that in the end, JPa will give Nikki at least the ILY, just to show her that everything in life, she has to earn it, in this case -- HIS "whatevers" !

I hope Nikki, after watching CT, will see the real JPa who is NOT that deep, insensitive..etc.. and make her decision (with her head+heart) whether to stay with him or not...

stuckinsc wrote:I am again a minority.  JPG has not said he loves Nikki but he shows her.  He has done many sweet things and I think for him the willingness to move away from Camila is a big deal.  You all see it as phony, but to me that is sincere.  
*snipped*

I don't see it as love or sincerity. It's selfish and irresponsible on both their parts. It's a big deal for sure... in that it makes him a terrible parent. Would you feel differently if it was Carla moving away from Camila? Why is it ok for fathers, but not for mothers? It's not. He doesn't have that option and it shouldn't even be on the table. I'm not even going to add an "imo" to that. You don't move away from your child to pacify your girlfriend or look for fame. He can move from the condo arrangement to something with appropriate boundaries. If Nikki thinks he can't be trusted or is insecure around Carla, she needs to deal with that issue, not run away from it at Camila's expense.

I'm doubtful that Nikki is worried about Carla since she never mentions her on screen. Also doubtful that Camila will be traumatized if either daddy or mommy has to be away, with Granny and Gramps constantly around her and the fact that she's too young to be stewing about moving and changing schools. As long as she gets her choc-O-late.

Nikki is more worried about The Cameras, but "me thinks" it is because Juan seems as addicted to them like others are to gambling, junk food and internet porn. Not only does he spend two hours interviewing in "my" bedroom (and we all know how Nikki feels about "space" after her showdown with "did you pay for this hotel suite?" Clare Bear), but does anybody remember when he volunteered at the start of The Bachelor to take us right into the maternity ward where Camila "arrived"? Also getting his sister to announce her pregnancy on TV? Let's hope that... if they DO get married and decide having more "little packages" to add to Juan's "little package" (um... err...) that Nikki is prepared to get more viewership than the Rosenbaums did with their sonogram.

grace8136 wrote:You don't move away from your child to pacify your girlfriend or look for fame.

You are such a cutie.

Again I ask: Why DID Juan become The Bachelor exactly? It is obvious going into this next season of The Beee that Chris Soules is likely staying put in Iowa, but we were never told during Juan's season that he and either of his two "little packages" were staying put in Miami.