Re: Bachelorette 10 - Andi Dorfman - Episode 8 - HTDs - Jul 07/14 *Spoilers & Sleuthing* - Discussion Thread #2

[pander3575]

The issue I have is Josh stated he "quit baseball so he could have a family."  He then said in the next sentence that "he hasn't dated in 5 years."  You have to date to have the family, that you quit baseball for.  It doesn't make sense.  I don't think Josh is a bad person at all, but there are some red flags.

Agreed.  the whole I haven't dated in 5 years is so weird to me.

What's just as weird to me is "helping/supporting someone get through college." 
What does this mean? I can't even fathom it. Go to class with them? Take notes? Exams? Tutor them? Go through sorority/fraternity rush and hazing? Go to purple passion parties? 
Please. If you end up living in Athens and working great, certainly no issues, but to say you are there to keep your sibs on the straight and narrow makes them sound like delinquents which I am sure they were not.  

He was also going to school and he may have chosen to transfer to UGA due to the parent that had cancer at that time so that both Aaron and Steph had someone to lean on in Athens. We don't know the full story but there must be one if he felt the need to do it.

[Catdwoman50]

The issue I have is Josh stated he "quit baseball so he could have a family."  He then said in the next sentence that "he hasn't dated in 5 years."  You have to date to have the family, that you quit baseball for.  It doesn't make sense.  I don't think Josh is a bad person at all, but there are some red flags.

Agreed.  the whole I haven't dated in 5 years is so weird to me.

What's just as weird to me is "helping/supporting someone get through college." 
What does this mean? I can't even fathom it. Go to class with them? Take notes? Exams? Tutor them? Go through sorority/fraternity rush and hazing? Go to purple passion parties? 
Please. If you end up living in Athens and working great, certainly no issues, but to say you are there to keep your sibs on the straight and narrow makes them sound like delinquents which I am sure they were not.  
I'm not trying to diminish illness, but many families go through similar situations and worse and don't make it out like one is a sacrificial lamb.  He may have many great qualities, I just don't see this puts him in line with sainthood. JMO

I think it was discussed in the past that someone in the family had to deal with cancer or some illness (mom perhaps), I think Josh stepped up, I think and didn't want to make that a part of his story. Anyway, I could be wrong this is the reason why I couldn't dislike Josh and JoDi, even if I am in #teamNick. I still celebrate them (JoDi) as a couple.

[Ash2214]

We have had cancer in our family and it is physically and emotionally time consuming.  The fact that Josh quit baseball and helped out with his brother and sister, got his degree and did not date much is a young man with his priorities in the right place.  This is not odd but to be admired.

Couldn't agree more. Not one parent just had cancer, but both. Any man that consumes his time to taking care of and being there for his two younger siblings is incredible. He's clearly put others first before his own happiness. I have nothing but praise for Josh.

[emusha]

Thanks, Emusha.  I am loving these conversations that we are having now.  I agree that Andi wants to experience that uncontrollable, head-over-heels kind of love (just like you described above) that we often see in the movies.  But, I fear that she has some unrealistic expectations when it comes to love -the perfect man, the perfect life.  To me, it does seem like Andi is looking for that fairytale ending, even though she says that fairy tales don't exist.

She's onboard the fairytale train now I think:

Between the conversation, the enchanting performance by American Young, and that kiss against the castle wall ... it was all very fairy-tale-esque!

totally on board and I think she always has been... "Great Love" is Andi's phrase for it...I actually referenced that "dream guy" "dream life" wish from Andi ala Ali in my first/second comments in this thread. I think it takes maturity to see that once you obtain that "dream life/job/guy/house" it's not really about that attainment that makes the dream a reality but about a process and the little things that truly manage to make you happy, fulfilled and sustained. We saw Ali's fairytale ending at her FRC -- an amazing fairytale with the perfect hot guy who unbelievably fell in love with her and can't even stop showering her with love and affection?! (*shock awe and squeeeel after all the self-doubt and emotionally unavailable dbag guys*) But then steadily the daily life and the need for compatibility would start nagging...are our values and desires aligned? do we agree on how to live our daily lives? do we share, communicate and support each other in many dimensions? (to this i will say Andi very much has a desire for someone who is tuned in, intelligent, smart - checking in, letting her know where things stand...at the risk if sounding silly Andi needs someone like Sean who has so many dimensions, maturity, athleticism (cos she thinks that's HOTTT) - emotional finesse, communication, intelligence etc LOL -- I don't know how Josh is but we haven't seen much in terms of nuanced intellectual reasoning, ability to navigate tricky emotional waters & has difficulty with articulation etc.)

Despite the fairytale beginning... the ending and daily life for Ali didn't quite go like a disney aka MF TPTB script/storyboard. I'm going to be totally presumptuous and say that IMO Andi hasn't yet learned that life lesson and she's fixated on the "too good to be true" dream life/man (exactly Ali's sentiment every time she doubted Roberto's affections). I think Andi's smart enough to understand and intuit the differences and it's not surprising she's this conflicted about the diff relationships. I think if Frank had stayed and had been emotionally available - Ali would have been as conflicted but then might have ended up with Roberto cos that was what her haphazardly dizzy in love emotions were telling her....and she might have gotten swept away enough that her focus was captivated OR Ali and Andi could have totally diff priorities and wants/needs during the parallel selection time

My guess is Andi was ready to fall in love with Nick and she had began but then Josh her "perfect man" happened to be getting terribly attached/in love & her attraction/emotions for him unavoidable and falling for Nick called for much more vulnerability and intimacy which looked wayy scary.... in any case I hope I'm wrong but I don't think either guy is both what she wants and needs and it's possible for her to make a life and work through the challenges with whomever she chooses

[nannymargie]

The issue I have is Josh stated he "quit baseball so he could have a family."  He then said in the next sentence that "he hasn't dated in 5 years."  You have to date to have the family, that you quit baseball for.  It doesn't make sense.  I don't think Josh is a bad person at all, but there are some red flags.

Agreed.  the whole I haven't dated in 5 years is so weird to me.

What's just as weird to me is "helping/supporting someone get through college." 
What does this mean? I can't even fathom it. Go to class with them? Take notes? Exams? Tutor them? Go through sorority/fraternity rush and hazing? Go to purple passion parties? 
Please. If you end up living in Athens and working great, certainly no issues, but to say you are there to keep your sibs on the straight and narrow makes them sound like delinquents which I am sure they were not.  
I'm not trying to diminish illness, but many families go through similar situations and worse and don't make it out like one is a sacrificial lamb.  He may have many great qualities, I just don't see this puts him in line with sainthood. JMO

Well I take it being there  for  moral support, if problems arise he was there for them to talk to and things along those lines.  He was also enrolled to finish his college degree also.

[luvlady345]

We have had cancer in our family and it is physically and emotionally time consuming.  The fact that Josh quit baseball and helped out with his brother and sister, got his degree and did not date much is a young man with his priorities in the right place.  This is not odd but to be admired.

YES, this is the type of man i would want for myself an any female that i know , a man who is selfless and has control of himself

[emusha]

Agreed.  the whole I haven't dated in 5 years is so weird to me.

What's just as weird to me is "helping/supporting someone get through college." 
What does this mean? I can't even fathom it. Go to class with them? Take notes? Exams? Tutor them? Go through sorority/fraternity rush and hazing? Go to purple passion parties? 
Please. If you end up living in Athens and working great, certainly no issues, but to say you are there to keep your sibs on the straight and narrow makes them sound like delinquents which I am sure they were not.  

He was also going to school and he may have chosen to transfer to UGA due to the parent that had cancer at that time so that both Aaron and Steph had someone to lean on in Athens.  We don't know the full story but there must be one if he felt the need to do it.

Could also have to do with financial responsibility if a parent isn't working...

[ironcat]

Isn't there also quite a big age difference between Josh and the 2 younger sibs? If they were teenagers while Josh was already in his 20's when his parents were ill, I could see him feeling like he had to be the caretaker under the circumstances.

[Ash2214]

^ There's six years between Josh and Aaron and eight years between Josh and Stephanie. I'm not sure how many years apart, but I believe I read his mother definitely had cancer and the same article stated that his father did too at one point, but I'm not positive on that.

[ThankMeLater]

^ I heard his dad had 2 cancers or Cancer and a tumour. One he recently recovered from this fall.

[pander3575]

I believe his mother was ill first and I wonder if it was when he was away playing ball. Considering how close his family is it could have made him even more homesick and with his ball career not going the way he'd wanted and his mother sick decided to go back home. Then when his father was ill and Aaron and Steph was in school he wanted to be there for them. This is all speculation on my part.

Yes both Steph and Aaron are a lot younger than Josh. Josh is 29 (?) and Aaron 23/24

[Tiggerlgh]

I am starting to like josh more and more reading all of this. I wish they showed more to him than ex ball player. This side his career in finance etc add a lot to him but this is what tptb do to all of them. There is more to Chris than farming and nick an exfiance and whatever.

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